Questions you want answered.

I've been without alcohol now for 40 weeks. It was super tough at first, but got much easier after the first 90 days.

I went through a sobriety service with my health care provider that was .... not great. As an atheist myself, I appreciated that it was separate from the AA program and did not have a heavy "higher power" element. However the therapists who ran that program were really not helpful. In the end, I left that program entirely because of my frustration with those therapists and their failure to address my underlying issues. For me, addressing those issues and learning new coping skills was the real key to my sobriety. I have been far happier and more successful since speaking directly to a dedicated therapist than I was in a strictly sobriety-focused program. YMMV, and all associated disclaimers apply.

Good on you for looking into this, and we're here for you as you go through the process. While I'm sure there were some people on these forums who didn't want to read my rants and vents as I've struggled with depression and sobriety, it was incredibly helpful to me to be able to jump on here and touch base with my internet family for support. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want someone to talk to directly.

RawkGWJ wrote:

I’d like to quit alcohol. I’m not even close to rock bottom but I dont ever want to be there. So far I haven’t been able to motivate myself. Does anyone know of any books, audiobooks, podcasts or any other self guided resource that might help? I’m not at all interested in attending meetings.

I quit at the start of this year.

One thing that I've found super helpful in the maintenance phase has been non-alcoholic beer. It scratches the itch for a crisp cold refreshing beverage. Can recommend Athletic Brewing and Partake Brewing as two outfits making good craft NA beer. Check your local Bevmo/Total Wine or other booze superstore - mine has an entire NA aisle. Partake is a particularly worthwhile thing to check out as by some sorcery, they're only 10 calories per can. Their IPA, Pale and Blondes are great.

YMMV, but being able to scratch the refreshing beverage itch addressed the only thing that made me miss booze at all.

Just and obvious FYI: NA beer still has alcohol in it...
It is certainly significantly less and will drastically help reduce alcohol consumption. But it is not 100% NA

fangblackbone wrote:

Just and obvious FYI: NA beer still has alcohol in it...
It is certainly significantly less and will drastically help reduce alcohol consumption. But it is not 100% NA

This is a fair point - I'm genuinely ignorant of what impact that <=0.3% ABV can have on someone. For me, it's effectively 0% ABV with no slippery slope included, but YMMV.

RawkGWJ wrote:

In the past I’d tried something else that was evidence based but it was focused on reducing drinking, and it worked, but I think it’s time to just give it up. From what I’ve read, becoming a teetotaler is easier to do than trying the “drinking less” approach.

Alcohol has seldom been my vice, but speaking generally, I've always found cold turkey easier than moderation whenever I'm trying to cut back on anything that's not good for me in excess (pot, processed sugar, etc.).

When you're used to indulgence, moderation feels like self-denial anyway, so you might as well skip all the way to cold turkey, at which point moderation feels like indulgence.

It impacts alcoholics and binge drinkers more for sure.

RawkGWJ wrote:

12 step works for many, so I wouldn’t want to dismiss it completely.

This is part of the problem with it - it has gained almost mythological reputation for efficacy that isn't based in anything. They deliberately do not seek statistics for how effective it is, and some experts who have tried to study it haven't found that it's any better than going cold turkey by yourself. If you do use AA or something similar, just be aware that it's not magic. Success stories come out of hard work and commitment to consistency, not the 12 steps.

fangblackbone wrote:

It impacts alcoholics and binge drinkers more for sure.

True, it's a different thing when you're dealing with a chemical dependency that might include withdrawal symptoms. I don't have any particular expertise on that.

I remember seeing a macabre short story somewhere online a few months ago, written by a middle school girl. The voice of the story was a wife complaining about her husband and how angry she was that he was paying attention to some other woman since she came along- he spent all his time with "her", talked about "her" all the time, etc. The twist at the end was something like "just a little antifreeze in the formula and he'll be all mine again".

Does this ring a bell with anyone? I wanted to share it with my daughter but I can't find it anywhere now, and searching for it only turns up poison control centers, true crime cases, and has also probably put me on a list of dangerous loons somewhere.

Sounds like one of the stories of the ghosts in Sixth Sense.

Look up Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. It's a thing.

RE: 12 step programs: I don't have any evidence for this, but my strong feeling is that any success that comes from twelve step programs is caused by the social nature of the organizations. The buddy system is spectacularly effective in treating some kinds of mental illness, so it wouldn't surprise me if it helps with addiction as well. Don't underestimate the power of social contact and other people looking out for your well being, and knowing there is always someone a phone call away.

So many people suffer from lack of social contact, especially now with public health restrictions on social activities. Even online buddies can make a difference, but having someone you can count on IRL is invaluable.

BadKen wrote:

Look up Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. It's a thing.

It doesn't sound like that's what the story is about. The wife isn't hurting the baby to get attention for having a sick kid, she wants to kill her because she sees her as a rival for her husband's attention.

Do you remember what platform/site you encountered it on, qaraq?

Maternal jealousy is a thing, too, and it can lead a mother to harm her child. News stories about this pop up occasionally, but typically the mother has other problems as well, like narcissistic personality disorder. Mothers killing their own children happens more often than you might think, but there are as many reasons as there are cases.

MSBP was the thing in the Sixth Sense, that's why I brought it up. Caregivers who have that syndrome are typically seeking attention, but may not be jealous.

Here's a 2019 article that goes into it a bit and lists some cases. WARNING: article has VERY disturbing content.

Stengah wrote:
BadKen wrote:

Look up Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. It's a thing.

It doesn't sound like that's what the story is about. The wife isn't hurting the baby to get attention for having a sick kid, she wants to kill her because she sees her as a rival for her husband's attention.

Do you remember what platform/site you encountered it on, qaraq?

Yeah, the story reads like the wife is annoyed the husband is having an affair, then the last line reveals that it's been a baby the whole time.

I don't remember the platform unfortunately. I've searched twitter, google, and medium without useful results so far, so I was hoping that maybe here is where I came across it. It was within the last six months, and was originally posted by a parent as "look at this cool thing my daughter wrote". Very short- just a couple of pages.

I didn't have any luck finding the story.

So back when it was fairly new I played the first few levels (fake yacht, airplane hanger, and fashion show) of Hitman on my aging PC. Then real life intervened, and I fell off the game. Now it is several years later, and I have both Hitman 1 and 2 on the pile for Xbox. My question is whether there is any reason to play Hitman 1 or if it makes more sense to just skip it and to play through the Hitman 1 levels in Hitman 2 instead?

Is there a psychosis where stuff has gone bad on you so often that when stuff is going good you have a hard time with it because you are basically just waiting for it turn to sh*t again?

Despite 2020 being a hell of a sh*tshow things have been going really well for me (even despite having covid) and I am having a hard time enjoying it because I am kind of just waiting for everything to fall apart?

Not a psychosis, just anxiety. And yes, it can take a while of the roof *not* falling in, to be comfortable being under it again.

Psychosis is where you literally are disconnected from the real world. Anxiety is to psychosis as a minor sniffle is to anthrax.

Rykin wrote:

Is there a psychosis where stuff has gone bad on you so often that when stuff is going good you have a hard time with it because you are basically just waiting for it turn to sh*t again?

Minorities call that 'life.'

June 14th, 2021 will be my 42nd birthday. What are some good Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy related things I should do to celebrate? Assuming the US hasn't completely collapsed. Does anyone know where I can procure Ol' Janx Spirit?

Mixolyde wrote:

June 14th, 2021 will be my 42nd birthday. What are some good Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy related things I should do to celebrate? Assuming the US hasn't completely collapsed. Does anyone know where I can procure Ol' Janx Spirit?

My 42nd will be in April. I might just have to break down and read those books to celebrate.

Rykin wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

June 14th, 2021 will be my 42nd birthday. What are some good Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy related things I should do to celebrate? Assuming the US hasn't completely collapsed. Does anyone know where I can procure Ol' Janx Spirit?

My 42nd will be in April. I might just have to break down and read those books to celebrate.

First of all, DON’T PANICK!! And remember to pack your towel. And since it’s your birthday, you should celebrate with a pan-galactic gargle blaster.

Go and swim with some dolphins! Although I would recommend that to anyone, anytime.

Rykin wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

June 14th, 2021 will be my 42nd birthday. What are some good Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy related things I should do to celebrate? Assuming the US hasn't completely collapsed. Does anyone know where I can procure Ol' Janx Spirit?

My 42nd will be in April. I might just have to break down and read those books to celebrate.

The first two are the best and super short. The rest are optional.

If you're the audiobook type, you might as well go all the way back to the source and check out the original radio plays, which are on Audible and are the ones with weird titles like "Primary Phase," "Secondary Phase," and so on.

Under no circumstances should you bother with the glorified fanfiction they let the Artemis Fowl guy publish as if it were a real HG2G book.

Listen to the radio shows! I'm just on the last episode of a re-listen and they hold up so well. I probably enjoy them more than the books.

(I didn't realize until loooong after reading the books that it started as a radio show - the first two books were novelizations of the audio version.)

Yup. The radio shows were the first iteration, and, IMO, the best.

I just never could get into the books and don't really care much for them, but I did enjoy listening to the radio play. I am thinking about using some of my credits on them.

I will also be turning 42 next year (in February).

On a non Douglas Adams' related question, anyone knows of a good brand of decaf Earl Grey tea? I'm at a point where I want to get rid of my caffeine addiction, but haven't found a good replacement for my morning Earl Grey yet.

I've tried both Twinnings and Tetley and, while I find the Tetley decaf Earl Grey much better than the other, it's still not as good as Twinning's regular Earl Grey.

bobbywatson wrote:

I will also be turning 42 next year (in February).

On a non Douglas Adams' related question, anyone knows of a good brand of decaf Earl Grey tea? I'm at a point where I want to get rid of my caffeine addiction, but haven't found a good replacement for my morning Earl Grey yet.

I've tried both Twinnings and Tetley and, while I find the Tetley decaf Earl Grey much better than the other, it's still not as good as Twinning's regular Earl Grey.

Harney & sons has been our go-to pandemic tea. It's more expensive but I really like it and dammit we're worth it.