F*** You, Cancer! Catch all


So. Had the discussion with the family and my dad. Had to tell his wife to stop talking a couple of times to let my dad talk.

The Dr was very clear on where we are now and the paths forward. He has a kidney shunt that is plugged and a probable source of his urinary infection. If he leaves it in, the next step is to make him comfortable and wait. If he gets it removed/changed, there is a possibility he could get a little better.

But even if he does get better, the question is whether he will gain enough strength to have his chemo restarted.

The Dr doesn’t think so, but my dad made his wishes clear he is not ready to give up yet. He wants to continue to fight for as long as he can, short of DNR stuff. He made that very clear to the Dr, so that is the path we will be taking going forward.

I am so sorry. No options are good

Good luck with the next step. Your dad sounds like quite a fighter. Respect.

Surgery yesterday went well, and he was greatly improved in condition last night and this morning. Fully there, aware, laughing, flirting with the nurses.

And that was it. The surgery was the last medical option available Starting about mid- to late-morning, he has been going downhill. Feeling very cold all the time, and slipping away mentally.

He’s on dilaudid every 4 or 5 hours, and the pain is still getting through when he is sleeping. I can see it in his face, I can see it in his body, I can see him struggling to breathe at times.

I want him to live, but I also don’t want him to suffer anymore.

I am glad we had the family discussion about palliative care on Sunday with him.

All I can say is to make sure he's comfortable, and has someone with him to keep him company. I'm glad you got the weekend and more with him.

I don't think I ended up posting here, but my wife lost her mom last year due to cancer. How quickly it happened after she fought it off for so long was... difficult. Hang in there, mudbunny. It just sucks all around.


I have said it before, but it bears repeating.

Thank you all for your support. It doesn't make it easier, but it makes it easier to bear.

We are here for you brother.

Its going to get even more emotional. If you can, try to be the listener and don't fight what's happening. (you'll only rip yourself apart) Breathe and look for people that need hugs at random moments. And let yourself cry.

My sister and I have been at odds since we were kids. I've distanced myself from her in my adulthood. The moment we were with my mom at the end 6 years ago, she was confused and distraught. I gave her a hug and held her. It turned out to be one of the most special moments of my life. It doesn't fix the relationship. But it is something powerful to hold on to.

So keep an eye out for those situations. And after, I cannot recommend grief counseling enough. Oh and pre-emptively forgive the dozens of people who ask "how are you?"

And yes, we are here to listen!

mudbunny wrote:


I have said it before, but it bears repeating.

Thank you all for your support. It doesn't make it easier, but it makes it easier to bear.

It's the circle of support, mudbunny. Help, comfort, and support get directed to the center where your dad is and any fears, concerns, and venting you have get properly dumped on us so you can focus on helping your dad and the rest of your family.

mudbunny wrote:


I have said it before, but it bears repeating.

Thank you all for your support. It doesn't make it easier, but it makes it easier to bear.

I don't say much in here because I rarely know what to say, but my vibes are always with you and others that are suffering.

Definitely keeping you, your dad, and the rest of your family in my thoughts, mudbunny. Wishing you lots of strength and as many more good moments as possible.

So, dad-update.

After me using Dr Google last night and being almost certain I was going to get a call at zero-dark-thirty the morning, my dad is bouncing back? Ate breakfast, lunch and supper and was all there.

The whiplash is very emotionally draining, and I was very happy to have my dog to cuddle and hugs from my youngest daughter.

Take it as it comes. I'm glad you have your family to comfort and to take comfort from.

That's great to hear, mudbunny, and I hope that means a discernable upwards trend forms despite any whiplash. Doing everything right, including taking time to acknowledge how difficult it is and get some dog, daughter, & internet love.

I forget whether I ended up deciding to post here about my wife's cancer, but regardless I have good news. After chemo, then daily chemo/radiation, then surgery there is confirmation that they got everything. It's about as sure as they can be that this is done and over. There's a lot of negative impacts still to come based on the surgery and readjusting to some of the life changes that come with, but incredibly grateful to have found an amazing medical team to work with (Penn Medicine) and to get to this result. Looking ahead to post-recovery travel and figuring out how to just relax for a little while after the rollercoaster of the last year.

That's great news, JB! Glad to hear it!


So, more big news. He sat up all by himself. He pushed his covers off all myself. And he was able to pull himself up into a stand assist thing twice.

So they’re gonna work more on having him sit for 10 to 15 minutes. At a time, and do more physical stuff to get him in shape to strengthen his muscles to get some cardio going.

The physiotherapist had a nice long conversation with him, his goal is realistic to be able to get back to living with Francine, getting around his apartment with either the walker or his walking sticks. And if he pushes himself he's going to make it. Also, he's not on intravenous antibiotics anymore. He's strong enough that they can just give it to them in pill form.

That is wonderful!

That's amazing!

Happy day.