Depression is ruining my life.

Well done!

Strangeblades wrote:
RedJen wrote:
Strangeblades wrote:

Goddamn frustrated right now. Trying to get a job (again) and got lots of prospects but no calls back. These days I'm applying to large corporate transportation companies. This means the person I'm talking to does not have the authority to greenlight my hire. It's gotta go to a pile of requests sitting in another department.

I hear you, I'm in the same situation.

Sigh. Yup.

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/ze6Xhtz.jpg)

By the way this gif and comment means I'm with you. I hear ya. I understand. (Im bad at communicating in short comments)

Congratulations!!! So excited to hear some good news today.

fangblackbone wrote:

Well done!

Thanks

UMOarsman wrote:

Congratulations!!! So excited to hear some good news today.

Thanks thanks

This is perhaps a ludicrously open-ended question (and more of a rant than a real question), but how do you know which side of the line you're on with work - i.e. is the depression caused by my workplace unhappiness, or is my workplace unhappiness caused by my depression? With three different companies in the past three years, I'm beginning to think I'll just never be satisfied, which makes me wonder whether it's me or them?

There's probably a larger statement to be made regarding capitalism and the family unit, but I'm relatively powerless to impact that, try as I might.

I wish I knew the answer to that question. I'm in a similar boat, and lean towards my depression being the culprit rather than my job. However, I feel like I'm never getting my depression under control (hello, Mr. Depression, I see you there), which makes me want to assume my job will never get better either. Logically, I understand that my depression will get better at some point and then I can properly evaluate my job. Emotionally, I'm just tired and exhausted of feeling tired and exhausted all the time for the past 3 years.

I relate to your post a lot, but that last sentence of yours sums it up for me. I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one in this boat, even if it's sinking .

Mine was more of a malaise than an active dislike but I can confirm that overall happiness had increased more from treating my depression (which turned out to be more of an attention issue) than by changes in my work situation.

Overall it's more likely and has far more upsides/fewer downsides to treating it as a depression issue until proven otherwise. Put another way: if you fix the depression issue and it's really a work problem, you'll still benefit from all the progress you've made. If you fix the work issue and it's really a depression problem you'll have less benefit to carry forward.

Jolly Bill wrote:

Mine was more of a malaise than an active dislike but I can confirm that overall happiness had increased more from treating my depression (which turned out to be more of an attention issue) than by changes in my work situation.

Overall it's more likely and has far more upsides/fewer downsides to treating it as a depression issue until proven otherwise. Put another way: if you fix the depression issue and it's really a work problem, you'll still benefit from all the progress you've made. If you fix the work issue and it's really a depression problem you'll have less benefit to carry forward.

++

halfwaywrong wrote:

This is perhaps a ludicrously open-ended question (and more of a rant than a real question), but how do you know which side of the line you're on with work - i.e. is the depression caused by my workplace unhappiness, or is my workplace unhappiness caused by my depression? With three different companies in the past three years, I'm beginning to think I'll just never be satisfied, which makes me wonder whether it's me or them?

So I quit my job of 15 years out of the blue middle of last year, when I realized that I'd been waking up in semi-panic-attack states at the thought of having to go to work that morning. Which is to say, I feel you, man.

I'm now 6+ months into a new job, and what I've realized is that the old job was definitely a large part of the problem (stagnation, boredom, lack of engagement while putting on a brave face so no-one at that job knew how checked out I'd been for years), and with hindsight, I shoulda been outta there years earlier.

While the new job solved some of those problems - it got me back into a style of work I more enjoy (closer to the coal-face of solving technical problems and making engineering decisions, rather than cranking the handle to churn out the same set of paperwork for each iterative release), and has put me back on the steep part of the learning curve, the real lesson is the one you've succinctly captured here:

halfwaywrong wrote:

There's probably a larger statement to be made regarding capitalism and the family unit, but I'm relatively powerless to impact that, try as I might.

The bottom line is I that was (and still am, to a lesser extent) burned out and what I REALLY want is not have to work. As you say, I'm powerless to get that, because capitalism and family obligations.

So I've been thinking intently (*) about how to manage that burnout, what kind of work I should be chasing over the next decade, and what I can do elsewhere in my life to mitigate and manage the burnout. Cos that seeps in everywhere, and it's easy to find maladaptive coping mechanisms which just dig the hole you're in deeper (e.g. booze, drugs, vidjagames, whatever you find yourself doing to distract from your misery) while doing precisely nothing to actually address any of it's sources.

For me, I'm now employed by an agency who provides senior-level high-skilled engineers to clients. My goal with that is to avoid getting pigeon-holed in the same role for years at a time: it's a model that almost ensures I'll be switching roles and/or jobs every 1-4 years, keeping me on that steep part of the learning curve, and ensuring that the problems put in front of me are interesting ones. It's a much better fit for me, I just wish I'd figured out way sooner than I'm not suited to being a lifer at the same place.

(*) This is a loud advertisement for talk therapy, y'all. It's not something I'd really considered until my wife lovingly bullied me into it because I was so goddamn depressed. It's not much of an over-estimation to say it changed my life. Certainly changed my patterns of thinking for the better (not to mention patterns of behavior), and gave me a mental toolkit to interrogate my depression and work at it, rather than pretending it didn't exist while it gets worse and worse (which was my prior approach).

All of which is to say in response to your OP, yeah, there's a good chance you're never going to be satisfied with your job. The real trick is to accept that, and to take a dating metaphor, stop looking for Mr Right (Job) and start looking for Mr Right Now (job). Which with 3 jobs under your belt recently, sounds like you are. And you're missing the point about the link between workplace dissatisfaction and depression - it's not a one-way causality - they're an Ouroboros of unhappiness. One leads to the other, which leads back to the first, and so it goes.

Really appreciate all the advice, I definitely relate to basically all of it.

Unfortunately, my current work has made my decision for me. Turns out this week was the end of my 6 month probationary period and they've decided they don't want to continue with me. Not sure how I feel about this. I guess I appreciate the possibility of taking a break?

Sadly, its not much of a break. The stress of not having a job can easily match the most toxic one.

That being said, you still need self care and to take breaks while job searching. Many people forget that and the burn out continues to pile up.

Dust up your resume. Work on a few stories where you were critical to the success and don't be negative.
Also, as per auditioning for roles, learn to move on to the next interview after you complete one. It is hard but lingering on the one you just did will drive you nuts. Even if you were lukewarm on the opportunity.

I'm gonna spoiler my rant. Trigger warning for people sensitive to fatphobia (not that I think this is particularly fatphobic, but it is about being fat, and I don't know how your fatphobia manifests, so consider your trigger warned)

Spoiler:

My wife is fat. That's her word to describe the shape of herself. She's been various degrees of fat her entire adult life and has gotten increasingly large over the last 10 years.

She's also lazy and/or actively resists efforts to be physically active. Accordingly she's got the strength of a woman a third of her size.

She's also got a constellation of maladies, mental and physical, including a degenerative joint disorder and monocular vision (no depth perception).

It doesn't take a genius to put those facts together and see problems waiting to happen. She's too weak to manage the size of herself, and too clumsy to not make mistakes that require that strength she doesn't have to respond to. She's fallen down the stairs three times in the last few months, and yesterday that resulted in a badly broken ankle.

She's in her 40s, but performs physically like someone in their 70s.

The sh*t of it? I've been begging her to get off this train for several years, warning her that I'm terrified I'm gonna find her at the bottom of the stairs, broken or bleeding, before long. Lo and behold, here we are.

Now muggins here has to play Humpty Dumpty and pick up the pieces. Again. For the umpteenth time.

I'm so f*cking tired, you guys.

Sorry Jonman.
FWIW my wife is in a similar but less severe situation. She drinks though and has fallen because of it

fangblackbone wrote:

Sorry Jonman.
FWIW my wife is in a similar but less severe situation. She drinks though and has fallen because of it :(

: sad fist bump :

4-ish years ago, my wife came home to find me epically, catatonically, unrousably drunk. She thought I was literally dying of alcohol poisoning and it terrified her. To this day she regrets not calling an ambulance.

I quit drinking there and then. She insisted on it, she was right to, and I'm glad she did. That sh*t was out of control and destroying me.

I'm so pissed that she won't do the work to return the favor, with sugar being her booze.

I'm so pissed that she won't do the work to return the favor, with sugar being her booze.

I hear ya. I don't even know how to talk to her about her weight. And it really isn't her weight, its the mobility issues that scare me.
We have no "mandatory" stairs. But a year ago we were in the grocery store and someone runs by me to tell the check that a woman has fallen at the end of the aisle and I knew. So I ran to the end of the aisle to find her sitting on the floor unable to get up. The emergency room said she had a hairline fracture in her ankle and she epically struggled with crutches until I was able to get her a medical scooter where you can put your weight on the effected leg's knee.

So much fun

fangblackbone wrote:

I hear ya. I don't even know how to talk to her about her weight. And it really isn't her weight, its the mobility issues that scare me.

Right? I don't f*cking care what the scale says, I care that you can't navigate a set of stairs without significant existential risk.

And guess who bought a 3 story house 18 months ago?

Right? I don't f*cking care what the scale says,

So much this.
Except for me its "I care that I don't want to see you hobble for the rest of the week on a sore ankle you got from working a Monday trade show."
The scale is just a number. I am not going to add to the 3 lbs, 7 lbs, up and down pressure already on your shoulders, levied by society and television.

Who knew that love is paralyzing?

And on that note...

My wife fell at work and probably broke her rib(s). Her boss told her to Uber to urgent care but they then called her an ambulance to go to the ER.

Yay!

So sorry to hear that. That boss needs to be reported to HR immediately.