Depression is ruining my life.

Halfwaywrong, I'm sending big internet hugs to you and your wife right now. We're here for you.

Continue to remind yourself that your wife and child need you.
I get the desire to check out....but those are the weasels speaking saying they’d be better off without you.

They wouldn’t.

I’m sorry for your loss.

We've experienced a couple miscarriages as well and it messed with us (especially her) also. Similar experience in it being after a successful pregnancy so while we knew the possibilities we were still unprepared. Feel free to PM me as well.

My wife and I experienced a series of miscarriages, and it's awful every time.

Remember this: someone you love just died. That person wasn't born yet, but you already loved them and invested yourself in them and had such hopes for your future together with them. And now they're gone. You will feel grief, and that's okay.

I was so excited for our last baby we lost, because it seemed to be going so well, that I went out and bought a little stuffed lion for our baby. His first toy, just waiting for him to hold it. That Mumford and Sons song "Little Lion Man" was on the radio a lot at the time, and so that's how I thought of the baby: as Little Lion Man. When we found out that we'd lost him, my heart broke. It's still broken, in some ways, and I still have that little lion, and it still makes me cry every time I see it.

A lot of people won't understand your grief. Miscarriage is a weird kind of loss where people don't seem to want you to mourn but to pep up and write it off as a sad setback. It's okay to grieve, and even if no one else understands that loss, your wife will because she's feeling it, too. Be there for her, and she'll be there for you, and mourn together.

Thanks everyone for all the kind words. It's been a kind of lonely thing to go through, but you're all making it feel a bit less lonely and that's a big help. It's really appreciated. Clocky - your story about your little lion man is beautiful and pretty relatable right now.

It's been a pretty rough 24 hours to put it mildly, but we're doing ok. For now I'm just trying to focus on doing the best I can for my family, trying to grieve and mourn when I can, and reminding myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. And Clocky - you're right about it being a weird kind of grief. I'm a little anxious about how the team at work will be when I go back. They've been good about time off at least.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of grieving this year. I think it's probably an understatement to say this has been a bit of a sh*t year for more or less everyone.

Feel for you Halfwaywrong. We had one between our kids being born. It rocks your world and definately take time to mourn. We still buy the kid gifts and give to charity in her memory. Named her and will always remember her. With everyone else big hugs and take your time.

Not to steal the spot light but I've been hyper irritable and angry lately. Pretty sure it is something to do with everything in life, work, & whatnot causing depression. I am going to make some daily life habit changes and also use our EAP at work to try and talk with someone.

halfwaywrong wrote:

Thanks everyone for all the kind words. It's been a kind of lonely thing to go through, but you're all making it feel a bit less lonely and that's a big help. It's really appreciated. Clocky - your story about your little lion man is beautiful and pretty relatable right now.

It's been a pretty rough 24 hours to put it mildly, but we're doing ok. For now I'm just trying to focus on doing the best I can for my family, trying to grieve and mourn when I can, and reminding myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. And Clocky - you're right about it being a weird kind of grief. I'm a little anxious about how the team at work will be when I go back. They've been good about time off at least.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of grieving this year. I think it's probably an understatement to say this has been a bit of a sh*t year for more or less everyone.

I had taken a bit of an internet break for my own sanity so sorry didn’t post earlier. My wife had a miscarriage while on vacation to see my folks. So while juggling sightseeing, making sure our 3-year-old was happy, and dealing with some family drama she learned she lost the baby. It’s not easy and there’s nothing you really can do except be there for her. It’s something that happens a lot but which society doesn’t really talk about which sucks. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can. My only other piece of advice is to try and pitch in a little more where you can, whether that’s helping more as a parent or doing a bit more around the house. Keeping super busy helped me but that’s also one of my coping mechanisms.

The past two years have been a real struggle for me in trying to get my interwoven trifecta of depression, anxiety, and self-hatred under control. This year has been especially difficult for a slew of reasons, not the least of which has been the past three months having to remotely watch/hear my closest friend of twenty years -- the man I considered my brother in all but genetic lottery -- die all too quickly as his cancer took a hard left turn into "f*ck your chemo, f*ck your liver" territory.

He passed Wednesday morning and I've spent the past two days a complete bedridden wreck, utterly failing to be there when his daughter needed me most -- compounding the self-hatred to a level where... well, I don't know how I have a circuit-breaker that stops me from acting on suicidal thoughts, but I'm glad I have it.

It is impossible to convey to anyone the absolute despair of everything right now. It's not just my brother's death, or his daughter's grief, or so many aspects of the state of the world and the nation, or the constant never-ending fear every godsdamned day of whether we'll be employed or fall prey to this f*cking pandemic or whatever the f*ck else I can't even think of at the moment. It's just.. it's everything. It's too much. It's too f*cking much.

Gods DAMMIT f*ck everything.

Sorry, I need to vent and I lost the person who has long been my symbiotic vent-ee. My wife has done her best, and I have voiced my undying gratitude for her rocksteady support, but when she is the subject of so much of my self-hatred (feeling like I am a failure as a husband, a failure as a man, afraid that she'll figure out she deserves better than me, etc) I can't exactly vent all my fears and anxiety with her.

[Edit] Changed wording because I don't want to imply that my wife is causing these emotions through any action of her own -- this is entirely my brain-weasels' doing! [/edit]

Yes, I have a therapist and a doctor, and had a psych but stopped going there due to issues with how they conduct their patient care and the meds I'm on are the best fit for me at the moment anyway. Nothing is enough for the cavalcade of sh*t this year keeps piling on.

No PM's please, I don't have the emotional/mental bandwidth. I just needed an outlet and if there's anywhere I can trust to find people who will understand, it's here.

Sorry, man. Hang in there. Sorry for your loss.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

You’re not alone.

MathGoddess wrote:

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

You’re not alone.

And even moar hugs.

So sorry to hear Farscry.