On Pedophilia

After more than five months in protective custody at Cuyahoga County Jail, Distasio retains the ponytail and bushy red muttonchops seen in his mug shot. Sitting in a stark white visitation room while two law enforcement officers look on, Distasio talks freely about his past, distant and recent, and about the tormented lives he and his fellow pedophiles lead. He rocks back and forth as he talks, and his hands tremble when they are not clasped or resting on his knees.

He says he would never associate himself with Jesus, but his message is clear: He views himself as a self-sacrificial lamb. Getting caught, he says, was an intentional and necessary cost of his "secular ministry."

That cost could be spending the rest of his years in prison. He was found sane enough to be tried, waived the right to a speedy trial, and told his court-appointed lawyer that he wants to strike no bargains. In his mind, facing 26 life sentences gives him the chance to speak out for the pedophiles of the world, and for his idea of "sanctuary." His message: Pedophiles are people, too.

DISTASIO HAD WRITTEN to the Free Times in response to the story about how citizen journalists brought him to the attention of Rocky River police ("Neighborhood Monster," January 18). The handwritten letter offered glimpses of the fear and elaborately rationalized tangents of a person aware that his sexual desire is not simply illegal, but among the most heinous crimes conceivable "” and yet who believes that most pedophilia wouldn't really hurt anyone.

Distasio describes himself as a second-generation pedophile: at the age of 12, he began a relationship with an older man, a swimming instructor named Charlie, at a boys' club in Massachusetts. He says he's known about his proclivity since age 9.

"To me," he says, "it is as valid as any other sexual orientation."

He says children can give consent long before they turn 18 years of age. He says pedophiles can be abusive, but denies they are inherently so. He says in such a relationship, the adult's "trust" that the child won't tell the "secret" is a manifestation of love "” a vulnerability which, Distasio claims with conviction, puts the child in control.

The "secret" could dismantle a life with shame and violence. A life like Distasio's. Or like his roommate, Chris Nolan, who was found hanged by an extension cord in the Rocky River Reservation of the Metroparks. Or like any one of the nine other people Distasio says he has known who killed themselves or were murdered because of what they did or because someone might tell.

"I lose a friend a year to that sh*t," he sobs. "And it's all because the law gets involved. If you really want to do something about the sex offender problem and the drug problem, the first thing you need to do is give people a safe place to speak."

Control is a recurring theme for Distasio. He claims that since he began a year ago talking at open mics about the legalization of marijuana, everything "” except his roommate's suicide by hanging from an extension cord "” has gone according to plan. Even if the plan changed as he pushed it recklessly onward.

"My original idea was to devote myself to cannabis legalization so I could spend the rest of my life surrounded by pot- smoking grownups," he wrote in the letter. "And hopefully start to create a platform for pedos like myself to talk about their lives."