Random Movie Quote Thread: Why don't we have one?

Kurrelgyre wrote:

"No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man."
"They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!"

[JFK thinks LBJ is out to kill him.]

"Jack, President Johnson's dead."

"Sheeit, that ain't gonna stop him!"

---

"Ain't that a shame? Somebody throwing out a perfectly good white boy."

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The following come from one of the funniest, dirtiest movies of all time. You have been warned.

"Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator. He would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't ... "

"Dunlop, you suck c*ck."
"All I can get. "

"This young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle. Number six, Ogie Oglethorpe."

"Andre "Poodle" Lussier, defense. Andre, as you know, has been living in semi-seclusion in Northern Quebec ever since the unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy.
And from Mile 40, Saskatchewan, where he now runs a donut shop, number 10, former penalty-minute record holder for the years 1960 to 1968 inclusive, Gilmore Tuttle. "

And, of course,

"What are you doing?"
"Puttin' on the foil!"
"Every game!"
"Want some? "

"You can stick your well laid plain up your well laid ass!"

"Does this car have air bags?"
"Well your side does, I don't know about mi..."
*glares*
"MAAACCCLLAAANNNNEEEEEEE!!!"

"WELCOME TO EARTH!"

"What are you gonna do?"
"What I do best. I'm gonna kill 'em. Anyone that was involved. Anybody who profited from it. Anybody who opens their eyes at me."

"Last wish? I wish you had more time."

"I got all the time in the world. *You* don't, but I do."

"Revenge is a meal best served cold."

"Well, you know what they say. A bullet always tells the truth."

"A man can be an artist... in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Creasey's art is death. He's about to paint his masterpiece."

"Well, I believe in the soul, the c*ck, the p*ssy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

"I am your host, what is it that you like to do?"
"Play chess....screw"
"Well, lets play chess"
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"Have you seen my dog?"
"Have you checked the lobby?"
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"Keaton always said 'I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him.' Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze."
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"But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly. "
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"I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, 'Shenanigans.'"
"Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy stuff on the wall and the mozzarella sticks?"
"You mean Shenanigans?"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
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"Klaatu barada nikto." Beat that.

KaterinLHC wrote:

"Klaatu verata nictu." Beat that. :)

"Klaatu Barrada n... Necktie... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word!"

"I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna f*ckin' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty."
"I want to chew your face, and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them."
[pause]
"OK. This is funny. This is nice."

"25 years. That's uh, well it's impressive."
"Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 in change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage, you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident."

"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"Do they have what?"
"Large talons."
"I don't understand a word you just said."

"What are you drawing?"
"A liger."
"What's a liger?"
"It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic."

With many thanks to CF for reminding me :

God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?
I'm giving you three seconds, exactly three fu**ing seconds, to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fu** you!
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
I bet you're the kind of guy that would fu** a person in the ass, and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around!
Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?
Did your parents have any children that lived?!
Sir, yes, sir!
I'll bet they regret that.

Edit: Forgot one.

THIRTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

"I'm NOT a Female Doggo. Everyone wants to be me."

"I was short AND fat?"

"My teenage angst bullsh*t now has a body count."

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

"Er, yes...that would be the pickled rattlesnake, dear."

"You must break with her. Any woman who would buy pajamas such as those, is a very bad woman. You must break with her immediately."

"Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?"

"Hey, lady! You call him Dr. Jones!"

"He no nuts, he's crazy!"

"Mola Ram! Prepare to meet Kali... in Hell!"

"I'm very little! You cheat very big!"

"You know how to fly, don't you?"
"Um, no. Do you?"

"Ah, dessert! Chilled monkey brains."

"Feels like I step on fortune cookie!"
"It's not fortune cookies. Let me take a look."
"That no cookie!"

"You say to stand against the wall! I just do what you say! Not my fault! Not my fault!"

"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to kill them all, sir."

"You still don't get it, do you, Captain? Your men are obsolete."

"I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."
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"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

"Are you here to laugh at me, too?"
"No Ma'am, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we are aware of, may we come in?"

"He's coming, and he's going to kill me."
"Yeah and when he gets here I'll bust his ass, too."

"N.Y.P.D. means I will Knock Your Punkass Down!"

"Humanoid?"
"You wish, bring a sponge."

"Congratulations Redge...it's a squid."

"Or do I owe little Tiffany an apology?"

"THAT...caused the 1953 New York blackout. Practical joke created by the Great Attracter. He thought it was funny as hell."

"I dunno, she got a real Queen of the Dead thing going on."
"What about the body?"
"Oh, great body"
"The dead body."

Quintin_Stone wrote:

"WELCOME TO URF!"

I'm generally opposed to fixing, but this distinction is important to me.

"After losing the two previous vehicles we had been issued, the only car the department was willing to release to us at this point was an unmarked 1987 Yugo, a Yugoslavian import donated to the department as a test vehicle by the government of that country and reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology."

Danjo Olivaw wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

"WELCOME TO URF!"

I'm generally opposed to fixing, but this distinction is important to me.

True enough. I thought about spelling it "Earf" when I posted and decided not to.

"Well, I believe in the soul, the c*ck, the p*ssy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

"oh, my..."

"Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired"

"Hey, is this blood up here on your windshield?"
"Yeah, uh, yeah. I hit a deer."
"You hit a deer?"
"Yeah, over on, uh, it was on Slauson."
"A South Central deer?"

"Max, six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.
"Well, who was he?"
"What do you care? Have you ever heard of Rwanda?"
"Yes, I know Rwanda."
"Well, tens of thousands killed before sundown. Nobody's killed people that fast since Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Did you bat an eye, Max?"
"What?"
"Did you join Amnesty International, Oxfam, Save the Whales, Greenpeace, or something? No. I off one fat Angelino and you throw a hissy fit."
"Man, I don't know any Rwandans."
"You don't know the guy in the trunk, either."

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If anyone has posted lines from this movie, A.) I am a filthy skimmer and B.) I hate you for posting them first.

"Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible c*nt... me. "

"In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again."

"So the biblical scholars mis-translated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin," which was a pretty easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But back then it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Roman Catholic church."

"You are a bad-boy yardie, and bad-boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies."
"I create the bodies. I don't erase the bodies."

EDIT: A Personal Favorite...

"You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs..."
"...big f*cking teeth, man."
"Yeah... big f*ckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner."
"Shivering."
"Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
"And you're poking at it, you're poking at it..."
"Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering."
"And you got these f*cking claws and these fangs..."
"And you got these f*cking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?"
"You're like a big bear, man."
"So you're not just like f*cking with me?"
"No I'm not f*cking with you."
"Honestly, man."

"I wish they still had fights in this game so I could Female Doggo-slap Wayne."
"What? They don't have fighting anymore?"
"Doesn't that suck?"
"Why'd they get rid of the fighting? It was the best part of the old version."
"I think kids were hittin' each other or somethin', man."
"Yeah but you know what, Mike? You can make their heads bleed in this one."
"Make somebody's head bleed."
"No man, we're in the playoffs."

- Miss, miss! Do you know where the high school girls hang out around here? What? What? That's right, I'm the asshole! I'm the asshole!

That movie had the most painfully gut wrenching scene that didn't involve bodily harm that I've ever watched.

One of my personal favorites

"What do you make of it Doctor?"
"Well it's long, flat and has yellow lines down it, that can only mean one thing!"
"It's a minefield."
"I was going to say a country road."
"That's what they want us to think. Let me tell you something, one false move and caboom, you'll be going home in several more pieces than you arrived. Corporal Pez..."
"What?"
"See if we can get across."
"Why don't we go around?"
"Move!"
"I knew it, I'm going home in a bag. It's always the corporal that gets blown up first."

Too many good lines from this one to get them all:

"Where are we going?"
"Where they went."
"Suppose they went nowhere?"
"Then this will be your big chance to get away from it all."

"Ah Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold... in space."

"Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead."

"I've done far worse than kill you, Admiral. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on... hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet. Buried alive. Buried alive."

God help me, but I do love the USMC quotes.

You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that f**goty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some f**king courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.
I am 20 years old and was stupid enough to sign a contract.
Well, what would you be doing if you were a civilian? Staying up late, jacking off, playing Metroid - trying to get to that ninth level? You know what happens when you get there? Nothing. You just start all over again.
The Bible says thou shalt not kill. Now hear this... F**K THAT SH*T.
We call this friendly fire, friendly f**king, or getting friendly f**ked.
Suggested techniques for the marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness. Masturbation. Re-reading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Re-wiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every woman the marine has ever f**ked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying the mail-order bride catalogue. Further masturbation. Planning a marine's first meal on return home.

At the risk of being labeled a skimmer, I can't believe no one has quoted this movie yet.

You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.

Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?

I don't work here anymore. Give it to Holden. He's good.

I did. He can breathe okay as long as nobody unplugs him.

"Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much sh*t this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass."

"The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you."

"You okay?"
"Naw man. I'm pretty f*ckin' far from okay."
"What now?"
"What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' n***ers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass."
"I meant what now between me and you?"
"Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more."

"And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"
"They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?"
"No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the f*ck a Quarter Pounder is."
"Then what do they call it?"
"They call it a Royale with cheese."
"A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?"
"Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac."
"Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?"
"I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King."

And finally...

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

"What's that?"

"Ark of the Covenant."

"...are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

Rat Boy wrote:

"Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you. But I can't give you this case, it don't belong to me. Besides, I've already been through too much sh*t this morning over this case to hand it over to your dumb ass."

"The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you."

"You okay?"
"Naw man. I'm pretty f*ckin' far from okay."
"What now?"
"What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' n***ers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass."
"I meant what now between me and you?"
"Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more."

"And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"
"They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese?"
"No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the f*ck a Quarter Pounder is."
"Then what do they call it?"
"They call it a Royale with cheese."
"A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac?"
"Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac."
"Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper?"
"I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King."

And finally...

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Ahhh Pulp fiction - what a great one.

Razorgrin wrote:

"What's that?"

"Ark of the Covenant."

"...are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade - another awesome flick.

"Maaannnn!!! What's wrong with you. Never touch a black man's radio!"