What's the greatest thing you've ever said to the opposite sex?

KaterinLHC wrote:
He is. And no, it didn't work. But, I stuck around anyway ;).

I was going to make a snarky remark, but then I recalled a thread in which the divinity of his manhood was being discussed, and that answered that.

I had been living together with this girl for about a year and a half; before I found out she had been getting it on with a co-worker of hers, for the previous six months. Needless to say I immediately moved out.

About a month later, she spots me at a bar, while I'm out with some friends. She comes up and proceeds to start giving me grief. I'm already pretty drunk, and in don't give a damn mode, so I reply with the following.

"Do me a favor, will you? When you get home tonight, ask your boyfriend if he can taste my c*ck when he kisses you."

The ninja reflexes kicked in at this point, and managed to deflect both the face slap, and knee to the groin.

Only one, to which I thank Christopher McQuarrie, the writer of "Way of the Gun".

We're at some beer-bong bash, and there's this girl going around the party, basically being the annoying drunk girl at the party. Talking sh*t, loud and abrasive, annoying the hell out of everyone.

I'm there with two friends, and she hoofs over, and asks us if we're fags, since we're not here with any girls. This has apparently been her "Question of the night." She titters, and begins to walk towards her friends. At this point, i'm really, really annoyed.

So, I bark as loud as I can, "HEY! SHUT THAT C*NT'S MOUTH OR I'LL COME OVER THERE AND F*CKSTART HER HEAD!" at her and her friends. It helps to imagine this if you've heard me on TeamSpeak, because even I was a little surprised at how aggresive and angry I sounded.

She shutup, and soon after, left.

Picture this scene:

On the phone with my mother making dinner plans in the car

Me:"No mom, Kelly and I aren't going to be able to come to dinner with the family tonight. Sorry. Ok. Bye"

Lindsey: "My name is Lindsey. Take me home"

We have a winner!

Lester_King wrote:
Picture this scene:

On the phone with my mother making dinner plans in the car

Me:"No mom, Kelly and I aren't going to be able to come to dinner with the family tonight. Sorry. Ok. Bye"

Lindsey: "My name is Lindsey. Take me home"

Oh god, I think I just wet myself.

Lester_King wrote:
Picture this scene:

On the phone with my mother making dinner plans in the car

Me:"No mom, Kelly and I aren't going to be able to come to dinner with the family tonight. Sorry. Ok. Bye"

Lindsey: "My name is Lindsey. Take me home"

Me: "I didn't say you could leave, Kelly. Now get back to work. There's a good little hoover"

I think you left out a line.

Hey, Katerin, if someone said this to you, what would you do?

"I'm going to snoo snoo till your pelvis shatters."

LobsterMobster wrote:
Think you could fit this stuffed animal inside your vagina?

I will try this tonight.

Pigpen wrote:

'second only to my being the no holds 'best tongue on the planet'

Oh boy...Pigpen, you and I now have something in common besides this little gaming habit.

Sorry to hijack for a minute but, I had a girlfriend back in the summer between frosh and soph years in college. She lived about 20 minutes from me. I saw her every day during summer break except two. And every day during that summer break...I went down on her. Every...f*cking...Day.

The kicker: Not once did she reciprocate...This is not a bragging story but one of humiliation. Not once orally...Not even manually. The two days that I didn't go see her she called me crying asking what she did wrong (nothing actually, just wanted to hang with friends).

Only after explaining my situation to a few friends did I really understand why she was mad I wasn't coming over.

I was young and foolish then, I feel old and foolish now.

belt wrote:
Only after explaining my situation to a few friends did I really understand why she was mad I wasn't coming over.

Alright. So why was she mad?

Yeah, why was she mad ?

Are you guys joking or ..?

It's obvious why she was mad.

Is it? I have no clue, then. Why, really?

fangblackbone wrote:
i doh mine penny eh boh dee day, owdonda coh na ina podin way

Lawyer: "Yes Mrs.Blackbone. I can see how it might have been charming once, but I agree that it is now grounds for divorce."

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:
Is it? I have no clue, then. Why, really?

She was mad because he hadn't gone down on her in those few days. She was happy having a guy who would do that everyday where as she didn't have to return the favor.

In other words she was being a selfish bitch.

1Dgaf wrote:
fangblackbone wrote:
i doh mine penny eh boh dee day, owdonda coh na ina podin way

Lawyer: "Yes Mrs.Blackbone. I can see how it might have been charming once, but I agree that it is now grounds for divorce."

No, you got it wrong. He mean to say "these ombwas still got their cherries up in there". I think.

1Dgaf wrote:
fangblackbone wrote:
i doh mine penny eh boh dee day, owdonda coh na ina podin way

Lawyer: "Yes Mrs.Blackbone. I can see how it might have been charming once, but I agree that this is clearly a case of justifiable homicide."

Fixed that for you!

nika taaay ina wee-yin

Lilten awks, lilten seaes... missa missa Chickabee...

Meesa make you bombad general.

Jar Jar Binx in Nell.

The very thought makes me giggle.

What the HELL are you all saying? I am, all joking aside, completely unable to decipher most of those posts...

Morrolan wrote:
What the HELL are you all saying? I am, all joking aside, completely unable to decipher most of those posts...

I think SillyRabbit and I are making references to the movie "Nell" with Jodie Foster.
The woman who lived in the wilderness was raised by her mother, a hermit who had a partially paralyzed face. Thus, she learned the phonetics of English language in a bastardized fashion which took some deciphering for Liam Neeson's character to do.

For example "evadur" stood for "evildoer". Some words had completely lost their similarity to the originals and were invented. Etc.

LobsterMobster wrote:
Hey, Katerin, if someone said this to you, what would you do?

"I'm going to snoo snoo till your pelvis shatters."

Who's to say I haven't said it myself?

To an ex-friend's ex-lover who propositioned me:
"Good God, NO! I know where that thing has been. Eeewh."

To a boyfriend whom I was trying to make an ex-boyfriend, who was wearing a shirt I bought him..."You should break with her." Puzzled look from him. "That shirt...any woman who would buy you such a shirt is not a good woman. You should break with her." (He didn't get it.)

To a boy who wanted to be a boyfriend, but who was totally out of his league, when my sister and I were having a discussion which didn't include him, he said "I'm feeling pushed away." and I responded "Go with that."

But I think the best thing I ever said to the opposite sex was "I think love you, let's spend the rest of our lives making sure." To the Ducki...who is still here a decade later.

duckideva wrote:

To a boy who wanted to be a boyfriend, but who was totally out of his league, when my sister and I were having a discussion which didn't include him, he said "I'm feeling pushed away." and I responded "Go with that."

And thus Ducki shows her true feathers.

I hope you pulled some severe karmic retribution for that.

1Dgaf wrote:
duckideva wrote:

To a boy who wanted to be a boyfriend, but who was totally out of his league, when my sister and I were having a discussion which didn't include him, he said "I'm feeling pushed away." and I responded "Go with that."

And thus Ducki shows her true feathers.

I hope you pulled some severe karmic retribution for that.

Na, he was out of his league because he was a teenager. Seriously, he wasn't old enough to get into clubs that allowed minors. And he followed me around like a puppy. Everywhere. For weeks. The kid would turn up everywhere and follow me around. Tres annoying. I mean adoration is fine, but from a distance, if you please. Good lord, nobody wants to be followed around by something that might piddle on the rug if you speak sharply to it.

duckideva wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:
duckideva wrote:

To a boy who wanted to be a boyfriend, but who was totally out of his league, when my sister and I were having a discussion which didn't include him, he said "I'm feeling pushed away." and I responded "Go with that."

And thus Ducki shows her true feathers.

I hope you pulled some severe karmic retribution for that.

Na, he was out of his league because he was a teenager. Seriously, he wasn't old enough to get into clubs that allowed minors. And he followed me around like an puppy. Everywhere. The kid would turn up everywhere and follow me around. Tres annoying. I mean adoration is fine, but from a distance, if you please. Good lord, nobody wants to be followed around by something that might piddle on the rug if you speak sharply to it.

Couldn't you have let him down a bit more gently? Say... By stamping all over his testicles?

In fairness, I should say that I think I understand how annoying it must have been for you. However, I can also imagine that him being turned down by a crack like that - especially in front of someone - would have knocked him for six and made him feel terrible.