Creepy Spider? Please. Gigantic Mice.

My wife woke me up yesterday a little earlier than I would have liked. She said, "I know this is earlier than you wanted to get up, but I found mouse poop under the sink. You need to set the traps before work."

Fine. I get up, gather my traps and a piece of cheese, and set to securing the perimeter. I set five traps. Two under the sink, one in the pantry, and one in the basement. No traps were sprung before we left the house.

We got home last night, and I checked all of the traps. Nothing. This is strange because usually when I set traps, I catch something almost right away. This leads me to believe I've probably only got one tricky mouse-commando. It's okay, I'm patient.

This morning, my wife says, "There's a mouse under the sink." Great. So I open the cupboard, and there is a big mouse in the trap. He was fat. Close to twice as big as the other mice I've caught. Then she says, "Oh God, he's moving." "Bollocks," I say. I grab the trap, and sure as the day is long, he's still alive.

That's when I realize where the trap was. I set the trap clear in the back next to the wall. I found the trap, with the mouse, almost to the cupboard door. That persistent bugger sprung the trap, crawled a good foot, and was still struggling in the trap.

At this point, my wife is freaking out. She says, "I don't care what you do with it, just don't tell me about it." She wanted me to just throw the whole trap away. No chance. Then it becomes a war of attrition. The mice will just continue to send suicide squads to neutralize my traps. At that rate, it won't be long until I'm financially ruined. I figure, he's all but crippled, and we have neighborhood cats, so I dumped him the the neighbor's yard.

You're a cruel man.... i mean, those poor cats are obviously going to have to deal with Arnie Mouseneggar and they're bound to end up dead....

"They're .... evolving"

*Queue Rocky music*
And he'll train for a week and come back bigger and stronger and set traps for YOU, then he'll dump YOU in the neighbor's yard!
Be afraid, be very afraid.

edit: Any I really expected a picture with a title like that.

VicD714 wrote:

I believe this is where Paleocon shows up, and suggests using a shotgun.

I'm betting on silenced rifle. You don't want to scare the other megamice.

I believe this is where Paleocon shows up, and suggests using a shotgun.

EDIT: Almost forgot. Pics, or it didn't happen!

When I find a live mouse in a trap, I use the following procedure: Toss the trap in a bucket of water. Walk away. Come back later to clean up.

LouZiffer wrote:

When I find a live mouse in a trap, I use the following procedure: Toss the trap in a bucket of water. Walk away. Come back later to clean up.

That's a good one. I briefly considered the hammer -> head technique, but I just didn't know if I wanted that to be my first significant act of the day.

Rats, er, mice of unusual size!

You don't like your neighbor very much do you? By the way, anyone ever heard of a gopher rat? My grandfather swears that's what he has around his house. He put out these traps that look like miniature bear traps. You know, two half circles of steel with big teeth on them. They're about 7 or 8 inches across. He puts those down to catch the buggers. I'm wondering if he's just catching opposums or something. Says they're rats about the size of a cat. I've never seen them and I'm wondering if he's just... confused.

Pics. Now.

Otherwise I really don't care at all

"THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

For what?

Uhmm... "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

Such as?

Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

Destroying household pests?! How?

Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

Well surely!....

"DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

Quintin_Stone wrote:

"THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

For what?

Uhmm... "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

Such as?

Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

Destroying household pests?! How?

Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!

Well surely!....

"DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

HOSPITALS?!

IMAGE(http://medievalyfantasia.com/uploads/cartas-magic/otros-sets/cronicas-del-renacimiento/cartas-negras/bog-rats-carta-magic.jpg)

I bet your house is surrounded by walls...Pfft...

Walls! I knew I was overlooking something!

CURSE YOU, WAAAALLLLLSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

THEY'RE IN THE WALLS!!!

Seriously. Where are the pics?

I hear buying and releasing a python in your house will cure the mouse problem. Just have the wife pick one up.

I guess I need for formally apologize for not stopping to take pictures of the bull-mouse writhing in the trap.

Sorry. I had more immediate concerns.

[size=1]You're right, I should have taken a picture.[/size]

I think we all overlooked something vital in the original post:

Lex Cayman wrote:

I set five traps. Two under the sink, one in the pantry, and one in the basement.

That's only four. Therefore, Lex is crazy and this is all in his head. Don't give into the insanity.

Lex is the fifth replicant mouse trap!!

Lex Cayman wrote:

I get up, gather my traps and a piece of cheese

Peanut Butter=Mouse Bane.

Xeknos wrote:

Rats, er, mice of unusual size!

MOUSs? I don't think they exist.

I like that you gave the neighbor's cats a freebie.

Vrikk wrote:

I think we all overlooked something vital in the original post:

Lex Cayman wrote:

I set five traps. Two under the sink, one in the pantry, and one in the basement.

That's only four. Therefore, Lex is crazy and this is all in his head. Don't give into the insanity.

I noticed it too. When I read that, I thought "OK, where did you put the fifth trap?", assuming there was a fifth.

I'm rather surprised, and disappointed, that no one has yet mentioned the most effective extermination device of them all.

Nuke 'em from space!

I mean WTH, have all the Goodjers already started hitting the eggnogg, or you guys just too busy designing holiday avatars?

Possibly even more odd is that Lex never really let on what type of mouse he was catching -- luckily, I found a picture:

IMAGE(http://www.pluswallpapers.com/thumbnails/Computer_mouse_trap-800-600-600x450.jpg)

Is that... a bacon and cheddar nacho, being used for bait on the unsprung trap?

The way you take out a mouse is to first put your hand around your throat. That tube you feel is your trachea. Think of that as a handle. Your thumb is on your carotid artery, that's your button. Now remember, grab the handle, push the button.

Vrikk wrote:

I think we all overlooked something vital in the original post:

Lex Cayman wrote:

I set five traps. Two under the sink, one in the pantry, and one in the basement.

That's only four. Therefore, Lex is crazy and this is all in his head. Don't give into the insanity.

Sorry. When I started counting I intitialized int i = 2 instead of int i = 1 for each trap.

I'm going to the gym over lunch and maybe I'll be able to think by the time I get home today.

Creepy spiders are still way scarier.

This is what Creepy Spider thinks of your... "mouse."

You let it go?

How about next time you kill a whole village of mice, except for the young son of your warrior rival, who you laugh at because he could never possibly harm you?

What are you going to do when the cats disappear? Are you going to send larger cats, then small dogs, and so on, providing a steady stream of slightly more difficult foes?

You deserve whatever happens to you, I just hope your wife doesn't share your fate.

The hammer or a boot heel to the head would've been more humane if you ask me.

But this way you can still get pictures. Now go mouse hunting at your neighbors house!

garion333 wrote:

The hammer or a boot heel to the head would've been more humane if you ask me.

Bag 'em and hammer to the noggin.