When people say stupid things about your kids

A couple of weeks ago I was in line at the store, holding Elysium 3.0 in my arms. The woman in front of me was enjoying his cheerful smiles (he is the most good-natured baby I've ever known), and we were having a nice little waiting-in-line-and-admiring-the-cute-baby conversation, when she said it.

"He sure has fat cheeks for such a skinny baby!"

I was nonplussed - I simply had no idea how to respond to this. He does have adorable pudgy cheeks - but he is not skinny. He has a beautifully proportioned little body.

So here's my question: Have any of you had a situation like this, where someone said something inane about your kids? How did you respond?

Oh, and for the record, here is my "skinny" baby:
IMAGE(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a48/elysiagwj/not_skinny.jpg)

I have nieces and nephews. My brother married a Chinese woman, so my nieces are Asian...
The question popped up a long time ago when me and one niece were in the mall, "Is she adopted?"

I know there are inane comments made, but, what are you gonna do? Maybe she didn't get a good luck at 3.0. I don't know if he is skinny, fat, or otherwise, but he sure looks happy!

Your baby is beautiful and so very cute!! And those cheeks!!

To hell with that rude woman anyway.

My mum once said a woman told her that I looked " {ableist slur}" when I was about 6 months old. I was born 3.5 months too early, so I was sick until I was about two years old with various illnesses and such. So I wasn't always cute, but I didn't look {ableist slur} either.

My mother told her to shut the f*ck up and mind her own damn business. She said it would have been impossible for her to say anything more polite.

Elysia wrote:

Oh, and for the record, here is my "skinny" baby:

not_skinny.jpg

That photo looks a little photoshopped.

There are not enough guns to kill all the stupid people.

Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

That's all I got.

Oh yeah, the woman in line is stupid.

I don't have kids, but I hear those sort of comments all the time when there is a baby within 10 feet of an adult woman. I don't think she was being insulting, albeit a stupid thing to say.

I'd recommend just blowing her off. Darwin usually takes care of that level of weapons-grade stupidity in reasonable order.

You have much more important things to think about (like your very cute baby! ).

Danjo Olivaw wrote:
Elysia wrote:

Oh, and for the record, here is my "skinny" baby:

not_skinny.jpg

That photo looks a little photoshopped.

Not at all - I only used Photoshop to crop it. I didn't even color-correct it. That is Elysium 3.0 au natural.

People are stupid.

By the way, your baby has an unusually normal number of arms. Cute too

Not the worst thing I've heard someone say about a child to their parents face. Two friends I have in common are no longer so friendly because one friend's husband called the other friend's three year old boy a dumb ass. Needless to say they are no longer real chummy.

Some people have no idea that what they are saying is hurtful. It sounds like she was being honestly forward when talking to you but then said something stupid and tried to play it off. Doesn't really sound like she was trying to be nasty. It's just that what she said didn't come out right. Then again, I wasn't there.

Elysia wrote:
Danjo Olivaw wrote:
Elysia wrote:

Oh, and for the record, here is my "skinny" baby:

not_skinny.jpg

That photo looks a little photoshopped.

Not at all - I only used Photoshop to crop it. I didn't even color-correct it. That is Elysium 3.0 au natural.

Now this is Photoshopped.
IMAGE(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a48/elysiagwj/beard.jpg)

Was he wearing vertical stripes at the time? I heard those can be slimming.

Elysia wrote:

Now this is Photoshopped.
IMAGE(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a48/elysiagwj/beard.jpg)

Ahhhhhh!!!!!

But yeah. Not skinny. Looks perfectly normal and absolutely adorable. That stupid woman needs a good, hard kick in the pie hole.

edited for unnecessary crassness.

When my son was about 6 months old, a lady (also holding a baby) asked me how old he was. When I told her, she said, "What? He's so little!"

He was a regular sized baby--right about 8 lbs at birth--and I had to bite my tongue not to tell her that his size was exactly right, and that he wasn't destined to become a fat piece of sh*t like her kid surely would.

My son has been called Small for his age, large for his age, a girl, a motormouth and many other things. I've just come to realize that most people have no idea what kids/babies are really like and what they should look like in a normal situation. Although he does talk an awful lot.

I had a lady tell me it was inappropriate for me to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter into the men's bathroom so that she could use the potty. I gave the obvious response that it would have been really inappropriate if I had taken her into the women's bathroom.

She countered that I should have "simply" made my daughter wait until we got home. I said, "dear gods I hope you're sterile" and walked away.

My mom freaked out at an Aldys (I can't remember if this is correct spelling) check out line when the cashiers started insulting a girl she knew who was ahead of her after she left. Her baby was crying and the cashiers and a few patrons apparently thought that meant that she was a bad mother. Mom informed them of her tragic story (it really is very sad) and proceeded to remind them that they work and shop at an Aldys so they're high horse really isn't all that high.

I guess some people just never have their insensitive filter on. Adorable picture, btw.

Elysia wrote:

Now this is Photoshopped.
IMAGE(http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a48/elysiagwj/beard.jpg)


Well, she obviously has no idea what she's talking about.
He's absolutely adorable. His pudgy cheeks are cute in a way only children can pull off.
After that, it's just not that cute.

Psh. I could take your baby in a fight.

Elysia wrote:

"He sure has fat cheeks for such a skinny baby!"

I was nonplussed - I simply had no idea how to respond to this. He does have adorable pudgy cheeks - but he is not skinny. He has a beautifully proportioned little body.

(...)

Oh, and for the record, here is my "skinny" baby

Is that all she said?

Maybe it's not coming across with the proper tone in text, but this almost reads like "alpha parent" overreaction to a perceived slight.

IMO, there's nothing in the comment as you presented it that warrants the kind of reaction that has you emphatically stating, and even posting pictures to prove, that no, this woman's statement was w-r-o-n-g wrong!

It kinda reads like, "how dare this woman even think such a thought about my perfect baby?"

Saying "skinny", I'd bet, was only meant to mean, "I'm not saying your kid is fat." It almost certainly wasn't mean to mean, "your kid is unusually skinny". Was it worded in the best way? Probably not. But who hasn't stumbled on their words in casual chatter before? Was it said in a particularly rude way that doesn't come across the same in text?

People will say rude things. It will happen. But the comment as you've written it was fairly benign and, in my opinion (which is only my opinion), should at best register as a minuscule blip on the "rudeness" scale.

My girlfriend's usual response: "Well, you either don't have any kids or know sh*t about them, so your opinion is worthless to me." Always settles the dispute

My mother's half-Filipino, my dad's white, so my twin and I look pretty solidly Caucasian with our pale skin and blue eyes. When we were babies, lots of people would not only assume we were adopted, but some also assumed she was the hired nanny who didn't speak english very well, either. Sephirotic's on the money with his comment about most people not having a clue about babies in general.

People don't always realize what's coming out of their mouths until later, and sometimes not even then. Hopefully she walked away from the situation and thought "WHY did I say that?"

(edited to admit squealy delight over the cuteness of your baby).

The correct response was:

"Not really, maybe all your babies are fat..."

Seriously though, i never make a comment about someone else's baby/child unless it's positive.

Duoae wrote:

The correct response was:

"Not really, maybe all your babies are fat..."

Seriously though, i never make a comment about someone else's baby/child unless it's positive.

Sad thing is, that silly lady probably thought she was being positive. I can't help but wonder if the train of thought passed somewhere near "chubby is cute" before careening off of "but calling someone fat is bad" before thoughtlessly popping off with that lame comment about him being a skinny baby as if to cancel out her calling someone fat.

Sarcasm may be the lowest form of wit, but often, it is the most appropriate.

Sounds like one of those things you say to a complete stranger when you are suddenly in a social situation with one and have no other common conversational ground to stand on yet.

I wouldn't sweat it, she probably read your reaction a little and was thinking to herself, "Oh god, I just said her kid has a fat face."

And that's not even what you're angry about.

My mother takes care of kids at home since I was born, and we've often laughed at how parents or other close relatives perceive their little 'angels'. I distinctly remember one kid: he was extremely lazy, dumb as a brick, cried all the time, was ugly (I'm sorry, but he WAS!), was nasty (bugging other kids, taking their toys, beating them with it), a boy really tough to love. But every single time his grandmother came to pick him up she would lament him with undeserved compliments on how cute, smart, creative and blabla he was. It was like she knew what the kid was like but felt like she had to compensate

*Legion* wrote:

Is that all she said?

Maybe it's not coming across with the proper tone in text, but this almost reads like "alpha parent" overreaction to a perceived slight.

IMO, there's nothing in the comment as you presented it that warrants the kind of reaction that has you emphatically stating, and even posting pictures to prove, that no, this woman's statement was w-r-o-n-g wrong!

It kinda reads like, "how dare this woman even think such a thought about my perfect baby?"

Legion's reaction illustrates the problem with forums and email. I'm not all worked up about this, but apparently in my post I must have sounded upset. And I don't think he's perfect - I'm not an "alpha parent", a "helicopter parent, a "special snowflake", or any other cliche. It was just a weird thing for her to say, and it simply got me thinking about how others have responded in situations like this. That is what I was asking about, if you go back and reread my original post.

That baby is adorable. Even though he's kind of on the anorexic side.

Amoebic wrote:
Duoae wrote:

The correct response was:

"Not really, maybe all your babies are fat..."

Seriously though, i never make a comment about someone else's baby/child unless it's positive.

Sad thing is, that silly lady probably thought she was being positive. I can't help but wonder if the train of thought passed somewhere near "chubby is cute" before careening off of "but calling someone fat is bad" before thoughtlessly popping off with that lame comment about him being a skinny baby as if to cancel out her calling someone fat.

I suspect you are pretty close to the truth here. People are such silly creatures.

Get in mah belly!