UPDATE: Wifely disapproval of video games

I really love soup.

Oh man Sarcophagus I feel for you man! I went right through what you are going through with my wife. She objected to my playing violent video game on moral grounds as well. She also noted that video games give me nothing but wasted time, also I did what you are doing right now, cutting down on my game playing time. This lead to tears as I got fed up with what I considered her ability to do what she enjoyed most while I was forced to stop doing what I wanted to do because she thought it was a "bad use of time".

What do I recommend to help? Well you are already doing it, communication is what you need. You need to talk and you are doing a great job so far so keep up the good work. I found by writing down and keep a copy of what she felt was wrong with video games would allow me to take my time and with research defeat her logically (which is REALLY tough with my wife, she has a 160 IQ). So after a few nasty fights we are back to square one with me playing video games when I want as long as it does not distract from my obligations and I do not curse at my computer to much when my team is full of noobs.

I would recommend TF2 on party mode for you, there is no blood or gross stuff just good plain fun. If she complains you killing people tell her they are robots! Heck even Germans like TF2!

KingGorilla wrote:

As to today's update. Was your wife abused, or did she witness abuse?

This kind of hyper sensitivity is not without a spark. It is most often a symptom of something deeper.

Maybe. Some people are just strident and push their morality on others. When I was in my mid-20s I lost 170lbs. and became a vegetarian. But I didn't just become a vegetarian, I became a "meat is murder" vegetarian for a couple of years there. Looking back I think I just got comfort out of having what I considered to be the moral high ground, even if I was being a jerk. Thankfully I grew out of that quickly.

Sarcophagus wrote:

We've talked about this, and she thinks that the influence is much intense for children than for adults, but she's of the opinion that wanton violence in a video game influences behavior and attitudes in subtle ways. She believes the exact same thing for television and movies, and never watches TV and rarely watches movies with violence.

Violent games do influence my behavior. They provide an outlet for natural male aggression.

It's too bad she couldn't have the experience of growing up as a boy and feeling what are natural levels of aggression that boys typically have. It would probably blow her mind.

wordsmythe wrote:

\We totally need to have you guys over for a boardgame night some time.

I hope Sarc. sees the humor in this, too, since we go to church together and they've been talking lately about, among other things, choosing love over enforcing our own views of justice.

Boardgame night sounds awesome!

Yeah, lots of what is said on the pulpit goes in one year and out the other, but I guess it's encouraging to know that something stuck

And thanks for the constructive criticism, all. I'm not against people letting me know how they perceive the situation, just keep in mind that we're only hearing one side here. My wife is certainly not a villain, nor am I a defenseless pauper getting steamrolled. Maybe I'll feel out whether she'd like to put her two cents in to the discussion more directly.

We can play cash & guns and all fake shoot each other around the table. That will teach her that in real life, gamers are total jerks who want to fake shoot each other and steal money. I've got my eyes on Mr. Magnus, he's got some bullets coming his way. Also, E. Hunnie takes everything personally ;).

Good god this thread makes me never want to get married. If my gf/so ever said I can't do something I like that doesn't involve a felony level crime, I'm pretty sure I'd be sending her packing. What do these women do that allow them to control men like this, have I been missing something?

In soviet russia, thread post you.

MaverickDago wrote:

Good god this thread makes me never want to get married. If my gf/so ever said I can't do something I like that doesn't involve a felony level crime, I'm pretty sure I'd be sending her packing. What do these women do that allow them to control men like this, have I been missing something?

The marriage is a LIE! They change after 24 hours! If you get married make sure you are on your way to your honeymoon ASAP! You got 24 hours to get your freak on!

I don't have much else to offer here, but I will offer that I have been playing video games since a very young age, including many violent games. Other than a few stupid, boyish fights I got into when I was a kid, which is something that happens to just about every boy, I don't act out on violent feelings. I'm no more or less violent than your average guy. If violent games have changed me in any "subtle ways," they're so subtle that they may as well be nonexistent.

I would also argue that violence in games is actually more passive than something you find in a book, because there, you push a button and it happens for you. In a book, your mind, perhaps even unwillingly, creates the violent image. You engage in violent thought and use your imagination to picture that violence. That seems worse to me.

MaverickDago wrote:

Good god this thread makes me never want to get married. If my gf/so ever said I can't do something I like that doesn't involve a felony level crime, I'm pretty sure I'd be sending her packing. What do these women do that allow them to control men like this, have I been missing something?

Stolen from Marsman's post in the Pet Peeves thread.

IMAGE(http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q254/jiggajewjj/cos_cvr-lg.jpg)

Seriously though, I'm with you. I react very badly to the feeling that someone is trying to control or manipulate me. Sometime I may be unfair, but my ex tried that sh*t and it didn't fly.

MaverickDago wrote:

Good god this thread makes me never want to get married. If my gf/so ever said I can't do something I like that doesn't involve a felony level crime, I'm pretty sure I'd be sending her packing. What do these women do that allow them to control men like this, have I been missing something?

It involves egg beaters. (maybe NSFW ads)

As was pointed out in another thread, everyone you meet will have their own personal little brand of insanity. When you are in a relationship, you need to decide whether or not you can live with and deal with it.

oilypenguin wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:
ColdForged wrote:

Come on, you know she Googles herself.

Or at least she does in my fantasies. Also in my fantasies, she's wearing a raccoon costume.

Tanooki Connelly? mmmm...

I'm sold.

Back on subject: [EDIT: I'll save everyone the drama now that the situation's looking more positive.]

My reasoning is very much based on how I handle my own relationships, so take this appropriately. I don't date women who don't understand why I enjoy games. They don't have to derive the same enjoyment themselves (although my best relationships are with women who enjoy gaming), but they have to appreciate my love for the hobby. To me, then, this situation should not go any further until she makes a good faith effort to truly understand why you enjoy the hobby. It is not you who needs to find answers to her uninformed opinions; it is she who should learn why you think otherwise. Then the two of you can discuss the situation openly from equally informed positions.

Even the creator of the Youtube video "The Only Thing I Know", better entitled "Why I Burned My WoW DVDs," figured it out (even as an epilogue at 4:25 in the video):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKBRG...
"Healthy gamers do not dwell away on the games but instead embrace the community [...] anything that brings people together and builds communities that embrace who you really are, can't be half-bad."

Pharacon wrote:

Oh man Sarcophagus I feel for you man! I went right through what you are going through with my wife. She objected to my playing violent video game on moral grounds as well. She also noted that video games give me nothing but wasted time, also I did what you are doing right now, cutting down on my game playing time. This lead to tears as I got fed up with what I considered her ability to do what she enjoyed most while I was forced to stop doing what I wanted to do because she thought it was a "bad use of time".

What do I recommend to help? Well you are already doing it, communication is what you need. You need to talk and you are doing a great job so far so keep up the good work.

Up to this point, I almost started to understand how you got a genius wife in the first place.

Definitely an interesting discussion. Maybe it should continue, but it might be better in the general context rather than a specific couple.