ABSTAIN FROM THE FUNNY!
I thought that's what we were doing? 
Well, except for Elysia's first -- that one's deserving of a cookie. And, after all, isn't that what we're doing it for...the cookie?
OK, time for some Bert & I jokes.
*In my best Down East accent*
Bert and I were walkin' through the woods.
Bert trips over this here log.
I say, "Bert, didn't you see that there log?"
Bert says, "Course I did, ya damn fool! Tripped over it, didn't I?"
Duck walks into the bar, and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer, and put on my bill."
or another big winner
Skeleton walks into the bar, and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer and a mop."
What does a cowboy say when he loses his hat?
How about a joke that doesn't really involve a pun?
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
...
Sparky.
At least it wasn't a pun.
There were two flies sitting on a big dung. One of 'em suddenly farted. The other one said, "For f*cksake man! Not while we're eating!!!" 
![Pyroman[FO]'s picture](https://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/pictures/pictures/picture-27.png "Pyroman[FO]'s picture")
I still don't get the one about the pigmy tribe, We're the Fakawi?
I'm not sure if this makes me a failure at life or what.
We're the Fakawi?
Say it aloud really fast.
Duck walks into a bar, bartender says, "What is this a joke?"
I thought that's what we were doing?
Foiled! I should've put it in quotes. 
"We-rah the F-a-ck-u-we" am I pronouncing that last one wrong?
Try "Where the F*uck Are We"
I knew I was pronouncing something wrong.
Back to your regularly scheduled punfest.
A fly lands on a piece of dog crap and turns to the lovely female fly next to him and asks, "Is this stool taken?"
How about a joke that doesn't really involve a pun?
What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
...
Sparky.
At least it wasn't a pun.
No, but it was still a play on words.
This isn't really a joke, but it's funny. To me.
My kid has a cowboy hat, and sometimes he'll gallop around the house.
I'll ask what he's doing and he'll say he's a cowboy.
I'll ask "What do cowboys say?"
To which he responds "Moo!"
And then giggles.
I'll ask "What do cowboys say?"
To which he responds "Moo!"
And then giggles.
That is funny!
---------------
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
~Badum bum~
What do you call a bull that eats dynamite?
Abominable.
What do you call the same bull a little bit later?
Noble.
What do you call a bull that eats dynamite?
Abominable.What do you call the same bull a little bit later?
Noble.
That's it, I'm bringing out my AK. STOP!
I think Duckilama should get a medal of valor for the string of very bad bull jokes.
Marsman, however, gets the cookie today. The 'fly on the stool' joke hurt me, physically. Anything that registers on the groan-o-meter is a winner in my book.
Seriously, this thread has lasted way longer than I though it would. I've enjoyed the jem-like attempts at humor that puns are, but we'd better stop before Mex goes Postal.
Then I dedicate this one to Mex.
Hear about the bulemic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl!
I laughed at that one. Good show.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7,8,9.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One muffin turns to another and says "Man, it sure is hot in here, isn't it ?"
The other muffin goes, "Holy sh*t !! A talking muffin !"
Hear about the bulemic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl!
Actually, that one was pretty good =)
When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying, and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
A UT Longhorn, Tech Red Raider, and Aggie decide to go on a trip through the desert, so they all agree to go home and bring back something to help them on their journey. When they return, they each want to know what the other brought. The Longhorn opens up a paper bag and shows them the sandwiches he made.
"If we get hungry, we will have something to eat."
The Red Raider opens his cooler to reveal a case of beer.
"If we get thirsty, we will have something to drink."
The Aggie, grinning from ear to ear, holds up an old car door, nearly ecstatic with glee.
"If we get hot, we can roll down the window!"
(My dad and sister are both Aggies, I got a million of these.)
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, stuck to the wall?
Art.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on the front steps?
Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pool?
Bob.
What do you call a leper in the bath tub?
Stew.
And, don't get me started on Dead Baby jokes.
How do you know if there are Lepers playing in a hockey game?
There's a face-off in the corner.
One day an Iowan get mad over Minnesotan calling Iowans dumb, so he goes out and buys some dynamite, walks up to the border and throw it into Minnesota. A Minnesotan seeing this and goes over to see what was going on, picks up the stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it back.
Or from the 5 year old joke category:
"Why couldn't the airplane fly?"
"because it didn't have any wings!"
(One of my friends little brothers told us this joke, and he thought it was absolutely hilarious)
A Frenchman, A German and a Pollock are in prison about to be executed by firing squad. first they bring the Frenchaman out and put him along the wall, the sergant says "ready" "aim" when suddenly the frenchman yells "Flash flood" causing all the guards to run to seek higher ground, allowing him time the Frenchman time to free himself and escape. The sergant gets his men back in line and brings the German out they put him against the wall, the sergant says "ready" "aim" when suddenly the german yells "Tornado!" again the guards all go and find shelter allowing him to escape. Again the sergant rounds his men up and brings out the Pollock, the Pollock knows what to do having seen the other two escape. the sergeant says "ready" "aim", when suddenly the Pollock yells "FIRE!"
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