Engagement Rings and their pesky cost

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How much should I expect to pay for an engagement ring at various carats? I have around $2-2.5k to spend on a ring but I wanted to get a ballpark estimate before I went to a store.

Also, if anyone has any alternatives to diamonds or other less-traditionally American alternatives I would be more than happy to hear those ideas as well.

$2k-$2.5k will score you .5 - .75 of a decent quality ring, or around 1.0 if you're willing to deal with some imperfections / color. I went on a smaller ring (.75) for my wife but got the best color with no inclusions. On hindsight, I should have bumped it up. Nobody notices f*cking inclusions from across the room. Also, we have white gold rings, and I would have gotten platinum instead. Damn my student budget!

dramarent wrote:

$2k-$2.5k will score you .5 - .75 of a decent quality ring, or around 1.0 if you're willing to deal with some imperfections / color. I went on a smaller ring (.75) for my wife but got the best color with no inclusions. On hindsight, I should have bumped it up. Nobody notices f*cking inclusions from across the room. Also, we have white gold rings, and I would have gotten platinum instead. Damn my student budget!

Same... .75 high quality/color and i wish i had gotten a platinum band.

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

If you're looking at engagement rings you should already know this, but... Make sure that your fiancée actually wants a diamond ring. Neither my wife nor my sister-in-law were much interested in them and so their engagement rings were a lot less expensive. They both ended up with opal rings (by coincidence; my brother-in-law just happened to find an opal ring he liked); my wife's was a couple hundred dollars but was a better match for her style and personality.

What we also ended up doing that I thought worked very well was buying separate engagement and wedding rings. I don't just mean that we bought a separate wedding band, as is normally done, but that we picked out a new ring and band set for her to wear after the wedding. That way, I could pick out a less expensive engagement ring while letting her have a say in what she ultimately ended up with. She picked out a good looking diamond alternative. I can't remember exactly which kind; I'll check and post it later.

Also, have you considered picking out an engagement ring for you to wear, too? I had a nice band that I wore as an engagement ring that my wife picked out for me after we got engaged. It was a lot of fun to show off to people and to feel more connected to the engagement in that way.

Edit: My wife's ring has a Moissanite stone.

I spent 2.5k as well. Fortunately Bailey, Banks and Biddle had a sale going on and no interest for 1 year if I finished payments before that date, which made it all easier to swallow. Hers is a platinum band with a .75 carat. Rings and most jewelry is ridiculously marked up, so if you have a friend that is a jeweler or you can look at more 'wholesale' prices online, you can often bargain with the jeweler you're buying from and talk them down from the sticker price.

Stylez wrote:

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

This. Seriously.
I'd rather the money go into the honeymoon or gifts to ourselves instead of a ring.
But that's just me.

Stylez wrote:

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

Totally agree. Despite what jewelry stores desperately try to make you believe, women do not sit around and compare the size of their diamonds to determine which of their husbands is most in love.

I should also clarify that I've be in this relationship for 5+ years and the only thing missing from the engagement is the ring. She is aware of where we stand and we are going together to pick out a ring on Friday because I will admit that I have, what some (including most women) would consider, poor taste in jewelry, especially rings. It may be less romantic, but I am more interested in her getting something that she likes, especially given that the relationship isn't exactly brand new.

adam.greenbrier wrote:

IMake sure that your fiancée actually wants a diamond ring.

Solid advice. Diamonds for some people are a very political topic so you should ask. Even if she is into diamonds, you need to get her input on shape, stone, size, etc. If you're going old school traditional and actually surprising her with the question / ring, maybe have one of her friends scout out the subject a bit.

Go with synthetic or simulated diamonds.

"Real" diamonds are one of the biggest scams around. Remove the artificial scarcity and price fixing and they'd be cheap stones at Target.

Brennil wrote:

Despite what jewelry stores desperately try to make you believe, women do not sit around and compare the size of their diamonds to determine which of their husbands is most in love.

I've witnessed evidence to the contrary, but I agree that it is mostly hype.

Stylez wrote:

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

Stylez has it right. I did buy a .5k platinum ring for about $2300 and I wish I had gone cheaper. The wife loves it, but no one (not even her, really) notices the engagement ring after any length of time and it would been more money for the honeymoon/house expenses. Plus, if it doesn't work out (and a fair number don't), you're out less than you would be. You can never get what you paid for them.

inspiringsn wrote:
Brennil wrote:

Despite what jewelry stores desperately try to make you believe, women do not sit around and compare the size of their diamonds to determine which of their husbands is most in love.

I've witnessed evidence to the contrary, but I agree that it is mostly hype.

Men compare penis sizes, women compare ring sizes... its all very analagous.

I remember when I was reading up on 'em a few years back, I read the advice that "traditionally, you should spend 3 months salary on it". After 5 seconds of mental arithmetic, I laughed out loud at the idea of dropping such a batsh*t-insane amount of money on a single piece of jewellery.

Jonman wrote:

I remember when I was reading up on 'em a few years back, I read the advice that "traditionally, you should spend 3 months salary on it". After 5 seconds of mental arithmetic, I laughed out loud at the idea of dropping such a batsh*t-insane amount of money on a single piece of jewellery.

It is a stupid amount. Stupid. These rules are insidiously released by the jewelry stores. Its like Hallmark inventing mother's and father's day to sell more cards.

BlackSheep wrote:
inspiringsn wrote:
Brennil wrote:

Despite what jewelry stores desperately try to make you believe, women do not sit around and compare the size of their diamonds to determine which of their husbands is most in love.

I've witnessed evidence to the contrary, but I agree that it is mostly hype.

Men compare penis sizes, women compare ring sizes... its all very analagous.

;)

"I was just washing my hands and the water was cold. This is really a 2 carat. Look, you don't understand, there was shrinkage!"

BlackSheep wrote:

Men compare penis sizes, women compare ring sizes... its all very analagous. ;)

True, but only for the first year of marriage or so. After that, no one looks twice at the ring (unless they are specifically seeing if there is one ).

I don't like wearing rings. Kannon can buy me one of those $.25 plastic rings and I'll be happy.
Or! He can get me a Ring Pop so I can eat it.

St.Hillary wrote:
Stylez wrote:

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

This. Seriously.
I'd rather the money go into the honeymoon or gifts to ourselves instead of a ring.
But that's just me.

Absolutely. Consider looking for an antique ring too, if she's into that kind of thing. The diamond industry is problematic for me, and i didn't want to support purchases of new diamonds. I found a late 19th century French ring with a small diamond and a nice setting, and my wife loved it. There are lots of places to look, but i went through www.adin.be

St.Hillary wrote:
Stylez wrote:

Get a white gold diamond solitaire for around $500, put the rest aside for honeymoon/unexpected wedding expenses/ new toys.

Unless she's really really big on rings there's no reason to spend so much.

This. Seriously.
I'd rather the money go into the honeymoon or gifts to ourselves instead of a ring.
But that's just me.

I'll add on to this pile as well. I bought Mrs AnimeJ a really nice natural sapphire w/ diamond flecks(they really are that small) and paid a very, very small fraction of what people talk about spending on diamond solitaires. If your girl is into that stuff, power to ya, but otherwise, I'd say find something nice that fits her, and perhaps is even a bit unique. I've seen dozens of diamonds given, but I've yet to see a ring like my wife's.

Jonman wrote:

I remember when I was reading up on 'em a few years back, I read the advice that "traditionally, you should spend 3 months salary on it". After 5 seconds of mental arithmetic, I laughed out loud at the idea of dropping such a batsh*t-insane amount of money on a single piece of jewellery.

Damn straight. If I'd spent 3 month's pay on my wife's ring, it would have been somewhere in the neighborhood of $8-10k. SCREW. THAT. It's got nothing to do with not loving her enough to put myself into debt for the next 10 years. She's have beaten my ass if I had anyway, but that's just {ableist slur}.

adam.greenbrier wrote:

If you're looking at engagement rings you should already know this, but... Make sure that your fiancée actually wants a diamond ring. Neither my wife nor my sister-in-law were much interested in them and so their engagement rings were a lot less expensive. They both ended up with opal rings (by coincidence; my brother-in-law just happened to find an opal ring he liked); my wife's was a couple hundred dollars but was a better match for her style and personality.

Thirded. I have a practical wife who would much rather travel (and shares ethical concerns with diamonds) and we went looking for antique rings, but ended up spending under $300 on a ring from The Museum Store that she liked. We enjoyed a far more extravagant honeymoon than we could have otherwise afforded. (As well as such luxuries as a decent car...)

Coincidentally we also chose opal, but be careful; it's a fragile stone and thin opals can break with a forceful impact. As an anniversary gift I surprised her by replacing the long-broken stone in the ring.

I do believe that there are women who love to flaunt a big diamond, but in my experience many of them have self-esteem issues. The masculine size analogy is apt.

NOTE: Not all of them. Some women, including your fiancee, might just find expensive jewelry aesthetically appealing. If so, I hope they enjoy what works for them. But the dynamics of marriage and finance are different now than they used to be... in modern relationships, I think a woman realizes that a big ring is that much less money in the household budget for other luxuries, and may have to weigh the nice jewelry against other desires.

My wife wanted a sapphire ring with diamond accents. The most promising thing we saw for a while was at Jared's. It was ~$2000 and included the wedding band as well. My wife wasn't comfortable with the price. That was April '08. Fast forward to Black Friday '08 and past many Saturdays going to jewelry stores to look for something better. An antique looking sapphire and diamond ring in a Macy's ad caught her eye and it just happened to be 40% off. She called the local Macy's and asked them to reserve it. We went there she tried it on and we ended up getting her a ring she loves for ~$575.

About a month before we got married we started looking for a matching band. We got very lucky and found a diamond offset that matched almost perfectly for ~$200.

My advice would be not to rush into buying something. Do your research. Find out what she wants. You can more than likely find a deal.

edit: These savings plus running a nice wedding on a tight budget has helped us a make a honeymoon to Australia that much more affordable.

beeporama wrote:

Coincidentally we also chose opal, but be careful; it's a fragile stone and thin opals can break with a forceful impact. As an anniversary gift I surprised her by replacing the long-broken stone in the ring.

This is one of the big reasons why we ended up purchasing a Moissanite ring and band set as a permanent wedding ring. At the time, my wife was working in a hardware store and was very concerned about the possibility that the engagement ring would be damaged.

*Legion* wrote:

Go with synthetic or simulated diamonds.

"Real" diamonds are one of the biggest scams around. Remove the artificial scarcity and price fixing and they'd be cheap stones at Target.

Unfortunately, women don't read that article. Biggest scams, yes -- most successful scam ever, absolutely.

I can tell you this -- no one notices the difference in color or clarity as long as you don't dip into the H-I-J levels of color or SI2 - I1 clarity. Don't listen to the gem guys -- I bought a beautiful E color, VVS1, .75 carat diamond and three years later I realized that no one cares about color and clarity unless you regularly wash the gem with a sonic machine and regularly rodium plate the band and work at a jewelry counter. The answer the 3 Cs is Carat, Carat, Carat.

I believe in buying a diamond as an engagement ring if you're annoyed by the opinions of others when your fiance tells them it's "not a diamond" (which I am). That said, I'm totally gonna get a gigantic moissanite soon. =)

*Legion* wrote:

It depends on what it is that you really want: a sparkly rock on your finger, or a sign that says "$2000+" on your finger. When prompted with the availability of an alternative, the truth tends to come out. Lucky for me, it really was the former for my wife. And jewelers that have looked at it have simply assumed it was an expensive natural stone.

Right on. :Although women have a pesky habit of rephrasing it to say "a sign that says how much you love me. =)

I have the diamond, I have the wife, and I'm happy with both. When my income triples and I feel the desire to get her a larger rock, you can be sure it'll be moissanite or some other substance.

Seth wrote:

Unfortunately, women don't read that article. Biggest scams, yes -- most successful scam ever, absolutely.

I brought this issue up with my wife when we were dating. Her stance was that she likes how diamonds look. Things like whether it came from the ground and was sold by a cartel, or grown in a lab instead, were unimportant to her. The only function a diamond on a ring serves is to sparkle, so as long as it serves its primary purpose in the same capacity as a "natural" diamond, then it is the exact same thing in all ways that matter.

It depends on what it is that you really want: a sparkly rock on your finger, or a sign that says "$2000+" on your finger. When prompted with the availability of an alternative, the truth tends to come out. Lucky for me, it really was the former for my wife. And jewelers that have looked at it have simply assumed it was an expensive natural stone.

when your fiance tells them it's "not a diamond"

See, my wife doesn't do that. She doesn't go around representing it as a super-expensive diamond either. It's just her ring. Concerns about value and cost are for the birds.

Seth wrote:

Right on. :Although women have a pesky habit of rephrasing it to say "a sign that says how much you love me. =)

Argh, my head would explode at being told that. Luckily, while I do live in California, I'm not in LA.

I have the diamond, I have the wife, and I'm happy with both. When my income triples and I feel the desire to get her a larger rock, you can be sure it'll be moissanite or some other substance. :)

Good for you. Eventually when I buy more jewelry for my wife, I'll investigate whatever the latest "culturing" tech is at that time. It'll be real neat to see what they've got going in 5 years.

What about an heirloom ring? Sleipnir gave me his great grandmother's ring, passed down through three generations in his family. That added family significance--and that now, I would take part in it--meant more to me than any price tag.

Also, it was free; can't argue with those numbers.

ONE DOLLAH!

IMAGE(http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/4074905/2/istockphoto_4074905-lolliring.jpg)

KaterinLHC wrote:

What about an heirloom ring? Sleipnir gave me his great grandmother's ring, passed down through three generations in his family. That added family significance--and that now, I would take part in it--meant more to me than any price tag.

Also, it was free; can't argue with those numbers. :)

I did the same with my wife, sort of. We took the stones from the old ring, and put them in a new band. $500.

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