World Cup 2010

Nation's Soccer Fan Becoming Insufferable

WILMINGTON, DE—As the 2010 World Cup approaches, friends, family, and coworkers of 32-year-old Brad Janovich are growing less tolerant of the exuberant behavior of the United States' lone soccer fan.

"Who's got World Cup fever?" Janovich asked his officemates at Credit Solutions Friday, failing to notice their silent stares as he reported for work clad in the sole Team USA jersey sold this year. "I do! I've got World Cup fever!"

"Check out this World Cup wall chart I just bought," added Janovich, who is the only American citizen currently aware that the World Cup begins June 11.

According to sources only peripherally aware of the World Cup, Janovich's infuriating behavior first became apparent during a Super Bowl viewing party last February when he repeatedly used the phrase "American football" to describe the action on the field. In recent weeks, Janovich has also begun referring to the supposed suspense involved in choosing the players for the U.S. "side," and has struck up several extended but one-sided conversations concerning figures such as "Kaka" and "Ronaldinho," generally mystifying and alienating everyone he has come into contact with.

Yesterday Janovich sent an office-wide e-mail about the controversy surrounding the new World Cup ball, and the message was instantly deleted by all of his coworkers.

"Decorating his cubicle with World Cup stuff is fine, I guess," said coworker Greg Lafferty, who endured several elevator rides in which he politely listened to the lone American soccer fan evaluate international matchups before realizing that Janovich was discussing the outcomes of soccer games and not impending wars. "I myself have a Yankees pennant at my desk. But Brad has all these scarves draped all over everything. They hang into other people's areas, and when they ask him to move them, he responds by explaining what the scarf means. It's driving us nuts."

"Last week he was talking about how 'footy' was really heating up and asked me to come over for the 'friendly' against Turkey," said Janovich's friend Beth Gleason, who has known the only projected U.S. viewer of this year's World Cup broadcast since college. "I love Brad, I really do, but when he talks like that I want to punch him in the goddamn face. Especially because, when I asked him what he was talking about, he just said the same thing again, only slower. I was like, 'Brad, don't talk like that. People don't talk like that.'"

With only a week to go, Janovich's singular, almost unconscionable degree of soccer fanhood has only intensified. Credit Solutions employees reported that a crude "World Cup countdown calendar" appeared on the break room wall Friday, the same day that everyone in Janovich's division arrived to find him wearing Umbro soccer shorts and placing a World Cup bracket on every desk.

In addition, coworkers reported that it is not uncommon for Janovich to spontaneously start humming or singing repeated snatches of songs evidently composed exclusively of the sound "olé" while seated at his desk.

"I had absolutely no idea what 'FIFA South Africa 2010' meant," said Lafferty, who made the mistake of asking Janovich to explain. "When he told me that's where the soccer games were and that the time difference meant he'd be getting up early to watch them, all I could think was that maybe he'd be too tired to talk about them afterward."

Janovich has also extended invitations to everyone he knows to accompany him to the Newgate, a pub in downtown Wilmington that will be showing the World Cup live and is favored by British expatriates.

"It'll be nice to finally be among other fans," Janovich said. "And speaking as a fan, it's really great to see Hotspur and Arsenal and Aston Villa supporters all come together for the Three Lions, though I'm hoping the Yanks can channel the spirit of the 1950 shock horror. But that's not as important as uniting in our love of the Beautiful Game, as any football [sic] fan will tell you."

Newgate regulars agreed that Janovich's enthusiasm was unique.

"That American fan? He's harmless, I guess," bartender and lifelong Tottenham supporter Martin West said. "Though he gets pretty tiresome with all his footy rubbish, and he can really get annoying when we're all just trying to watch in peace. Thank Christ he's the only one."

93_confirmed wrote:

Semifinals
Brazil 2 USA 0

Semifinals? Crikey. Maybe I should pay attention to this World Cup thing if we aren't going to suck at it.

Enix wrote:
93_confirmed wrote:

Semifinals
Brazil 2 USA 0

Semifinals? Crikey. Maybe I should pay attention to this World Cup thing if we aren't going to suck at it.

Well his prediction is dependent on us beating England this weekend and winning the group. Possible, but I'm not sure how likely it is. Definitely a better draw for winning the group than getting 2nd. But I do think we'll get out of the group at least, which honestly is an accomplishment.

Also, love the onion.

Well, since everybody in "Ze Mozzerland" is going nuts, the best I can to is chime in. Since we probably have at least one Goodjer from every country, good luck to all of your teams. Also congratulations to our friends from the Netherlands to be back in the game. I really hope, the US makes it past the group stage and even into the top four, since the sport could use some more support in your country. Let's just hope Brazil doesn't add yet another title to there list, so one of the other countries can catch up. I would also be totally happy to see a new team surprise everyone and take the title. But at the end of the day, I hope we see great games with good sportsmanship and none of that slander or theater crap that plagued the last few tourneys.

Edit: I am also in. Watch me predict every single game wrong.

Edit 2: Just noticed, that I don't recall any of the african countries' performances from past tournaments. Hard picks for matches of african countries vs formerly good but now mediocre countries like Argentina.

Speaking of the U.S. team, the Americans get a pep talk from ...

... oh, just go read it (NSFW - f-bombs and other crude language)

Luggage wrote:

Edit 2: Just noticed, that I don't recall any of the african countries' performances from past tournaments. Hard picks for matches of african countries vs formerly good but now mediocre countries like Argentina.

Argentina are mediocre because of the thick bloated crackhead that's coaching them. Anyone who has Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain to choose from, and then decides to take Martin Palermo along must be clinically insane. His only notable achievement was to miss a hat-trick of penalties in the same game in the Copa America.

Chance of any African team being able to deal with attackers of that class, assuming Weebl picks them as forwards, can be stated as an equation, where

Chance = square root of f**k all.

Here's an interesting article on Bob Bradley. I've always been a Bradley-hater so it was nice to learn more about him and understand how he runs the team. Great read imo.

I've never been a big futbol fan but I'm going to make an effort to follow the US starting Sat.

Tanglebones wrote:

Gamers with Futbol created on Yahoo Groups

http://y.ahoo.it/jHiiu0u8

Password is: goodjerstan

Group ID is #27490

Innsies.

Africans teams should really embrace the fact that they generally have awful defenses and worse goalkeeping by playing a 1-2-7 formation and trying to win 18-17.

Enix wrote:
93_confirmed wrote:

Semifinals
Brazil 2 USA 0

Semifinals? Crikey. Maybe I should pay attention to this World Cup thing if we aren't going to suck at it.

We're definitely not going to suck but the semifinals would be a miracle run where a lot of variables would have to align for us. Great matchups, a few injuries, healthy squad, etc.

Prederick wrote:

Africans teams should really embrace the fact that they generally have awful defenses and worse goalkeeping by playing a 1-2-7 formation and trying to win 18-17.

I would watch a lot more soccer if that was the case.

MrDeVil909 wrote:
Prederick wrote:

Africans teams should really embrace the fact that they generally have awful defenses and worse goalkeeping by playing a 1-2-7 formation and trying to win 18-17.

I would watch a lot more soccer if that was the case.

According to goalkeepers, the Jabulani - this tourney's official ball - is very hard to catch due to being too slick. On the other hand, the offensive players report it has really good aerodynamics and is a blast to kick. So we may see considerably more goals than in past tournaments. The general consensus among trainers is rumored to be, "Whenever you get close to the box, shoot."

Yeah, new tournament, new ball complaint. I do understand that low scoring games actually tend to be a sign of quality play, but a soccer game is long and without goals to break the monotony I struggle to focus. I'm hoping for decent, but not obscene, scorelines.

I'm nervous about our Mexico game, we've beaten them before, but they just beat Italy. That's concerning. But we just out-muscled Denmark which is great. African teams tend to be fragile, so solid play is encouraging.

Gah. Uncertainty!

*edit to add*

World Cup launch concert at 4pm local time (GMT+2). Should be a good show, although I would prefer 2 hours of BLK JKS and Angelique Kidjo, rather than all the international R&B pop drek.

I wouldn't read too much into beating Denmark as I still can't figure out how they made it through their qualifying group in first place (well ok I can as they got really really lucky at the start and were barely able to hang on). On the other hand, I could see you coming in second as all those other teams have had decent questions during their qualifying runs.

Not too excited about the fact of beating Denmark, although they are way higher in the rankings than us. More the fact that we have become pretty physical, guys are maintaining possession and not scared to challenge for the ball.

A year ago we couldn't maintain possession and were notoriously goal shy. Parreira has built a much fitter team with a solid grounding in the basics and less interest in showmanship. And they understand that the game is won by putting the round thing in the square thing.

OK, some questions from a futbol novice:

1. How much does the coach really impact a team? Is talent more important or scheme?
2. What's with all the acting on the field to get refs to call a foul? It's bad enough in the NBA that I've mostly stopped watching.
3. Are the regional stereotypes accurate? I hear a lot about African teams not playing defense or how the Brazillians play soccer like demigods. What's behind this?

Minase wrote:

OK, some questions from a futbol novice:

No expert myself but I can answer some of those.

Minase wrote:

1. How much does the coach really impact a team? Is talent more important or scheme?

Having seen our team under a new coach for ten months I can tell you it is huge. Tactics and planning count for a lot, as well as discipline and fitness training.

Sportsmen can get lazy and complacent, like anyone else, so a strong hand they can respect is important.

Minase wrote:

2. What's with all the acting on the field to get refs to call a foul? It's bad enough in the NBA that I've mostly stopped watching.

God I hate that. To me it's very clear cheating by attempting to gain an unfair advantage. Guys who dive should get sent off, then banned.

I watch cricket and rugby where players play with broken arms, torn ligaments and have to be forced to leave the field when blood is streaming down their faces. Diving is embarrassing.

Minase wrote:

3. Are the regional stereotypes accurate? I hear a lot about African teams not playing defense or how the Brazillians play soccer like demigods. What's behind this?

Competition mostly. African teams play each other so tend to play a similar way. They tend towards flashiness so some fundamentals fall away.

In Brazil soccer is something bigger than a religion and people are very poor, so kids do nothing but play from when they can walk. It's a very competitive environment so it breeds skill.

Brazil has so many first rate players that they could probably field 10 teams that would beat anyone else.

Minase wrote:

OK, some questions from a futbol novice:

1. How much does the coach really impact a team? Is talent more important or scheme?
2. What's with all the acting on the field to get refs to call a foul? It's bad enough in the NBA that I've mostly stopped watching.
3. Are the regional stereotypes accurate? I hear a lot about African teams not playing defense or how the Brazillians play soccer like demigods. What's behind this?

1. A good coach can organize a side in a manner which can allow them to overcome a talent gap (Greece in Euro 2004 comes to mind), but I think that talent is likely more important than the coach. That's not to say the coach isn't important, as they need to set up the team in a formation, philosophy, and style which best suit the players in the side itself. If you look at a team like France, their coach has been terrible for a long time now, yet they managed to get to the finals in the 2006 World Cup in spite of him.

2. I often think that the diving stereotype is exaggerated compared to some other sports, you mention basketball and I think of hockey, but it is a problem it won't go away because the football federations will not take steps to nip it in the butt. An after the fact suspension for the most egregious of dives would go a long way in cutting back the play-acting. When you think about it, diving makes sense in a reward-punishment context. I would argue there are three situations when you are probably going to see someone dive: 1) In the 18-yard box trying to draw a penalty 2) Exaggerating a foul or an apparent foul to get someone sent off and 3) Time wasting when your side are winning the match. If you dive and get caught, the worst that will happen is you get a yellow card which referees rarely hand out. Especially in the penalty area, it makes sense to dive when you have no or little hope of scoring a goal.

3. When it comes to Brazil, they have the potential to play incredible football, but their current coach has them setup in a much more organized fashion than the stereotypical view. They'll probably keep the ball more and wait for an opportunity to open up rather than use their flair to force the situation, unless that's necessary. When it comes to the Africans, I honestly don't know. I think a big part of the defensive issues for some sides is poor coaching or a lack of familiarity with the coach because of high turnover (Mind you, I think that covers only one side this tournament and I can't remember who). All that said, in some cases the stereotypes are true, such as the Dutch and their flowing football, while in other cases they may not be.

FAIL
IMAGE(http://chicagoist.com/attachments/Marcus%20Gilmer/2010_05_13_WGN_oops.jpg)

Y'know, that other Africa.

Opening concert on ESPN2 now. Weird.

goman wrote:

FAIL
IMAGE(http://chicagoist.com/attachments/Marcus%20Gilmer/2010_05_13_WGN_oops.jpg)

IMAGE(http://welcometothedarkside.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/facepalm.jpg)

edited for expletives in previous image

If anyone is interesting in watch the daytime games online (HD optional) - ESPN 360 has them all. The only catch is you have to login using the info for your home ISP (i.e. I go in using my Comcast email). I watched the World Cup opening celebration this afternoon and all in all, it was pretty solid connection and quality. Not sure how it'll air when millions are on tomorrow and the rest of the tourney.

Another way to watch is through http://www.channelsurfing.net but the window size and quality are extremely lacking. For those who want to track rather than watch, FIFA.com has one of the best portals.

93_confirmed wrote:

If anyone is interesting in watch the daytime games online (HD optional) - ESPN 360 has them all. The only catch is you have to login using the info for your home ISP (i.e. I go in using my Comcast email).

Weird, it just auto-detects my ISP, no log in necessary.

I think the login thing is for "at work" people. It mentioned in the FAQ that certain ISPs allow you to use it when you're not on their ISP if you login as a customer or something.

goman, I thought that picture was because of my getting tannhausered. Then I looked closer and thought it was labeling the whole continent "South Africa". Finally I wizened up and saw that it was, in fact, South America.

I'm in on the fantasy prediction thing, although I think I'm still bitter about Honduras qualifying; have them losing 6-nil to Spain.

So, let's hear predictions for USA/England. I stand by the 3-2 upset and I'll even give the goal breakdown:

USA:

Goal 1 - Altidore/Buddle strike from just outside the box
Goal 2 - Set piece with Donovan scoring the direct kick or Demsey off of Donovan's direct kick
Goal 3 - Gomez subs late and scores the game winner off a Donovan cross

England:

Goal 1 - Rooney scores from a cross
Goal 2 - Crouch subs in the 2nd half and nails a header from a corner

As for cards, I expect a tough, physical game and expect at least one, maybe two reds being that Carlos Simon (very suspect) is reffing, it's the first game of the group, and because the refs have been taught English profanity and told to listen for them. Also, they're watching Rooney very closely.

Saturday's referee, Carlos Simon, who was suspended by his national federation last season amid accusations of bribery and incompetence, is a former journalist and speaks English fluently but both he and his linesmen, Altemir Hausmann and Roberto Braatz, have been given a list of 20 English swear words to study in preparation for the game in Rustenburg.

I'm going for a 2-2 draw thanks to a John Terry error and a David James howler. We'll threaten, and look dangerous, and a draw will be a good result.

Colbert is doing a hilarious World Cup bit.

He has a plan to beat England. It involves dumping millions of gallons of oil on their side of the field.

Hopefully comedy central will have the link up later to see the clips. Great stuff tonight.