Women troubles... Sex really does change everything?

Since I''ve never dated or had sex with women, I''m not really qualified to give advice for your situation.

Can''t we at least pretend you did? You and Karla are 100% no fun, I know all about the make-out sessions women have at parties when guys aren''t around. I''m on to you!

HA! Certis, that''s awesome...

Anyway, that said, it''s POSSIBLE it could have hurt... but to be blunt, it''s not like NOTHING has been up there before... there''s a reason why I automatically won our joking combat when my fingers came under fire... not to mention she was... rather vocal in her support...

I do attribute a bit of this to being the first time for her. And I guess a good part of it could be the new levels of intimacy between us that have grown over the past 4 months while preserving our friendship... and I guess, thinking on it now, that it feels like she''s only treating me like a boyfriend and not a friend... though in this case, I don''t know that she could freak out fully to me about a pregnancy scare when I''m involved with it too. Though, the way she was talking to me, she made it sound like she''d have to drag me to Maury Povich.

Slambie, I was asking for your help because you have experience with the crazy mes... brilliant if not... complicated jumbl... work of art that the female mind is. ^_^

I dunno, I can''t imagine that she''d break up with me... I suppose it''s possible, but I don''t know that I would break up with her unless she kept up the whole totally independent, I don''t need you for anything type stuff... I mean, let''s face it, if she only liked me cuz I''m pretty... then she could do much better. (You''ll see, just wait for the EVENTUAL employee profile after i EVENTUALLY hit 1000 posts.

"Gorilla.800.lbs" wrote:

Demo, I believe you are doing the right thing. Please disregard those ""you''ll be done with her in 2 months anyway"" cynics. Her psycho-bitch from hell behavior is just a panic mode of a person who hasn''t been in a situation like this yet, has a lot of other stuff weighting on her mind (mother/step-dad thing), and hasn''t matured emotionally enough to handle. Stay true to your feelings. Don''t debase yourself and the girl you love by dragging it down into the soulless indifference.

Hoochie and slambie are conspicuously absent from the discussion, BTW.

With all due respect to Demo, his girl and Gorilla: they''ve been dating for four months, and she''s the girl he loves? Love is a word that gets bandied about far too freely.

The first few girls I ever slept with were ''loves'' in my mind. I was utterly convinced of the fact for months, envisioning futures with picket fences and German Shepherds and all that stuff. In reality, it was youthful infatuation being played out in conjunction with the newness of the experience. In hindsight, there are very, very few girls I can say I truly had love for, and an equally small number that had real love for me.

Now, I''m 100% removed from Demo''s situation, and he may genuinely be in love with this girl, and she may genuinely be in love with him, but I respectfully doubt it. I think it''s much healthier for him to just try and start emotionally detaching himself from this situation before it all goes south.

"Demosthenes" wrote:

... I mean, let''s face it, if she only liked me cuz I''m pretty... .

That''s the attitude you need more of, Demo.

I assume that both of you are under 25, probably both closer to 20?

Sounds to me like she is under a lot of stress from her personal/family life. You are a bright spot of comfort for her, so she decided that it was time to take the physical relationship to the next level, probably thinking that it would help assauge some of her other issues.

However, first times are invariably different than they imagined. The fact that both a condom and the pill were used means that there is a very low likelihood of pregnancy, even if there was some slippage. But, in her mind, she was probably thinking that the last thing she needs is a baby on top of all of the other crap going on in her life. The fact that she got a ticket was probably taken as some sort of ''sign'' that sleeping with you was a bad idea.

To me, the two extremes in mental state are characterized by ''the still pond'' and ''the buzzsaw''. The still pond is when your mind is perfectly devoid of thought other than that created by external stimuli. Vegging in front of the TV is a perfect example of this. The other end is the buzzsaw. The buzzsaw is when your mind keeps turning over and over, dissecting every aspect of your life and looking for mistakes or things that could go wrong. She sounds like she was in full buzzsaw mode.

She''s thinking how she messed up her relationship with you by going to fast. How her family is messed up, and she can''t do anything about it. How the slippage means she is going to get pregnant, and how is she going to raise a kid on her own? Is she even going to keep the kid? What happens if the morning after pill doesn''t work? What will her parents say if she gets pregnant? How will she go to school? How will she pay for school? Etc, etc, etc.

She''s now managed to convince herself that you are about to abandon her. She has ''given up the prize'', so to speak, and now she is bracing herself emotionally for you to go away, since a lot of guys do at that point. She is torn as to whether sleeping with you was a good idea, and is bracing herself for the idea that you might be having those same thoughts.

You made the statement that you won''t see each other for two weeks. I wouldn''t let it go that long. I would try to figure out some way to see her this week, even if it means driving there and back in the same night.

Pigpen hit it right on the head when he said ''patience, courtesy, and care''. You need to let her know that you know she doesn''t ''need'' you, but you are there anyways. You need to be the rock that she can depend on. You also need to convey to her how much that night meant to you, even if it is just by telling her that you love her and that you didn''t think you could have felt closer to her.

Don''t write it down, and don''t send flowers. Flowers at a time like this could push her either way. Talk to her. In person. This week.

Now, for the guy side of the equation. Don''t push her. Don''t be more emotional than she is. Be the rock of stability that she can turn to when the rest of the world is chaotic. Don''t give any credence to omens, signs, etc. When she appears to have doubts, you have to appear that you have none. Do that, and if there is anything there it will blossom.

Edit: There are a lot of people here saying ''share your feelings''. Let me tell you...every woman says she wants a man that can show his feelings. They are liars. Women want a man that is strong and can be depended on. The man crying during ''Rudy'' is acceptable. The man getting more emotionally worked up about the relationship than the woman isn''t. One thing I know is that a woman needs to be loved and appreciated. She needs to feel like she is the most important thing in the world to you. She doesn''t need to have her doubts and fears fed by yours.

JohnnyMoJo speak heap big truth.

"ColdForged" wrote:

JohnnyMoJo speak heap big truth.

Clearly.

For all that was said above so far, BTW, I concede I have to side with our conservative part of the bunch so far.

2 cents: I have to reiterate what everyone else is saying: honesty. Don''t write letters/emails. Flowers are good, and support her independance. It is as equally confusing for you at this point, so let her know that.
Also, if it was just about the slippage, then (I can''t think of a way to say this without sounding crass) after her next period, she should be a little less edgy, but this only sounds like part of the whole problem.

Out of curiosity, how old are you and she?

There are a lot of people here saying ''share your feelings''. Let me tell you...every woman says she wants a man that can show his feelings. They are liars. Women want a man that is strong and can be depended on. The man crying during ''Rudy'' is acceptable. The man getting more emotionally worked up about the relationship than the woman isn''t. One thing I know is that a woman needs to be loved and appreciated. She needs to feel like she is the most important thing in the world to you. She doesn''t need to have her doubts and fears fed by yours.

Amen.

I actually just turned 20 Saturday and she''s 18.

I really think that all of the stresses that she says aren''t bothering her and all that are finally catching up on several levels. Between the family stuff, her future, work getting more and more hectic, etc... me adding any stress to that just put me in the doghouse for a bit.

Though, I will also concede, that if she was going to break up with me, I do see an ideal time for her to do so coming up soon... we''ll see how that goes...

I actually just turned 20 Saturday and she''s 18.

So you''re both infants

I married when I was 1 day over 21 and my wife was still 20.

Dude....20 and 18... wow...

I''m still holding to my original comments...and JMojo''s ''heap-o'' - but just slow down. Life is fun...go back to being friends, be strong, be a little bit dangerous...but enjoy your life.

I mean...If I had married the girl I loved when I was 20...oh sh*t...she''s a hot lawyer now...hmmmm....bad example...

Take the advice above, be a friend to her...but more important...be a friend to yourself, and enjoy life for God''s sake...its the only one you got!!!

How old now Gorilla?

"Demosthenes" wrote:

Slambie, I was asking for your help because you have experience with the crazy mes... brilliant if not... complicated jumbl... work of art that the female mind is. ^_^

That assumption would be a mistake. I''m about 99.999% removed from the type of behavior you describe, which is why I never have advice for situations such as yours....I don''t understand it either.

18 & 20? My analysis and recommendations are EVEN MORE VALID now.

<---- Therapist of The Millenium

"baggachipz" wrote:
"Demosthenes" wrote:

The base system works like this Mex...

Pfft, kids these days. Back when I was a young lad, the base system was first == kiss, second == up shirt and/or down pants, third was usin'' the ol'' mouth (trying to keep this pg-13), and home run... yeah. But what do I know, I struck out most of the time. Oh, about the girl. You gotta give her what she needs. Deliver a pizza to her house, and don''t wear any underwear.

Bagga is dead on. The base system is as old as baseball and people should not be changing it around. All you have to do is kiss her to get to first base.

Quote:
That base system is interesting. Where would Target''s ""Anal Massage"" fit in that system?

Backfield.

How about suicide squeeze?

Am I the only one who is disturbed by Mex''s lack of knowledge of the base system? He has a certain mystique in these forums and to plead ignorance to this basic and fundamental scoring system is a little suprising. Perhaps we can cut him some slack because of cultural differences or something.

I wish I could help but I have no experience in this. I only have had one girlfriend and it ended fairly badly, especially for me. The whole debacle has even been chronicled in a forum here. However, the advice that anyone here gives you is incredibly insightful and useful but in reality I doubt you will use it. You''ll find you''re own way to solve this problem, Demos. Things should be okay. It''s not the end of the world. Best of luck. If the worst happens friends are available and everyone here is amazing and willing to help.

"Copingsaw" wrote:

How about suicide squeeze?

Am I the only one who is disturbed by Mex''s lack of knowledge of the base system? He has a certain mystique in these forums and to plead ignorance to this basic and fundamental scoring system is a little suprising. Perhaps we can cut him some slack because of cultural differences or something.

I think in Mexico, they call Baseball ""Futbol."" Other things also called ""Futbol"": Soccer, Football, Hockey, Parcheesi, and Breathing.

I gave Mex a passed ball on that one, and assumed he knew, but was wanting to clarify what he felt others may not know.

Also, the system CANNOT be changed once Meatloaf puts it in a song...its simply the law...it cannot be changed.

As a former slut...let me clarify some basics.

First base is kissing
Second base denoted anything from French kissing to copping a feel of the ta''s depending on age of involved parties...Hitting a double is clearly different from stealing second base at a party...understand?
Third base - again, depends on the context - ""I stole third base"" implies the person got some limited action in the arena; ""I got to third base"" means action was more involved, likely involving very heavy petting and action; while the famous ""I hit a triple implies full nudity on one members part with the aforementioned oral action implied""
Home Run - you guessed it...did you get your home run as part of a suicide squeeze (best friends, drinking, etc), did you hit a home run outright and score a victory for the home team, or did a passed ball get you home? context gentle readers...its a subtle language we live.

Pitcher taking the mound - think about it
Outfield and a ''passed ball in the dirt'' both imply the aforementioned anal activities implied above.
A pitcher''s duel means heavy petting with both members going home frustrated as hell
Substitute hitter - taking care of your friends date when he''s too drunk (can be combined with above syntax for dynamic effects (I was a substitute hitter, and knocked the ball out of the park! - leading to your best friend being quite pissed and wanting the management to trade your sorry ass to a different state team.)
Farm team - learning the ropes
Sliding into... (second, third, home) - implied slower movement, passion involved
Grand Slam...please tell me you can figure this one out

Whoever said slut-hood wasn''t fun for some of us!!!

I have not discussed ''the bases'' in this level of detail since 3rd grade. I find its continued use among adults to be... distressing.

Sanjuro,
I think the code remained viable through early high school for most of us...but apparently...the ''base rules'' seem to be new to some, as ''get brain'' was new to some of us others...

doncha think?

"Pigpen" wrote:

How old now Gorilla?

Both me and her 32 now, married for 11 years, 2 kids (9 and 1 y.o.), happiest couple on Earth (possibly). I still can''t fully believe my luck

I''ve long since come to the conclusion that 4 bases are simply not enough to describe the various degrees of sexual activity. To profess that third base can encompass manual and oral stimulation suggests to me that the professor has never appropriately given/received a hummer or delivered/experienced a satisfactory munching.

Couple of thoughts.
You are essentially the rebound guy, past friends or not.
You are both young, lots possibilities for both of you.
You are essentially in a long distance relationship, the axiom of ""absence make the heart grow fonder"" is true. To a point. Lots and lots of energy will need to be spent on this relationship at a distance. Someone will ultimately need to make a choice.

a) I was sure that second base was touching boobs, whereas third was anything beyond that but not sex. (Of course, I have no idea what a girl''s second base is, or even if girls use bases. I''m guessing not, because they always seem to be playing a different game...)

b) Sanjuro, you continue to show why you are my hero. Every time I start to forget, you post something brilliant. I am in awe.

c) 18 and 20 does put the whole thing in perspective. Demos, in 5 years, you''ll remember this with either a fond smile or a grimace like you just ate mold. Either way, you''ll probably finish the story with, ""... and I really don''t remember why it was such a big deal to either of us."" Honest.

d) This is rapidly approaching best thread of the year; drama, comedy, a frank discussion of ""the bases"", Mex being stymied by something relating to chix, the words ""satisfactory munching"", slambie finally confessing that women really do participate in all-girl underwear pillow fights when guys aren''t around... This is pure gold.:D

JonnyMoJo has it right.

If this was her first time, she is freaking hard that it turned out crappy (uh, the slippage and the ticket and all, not um, you know, the act itself, and this is where I stop talking. Yeah) and she mostly likely does think that she f*cked it up somehow. She was probably hoping that it would be this beautiful thing, and a haven from the stress of the rest of her life, and here it just went all to hell, like everything else, ohmygod.

Patience. Caring. Let her know that you are still there for her. You can''t fix it, though - don''t try to be fix it man. She has to deal with her own fallout, but make sure that she knows you are still her man. As it were. And get a better fitting condom next time.

Karla

Ok, basically I agree completely with Sanjuro, but I had an almost identical situation four years ago when I first got to college.

In highschool I was good friends with a girl who was dating one of my buddies. We got to the point where we were flirting casually and she even told me once that should would want to date me if she ever broke up with her boyfriend (Why are young woman so goddamn sadistic??). So, near the end of highschool she and my buddy did in fact break up and lo and behold, was not but a fortnight or three before we began dating casually. Well, before it got real serious I went off to college and we agreed to break off in favor of new experiences in college. Winter break rolled around and neither of us were seeing anyone. So we moved quite quickly with me hitting a triple on my second night home from school. I was convinced that I was in love since I had know this girl for years and pined and/or yearned for her on many occasions. To make a long story short, after nearly a month of bliss and lusty shinanigans, we parted ways and went back to school, but not before promising to be true.

As someone mentioned before the phone is nothing more than demonic deception in a box. Long distance relationships are made up of far too much of the negative aspects (trying desperately to maintain emotional intimacy) of relationships and very little of the good (i.e. mashing pink parts). So, be strong and I think that the best thing that you can be, if you really want to stay with her, is a rock in her clearly uncertain world.

"hoochie" wrote:

And get a better fitting condom next time.

Damn, way to kick a guy when he''s down!

Good advice so far in this thread.
I will say that I am familiar with the later defenition of the bases:

1: Kissing.
2: Feeling.
3: Other... Kissing...
Home: Sexing. ;)

My advice is just to listen to JonnyMoJo''s post.
I personally don''t think that you''re a rebound guy. No rebound guy has ever lasted four months.