Post a poem, entertain me! (May be NSFW)

Brizahd wrote:

I doodle with poetry, and art. My grammar sucks, and someone could probably write it, draw it, or just do it better than me. Doesn't stop me though cause I enjoy doing it. Plus it helps with boredom.

Scorn

Wanting this something with the gnashing of my teeth in grit.
This something that was my heart, but with a thought stops.
For never even if this something that was were to fall onto me completely.
My hunger of wanting this something would split.
I'd turn my back on this nothing.

I wrote this in the back of a Bradley CFV in kuwait. See above about "boredom."

The boredom of war is always an interesting topic to write on. Jarhead was such a well done book because of its depiction of the surreal world that war creates.

BlackSheep wrote:
Brizahd wrote:

I doodle with poetry, and art. My grammar sucks, and someone could probably write it, draw it, or just do it better than me. Doesn't stop me though cause I enjoy doing it. Plus it helps with boredom.

Scorn

Wanting this something with the gnashing of my teeth in grit.
This something that was my heart, but with a thought stops.
For never even if this something that was were to fall onto me completely.
My hunger of wanting this something would split.
I'd turn my back on this nothing.

I wrote this in the back of a Bradley CFV in kuwait. See above about "boredom."

The boredom of war is always an interesting topic to write on. Jarhead was such a well done book because of its depiction of the surreal world that war creates.

I haven't read the book, but I did like the movie. I actually didn't know it was based off of a book. I'll have to check it out cause I bet it is awesome. I joined because of a girl, and that same girl's mom would write me letters. She always would end them with what was going on with said girl. I was so bored I would read them even though they would frustrate me. I think her mom liked me, and thought we would get back together. I don't know. They were like a series of reaccuring dear john letters.

Alone

Some spend their life, in pursit of a dream
Their soul mate, their life partner
The rest of their team
While throughout my life I feel I've shown
I've generally been happier being alone.

Whether it's my girth, my greed, or the cut of my jib
There hasn't been anyone
Without whom I couldn't live
Maybe it's simply my choice of cologne,
Nonetheless I'm quite happy being alone.

Maybe some day I'll be filled with remorse
I'll look back and say
"I took the wrong course"
"I shouldn't have traveled just where the wind's blown"
"And now here at the end I wind up alone."

But for the moment I'm filled with content
I've plenty to eat
And money for rent
Let a happier man cast the first stone
I've no complaints with being alone.

Brizahd wrote:
BlackSheep wrote:
Brizahd wrote:

I doodle with poetry, and art. My grammar sucks, and someone could probably write it, draw it, or just do it better than me. Doesn't stop me though cause I enjoy doing it. Plus it helps with boredom.

Scorn

Wanting this something with the gnashing of my teeth in grit.
This something that was my heart, but with a thought stops.
For never even if this something that was were to fall onto me completely.
My hunger of wanting this something would split.
I'd turn my back on this nothing.

I wrote this in the back of a Bradley CFV in kuwait. See above about "boredom."

The boredom of war is always an interesting topic to write on. Jarhead was such a well done book because of its depiction of the surreal world that war creates.

I haven't read the book, but I did like the movie. I actually didn't know it was based off of a book. I'll have to check it out cause I bet it is awesome. I joined because of a girl, and that same girl's mom would write me letters. She always would end them with what was going on with said girl. I was so bored I would read them even though they would frustrate me. I think her mom liked me, and thought we would get back together. I don't know. They were like a series of reaccuring dear john letters.

Dear god, that just sounds tragic. Most of my family has been in and out of the military, though I seem to be the only one that didn't sign up (though I came awfully close to going to OCS two years ago). At this point, I'm getting close to the age limits most services have, even though because of the manpower shortage, they keep raising them.

There is definitely some material there to mine and place into a poem or even some sort of short story --

If you liked the movie, the book is much, much better, though I think for the movie's part, they did a great job of picking actors that could fill those roles. No one plays bored better than Gyllenhal and the actor who played his spotter, whose name just eludes me at the moment.

My g/f is a Jake Gyllenhal fan, and I think that was what prompted us to watch the movie. I really enjoyed it, and it reminded me of my time over there for a 6 month rotation. Alot of routine boredom with a few moments of excitement. A few of my friends didn't care for it cause it didn't have enough action for a war movie. I could relate, and some of the characters reminded me of a few people from my old unit (Hooah 3-15 Infantry!) Another movie that reminded me of a few people from my unit was Christian Bale in Harsh Times.

Anyway to stay on topic here is another one of mine.

Interred

Woe to some life be so brief
living measured not in years, but days maybe weeks
Life without actuality

from womb to tomb

Brennil wrote:

I have to disagree. It takes a long time, and some serious work to get to the point where you can edit your own work effectively, but it is possible. And I think extremely desirable. You can't, as an artist, rely on your workshopping groups forever. Separating one's ego from the work is an essential step in artistic maturation, and allows you to see where the poem doesn't work, where you're going on too long, where you need to elaborate. I'm at the point now where I think I do a pretty decent job of it, although of course there's always something that the magazine editor wants changed. ;)

I can always find something I want to edit, no matter how many times I've returned to a poem. I ran into a quote a few years ago that says, "A painting is never finished. It simply stops in interesting places." That's by Paul Gardner, but I'm not sure who Paul Gardner is. Regardless, it's true in all creative arts that I have any experience with, and I try to keep it in mind... even if my compulsive editing (among other things) has kept me from submitting anything since I left college.

I do agree that a poem isn't fulfilled until it's read aloud, though. Something that looks deceptively plain on the page can be intensely layered when spoken.

I'll agree that a poem can't be fully understood or appreciated without reading it out loud.

I haven't really written any poetry in about a year. This thread makes me want to start again.

I'll agree with that, too, even if the former isn't completely true for me.

[quote=wordsmythe]

Brennil wrote:
I haven't really written any poetry in about a year. This thread makes me want to start again.

I'll agree with that, too, even if the former isn't completely true for me.

So... where is it? Where is our delicious morsel of Wordsmythe. A handle created for such an endeavor as this thread promises?

Alright, I'll find something in the next day or two that could use more fingers poked at it.

wordsmythe wrote:

Alright, I'll find something in the next day or two that could use more fingers poked at it.

Same here. I drudge something up that can be, er, undrudged.

I click send / receive,
There is no e-mail from you.
You must be working.

I sent this one to Kepheus a while back. I prefer to draw sarcastic stick-people cartoons for the most part. Here is one of them:

http://rambleicious.wordpress.com/stick-people/food-court-garbages/