Is anyone happy in their marriage? Is it worth it?

I must admit, seeing all these posts laden with mostly strong support of marriage, monogamy, etc. is encouraging. I met a guy a year ago who I thought was perfect for me. He was funny, charming, considerate, etc. etc. etc. Our personalities seemed to be an almost exact match. I'd broken off my previous relationship because something felt wrong, and I kept asking myself, "Is this the sort of person, who, if we were not dating, I would want to be friends with?" The answer was a resounding "no." So I ended it. This guy, though, became my best friend in the world. We started dating, and nine months later, completely out of the blue, he breaks it off, saying that he "couldn't see a future in it." The bizarre thing is that he hits on me all the time, and we've... been physical since the breakup, but aside from that, he calls me constantly just to talk, invites me to go places with him, and basically does all the arm around the shoulder, hugging, kissing, "I'll find any excuse I can to touch you" sort of thing. Eventually I got a little bit ticked off that I was being toyed with and we had a bit of a blowout a few days ago. Eventually, though, I know we'll wind up talking again. The whole situation still confuses the hell out of me, though. (I don't intend to detract from the purpose of this thread, but any comments or insight from the fellas on this via PM/IM/whatever would be greatly appreciated.)

Aaaanyhoo... I'm glad to hear so many guys giving positive feedback on marriage. One of my biggest fears is that I'll get married and wind up like my parents, whose union, needless to say, was a complete misery.

Mizter Fuz wrote:

The whole situation still confuses the hell out of me, though.

You're retarded for each other!

... seriously.

dhaelis wrote:

So Mex, does all this feedback give you a little more hope about marriage? ;)

So, really, I guess I believe in marriage. The hard part is figuring out if you're doing it with the right person. It's a whole different game.

I envy some of you. It would be cool to finally find someone with whom you clicked.

I've been trying to get serious with this beautiful girl I met, but she doesn't pass the "would I be friends with this person if we weren't dating?" test. Gorgeous(her whole family, really. Two siblings are magazine models, and she's looking into that business), but we get bored.

Man, out all the girls I've dated in the past year (I've been pretty much a hermit these last weeks), I would only be friends with one of them if we weren't dating. And I wouldn't sex her, since she's a bit chubby for my taste.

Can't imagine only having sex with one person for the rest of your life. What if we get old? And flabby? And we have the kind of sex that was scary when I was a child? Oh, grandpa, I thought you were trying to kill granma ;_;

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

How do you accidentally get married? Other than in Vegas, I mean... I don't know if I believe in True Love. There's lots of different ways to love people. I hope, that should Shawn or I die, the other one would be able to find love again - but it wouldn't be the same kind of love. It couldn't be, because it would be with different people. I do believe in commitment, though. I married Shawn because he was my best friend and my lover and everytime something good happened to me, my first thought was "I can't wait to tell Shawn."

2. How long have you been at it?

It'll be two years of marriage in May. Approx 5 years of living together (including marriage). 6 years in the relationship.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Yes, it's been worth it. Every year we are together is better than the one before, and I was pretty damn happy that first year. Marriage can seem like your life is ending, if you lead a particularly self-involved life. Being married means that you are part of a new family. Your priorities have to change, or things will not work. From what you've told us about your life, Mex, I would have to say that yes, marriage would mean the end of life as you know it. This doesn't have to be a bad thing. When I was single, I dated a reasonable amount, I partied and flirted and had a great time. Would I trade in my current life to live like that again? Hell, no.

Mex wrote:

Can't imagine only having sex with one person for the rest of your life. What if we get old? And flabby? And we have the kind of sex that was scary when I was a child? Oh, grandpa, I thought you were trying to kill granma ;_;

Um, unless you die young, this will happen. There's no "if" about it. Also, sex within a relationship isn't a spectator sport - who gives a crap what you look like while you're having sex? The idea of growing old with Shawn isn't scary - it's kind of reassuring.

You talk like someone who has never been in love. Things look different from the other side.

We have been together this Feb, 18 years... married 13.

As of this year I have spent more of my life with her than without. We have had 3 boys together.

Would I do it again, absolutely. Is it easy... hell no, is it hard, sonmetimes.

The thing with a marriage is you need to work at it every day. That takes an amount of commitment that fewer people these days are willing to show.

It's so good I have to tell you twice.

Brennil wrote:

You talk like someone who has never been in love. Things look different from the other side.

Hell, I fall in love every week =)

Mex wrote:
Brennil wrote:

You talk like someone who has never been in love. Things look different from the other side.

Hell, I fall in love every week =)

Drink responsible. Captain's orders.

IMAGE(http://www.thecaptainsblog.com/images/lda/captain_art.gif)

TheGameguru wrote:

well...at least not without an really good prenup. Marriage is funny...because a few years ago I would have said completely the opposite.

Alternatively, if you're poor like me (my contribution is a chunk of debt) you may want to forgo the prenup.

Don't worry about the getting old and flabby. Not only will they probably have pills for that by the time we hit our 60's, but I have a strong belief that concubining will be making a comeback soon. And now with the ever-growing popularity of girl-on-girl action, concubining doesn't only have to benefit the man of the house!

I turn twenty next month, and I still haven't even gotten into a serious relationship. I'm so behind.

Then again, I'm in a town where I hate most of the people, so perhaps when I leave said town...

I've been in once serious relationship and that was before I left the town where I hate most of the people. Oddly, enough when I left the relationship ended. There's a thread about it :D.

24, and idem. You've got time

Yup, I know I don't plan on getting married until my late twenties or early thirties. I don't think I'll be ready before then.

dejanzie wrote:
Logan wrote:
Vector wrote:

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

I turn twenty next month, and I still haven't even gotten into a serious relationship. I'm so behind.

24, and idem. You've got time ;-)

22 and still in school, so, I believe I fall solidly in that "Concerned with banging until it falls off" category.

Huh? What was the question?

Sorry, I was busy having hot jungle sex on the dining room table.

All I know is that if my wife is still with me after that terrible dinner I just made, she must be something special.

1.Couldn't imagine not being with her, so why not get married?
2.6 and a half years, though I've known her for 27, now.
3.Of course it's worth it! It can take some work, but you get to share a life with someone special. That's good.

Mizter Fuz wrote:

Relationship stuff.

Harsh, but honest: The guy doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, but is happy to have the sex. I'd dump him like a bad habit, if you're hoping to ever have anything but the sex until he finds a better offer.

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

All of the above. The hormones keep you from making a rational decision and the love stuff takes time. We moved in together three months after we met and were married about a year and a half later. My wife rocks. She's pretty, smart and lets me play computer games.

2. How long have you been at it?

Married 10 years (almost 11). Been together since October 92.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Naw. My life of fun and debachery ended when we had kids.

When she's pregnant... Like... How long do you have to go without sex? Is it true you have to spend a month without sex after she gives birth?

About six months total (three months on either side). There were alternatives that she provided that helped things along. With the first kid, she wasn't very moody, but you avoided making her mad and did what ever food run she wanted. The second one was a lot more intense.

I haven't read any other parts of the thread yet so I can stay fresh. For all I know Elysia's already posted, but the short answer is: yeah, my marriage is happy, completely worth it, and easily among the best decisions I've made. Whether it has to do with soul-mates, compatibility, a personality that fits marriage, or just plain dumb luck, I really wouldn't change my situation or partner even if I had the world to choose from. That could sounds trite, hollow, or naive; certainly there's someone in the world who is at least as well suited for me or better, right? Dunno. Doubt it. And even if there were, how much better can things get? What am I missing now that someone else might provide? Nothing. Why would I want to jeapordize that? I'm on a tangent here, aren't I? The point is, it's about finding that right person and holding on. You may go through thirty years wondering if it's ever going to be something you're remotely interested in, and then by the end of one night, one date, one dinner, one long talk, you know who it is and why you want/must be married to that person. Could happen a thousand other ways, too.

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

I like the formality of it. The commitment of it. You have to stand in front of everyone you know, and stand up for the things you believe in, and say, "this one. This one, right here. I choose her." It solidifies, binds, and brings something deeply connecting to the partnership. Why do people enter into any kind of contract? To promise. To say that you can be counted on to be there.

2. How long have you been at it?

Comin' up on 10 years.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Again, I say this without having read other responses. I think a lot of people blame marriage for their own problems. Your life doesn't end; it changes and you have to restructure some priorities, but you shouldn't be in any marriage where you have to sacrifice who you are to the marriage. People still have the same ups and downs in life that they do before marriage, and I think a lot of folks decide to blame their partner for their own fears, issues, downs, and so on. It's an imperfect union, so to find the flaws and point to that as the source of your own all consuming troubles is easy, and tempting. It's like stubbing your toe on the dining room table and yelling at the cat about it; easy to blame something else, feels good to lash out, redirects the pain.

That said, I've seen some terrible marriages. Thankfully mine's not one of them.

Is it true you have to spend a month without sex after she gives birth?

Depends on how the birth goes. Lots of surgery and cutting means it'll be longer. Imagine if someone hit your penis with a ballpeen hammer a few times and then shoved a grape up the pipe. How long til you'd want to have sex? Besides, that first month or two is pretty busy anyway. Not a lot of extra time for the sex.

Imagine if someone hit your penis with a ballpeen hammer a few times and then shoved a grape up the pipe.

NO!

Morrolan wrote:
Imagine if someone hit your penis with a ballpeen hammer a few times and then shoved a grape up the pipe.

NO!

HELL NO

Poppinfresh wrote:
Mizter Fuz wrote:

Relationship stuff.

Harsh, but honest: The guy doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, but is happy to have the sex. I'd dump him like a bad habit, if you're hoping to ever have anything but the sex until he finds a better offer.

Quoted For Truth. Mizter Fuz, this guy doesn't care about you. Frankly, I've seen this before (many, many times), and when you say that you are "confused" what you really mean is "I know deep down he doesn't care about me, but I don't want to believe it! Maybe he'll come around!"

He won't.

Fedaykin98 wrote:
Poppinfresh wrote:
Mizter Fuz wrote:

Relationship stuff.

Harsh, but honest: The guy doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, but is happy to have the sex. I'd dump him like a bad habit, if you're hoping to ever have anything but the sex until he finds a better offer.

Quoted For Truth. Mizter Fuz, this guy doesn't care about you. Frankly, I've seen this before (many, many times), and when you say that you are "confused" what you really mean is "I know deep down he doesn't care about me, but I don't want to believe it! Maybe he'll come around!"

He won't.

Double-Quoted for Truth.

I have to say that I love being married. That is most likely due to the fact that I have found a woman that is also my best friend. April 24th will be our 13th wedding anniversary and we were together for a year before that. Like most, we have had our ups and downs, but we have worked through all of them, and it has made our relationship stronger. One of the keys to a successful marriage is communication. We have had the most problems when we have failed to properly communicate with each other; and the most "success" when the communication is good.

I would not say that your life is over when you get married, it just changes. You think about things differently because almost all of your decisions now affect more than just you.

That said, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I dearly love my wife and can't imagine what life would be like without her.

I'm single, and extremely unhappy. I don't know if that applies.

LobsterMobster wrote:

I'm single, and extremely unhappy. I don't know if that applies.

True dat!

I've been married for 11 years and you couldn't find two people more different than my wife and I. Despite our differences, we are absolutely inseperable now. Her strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are her weaknesses. We both openly admit that we couldn't live without each other. We've developed a sick freakish sort of co-dependance that is probably similar to a severe addiction. Actually, I'm not sure I could function on my own anymore!

Marriage is absolutely worth it if you find the right partner.

Elysium wrote:

Imagine your wife hitting your penis with a ballpeen hammer a few times and then shoved a grape up the pipe.

Fixed! Sounds like last Saturday night at my house.

Worth every second for sure! I enjoy the commitment factor, you work at it everyday and it gets better and better. Marriage is not a low-mainentance state, sure, sometimes you glide along without any upsets, but life will throw that "wicked haaard" curveball at your marriage that makes you work harder (if you are willing). And if you do, it pays off tremendously and the bond gets stronger. The benefits are unexplainable to those who have not experienced it. I've had the dark side of divorce after 5 years of marriage and it is the worst thing ever...but I married again and this time found a soulmate, lover and best friend. (I was far to young at 23 the first time, and so was she...that cheatin' ho)

Now on nine years of marriage, together for twelve and most times it feels like we are still dating, feels new, fun and she's HOT! We enjoy a beautiful daughter together as well.

The hardest thing for me to see is married couples that are so comfortable in their anger and disfunction, they just go on and on through life and are MISERABLE. Miserable together and miserable apart, makes for angry co-workers, friends etc. I'ts sad that they cannot recognize that it takes work or are too afraid to get out, move on and find some happiness.

Jarhead's right. His wife is hot.

It's kind of reassuring to see so many people who are so happy being married. It seems like all the examples of marriage in my life have been bad marriages or ended in divorce. Right on to you happy married people!

My long-term girlfriend and I actually hope to never marry, but we're atypical I guess. We're in an environment right now where if you're 21 and not married, you're some sort of failure. It's possible we're just rebelling against that. Other than the actual title of marriage we're pretty much like everyone else has described their union... best friends, also happen to have lots of sex, so that's a plus. I don't think getting married is necessarily bad, but I'm not sure we like the idea of complicating things with the expectations and labels that go along with it. Like most things, that might change five years from now.

Elysium wrote:

I like the formality of it. The commitment of it. You have to stand in front of everyone you know, and stand up for the things you believe in, and say, "this one. This one, right here. I choose her."

This is my favorite reason for getting married so far. Dem's some powerful words there.