OK, so this is going to be filled with plenty of personal problems and details on my life (including some physical aspects of my romantic life). I really have no problem saying such things, but if you do... well, get out ^_^ Also... this is pretty long-ish.
That said, I'm really confused about my girlfriend at this point and some female help understanding the girl (slambie and hoochie, I'm looking in your general direction)... or some male in figuring out some way to get this out of my mind.
So, I've been friends with this girl for about four years. We started dating about four months ago after she broke up with her long time high school boyfriend. Things went kinda quick that night and by the end of the weekend, I had gotten to third base on more than one occasion, and already surpassed the long time boyfriend in her number of achieved climaxes. This, of course, was rather surprising at the time because she was the first girl I'd ever gone this far with.
Anyway, things continued along this line for about a month, her coming almost every weekend to visit and spend time with me until she dropped out of art school in the hopes of transfering to a state college to study poli-sci. While working, she continues to wait till the winter quarter starts only to discover that her mom won't help with her loans and her mom and stepdad are getting a divorce.
Anyway, suffice to say, the trips to visit me at Miami Oxford (45 minutes from her place on a bad day) became less and less frequent, and at her requests, I started coming home every other weekend or so to go out with her and spend time with her.
Anyway, this past weekend was my birthday and the second time in a month that she had come to Miami to visit me. During a pre-bedtime engagement of activities, we decided that it was time to move beyond 3rd base. At this point, I'll admit, there's a little fogginess to my memory and it was both of our first times. But as we were finishing up, there was some worry of slippage with the condom. While there's very little likelihood pregnancy (her being on birth control already and the fact that it didn't feel like the condom came off till pulling out). But we both were kinda freaked out by the worst case scenario. Anyway, we decide to check out WebMD to figure out what to do... by we I mean her because I'd been told to go sit on the bed because she didn't need me hovering.
Anyway, she calls me as she leaves to go to the pharmecy (I know that morning after stuff is like effective up to 72 hours, but she decided that she HAD to go tonight, so I let her go) and then calls again about 20 minutes later after she's gotten a ticket. The cop was a douche waiting at a speed trap that's hard to notice if you aren't paying attention. Basically waiting to meet some kind of quota by screwing over college students.
At this point, she's a little more emotional and definitely PISSED. So she starts talking about how I'm just going to go on with my life and go to class and none of this is happening to me. And, physically, she's right... but I love her and it's not like I'd abandon her in the worst case scenario... and this is where I got the wind really knocked out of me. She goes off on an independent woman rant about how she doesn't need me and she can do this all by herself without me, etc...
Now, I realize this is a really emotional time anyway, and with this little slip-up followed by all the freak out, emotions are peaking the OTHER way instead of the loving way they probably should be. So I kinda went without confronting her about this till yesterday when she seemed to have regained composure and taken the pills, etc... And she talks about not being support for two people, and how she can live without me and she doesn't need my support... and I know she doesn't... but I would have thought by this point that she realized that while she doesn't need it, it's here for her none the less to ease a bit of her burden off her as she desires...
So... what do I do? I still get this feeling of being separated from her... and I'm still getting this really cold, stand-offish kinda feeling when I talk to her... she really doesn't make jokes like she usually would, and when I did, I got the weird silence that would usually be accompanied by "the look."
I really do love her and I don't want to screw things up with her... but I've got no idea what to do... as it stands we won't see each other for two weeks anyway, and I know her friends at work have been sorta trying to set her up with some other guy who's apparently quite good looking and makes a hell of a lot of money working for NASA... so accordingly, I'm totally freaked out by the possibility of losing the most wonderful thing that's ever happened. AHHHHHHHHH!
Anyway, I was thinking of sending her flowers, but I'll have to wait till like Wednesday, after her and her mom move BACK IN with her step-father.