On Meeting The New Neighbor Girl

Don't throw your life away. Sure you could have a great fling with this girl but you know your going to have to pay a price for it. A woman like that with a huge sack of crazy will always make you pay. Your young. Don't screw up your life for sex. It's just plain stupid and not worth it.

Roo: that must be Billy Connolly. He's sheep-shaggingly brilliant!

Roo wrote:

What is the name of the Scottish comedian who came up with this? I can picture him, but I can't remember his name for the life of me. Billy something? Don't a few movies...He's in his fifties...

just can't think of it.

anyway, back to the stripper.

Billy Connolly

Edit - too slow, but I did include a link.

Pred, I got one important word from you which I've learned from watching television ads: Valtrax. Apparently, it's all about suppression.

Living with genital herpes can be a hassle. When you have a herpes outbreak, it can feel like it takes days out of your life. On this site, you'll learn how to still enjoy an active life with herpes.

By the way, I own stock in GlaxoSmithKline, which makes this drug. So hit it. Hit it hard. I need a new car.

CannibalCrowley wrote:
CrawlingChaos wrote:

Not a single one of my friends who has dated, poked or spent personal time with a stripper has escaped unscathed. The excitement is never worth the trouble.

They're often worth the trouble, you just have to avoid the common pitfalls. Once you know how to treat them, a stripper is less work than any other female. A stripper can actually be great as long as you aren't looking for an emotional relationship.

Okay I'll bite. What is the proper protocol for pampering poledancers?

Rereading Pred's story, the biggest red flags for me didn't come from her being a stripper. It was the absolute porn infatuation, the categorization of said porn, the sickly sweetness of the pink, the poetry wallpaper and the fact that she got dirty with some random freshman within 48 hrs of being there. Those were my red flags, she just happens to also be a stripper.

Malkiel wrote:

It was the absolute porn infatuation, the categorization of said porn.

What's wrong with that?

Roo wrote:

anyway, back to the stripper.

What is with these threads and veering as far away from the women as possible?

Edit:

lunabean wrote:
Malkiel wrote:

It was the absolute porn infatuation, the categorization of said porn.

What's wrong with that?

It means she's potentially obsessive compulsive about her porn. Next thing you know, she'll come over to your place and start organizing your porn!

How did this get to four pages?

Mind, this wasn't intended as a DDT, just a (hopefully) funny story. There probably will be no hitting it anytime soon for some of the aforementioned reasons (Insanity, Weeping Sores, etc). We had one crazy drug-addicted Ex. We don't need another.

I guess I didn't stress this enough when I was writing. She literally expects the next guy she's with to be "the one", or close to it, unless it's a guy she chooses to vicariously hump after 8 drinks. It's all a little confusing in her world.

Nice enough person, but sorry GWJ braintrust, it ain't happening. There's already a perfectly attractive intern at the radio station who has a crush on me and is significantly less out of her mind.

For those of you desperate for Pics, A.) Buy me a Digital Camera or B.) Head over to TangoTime.com, and sort the photos under "Adult-Boobs-Highest Rated". She's in there somewhere.

Malkiel wrote:

...what happens when the hot, CLEAN, college phillies find out that you hit that, probably from the stripper herself? Just not worth it, from my view.

On the contrary, they know they'll need to step up their game.

lunabean wrote:
Malkiel wrote:

It was the absolute porn infatuation, the categorization of said porn.

What's wrong with that?

I guess on its face, nothing is individually wrong with any of these. But the combination of everything sounds some alarms for me.

Sounds like you got it covered, Pred. Just be careful. A girl that jacked up in the head tends to not know the meaning of the word "No" on any level.

Since my elder son signed up for the military he's got four or five girls he knows who are all vying to give him a send off. These are all cute, but they have the moral fiber of a cat in heat and the mental capacity of a boiled turnip. One of them is his brother's ex, no less. He's made the mistake of trying to be nice and he's having to step mighty fast now to avoid them.

Edited to add my actual point: Just because you said no doesn't mean she's going to stop trying.

Alien13z wrote:

Okay I'll bite. What is the proper protocol for pampering poledancers?

Plenty of proper premium prophylactics and pounds of penicillin. Pronto.

dhelor wrote:
Alien13z wrote:

Okay I'll bite. What is the proper protocol for pampering poledancers?

Plenty of proper premium prophylactics and pounds of penicillin. Pronto.

I think you just won the thread.

Alien13z wrote:

Okay I'll bite. What is the proper protocol for pampering poledancers?

You basically treat her like an acquaintance who you just happen to have sex with.

  • First off, no pampering. Don't buy her anything.
  • Have sex immediately, you don't want to be labeled a friend.
  • Never talk about anything emotional. If she starts, give her a "you have girlfriends for this stuff" line.
  • Don't hook up with her on a Friday or Saturday night. She can't be allowed to think that she's worthy of "prime time".
  • Have sex with at least one of her friends and let her know about it (preferably let her be there).
  • Let one of your friends hit it. A guy doesn't pass around a girl that he's serious about.
  • Never go out on a date! That could bring you into the boyfriend category.
  • Let her know that you are dating. This way she knows that you're interested in a relationship, just not with her.
  • Keep sleepovers to a minimum.

Not required; but suggested just for fun purposes. Let her invite you to her club on a night that she's dancing, allow her to pay for everything that night (including a lap dance from each of the other strippers). Then leave with her at the end of the night or have her meet you if her club has a mandatory wait time for the girls.

Feel free to add anything that I may have missed.

Podunk wrote:
dhelor wrote:
Alien13z wrote:

Okay I'll bite. What is the proper protocol for pampering poledancers?

Plenty of proper premium prophylactics and pounds of penicillin. Pronto.

I think you just won the thread.

I think Pred won the thread just by starting it, but I'd give dhelor a close second

EDIT: To Cannibal - Intelligent, but very, very cold.

Hemidal wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

Just whatever you do, do NOT show her your kitchen.

I'm not familiar with this euphemism, explain. :)

If she's sees his kitchen, she'll think it's serious. In all actuality, it was a reference to his roach thread.

Malkiel wrote:

...the sickly sweetness of the pink...

This made me laugh, cuz it could mean something else totally.

I think you pretty much have to Not Hit It at this point. It's too good a story to finish with, "... so I banged her and she keyed my car." The crazy makes for good entertainment, but only from a distance. As it is, you get to tell your boys the story and have everyone say, "Aw, man, I totally would have gone for it."

I mean, that, and you don't want to watch your penis slowly melt off. Or your poodle slowly boiled.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

If she's sees his kitchen, she'll think it's serious. In all actuality, it was a reference to his roach thread. :)

Hmm, good catch. This girl shows up, suddenly pred has a roach problem. Coincidence, I hope.

Funkenpants wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

If she's sees his kitchen, she'll think it's serious. In all actuality, it was a reference to his roach thread. :)

Hmm, good catch. This girl shows up, suddenly pred has a roach problem. From what indignant said in the roach thread, Pred better check her carefully before he lets her in his apartment.

Yeah, but he's got a roach problem, not a crab infestation.

Hemidal wrote:
Funkenpants wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

If she's sees his kitchen, she'll think it's serious. In all actuality, it was a reference to his roach thread. :)

Hmm, good catch. This girl shows up, suddenly pred has a roach problem. From what indignant said in the roach thread, Pred better check her carefully before he lets her in his apartment.

Yeah, but he's got a roach problem, not a crab infestation.

I'm pretty sure that as long as each one is under an ounce he can't be hit with anything more than a misdemeanor.

Glad you have some self control Pred.

You still come away with a pretty funny story.

Of course we look forward to your accounts of any future run ins with the crazy neighbor stripper girl.

Hemidal wrote:

Yeah, but he's got a roach problem, not a crab infestation.

Michael Scott wrote:

What did you expect, Lobster?

No.

Reminds me of a song (apologies to the anti-country folks): "Don't Ask Me How I Know."

I don't think I'm a big enough jackass to post in this thread.

Don't worry, I'm sure there are plenty of folks here who will spot you some jackass.

stupidhaiku wrote:

I don't think I'm a big enough jackass to post in this thread.

rabbit wrote:

Don't worry, I'm sure there are plenty of folks here who will spot you some jackass.

You can have mine. It's sort of old and warn out, but I don't really see much use for it anymore.

...Except on board game nights.

Thin_J wrote:

Glad you have some self control Pred.

You still come away with a pretty funny story.

Of course we look forward to your accounts of any future run ins with the crazy neighbor stripper girl.

She lives above me. Directly above me. I have a horrible feeling i'm going to have WAY TOO MANY accounts of her life.

I keep wondering: where's Demos, the author of the seminal DDT threads? Where's DuckiDeva, a one-time strip club manager?