Depression is ruining my life.

Had a sore throat and aching chest for the past month, went to the doctor today and the answer was "there's nothing I can do about that, it will work itself out in another week". So now I get to drag myself through work for the next two days, in a job where I'm talking all day long. Awesome.

Starting some full on training for work in two weeks time, where I can't miss a single day otherwise I'll get pulled from the group. This means I'm locked in to this awful place where I live until that and the post training month is over as well. I was all but ready to give up on looking for a 1Br place before as it would be too much of a financial risk, but after the training is done we get a very marginal pay increase, so my own place is back on the table.

I need to be doing the budgeting for that and working the money out but being sick for so long has sapped me of any ability to do that. I'm fresh out of patience for people telling me to be positive. Because I'm trying so hard and I still end up with a life that sucks. I'm positive enough knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel if I can make it past this training and into a new place. I'd like to invite all the people giving unsolicited bad advice (have you tried spirulina and hemp seed?) to bear all the worst parts of sticking it out in this place for me.

I found out recently that any time you cook, the house retains all off the cooking smell even when using the exhaust fan. The filter on said exhaust isn't clogged, but all the parts further up are covered in grease. So cooking with the window open in the cold it is. There's a big bowl of seafood bits in the fridge that's been there for days that makes me feel ill when I look at it. And a hundred other face palm things like that. Woe is me, grumble grumble etc.

Edit, spoilered for language,

Spoiler:

Whoever designed and made gas stoves where you have to turn it all the way through High to turn it off can get f*cking f*cked.

I hear you on the "here and now" getting in the way of the long term MP.

I've got the same issues right now. Torn cartilage in my right knee, can't sleep because of the pain, anti inflammatory medication is ripping through my guts and has been for the last 7 weeks...

But I do have my appointment with the surgeon next month... Which is better than the 12 months I was originally looking at.

Training sounds good, especially if it pays off in the pay packet. Fingers crossed for you with the 1brm option panning out.

Hey Trichy,

That's a tough one but I figured I'd put down my two cents because I've been there and I have a slightly different take than everyone else.

First off, if you are worried about damaging mutual relationships - especially professional ones - don't be. Yes, there is always a danger that an emotionally unstable person might try to trash talk you to colleagues or put you down in subtle ways. 99% of the time though, when someone does that they often make themselves look worse than you - especially if your house is clean. Most stable people tend to trust their own judgments. They'll note someone doesn't like you all of sudden, but unless you do something to harm them or they have some weird issue they were looking for an excuse to express, your relationship won't change.

I also don't think you need to talk to J. You can, but you can also control the depth and detail of the conversation.

Take your space. A reasonable person who cares about the relationship will come to you at some point trying to suss out what's up and you can simply say "I'm taking some space right now, and I can't see you. It is important to me that you respect this boundary and I'll be in touch when I'm ready." They might ask why and then you have the power to answer however you want.

"I'm a little upset at how you handled [x.] I don't want to hash it out now, so I'm going to take some space. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to put out what I need. I hope you can respect that."

Or say nothing concrete and go with "I just need some space right now and I hope that you can respect that. We'll talk later when I'm ready."

Or the reverse of that with... "[Detailed list of grievances and how they made you feel.] I don't want you to respond to any of that, I just wanted to let you know why I'm where I am. I need you to respect this boundary and I'll be in touch when I am ready."

I find reiterating the boundary to be a good strategy. If they do care they will respect the boundary and then you can talk later (if you want.) If they don't care, they will attempt to violate the boundary, and that's useful to know and can inform how you want to deal with them going forward. Since you have a somewhat intertwined life you can also be respectful and polite in person during non-profit meetings and basically give J every opportunity to respect your boundaries. Most importantly, act as if J is going to respect your wishes. I think this is a big thing that lots of people don't do. Once we have emotional stakes and history with someone, we act from knowledge of how they are rather than hope for what we'd like them to be. When we treat them as if we expect them to understand and at least hear our needs - if they historically suck at that sort of thing - we give them an opportunity to rise to the occasion. They might not consciously notice that, but I think it effects people. Because you are modeling trust. You are also modeling what a good relationship is - a series of communicated needs and boundaries between two parties.

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/PEMhyaP.jpg)

New shirt by the lovely and talented pyxistyx.

(You can buy your own here)

Even if it doesn't specifically cure depression, I do agree that ice cream solves so many problems.

It turned out that answers to my problems were not, in fact, at the bottom of that half litre of vanilla caramel fudge but the important thing is that I tried.

If you stare into the bucket of cocoa crunch ice cream, the bucket of cocoa crunch ice cream also stares into you.

Gang I need a bit of an emotional life jacket here.

I think I offended a co-worker over what I thought was a trivial thing (having to do with the bottled water fund, and if I paid that month). She told the group today that after 14 years of doing it she was no longer going to manage the fund. Not that I am expecting her to change her mind but I attempted to apologize and she brushed it off curtly and now I feel like sh*t. Yes rationally I know it's not a huge thing... and presumably she was just getting tired of doing it anyway but the fact that I made a thoughtless comment that apparently made up her mind is making me physically ill. Given my social anxiety, blunders like this turn into gigantic weights especially if I think someone else remains upset. I need to pull out of it somehow so I can function rather than hide in my office while considering the possibility of puking on my desk.

imbiginjapan wrote:

Gang I need a bit of an emotional life jacket here.

I can totally relate to this. Knowing that I offended someone (even when unintentional) can make me physically ill.

Unfortunately, I think this is one of those situations where there is nothing you can do to mend the relationship but wait out her anger. You've apologized already (which is important) and any attempt to engage further is going to be futile since she has her guard up. Continue to treat her politely (as you normally would) and I imagine that your relationship will get back to normal with time.

In the meantime, please know that, even if your comment was phrased impolitely, it's very unlikely that it was the trigger that led her to give up her management of the fund. Collecting money from coworkers is always awkward and it sounds like she's taking out 14 years of frustration on you individually. Try to understand that this is not you're fault and you've done the right thing by apologizing and moving on. It's tough but try to hang on and I think your anxiety will diminish with time.

Agree with Pinkerton, wait it out and be polite. Still engage appropriately.

I can relate, I really pissed off someone by complete absentmindedness I didn't give credit to a coworker on a project and left them out quite by accident. I had been partnering with someone while out but all three of us were working on this process. We had a small breakthrough we were very excited about. Later that day she was short with me and we were cube mates, she wanted nothing to do with me. My male lizard brain didn't pick up on this until the end of the day and I finally put 2+2 together. Once I did I apologized and said it was very unintentional. She brushed me off and in time things were back to normal. I still apologized later and explained what happened after she had cooled off and we could discuss it more.

For me, things like that bring up a lot of shame. Taking about it in a safe place seems to be he only thing that diffuses it for me. Hopefully coming here helped. We’ve been in similar places and understand the feeling and response. I agree time will likely heal it up, but that doesn’t help you much right away. The more you can write it out or talk it out with safe people, hopefully it will shrink in its immediate effect for you.

Dedicated this to my wife who went through post-partum depression. But it secretly means more to me.

I'm just going to leave this here.

After grappling with more ups and downs with depression despite chemical assistance from Zoloft, I finally manned up and went to see a psychiatrist. I say manned up, because this was very hard for me to do, I have been determined to help myself as much as possible. And have managed to do so for the past 25 or so years. So admitting I needed help was very , very hard. Admitting it to others even more so, so far I have only told my wife and my boss. My boss was shocked. One of the strangest part of the whole journey is the savage guilt that comes with this. From my perspective I have nothing to be depressed about, my life is objectively great.

The last few years my bouts of depression have been getting worse and worse, leading me to 2-4 week periods where I can't face leaving the house, and I just don't do anything. Suicidal thoughts and consideration of just walking away from everything (wife, kids, job) led me to turn to various substances for solace, or just to shut out the world. All this just makes things worse.

I particularly like the T-Shirt posted above, because I have literally done it all with limited success. Not to say that the T-Shirt advice doesn't help on some days.

The psychiatrist refused to clearly diagnose me, but hinted that I have characteristics that are indicative of a Bi-Polar type 2 disorder (old school manic depression). After much discussion about brain chemistry, neurotransmitters, depression, mania, and OCD behaviour, I was prescribed Cymbalta. For me there are less highs, and more lows than typical Bi-Polar type 2's.

That was a week ago. I've haven't accomplished so much personally in years! Which is great. The down side is this is indicative of mania. I just can't switch off. Before I sat down to write this I spent so long pacing in the back yard my wife got concerned, and there have been other odd, out of character things going on as well.

I'm scared to go back to work tomorrow. Hopefully this just my brain and body adjusting to the dosage. I see the psychiatrist again in 5-6 weeks.

Wish me luck!
P.S. Sorry this post jumps around a bit.

Happy to hear something seems to be working for you. It’s a big, big step to get help. Be proud that you took that step. It was a huge turning point for me.

One of the things that convinced me to seek help was the whole “nothing to be anxious / depressed about” thing. I had done what I could without help and noticed I had the feelings whether life was good or not. That’s the common misconception about these diseases: that they’re not diseases.

And there’s such a stigma still that I also took it slow as far as telling people. Even though I don’t feel that the stigma should exist.

Wishing you all the luck sikk, and kudos for going that extra step into the uncomfortable position of confronting your situation and doing more.

If you notice anything "really weird" in the next 5-6 weeks, call your psychiatrist's office and let them know as a priority. They'll know the parameters for "adjustment vs concern". Don't feel you need to tough it out just because you're not scheduled to see anyone until that time.

We're all here to offer you support and encouragement, so please feel free to lean on us if you need us.

sikk wrote:

The psychiatrist refused to clearly diagnose me, but hinted that I have characteristics that are indicative of a Bi-Polar type 2 disorder (old school manic depression). After much discussion about brain chemistry, neurotransmitters, depression, mania, and OCD behaviour, I was prescribed Cymbalta. For me there are less highs, and more lows than typical Bi-Polar type 2's.

First off, good on you for seeking out help despite your inclination to the contrary. That's awesome! We're all rooting for you!

Secondly, please please please speak to your practitioner about Cymbalta (if you haven't already discussed it). If it's working for you, then that's fantastic. However, (anecdote time) my wife found it had EXTREME withdrawal symptoms. It's still being prescribed, because it clearly does help folks. However:

https://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2017...

Eventually, some research led her to a number of similar stories online. On one site, folks were discussing a technique that seemed to aid in a slow stepdown. Essentially, you open the capsules, and count all the grains of medicine inside. Then remove some number, and reassemble the capsule. Jenn went with a removal of 10 per day (eg 200, 190, 180, 170, etc), and slowly tapered her dose down to nearly nothing. It took a month of VERY slowly tapering the dose, and even doing it that way, she had some terrible (debilitating) side effects.

I don't want to be discouraging when you're so clearly making progress! It's just that one particular drug caused my wife to suffer for months, and I'd hate to see anyone already suffering find themselves in that situation!

Mods / everyone, please let me know if this post is out of line. I definitely don't want to inadvertently cause more harm than good!

steinkrug wrote:

One of the things that convinced me to seek help was the whole “nothing to be anxious / depressed about” thing. I had done what I could without help and noticed I had the feelings whether life was good or not. That’s the common misconception about these diseases: that they’re not diseases.

This was the turning point for me as well. Well, that combined with the self destructive behaviour.

m0nk3yboy wrote:

If you notice anything "really weird" in the next 5-6 weeks, call your psychiatrist's office and let them know as a priority. They'll know the parameters for "adjustment vs concern". Don't feel you need to tough it out just because you're not scheduled to see anyone until that time.

Yeah, I'm very conscious of whats happening, maybe a little too much. There is significant rumination going on in my head, which is not good, but at least the brain weasels aren't there. I'll probably give it a few more days, and if I am still feeling and acting "odd" I'll give the doc' a call.

And thanks for the kind words, they truly do help.

Tyrian wrote:

Secondly, please please please speak to your practitioner about Cymbalta (if you haven't already discussed it). If it's working for you, then that's fantastic. However, (anecdote time) my wife found it had EXTREME withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks for the information Tyrian, don't take it the wrong way but I'm going to choose not to read what you posted. The last thing I want to do is invite negative thought right now. I will ask my doc' about withdrawal though when I see him next. At this stage I am more worried about side effects than withdrawal (hah!).

Fun with psychotropics...

sikk wrote:

Yeah, I'm very conscious of whats happening, maybe a little too much. There is significant rumination going on in my head, which is not good, but at least the brain weasels aren't there. I'll probably give it a few more days, and if I am still feeling and acting "odd" I'll give the doc' a call.

Is a tricky balancing act for sure. Sounds like you've got a handle on it though from the language you're using.

I had an 'interesting' reaction to one particular flavour of medication the doctor had me on for my depression at one point. 10 days seemed to be the sweet spot for them either settling down, or needing to be changed. But again, only do this under medical advice.

That was my experience, and I'd encourage you to go along with the advice of your doc with anything relating to your medication, etc. They'll have your full medical history in front of them, and a much fuller picture of your situation and needs.

If I may though, I'd like to offer this. Be 100% honest with them in regards to anything you're worried about.

A mechanic won't know there's an issue with the transmission if you're only telling them about a noise in the engine compartment. It may even be something to do with the drive train, but they'll never look any further if you don't mention everything.

sikk wrote:
Tyrian wrote:

Secondly, please please please speak to your practitioner about Cymbalta (if you haven't already discussed it). If it's working for you, then that's fantastic. However, (anecdote time) my wife found it had EXTREME withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks for the information Tyrian, don't take it the wrong way but I'm going to choose not to read what you posted. The last thing I want to do is invite negative thought right now. I will ask my doc' about withdrawal though when I see him next. At this stage I am more worried about side effects than withdrawal (hah!).

Fun with psychotropics...

Oh absolutely. I wavered on whether to post this or just PM you, but ended up feeling like the info is generally valuable. However, please proceed in whatever methods you and your doctor feel are right for you! When it comes down to it, brain chemistry is part guesswork and some science. There's a lot of personal elements in treatment and healing.

I apologize if it was intrusive, and will certainly edit the post if people prefer!

Yeah, I can echo what’s been said. I had to climb my way up to the max dose of one med only to end up with side effects that weren’t tolerable and then started over with another and climbed up to the max dose on that one.

I know for others the process took even longer.

For me, it was very, very much worth it.

m0nk3yboy wrote:

That was my experience, and I'd encourage you to go along with the advice of your doc with anything relating to your medication, etc. They'll have your full medical history in front of them, and a much fuller picture of your situation and needs.

If I may though, I'd like to offer this. Be 100% honest with them in regards to anything you're worried about.

Thanks m0nk3yboy,
I'm under no illusions about my qualifications in this space. At least in the first instance I'll follow the doc's advice.

Tyrian wrote:

I apologize if it was intrusive, and will certainly edit the post if people prefer!

Tyrian,
No problem for me, I appreciate the advice, I am just not ready to absorb it.

sikk wrote:
Tyrian wrote:

I apologize if it was intrusive, and will certainly edit the post if people prefer!

Tyrian,
No problem for me, I appreciate the advice, I am just not ready to absorb it.

Ok, just wanted to be certain. I know that this stuff is hard to deal with, and people talking over you or past you can be detrimental. I sincerely wish you all the best in your continued efforts!

Meds are great. Even if one doesn't work out, there is likely one out there that will. Finding the one that suits your situation can be a lengthy process, but now you're on the path!

I wish people were happier to see me.

Iridium884 wrote:

I wish people were happier to see me.

Best I can do. I hope that wasn't the post that pushed you over the 1k mark.

PurEvil wrote:
Iridium884 wrote:

I wish people were happier to see me.

Best I can do. I hope that wasn't the post that pushed you over the 1k mark.

I actually had a thread... just haven't gotten around to DMing Certis. Sorry about that!

Damn. My bad. I probably should have searched for it instead of just going back a few pages.

Iridium884 wrote:

I wish people were happier to see me.

Sorry bud. Can we do anything?

Iridium884 wrote:

I wish people were happier to see me.

I debated about responding this way, but, without being flippant, I'm happy to see you