Swaydora's Box - My Terrifying Find in the Attic

Bring with you a DVD or game that just came out recently, crawl over to the box and gingerly sit it as close to the circle of evil as you can while it still being in the shot.

Oldest trick in the book: Get any major daily newspaper that came out the day you make them shots. Didn''t you see ""Proof of life""?

Dino, he said he doesn''t get newspapers!

Eh? Right...

Aaaaaaaaalrighty... Back to practicing my ""speed reading skill""...

Bah. It''s a can pantry, or linen shelves, or just shelves with a door, or some such thing.

The finish looks to be a veneer, either walnut or cherry (hard to tell in the pic), so it was meant to be displayed in the open, and the inset in the ""lid"" seems to indicate it was meant to stand upright. Betcha that divot-looking thing on the far side of the lid in the attic_holycrapsmall.jpg pic is where the handle used to go.

*If* the dimensions of the thing are really too big to fit the current door, if you look around the floor of the attic I bet you''ll find a section of newer or missing lathe and plaster where the original attic entrance was.

If you poke it and it refuses to budge, I say it''s full of magazines and possibly old clothing. More likely, if you give it a push with the end of a 2x4, it''ll move fairly easily.

Really, the worst you''re possibly looking at is a lungful of dust (tie a kerchief around your face, or the face of whoever actually goes up there).

In other news, judging by the stains on the near side of the box, are you sure you don''t have any leaks in your roof? They look like drips from two points overhead. Might be something you want to consider -- water damage really sucks.

No, wait. Let me guess, you guys: ""those drips could be unholy ichor leaking from the unspeakable lurking horror concealed within!""


Unholy ichor *evaporates*, it doesn''t stain -- everybody knows that.

Ya big girl''s blouse, ya.

Stop clouding the issue with facts!


No, wait. Let me guess, you guys: ""those drips could be unholy ichor leaking from the unspeakable lurking horror concealed within!""

Finally, someone with some common sense has posted on the topic. Sway, make sure to coat yourself with holy water should the unholy ichor turn into the Golgatha.

Could it be filled with plushie Cthulhus?

If you poke it and it refuses to budge, I say it''s full of magazines

That''s it! It''s the previous owner''s Playboy collection!

Many many years from now, after the holocaust, archaeologists discover the remains of an old house. The attic, which is now the first floor, has an old wooden box in the center of it.

They break open the box, and to their amazement, it''s filled will a long printout of a web forum post about a box in someone''s attic.

Each post that we make gets added to the box, once it''s full, the world will end.

So keep typing!!!

You have entered, Swaydora''s Zone.

A place of time and space ........

The history is in the making... and besides where are the new pics...!

...but what if it is empty?

Then... That means IT has escaped.

Just thought I''d show you what the plans for the evening are:

Note the new addition to the picture. Sturdy enough to handle even the strongest flight response.

That''s my ladder! So....there is going to be a video of the opening right?

I''ve just come back from visiting The Box. I picked up a ladder this weekend and brought an extension cord and a small table lamp so I could get my bearings. It was sort of the safe version of climbing a rope and spelunking with a torch. I dressed in the finest most rugged Puma gear for courage. Fearing that wouldn''t be enough, I had a shot of tequila and a couple of beers. My wife and photography assistant came home from work and I began my ascent.

Here I go. Wish me luck.

I felt a little more comfortable with the lamp instead of only having the flash of my camera as light. I could see all of the dangerous wires and broken planks lying about. I didn''t feel any better about The Box, though. It is the only thing of any substance up in the entire attic. There are parts of a fake Christmas tree. There are some torn cardboard boxes. There is a bunch of old garbage. This isn''t The Goonies here. And then there is The Box. With the pitched roof and the hanging webs, The Box looks immense, especially looming in front of you while you climb the ladder. It''s about six feet away from the entrance and the only way to get to it is to climb entirely into the attic. So I did.

Ahhh...Evil Box...so we meet again!

Luckily I had looked at the original pictures enough, and knew the basic structure of my house to pay attention to the chasm that The Box rested across. You know how the ceiling above stairs can be slanted? Well I looked down into that from the top side and there''s not a thing in it. It slopes down to probably eight feet. It''s eight feet I wouldn''t want to be scrambling out of. I would get a good view of the underside of the box, though. This pit, and the questionable integrity of the boards I was standing on, prevented me from getting to the far side of The Box. I had to remain on the near side.

The Box rests patiently over the pit of doom.

Somehow I had to test my mettle against this demon, if only to get y''all to ease up on assaulting my machismo. I hesitantly reached out...and touched The Box. I''m not kidding. I have proof. It felt solid enough beneath it''s layer of grime and...well...evilness. It was then that I remembered I had to offer some sort of evidence to the freshness of these pics. I had Swaydora hand me my laptop and I snapped a lovely picture of our site with today''s Rat Boy feature.

Eww! Gross! I touched it!

A rat in my attic.

I looked around for a way to possibly open this thing. If I reached around to the near side, I''d be coated in cobwebs, not really what I want to wash out of my fine threads. There was no way I was going to cross the Sarlac Pit to get to the more accessible side. I was ready to give up when Swaydora reminded me that you would surely berate me for not just trying to move it to where I could open it. Damn her and her exquisite brain.

The last thing I remember.

Reaching out again, I tried to grab the corner. I bumped it and it wobbled a little. Either whatever is inside is desiccated to the point of being relatively light, or the fiendish mass is very well balanced. In either case, I thought maybe I would, in fact, be able to move it out of the webs a little. I reached under the corner and, while extending my leg for leverage, accidently kicked over the lamp. I am honestly not making this up. The lamp went smack and the bulb went ""FZZZT"" and I was thrust into pitch darkness. All of the original claustrophobia of being trapped in the dark alone with a coffin-sized Box came rushing back and my beer suddenly wore off very quickly.

I scrambled my way back to the square of light coming from my red room (<Todd Voice>RED ROOM! RED ROOM! OVER THERE!</Todd Voice>) below. And here I am...safe...for now.

\\oo/ O_O \\oo/

Sway almost rocks. Do you not own but one lightbulb? I''ve heard of entire pyramids being erected in less time than it has taken for you to open a single [size=7]filled-with-unspeakable-evil[/size] box.

This is starting to have an Oak Island treasure pit feel to it.


Lath & plaster ceilings? Wow, haven''t seen those in a while. Now we know the box is an ancient evil.

ObTopic: Whatever is in the box is used to the dark by now. You should have been a good host (in the hospitality or parasite sense) and opened it in the dark.


I want to see a Blair-witch style documentary of the experience, damnit. 6 months from now, when we haven''t heard from Sway, we will collect the video equipment from the attic and cut a movie deal.

lol, that was the best post I''ve read...evar.

Your attic is easily the scariest place I''ve ever seen.

Get a new lightbulb and get back up there!

Ha... that was hilarious! However I don''t see the reason for you to run down when you broke the lights Sway. Your Power Book could be a good substitute for Light source...

This is great, more drama to add to the whole saga

Just when I thought Sway would get to the bottom of this, events take a turn for the worse.


Next time, tequila, not beer, and two lights!

We could be at this for ages... or we already have.

Still this was a great post and the legacy of this box will go on.

Go Sway!


Ok, you have one more week, then we start sabotaging your cartoons

He opens it. It''s empty and the thread dies. Now it lives on! Woohoo, go Sway!

Excellent ""Eww I''m touching the icky box pic"".

I bet it''s going to be like 24 in that Sway will leave us hanging until the beginning of April.