Are you Mom enough?

duckideva wrote:

Oh man, the Mommy Wars. Yay!

Dear Women of America,

Woman your battle stations, prepare to defend your choices. Over the hill are the Nipple Nazis and across the dale are the Tiger Moms. Look out! Beware! Everything you do is wrong! Your choices are bad choices. You, yes you, with the womb...you're a bad person who does everything wrong. Also, you're fat. Love, Big Media.

It fills me with great sadness that this is way too long to sig.

Kannon wrote:
duckideva wrote:

Oh man, the Mommy Wars. Yay!

Dear Women of America,

Woman your battle stations, prepare to defend your choices. Over the hill are the Nipple Nazis and across the dale are the Tiger Moms. Look out! Beware! Everything you do is wrong! Your choices are bad choices. You, yes you, with the womb...you're a bad person who does everything wrong. Also, you're fat. Love, Big Media.

It fills me with great sadness that this is way too long to sig.

The amount of truth is even more saddening.

Having actually grown up with a Tiger Mom, I can tell you with some authority that it really did leave me woefully unprepared for many of the most important aspects of American life. More than anything else, it made me risk averse and fearful of arbitrary and often violent repercussions of failure. When I think of my greatest disappointments, I think of all the things I wish I would have done, but was too fearful to attempt largely because of the gaslighting from my own Tiger Mom.

I know that my life is my own and every decision I make now I make on my own. Often that means consciously overcoming the trepidation I've built up from my upbringing. But as I tell my brother all the time, if your parents ruin the first 21 years of your life, shame on them. But if they ruin another minute, shame on you.

I talked with my sister who has a supremely self confident 12 year old now. I asked her if she ever considered hitting her child. She thought about her response and said "I think I would have been more inclined to consider corporal punishment if I could recall a single instance in our shared past where it made a positive impact". We both laughed and agreed that the only thing it taught any of us was that it was a great idea to run and hide when mom was in a bad mood.

So, moms, don't buy into the arms race. If you love your kids, just love your kids. Follow your instincts and think through the suggestions you get from others. Study and consider and be bold about questioning your own upbringing. The rest is just commentary.

Paleocon wrote:

But as I tell my brother all the time, if your parents ruin the first 21 years of your life, shame on them. But if they ruin another minute, shame on you.

I couldn't possibly agree more with the above or the rest of your post.

Here's a new article from a husband whose wife is an extreme breastfeeder (aka their 5-year-old still breastfeeds). I'll admit some of it comes off as failed satire and somewhat sexist, especially the part where he talks about wanting his wife's breasts back. That being said, I think he makes some excellent points about how it's unfair if a woman devotes so much time to being a mother that she completely ignores her role as a wife. Here's the quote I like the most:

So to all nursing moms, except perhaps those who used a lab technician, I say that the foundation of the parent-child bond is the parent-parent bond. Unlike the baby chicken or the fertilized egg conundrum, partnership precedes parenthood.

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http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2...