15 Reasons why EA is Pure Evil
From Destructoid. This was too precious not to post. Here's the first 5:
1: EA was founded by the descendants of Elizabeth Bathory and Genghis Kahn, whose previously unrecorded (and unbelievable, but just go with it) tryst ended with the spawning of a race of nocturnal bat-like creatures with hairy scales and leathery eyes. They now live underground where their legs have atrophied into useless stubs and they now use mechanical shells to move around. A bit like Daleks, but they're not Daleks.
2: Electronic Arts was originally believed to be founded by Trip Hawkins, but this is a lie. Hawkins' real identity is used car salesman Manny Maplins, who was kidnapped by the true creators of EA, who had his brain removed and replaced with a sparrow which flies around inside his skull, directing his actions. This explains why Hawkins now makes mobile phone games.
3: Contrary to popular belief, it was not Judas that betrayed Jesus to the Romans for thirty pieces of silver. It was actually EA that betrayed him for the NFL license.
4: To inspire developer Criterion's Burnout series of games, EA hired forty five cars and filled them with live ducks. There were so many ducks inside that you could not see anything but feathers and beaks in the windows. EA executives then put bricks on the accelerators and made Criterion watch as the cars smashed into each other and there was nothing but twisted steel, bloody feathers and squawking giblets. Despite what you may think, this wasn't to inspire the crashes in Burnout -- the devs were just told that they'd be next if the games sold poorly.
5: You know when you've just finished using the toilet and you're sat on the bowl and you reach for toilet paper only to realize, all too late, that only a bare cardboard tube is left? EA is responsible for that, somehow.