Is anyone happy in their marriage? Is it worth it?

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From that "amish" thread...

I've been married 10 years and the only thing I look forward to sometimes is the sweet release of death.

= (

Wow. Seriously, I want to hear some stories.

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

2. How long have you been at it?

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

I'd also be interested in what non married guys think.

Personally, I imagine I'll get married at some point later on. Maybe at 30, or 35, if I live that long. I do want to populate the world with a couple of extra copies of Mex.

=)

Edit: Sneak question, because I'm just so curious - When she's pregnant... Like... How long do you have to go without sex? Is it true you have to spend a month without sex after she gives birth?

1) True love, we were engaged within 6 months of our first date.

2) Married 6+ years.

3) My wife is my best friend. She lets me have sex with her fairly often. She doesn't get all of my geekism, but still supports me and will go to great lengths to surprise me with a game or book that she knows I would like. When I have to do grown up stuff, it is always so much easier if she is by my side.

That doesn't mean we don't squabble from time to time, but it is truly rare for us to go to bed angry.

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

It's a great way to live with and have sex with your best friend in the long term without having society look at you funny. It also provides some nice governmental benefits

2. How long have you been at it?

Two years this May, but we've been living together for about four or five now.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

That concept that your life is over once you're married is a major misconception. I guess if you want an excuse not to try new things and expand your horizons, marriage might be a decent way to go if that's your perspective on what it represents. For the rest of us, it means a chance to share and explore in new horizons with someone who loves and supports you.

It's worth it if you both like and love each other, it's not so worth it if you don't. Pretty simple, really.

If your idea of living richly is having sex with as many people as possible, marriage would probably look like the end of a meaningful life. For me, it's just another beginning

None of my best friends let me have sex with them often. Or even occasionally.

That's because you never ask nicely, and you never buy the beer.

Certis wrote:

For me, it's just another beginning :hump:

So's death.

1. Zero and I got married because it was bound to happen eventually. We picked our 7 year anniversary.

2. 2 years in June.

3. Being married is exactly the same as it was before we got married. I moved in with him when I was 16 and we've lived together ever since. We just work. Maybe we're lucky, who knows. All I can say is it's not very hard work.

Will hard liquor work instead of beer swampy?

I'm probably the wrong person to comment.. considering I'm now having my finances picked through like I'm a criminal. But simply for the fact that I'm now having to sell my house, move, and lose 60% of EVERYTHING I made in the last 5 years (401K, Stocks, misc investments..etc..) AND 40% of my gross salary for an X amount of months (X is still being negotiated) I'd have to heartily say HELL NO!

well...at least not without an really good prenup. Marriage is funny...because a few years ago I would have said completely the opposite.

All kidding aside.. I would say if you meet the right person I still would say that yeah marriage is a wonderful thing.. especially if it lasts

My wife and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary together this year, and our 6 year of marriage.

Why'd you get married?

The more I think of it now, a big part of why we got married was to get both our families together and hold a ceremony to say: 'Look, this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with'. Needless to say, we were head over heals in love, and we still love each other now, even more so than we did then. My wife fell ill a few years ago and developped a severe case of Chrons' disease: she was in and out of the hospital quite a bit... It was rough, but we both got through it, and our union grew even stronger because of that. We learned a lot about each by going through that hell together, and I love her more now than I did a few years ago, as cliched as that sounds. I brings perspective to the whole 'in sickness and in health' thing. Does getting married change things: probably. But I'm quite confident we'd still be together today even if we hadn't made it official.

Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Absolutely. Like I said earlier, I'm pretty my wife and I would still be together even the whole marriage thing had never occured. We actually like each other and enjoy spending time together. We did then, and we still do now. In a way, we were lucky since when we met, she was engaged to someone else and I was dating that weeks flavor. We hit it off right away, but the fact that both of us were in other relationships just meant that we took more time that we might have otherwise to get to know each other before getting more involved. Now, we've got a little family and my life is from 'ended'. In fact, I feel that it's just beginning.

We met first day of college orientation. Got married 4 years later during the summer after graduating college in 1997. We're still together -- 8 years if math isn't your strongpoint -- very happily, and are one another's best friends. Is my life over? Hell no. I'm happier than almost everyone I know. Probably because I married the right person. We don't do everything together, but we do share a lot of common interests. But we also totally understand the importance of having other friends too. The weird thing is even when I'm with my other friends (every year about 12 of us travel to another city and go to ballgames for a couple days) I actually miss her and look forward to seeing her.

But aside from being great friends and having a very healthy sex life, there are three things that I do acknowledge as being a major contributor to our happiness: 1) we both make good money and have plenty of money to travel and go out and do whatever we want, 2) we moved far, far, away from our families, and 3) we don't have kids.

Money, kids, and family are the three things it seems most married people fight about. Eliminate them and you're left with what we have. No fights and a very happy marriage.

Edwin wrote:

Will hard liquor work instead of beer swampy?

IMAGE(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/GWJSwampYankee/Edwin.jpg)

20 years next October, and for all my bitching, I still think it's the best thing in the world. I love my wife and my kid.

I am not married, and have no immediate or specific plans to do so. That said, Kat and I live together, and have been dating for well over four years, and sort of assume that someday we'll end up doing it. At the moment, I'm content watching her father have a conniption whenether the topic comes up.

Basically, we get all the stuff mentioned above, without kids or any legal benifits. We have a pooch, though. I think monogamy is the way to go - best friend for company and sex; it doesn't get any better then that.

Long story short, I'm incredibly happy now, and forsee marriage as a continuation of that, with a piece of paper, a ring, and (erg) in-laws.

DrunkenSleipnir wrote:

Basically, we get all the stuff mentioned above..... We have ... pooch .... ... sex; it doesn't get any better then that.

This has been OoCT, thank you and good-night.

SwampYankee wrote:
DrunkenSleipnir wrote:

Basically, we get all the stuff mentioned above..... We have ... pooch .... ... sex; it doesn't get any better then that.

This has been OoCT, thank you and good-night.

I would OoCT you back, but it's honestly not necessary with that image above

Marriage is like a river - with piranhas! I looks so inviting from the banks on a hot day you want to jump right in. All your friends are in there yelling, having fun, splashing around. You say to yourself "This could be fun! If my buddies are doing it and saying it's a blast to come on in, I should!". So you run and jump on in yelling "WAAA-HOOO!!" and SPLASH! your in. It feels nice at first, nice and refreshing, and you're like, "Wow this is nice".

Then the piranhas attack! Your friends are all screaming and soon so are you! They bite and rend at your tender balls and don`t let go! Some of your friends make it to the bank and climb out with little scaring to show for it. You yell out for help and they look at you in horror and run away. Your left in a red, bloody foam screaming in pain. Some of your friends give up and go under the water never to be seen again. Yet you refuse to give in -you're a fighter damnit! Even though your muscles ache and lock up from blood loss you still fight back. At some point you notice the river is flowing stronger, how long have you been battling these murderous beasts you wonder. It doesn't matter Swim - Fight - Bleed, Swim - Fight - Bleed, over and over again -it's your mantra. You see the bank going by faster and faster, lined with horrified onlookers. You hate them too. Suddenly the piranhas let go -YOU WON!! You pump your bony fist into the air in victory, the skin hanging off it in shreds, "f*ck you, onlookers!" you scream giving them the one finger salute. They just laugh at you as the waterfall pulls you over teh edge.

Only get married if "married" is another word for what you are already happily doing, and will be happy to do for the rest of your life. Then it will be a wonderful experience, and you won't regret a thing.

ShotgunPhil wrote:

his biography and epitaph

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

Love at first sight. We were holding hands within 10 minutes, been together ever since.

2. How long have you been at it?

Coming up on 10 years.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Worth every minute. Over? No. Different? Yes. I no longer eat Bachelor Chow, I've got a wonderful son, and my soulmate.

Edit: Sneak question, because I'm just so curious - When she's pregnant... Like... How long do you have to go without sex? Is it true you have to spend a month without sex after she gives birth?

While she's preggers, no. After, yeah. But don't think you'll have time to really think about it, what with the feedings and diapers every 2 hours for the first several months. And you'll both be so tired, if there's 15 minutes of blessed quiet, at least one of you will be snoring the minute you get horizontal. It's not really as bad as that, but on your first kid, yeah, you're gonna want every second of sleep you can sneak.

Married 11 years, we lived together for a few years before that. We're still happy, and we still get along well; having our first (and probably only) baby 5 months ago has just made things better. Don't make the mistake of thinking, however, that being married is supposed to be some sort of "happily ever after" scenario. It requires effort from both partners, especially regarding communication. I've known plenty of people who divorced because they "weren't happy," but who, to the best of my knowledge, never put any work into making their relationship one they could be happy in--they expected it just to magically happen.

Though you probably shouldn't listen to me. I married my horse.

I've vociferously condemned marriage and whatnot in the past, but I have to say that I think it could be a good thing for the right people at the right time.

I don't think that my ex and I were right for each other, but we got hitched anyway. Looking back, I can see a lot of signs that I missed at the time. I'll know better next time, but I still believe that two people who love each other in the right way can be happy.

Yon Rabbit wrote:

Though you probably shouldn't listen to me. I married my horse.

You win

Married 7.5 years now after dating for 2.

Why'd we get married? She asked me and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, so I said yes.

Is my life over? Naw, and really there wasn't any difference between before we got married and after. We were already living together, sharing expenses, etc.

I think one of the most important aspects to marriage is both sides being able to voice their issues and frustrations, and also both sides being able to hear these feelings without getting angry, upset, or overly defensive. My wife and I sometimes have trouble with the voicing, and that's where it takes work. Otherwise, if you find the right person, it's really not that difficult.

Mex wrote:

1. Why'd you get married? Was it hormonal, an accident, do you believe in true love(tm)?

We met one of the first days of college (in the dining hall). We were friends for a year and started dating after that. I think that first year of being friends helped. We dated 3 years and got married after graduation. There were hormones involved, but the important part was that we really enjoyed each other's company.

2. How long have you been at it?

Married 3 years this summer.

3. Has it been worth it? Is your life over now that you got married?

Absolutely worth it. Our married life is pretty much like our life before marriage, except at the end of the day, we say "goodnight" instead of "goodbye"! Certis said it well, if you're concerned with sleeping with as many people as possible in life, then marriage probably isn't for you. Also, I highly recommend pre-marriage counseling. We got married in the Episcopal Church and they require it. It helps to talk about stuff that you might never have explicitly discussed (the above mentioned kids, family, money issues). Just because you think you're in True Love (tm), it doesn't mean you don't have to work at it. Being single gives freedom and independence but marriage gives partnership and security. You gotta figure out what type of person you are.

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

Vector wrote:

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

I turn twenty next month, and I still haven't even gotten into a serious relationship. I'm so behind.

Then again, I'm in a town where I hate most of the people, so perhaps when I leave said town...

gtnissanfan wrote:

Also, I highly recommend pre-marriage counseling. We got married in the Episcopal Church and they require it. It helps to talk about stuff that you might never have explicitly discussed (the above mentioned kids, family, money issues).

Good point Nissanfan. My wife's Presbyterean church required us to meet with the minister a few times and separately take a lengthy survey. Since we were only 21 years old and my parents divorced when I was 13, her parents were naturally very concerned that we might be too young and really, really wanted to see us take this survey. We did. And we rocked it. The minister said we matched up on almost everything and the only red flag was our answers to monetary questions. But that made sense because we were only 21 and I was headed to grad school and she'd be supporting both of us (plus my lousy $800/mo assistanship at the time).

I've been married 11 1/2 years. I think we got married because we were absolutely convinced, and had been for some time, that there was no way we were even remotely interested in being with anyone but each other for the rest of our lives. Thank god that so far we've been correct in that assumption.

Marriage has been hugely worth it. Or, to put it more accurately, staying steadfastly committed to one another for so long even in the face of some challebges has been hugely worth it. It wasn't always easy, especially in the first few years, but I think that forcing ourselves to work through our issues has made us both much better people. And much happier together.

I can easily see how marriage (and divorce) could be hell on Earth in the wrong circumstances. I think sometimes to make it work you have to be incredibly compatible or fiercely comitted, or both. I absolutely undertand how unfulfilling marriages and ugly divorces can ruin lives and lead to bitterness.

In my case, marriage eventually made me a parent, and that is the single most amazing, fulfilling thing I've ever experienced. That's another discussion, though.

Logan wrote:
Vector wrote:

I look forward to the day that I meet someone and am ready to get married. Being 19 I realize that's a long ways away.

I turn twenty next month, and I still haven't even gotten into a serious relationship. I'm so behind.

24, and idem. You've got time

So Mex, does all this feedback give you a little more hope about marriage?

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