Depression is ruining my life.

RawkGWJ wrote:
ActualDragon wrote:

I don't have personal experience with addiction, but I want to recommend herbal teas as an evening ritual. It's what we're using to keep drinking in check given 2020 in general. Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime is really solid. Herbals are very forgiving on the steep time - generally boiling water and then six minutes before you pull the bag. It can be a good calming ritual if that is something you're after.

Sleepy Time Tea has chamomile, which is known to have a mild sedative effect, and is generally safe to consume in reasonable amounts.

But it also has VALERIAN root. This CAN cause problems for people taking SSRIs and antidepressants. Valerian can also cause negative side effects for people not taking medication. Valerian is one of those herbal supplements that should probably be classified as a drug. Valerian interferes with serotonin levels. It can make people sleepy, but it can also cause insomnia, and it can cause a hang over feeling hours after ingesting it.

Just be careful. Especially folks in this thread.

Mayo Clinic information on valerian.

Taking valerian while taking SSRI meds can cause serotonin syndrome which is potentially deadly.

Detecting and Managing Serotonin Syndrome

Didn't know that about Valerian root, thanks for the heads up! Guess I'll have to swap out for a different chamomile then. There's lots of other herbal varieties out there, and the other Celestial Seasonings I've had have all been good. Of course you can also get deep into loose-leaf blends and the like.

EDIT: Just checked my box and it doesn't list Valerian root as an ingredient - maybe that was an older formulation? I have been recommended that separately though and I bet it's in a number of "wellness" teas so good to look out for.

One thing, mint tea is often the go-to for folks who don't drink caffeine, so it's good to have a box around.

ActualDragon, this is from their website description:

Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Extra Tea promotes relaxation before bedtime. Our caffeine- and gluten-free tea is blended with chamomile and valerian root for an especially calming cup.

Note that it's Sleepytime Extra. Maybe the regular is different. Still worth knowing.

Ah, that must be what the Extra is, because my box is regular

Robear wrote:

ActualDragon, this is from their website description:

Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Extra Tea promotes relaxation before bedtime. Our caffeine- and gluten-free tea is blended with chamomile and valerian root for an especially calming cup.

Note that it's Sleepytime Extra. Maybe the regular is different. Still worth knowing.

ActualDragon wrote:

Ah, that must be what the Extra is, because my box is regular :-)

Oh good! I’m glad they still make it without. The box in my house is the extra variety. Good to know.

I just love the idea of the Xxxtreme version of Sleepytime.

LET'S GET f*ckING RELAXED!!!

Robear wrote:

One thing, mint tea is often the go-to for folks who don't drink caffeine, so it's good to have a box around. :-)

I've never noticed any effect with the mint, but I could say the same for caffeine. I've never experienced any difference between caffeine and no caffeine in my drinks, and so I've only understood the whole "need caffeine" thing in theory from other people but never actual practice!

That's truly weird. Caffeine is usually quite noticeable after a few cups of coffee or a couple of Cokes. Maybe you just don't drink enough at one go to pick up on it?

Try a 12 ounce Starbucks coffee sometime and if you don't feel any effects, check with a doctor.

Jonman wrote:

I just love the idea of the Xxxtreme version of Sleepytime.

LET'S GET f*ckING RELAXED!!!

Pursuant to the tea tangent. I've spoiler-tagged it so those that aren't interested can bypass.

Spoiler:

Also, I should note that I will totally remove all of this if it's thought to be out of line with the spirit of the thread writ large. Not attempting to make light of anyone's struggles or accomplishments!

Robear wrote:

That's truly weird. Caffeine is usually quite noticeable after a few cups of coffee or a couple of Cokes. Maybe you just don't drink enough at one go to pick up on it?

Try a 12 ounce Starbucks coffee sometime and if you don't feel any effects, check with a doctor. :-)

I've always been like this. I could literally drink Mountain Dew all evening and into the night and then go right to sleep, no problem!

bekkilyn wrote:
Robear wrote:

One thing, mint tea is often the go-to for folks who don't drink caffeine, so it's good to have a box around. :-)

I've never noticed any effect with the mint, but I could say the same for caffeine. I've never experienced any difference between caffeine and no caffeine in my drinks, and so I've only understood the whole "need caffeine" thing in theory from other people but never actual practice!

I thought caffeine had no effect on me, until I had a cup of Earl Grey in the evening and then could not get to sleep for hours. Now I know better

Caffeine really has no effect on some people. I have one friend who gets super sleepy after a cup of coffee, but only hot coffee. Ice coffee doesn’t make him sleepy. It’s clearly the relaxing nature of a hot yummy drink which puts him out.

Not me though. Caffeine makes me go ZIINNNGGG!!

bekkilyn wrote:

I feel obligated for it not to go to waste, so mint tea it is for now until it's gone!

Sorry to derail, but try including a hearty spoonful of honey in a peppermint tea? It's my favorite sooth beverage.

Caffeine is actually a depressant on its own. It triggers a response by the body to 'fight it off', in a sense, which wakes you up. If someone's body chemistry is immune to the underlying depressant effect, presumably they wouldn't have the bounceback wakeup effect, either.

I knew someone in my 20s that got only the depressant effect of caffeine, no bounceback. A cup of it would make her want to curl up and nap.

Amoebic wrote:
bekkilyn wrote:

I feel obligated for it not to go to waste, so mint tea it is for now until it's gone!

Sorry to derail, but try including a hearty spoonful of honey in a peppermint tea? It's my favorite sooth beverage.

I wish it worked for me. I've tried various sweeteners, including honey, but they made it worse and not better for me. I think the sweetener draws out the mint effect of the tea even more, making it even more difficult for me to ignore.

bekkilyn wrote:
Amoebic wrote:
bekkilyn wrote:

I feel obligated for it not to go to waste, so mint tea it is for now until it's gone!

Sorry to derail, but try including a hearty spoonful of honey in a peppermint tea? It's my favorite sooth beverage.

I wish it worked for me. I've tried various sweeteners, including honey, but they made it worse and not better for me. I think the sweetener draws out the mint effect of the tea even more, making it even more difficult for me to ignore.

My daughter and I have this same thing with cinnamon. It’s clearly some sort of allergy or the like. Cinnamon tea tastes great but as it goes down it burns. Almost like overproofed booze. Really unpleasant.

Peppermint is no problem for me but I have a cousin who can’t do it. As far as I can tell he is having a similar reaction as I do to cinnamon.

I love the hot beverage sidetrack. I've been bouncing between green tea, chamomile tea, and sleep tea. The latter is rather new to me. My first cup came after work this morning. It certainly seemed to provide a snooze time benefit. Hurrah! Twinings Superblends Sleep, for reference.

Way to distract me (with hot beverage talk) from thinking about what to put into words, attempting to do so, only to ruminate and then delete. I'm very much back to where I once was in less pleasant times. I've became more withdrawn, first as a short-term defence mechanism, only to find I cannot will myself to step out, to open up, to interact, with anyone, or anything. Each time feels more and more like the last, honestly. Every outreach seems to result in a worse recoil, more often than not.

I find mostly disappointment and disillusionment no matter where I look. Any interaction seem abrasive. Any interest feel irrelevant. I find happiness in looking back. To look forward is devastating. To focus on the present feels empty, or unfulfilling.

I find I deal with confrontation worse and worse. Whilst the world seems to be overcome with it. Which does not help at all! Finding areas or conversations where folks aren't looking to hurl insults, or berate on the basis of their view, is increasingly difficult. Maybe that is how they cope. Maybe they do not grasp their affect. Maybe they don't care. I wish I had the confidence and the deflection I once had. Disagreeing should be perfectly normal. Perhaps I'm simply that problematic. I stumble upon issues at unexpected and unsought moments whilst attempting to create no opening for negativity. So, effectively, I'm at withdrawal if I cannot do better, one way or the other.

I am aware of paranoia and rumination seeping back in. I may be making mountains out of mole hills. I recall past moments where my withdrawal and drawn out hesitation to return, to follow up, led to living with burdens created as such by paranoia and rumination. The actual events were less so. Work. Marriage. Family. These boards. I loathe how I am.

I feel like this is too wayward. I'm not sure it's worth much. I can tell my wife is irritated that I'm not doing what she'd prefer at this time, whilst I am writing. I've tried today, to make conversation, to be present, whilst also create headspace for myself. Apparently I've failed, again. Anyway. Work is approaching. Best suit up and get around to dinner. Then try not to boil over if work again asks for overtime, to compensate for the absence of others. Ugh!

(I should post this. I should. I think I will.)

RnRClown, we're here for you, buddy.

This type of posting is exactly what this topic is for. We all need a place to voice what's going on with ourselves, our problems, our concerns, our fears, and to share both our successes and failures. Don't worry if it's meandering, or unclear. The point is that you were strong enough to write it all out, and hit "Post". That step alone is very, very difficult and you've done a spectacular job here of getting a lot of the turmoil you're feeling out into the world. I sincerely hope you feel a minor weight lifted off of you just by getting this out there.

"The steps you take don't need to be big. They just need to take you in the right direction.” So, find your next step, no matter how small, and take it.

Remember. You are heard. You matter. You are loved.

Quite true. It's what we're here for, to listen, and offer unsolicited (or solicited advice. Drop by anytime, we'll keep the light on.

RnR,
Do you take meds for depression? What you’re describing reminds me of how I was feeling before meds. It also reminds me of my son before meds, as well as my son when he recently stoped his meds without telling us. He’s started taking them again and he’s doing much better.

I can commiserate with you on the isolation. At work, everyone is pro Trump and being so close to the election it’s a common topic of casual discussion. I just can’t. Trump makes me want to vomit. Even my closer friends at work are pissing me off lately. And I’m pissing them off too I bet.

This leads me to just not talk to anyone other than “hi. bye.” We’re all drivers and most of us talk via cell phone during our 10+ hour shifts. For months now, I hardly talked to anyone. Maybe one 1/2 hour conversation per week if even that. Nobody calls me. I’m the one who has to reach out. It gets to the point where I become very anxious when a conversation goes longer than a few seconds.

I would love to become closer friends with the few black drivers I work with. I know they’re not bitching about the dems in the same way that most of these white guys are. I’m trying to gently crack that icy barrier but I haven’t had much success. I can totally understand why they wouldn’t be comfortable with becoming close friends with a nerdy white guy.

I don’t follow sports. I’m not at all interested in the things that other men are typically interested in. I avoid conversation about work gossip. I don’t like bitching about the job, as I love my job, but most others don’t.

And I’m not going to pretend to like those things just to fit in. I decided a long time ago that I would be my authentic self. After reading “Braving the Wilderness” by Brene Brown, I learned the difference between fitting in and true belonging. Fitting in just isn’t worth the effort, but where can I belong? At work, I haven’t found any place yet.

So I end up working 50-60 hours per week without taking to anyone. I listen to music, podcasts, and audiobooks. I’m an introvert, so it doesn’t weigh too heavily on me, but it does sometimes. I mean, that’s just not normal, right? Probably not healthy either. It would be nice to have just one kindred spirit to BS with from time to time.

With the rise in Covid cases, I'm starting to have to accept the likelihood it will be unsafe for my son to travel home before the end of the year meaning I won't likely see him until more than a year has passed. It's not only the safer thing to do but he's concerned about flying and exposing himself and the rest of us potentially.

The word fair just doesn't seem to fit anything right now.

I find myself falling into some old habits and mindsets lately and starting to realize that they are habits and mindsets and not just temporarily overwhelmed as I had thought they were. The overwhelming nature of the recent stresses in my life certainly contributed to that. It's just work, thankfully, but that has also been all consuming for the last couple years including causing us to move to a new area far from support groups.

I'm taking the silver lining that recent changes have opened up more headspace for me even though they have created anxiety for my future. And it's part of what created the realization that I'm back in the space I was before. That space where every action requires more mental action than I have available but also creates a burden on future actions.

I'm building the structure back up for good habits as I have the ability and to take action quickly when the need for it appears so I can keep momentum going. I'll get there again and I'm looking forward to resetting my priorities in life with how I truly value them.

Rahmen, sorry to hear about that. I'm missing my family as well.

RnRClown, it's been a couple weeks, how are you doing?

At a new low. Not the lowest ever low, just like the thumb in a downwards pointing oven mitt low.

Sorry for not having the energy to be in here reading stories of you. Maybe soon.

**hugs**

Never have to be sorry. We're happy you're here. Whether you read or not, whether you post or not.

The moments you have spent in this thread have helped me, personally.

Hello election!

So I have a horrible feeling. I should be happy that Trump is gone but I'm not. I'm starting to realize I'm just in a horrible place, and in the back of my head I keep telling myself, well you did your part it's ok if you check out now.

jdzappa wrote:

So I have a horrible feeling. I should be happy that Trump is gone but I'm not. I'm starting to realize I'm just in a horrible place, and in the back of my head I keep telling myself, well you did your part it's ok if you check out now.

I’m not joking when I say that it could be a PTSD-like effect from four years of psychological warfare from the White House. It wouldn’t hurt to bring it up with a therapist.

I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but this is destroying my mental health and bringing back the old demons, so maybe?

Content warning for pregnancy, miscarriage, death etc.

Spoiler:

A few weeks back, I posted in the "things you love" thread about the nice anniversary my wife and I had and how it's especially great that we've been able to keep the flame alive especially now that we're expecting our second child.

We're not expecting that child anymore. And holy f*ck has it blindsided me. It's our second miscarriage, but the first made more sense. First time around my wife was bleeding, her hCG levels were really low, the embryo was weeks too small. But this time was different. Everything looked good and was panning out exactly the same as it was for our only successful pregnancy. Everything was textbook ideal pregnancy, up until today when it turned out that the embryo was dead.

And as much as it kills me, I know it's so much worse for my wife and there's really not anything I can do to make it better. I can support her and all, but it's not enough. And given my problems with depression I keep bouncing between the idea of ending it all and sticking around for the two amazing people that need me.

halfwaywrong wrote:

I don't know if this is the right thread for it, but this is destroying my mental health and bringing back the old demons, so maybe?

Content warning for pregnancy, miscarriage, death etc.

Spoiler:

A few weeks back, I posted in the "things you love" thread about the nice anniversary my wife and I had and how it's especially great that we've been able to keep the flame alive especially now that we're expecting our second child.

We're not expecting that child anymore. And holy f*ck has it blindsided me. It's our second miscarriage, but the first made more sense. First time around my wife was bleeding, her hCG levels were really low, the embryo was weeks too small. But this time was different. Everything looked good and was panning out exactly the same as it was for our only successful pregnancy. Everything was textbook ideal pregnancy, up until today when it turned out that the embryo was dead.

And as much as it kills me, I know it's so much worse for my wife and there's really not anything I can do to make it better. I can support her and all, but it's not enough. And given my problems with depression I keep bouncing between the idea of ending it all and sticking around for the two amazing people that need me.

I feel you. PM me if you wanna talk. My wife and I had 4 miscarriages in 5 years. I know and feel the pain and heartache and frustration you're feeling. The hurt is real, but it isn't lasting. I'm here if you want/need.