My Birthday Song

Every year since they were in the third grade my kids (more accurately, my daughters with some help from my sons) write a parody song making fun of me and how old/gray/geeky I am. It is referred to as my "birthday song". Every year my daughters perform it in front of everyone at the church Youth Group meeting that week and a written transcript of the lyrics is part of my birthday card. It's probably because of too much Smothers Brothers and Weird Al in the playlists while they were growing up or something.

Here's a short but memorable example of what I'm talking about from a couple years ago (sung to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic):

Mine eyes have seen the glory of Mom's hair turning gray
We have scraped at every nerve and put them on display
We've stomped on all her Halo skills and fragged her every day
and her hair's still turning gray....

It can seem mean written out like that but it's all in good fun, and they work on it for a good couple months leading up my birthday. They take it seriously and they all work together. I love that they make the effort and how creative they are with it. I do my part by pretending to be stung a bit because they'd be disappointed if I didn't, but it's really hard to hide the smiles.

Mostly they're from Disney songs or classic musicals like "You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Life", "At the Desk Where You Live", or a remake of the "Part of Your World" song from The Little Mermaid detailing all the computer crap I own and how I should go out to mall. There's a Muppets song in there, too.

This year's was a little more pointed to make up for the tear-jerker they hit me with last year when they reworked the song "I Loved Her First" from Heartland to talk about how they knew I loved them and how important I was to them even when they hadn't done their chores. The kids in the youth group thought it was hysterically funny but all the moms were a complete mess.

Even though they've outgrown the youth group and are busy with jobs and stuff they made the time to show up last night for the big performance, and I want to share it with you. Sung by both girls to an arrangement they did of the tune of a song from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast", here's this year's ode to my age.

Mom's As Old As Time
Mom's as old as time
Both feet in the grave
Barely even sane
Broken in the brain
Dinosaur in a cave

Just a little strange
No reason or rhyme
Small and yet deranged
Never has she changed
Mom's as old as time

Ever just the same
Never a surprise
Ever as before
She's been through the war
Proof the dead will rise

Mom's as old as time
Queen of out-of-style
Simply not all there
Losing all her hair
Still has quite a while

Older than the sun
She shook hands with Zeus
Older than Optimus Prime
All her screws are loose

All that we have said
Is she's foggy in the head
Mom's as old as time

Take it as a sign
You're improving like fine wine
Mom's as old as time

There's no way to follow an act like that, so we had cupcakes and a couple rounds of dodgeball. And I'm a year older in my favorite way to measure it.

What a great tradition, and it's one that your kids initiated! How cool is that? You've raised them to be confident and creative. Excellent work. Now, shouldn't they get off your lawn or something? Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, Momgamer. May your wine mature slowly but gracefully!

I hope that someday i have kids like this who'll do something similar for me.

That's pretty awesome! Happy birthday, Colleen.

Happy birthday!
That is super creative, I will have to remember that for when my mom's birthday rolls around again.

Happy birthday, Momgamer! That's an excellent way to measure birthdays - I've never been one for keeping up with mine, but if I had to this would be how I would do it!

I shall raise a pint in your honour tonight. I'd do it now, but I fear my boss would frown on that.

You have some delightfully clever children, Momgamer : )
Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday Momgamer I hope you have a fantastic birthday

Happy Birthday Momgamer!


I have an old VHS tape of Christmas cartoons I taped and that's on it. It's old enough to have a commercial for the network TV premier of Stripes. I watch it every Christmas. You just stabbed me in the heart with a Nostalgia blade and now I really want to hook up a vcr at home tonight.


Happy birthday, Momgamer! I know how tough it can be to adapt lyrics like that, so the fact that they took it on themselves to do it for you every year is just amazing on a bed of wow with a side of awesome sauce.

Happy Birthday momgamer!

May one of your screws always be a little loose.