What's the greatest thing you've ever said to the opposite sex?

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Had this conversation at school this morning. Some funny results. Most of them were said in anger, like 'man I really showed her' lines. Mine not so much.

The three I could come up with off the top of my head were:

1) I was feeling silly before going to a club, so I grabbed a hockey-puck and put it in my pocket before I left. I then went up to girls all night and said "Nice shoes," then pulled it out of my pocket and offerred it to them. "Want a puck?"
Success rating: 4/5. None got offended, ALL laughed to one degree or another, and with many it made a nice easy transition into normal conversation. An impish grin is required to properly end this manuever.

2) I was in a bookstore and got talking to a very attractive young lady. I had a cumpled up reciept in my pocket, which I found and, without thinking, tossed at a nearby garbage can. I missed by a mile, and she taunted me mercilessly. So I said, "Alright, I'll throw it again, from the same place. If I miss, I have to buy you dinner. But if I get it in, well, then you have to let me buy you dinner."
Success rating: 5/5. We had dinner.

3) "That's alright. You have a big nose anyway." This was my defensive, hurt way of lashing out when I got turned down for the very first time in my life. She wasn't mean about it or anything, so she didn't even come close to deserving that, which makes it all the funnier when I think back on it. lol... so blunt.

OK, all your turns.

'Hello'.

"Show us your thingies" - yelled from a car of course so I didn't get slapped

How not to talk to your wife:

"The Bible says I own you."

"What? Listen, if you think..."

"PRO-PER-TEE!"

"I'm going to kill you!"

A friend of mine used to do that to his wife...

When you come home from a night out reaking of beer and cigar smoke, and your wife meets you at the door with a broom in her hand, ask her "You cleanin' or flyin' somewhere?"

"I want to get divorced. How soon can you move out?"

It wasn't what I said, but what I did:

I surprised a girlfriend once by showing up to her office with a gift. After opening the gift and doing the "Oh I love it!" thing, she proceeded to tell me that she was seeing someone else.

Bitch.

I stood up, headed for the office door only pausing for a second to look at her one last time before I picked up the gift and left.

I gave it to the receptionist on the way out:)

-Fan

"You don`t understand, I`m done."

"In you or on you, make a decision...fast!"

"I've been called worse by better."

Think you could fit this stuffed animal inside your vagina?

Finger Butt.

"Love you, hate you, wish you were dead." - A line my wife and I often use around the house.

"What's the matter? You on the rag again?" - A line used by me, just once, to my new bride many years ago.

"Yes, Dear. Of course, Dear. What ever you say, Dear." - A line used by me very often around the house. Requires little or no concentration, because what ever she said will be repeated in a few minutes anyway.

Badferret wrote:

Finger Butt.

You beat me to it.

" --> ( | ) "

Another action instead of statement ( I use so many insane statements it's hard to think of one):

Valentines day. 3 years ago. Decided to do something totally wild and different: Get her something (for those of you who would lambast me for being a uncairing dick because I don't do holiday stuff..bite me.)

Cue to my g/f calling me up at work and telling me how angry she was (in a slight joking manner.) Not an hour before all of her co-workers were getting flowers, cards, and candy crap and asked her what I was getting her. She had told them nothing because I never get her anything for that (and most) holiday(s). They responded with the predictable "What an asshole!" comments and she attempted to mollify them with replies that I wasn't that bad and it isn't a big deal to her at all. Right about that moment the $150 vase of roses witht he 6'(foot) teddy bear showed up to her desk from me and she got lectured about how she shouldn't misrepresent me to them in such a negative manner because Iw as obviously "A great guy!"

Walking up the stairs at one of those weird epcot buildings with some friends, and this very fat young girl comes plowing down the other way and hit each one of us on the way down. She didn't say a word, or even look at us, just shoved into us on the way down...

she was wearing red pants and a red shirt. I yelled to her. "HEY KOOLAID! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"

that was mean but, funny.

Freshman year in college I was hanging out with this really hot chick that I was very into. She was complaining on and on about how she was sick of her boyfriend, etc..etc...Until she finally said something like "He's so boring. Nothing spontaneous and sexy every happens with us!" At that moment, I took two steps toward her and planted one of the best kisses of my life on her. That worked out well.

Oh, I just remembered a good one.

Freshman year for me (1980?) at URI, and I have joined a fraternity. A drop-dead gorgeous girl was walking down the hall to visit one of my brothers. She was chewing some gum and I asked her if she had another piece. She pulled the piece she was chewing out of her mouth and said, "Only this one." I grabbed it and popped it in my mouth and said, "Thanks." She was stunned and I just kept walking down the hall.

"Somebody needs to f*ck some sense into you."

edit: for best effect, direct this one to a feminist

Podunk wrote:

"Somebody needs to f*ck some sense into you."

edit: for a kick in the balls, direct this one to a feminist

Fixed it for you.

Is it still necrophilia if you're not dead when I get started?

"Why are you still here?"

Sanjuro wrote:

"Why are you still here?"

IMAGE(http://www.redbrick.dcu.ie/~cult/images/quagmire.gif)

"Glen, honey, what do you do for a living?"

"Will you marry me?"

Still my best line, but I would expect it's got limited usage...

"Give me some sugar, baby"

Greatest thing I said to someone of the opposite sex for my own benefit: "Get the hell away from me, I've had it!"

Greatest thing I said to someone of the opposite sex for their own benefit: "Hey, whatever you want."

My junior year in highschool I was dumb as dirt. I used to walk around with two shiny nuts in my pocket left over from building my bed. I would walk up to girls at parties and say, "Wanna see my nuts?" and just as their face was twisting up in disgust I would produce the glistening chrome pieces. The girls would usually mutter something like "f*cking dork..." and wander off. My girlfriend at the time thought it was hilarious, though. She was even dumber than I was. God I don't miss that girl a bit.

I've always had a reputation for being difficult. Cantankerous, cynical, just plain grumpy, whatever. One day an old g/f decided to call me on it. "Why do always have to rain on every parade?" she asked. I couldn't argue, so instead I said, "I know I can be a grey cloud sometimes, but you'll always be my silver lining."

belt wrote:

for a kick in the balls, direct this one to a feminist

If you're not prepared to deflect one of those, you have no business uttering a phrase like that to a feminist to begin with.

Kepheus wrote:

I've always had a reputation for being difficult. Cantankerous, cynical, just plain grumpy, whatever. One day an old g/f decided to call me on it. "Why do always have to rain on every parade?" she asked. I couldn't argue, so instead I said, "I know I can be a grey cloud sometimes, but you'll always be my silver lining."

Oh dear god...

"I want you to rape me."
"Nice shoes. Let's f*ck."
"So, when are you taking me out?"
"Don't make me wiener bomb you."

I opened her vagina and said "IS HAPPINESS INSIDE THIS VAGINA? HELLO?".

I found it funny, but I never saw her again. I guess it wasn't.

Somehow this turned into "Weirdest thing you've said to the opposite sex"...

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