Giggity-giggity: Worst Pickup Lines Ever

Last night, I was talking with my best friend, and somehow or another, our conversation meandered its way to pick-up lines. You know, the really, really seedy ones. The ones that make you want to wash out some mouths with soap for being so bad. Ones that Quagmire might use.

She and I came up with quite a few, but I'm sure it might be fun to see what you all can come up with as well. I've listed some of the best ones. Enjoy!

"You're like a compass: without you, I'd be lost."

"Are your pants made of Windex? Cause, baby, I can see myself in them."

"Did you know the word of the day is "legs"? Why don't you and I go back to my place and spread the word?"

"I hope you know CPR, baby, cause when you walked into the room, my heart stopped beating."

"Why don't you and I go back to my place and play Leia and Jabba?"

"Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?"

And my personal favorite:

"Oh baby, you must be a parking ticket, because you got "fine" written all over you."

Embarrasing.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha... oh man, I can't wait to show her this. Thanks, Chumpy!

KaterinLHC wrote:

"Why don't you and I go back to my place and play Leia and Jabba?"

See, any guy who says that doesn't even WANT to get laid.

Do I know you? No? Well, that's the best way to start to get to know each other.

Embarrassing, even 15 years later...

KaterinLHC wrote:

"Why don't you and I go back to my place and play Leia and Jabba?"

What's so wrong with that one?

Lines like that are used for one reason, and one reason only: Dares.

"Hey, dude, I'll buy your next beer if you go over to that chick and go 'is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd love to tap that ass!' Do it! Do it! Doooo eeeet doooo eeeet doooo eeeet dooo eeeet!"

As hubby said, nobody actually expects them to work.

"Why don't we go back to my place for some pizza and a f*ck?"

*Wait for obvious disgusted remark from the one you are hitting on*

"What? You don't like pizza?"

Or

"Why don't we go back to my place and do a magic trick? We screw and then you disappear!"

"Hey baby, want to play war? I'll lay down and you blow the sh*t out of me."

"Why don't we go back to my place and do a magic trick? We screw and then you disappear!"

I nearly choked on my burrito when I read this one! (no, it's not a euphemism, I'm having a burrito for lunch)

How about: "Hey! Are those real?"

Hi, pull my finger!

If she laughs, you're in. If she doesn't, she's no fun.

The line I used to win my wife's heart? She's walking behind me in a bar and I lean back in my chair and block her.
I ask her, "What's the password?"
She replied, "Get out of my way."
I let her pass, but as she went by, she put her hand on my shoulder. We've been together over 22 years now.

Your daddy must have been a thief because your wearing my watch.

In your best pirate voice:

"Yarrrr, baby, ye make me peg-leg sweat."

That'll get you the ladies, believe you me.

Compliments of myself and a friend:

"My love for you would take hours to upload."
"You're like the new voodoo 2. Smooth, sleek, and hot as hell."
"You can route my packets any day."
"Want to pull my Cat5?"
"Are you experienced and sleek like 16-bit, or fast and hard like 32-bit?"
Light emitting diodes are red, quantum phase pulses are blue.
"I'd like to get a hold of your large caches."
"Babe, you just gave me a buffer overflow."
"Want to Fdisk me?"
"If you squeeze my RJ45 head you'll get a better data flow"
"Mind if I slap my atoms around inside your superconductor?"
"Can I mine your data?"
"I’d like to obfuscate all over your face."
"So uh, can I port you to another platform?"

Here's one I was surprised not to see on that list:

How do you like your eggs? Fertilized or unfertilized?

"Um, hi, I haven't been with a woman for two-and-a-half years and please for the love of God will you sleep with me." - and then, this is the kicker, start crying.

Well, that would be the worst pickup line ever, methinks.

"Are you a girl in real life?"

Elysium wrote:

"Um, hi, I haven't been with a woman for two-and-a-half years and please for the love of God will you sleep with me." - and then, this is the kicker, start crying.

Well, that would be the worst pickup line ever, methinks.

Elysia? Care to comment? Apparently it worked....

The line I used to win my wife's heart? She's walking behind me in a bar and I lean back in my chair and block her.
I ask her, "What's the password?"
She replied, "Get out of my way."
I let her pass, but as she went by, she put her hand on my shoulder. We've been together over 22 years now.

I've heard this one a few times but I think I responded with "drop dead". I never was very good at courting. Still, a very sweet story Mars.

Ah-hahaha, you all have made my day.

I must mention two of the key ones that have been used in the past on me:

"Hey baby, my roommate's out of town. You wanna come back to my place and watch some Kenshin?"
(that one didn't work)

"Hey baby, wanna see my RAM stick?"
(that one did ;))

"Hey! During the weekends, I'm a girl too!"

From the somewhat creepy..
"Do you want to be buried with my people?"

to the super classy
"How's your belly for a lodger?"

note: I've overheard both of these actually being used. Without any sense of irony.

Another friend also managed to chat up two lovely ladies (simultaneously) with the chatup line
"Can you name three famous snowmen?"
Which just goes to show it's not what you say, but how you say it.

I am feverishly taking notes. I'm going on a project to explore every single bar in my city, and I'm going to need these!

Once I tried "Hi. Wanna f*ck?" which sounds dirtier in spanish. She actually just laughed. I tried it again in another place, and I got a red hand imprinted on my cheek. :/

"Is your name Visa, cause your everywhere I want to be."

I am feverishly taking notes. I'm going on a project to explore every single bar in my city, and I'm going to need these!

Oh man, you should videotape that. Make it into a documentary, it'd be awesome.

I don't believe in concept of pick-up lines, but my favorite stupid line is "Hi !.. So... you from around here often ?"

"Is your name Visa, cause your everywhere I want to be."

*spits water dangerously close to laptop* Lord, that pickup line should come with a warning label.

"Hi !.. So... you from around here often ?"

...Hey, you were totally not there when I... said... that...

Ummm... *walks away non-chalantly*

Mex wrote:

I am feverishly taking notes. I'm going on a project to explore every single bar in my city, and I'm going to need these!

Make sure you use mine!

"You don't know me, but I know you and I'd like to say that you look even more beautiful up close than you do through my night vision goggles baby... baby... hey, come back."

"Did you fall from heaven? Because having sex with an angel seems like it would be pretty sweet, but possibly blasphemous, so I figured we should work out the theological ramifications first, before we got into any small talk."

" Can I take your picture? Because your exposed asscrack is mossy enough to be an Ansel Adams landscape, and I love that kind of thing."

" It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again."