A Doom 3 Tragedy; by Sanjuro [long]

I opened the store today.
The line at the bank was unusually long this morning, and the cute teller was taking her time as always, making the kind of passes that would land a more impetuous man(read: Mex)in jail. By the time I returned to the store, it was only minutes before 10am, and a handful of loiterers had already begun to collect around the entrance.
Returning to the counter after letting the customers in, I noticed that it wasn't the usual trickle of window shoppers, kids looking to kill time on the demo XBox, and mall walkers. A queue began to form; not an orderly one, either. These people expected something.
"What are you guys here for?" A quick mental inventory did not uncover any releases for today, a Monday, a day when nothing came out, not games, not videos, not the disturbing anime plastic dolls, nothing.
"We heard you guys were getting Doom 3 today."
Reflexively, I looked around me, and then I saw it. A note I had missed earlier, taped to the monitor of a rarely-used register.

We're getting Doom 3 at 7pm on Monday-

I didn't believe it.
"Give me a second, guys." I attacked a register until it gave me what I wanted to see. I held the printed sheet it my hands. It was beautiful. It was in the same ugly, emotionless, all-caps script with which it announced arrivals of a half-dozen used copies of 'Tony Hawk Underground', 2 copies of Sudeki, and assorted b-movie DVDs. Like flowers coming out of cow crap.
It said DOOM 3 PM OVERNIGHT DELIVERY 64 UNITS.
"It's true."

The phone rang off the hook all morning. For a final verification, I had called my boss, and he cheerfully verified the news. Doom was coming tonight. I made a lot of dates on the phone, with people I had never met.

ring.
"Thanks for calling GameStop."
"I heard you guys were getting Doom tonight."
"It's so true, man."
"Is it really?" I never knew that you couldheartears forming.
"I'm dead serious. Enough to fill our reservations and then some."
"Dude! Doom, dude!"
"I know, man, I know. It's awesome."
"Dude!"
"I know."
"It's so awesome!"
"I know."
"Me, too."
"I'll see you tonight."
"See you tonight."
click.

I wouldn't see them tonight; I would be off-shift hours before Doom arrived. But I couldn't tell them that. I was Cupid, the Stork, the Easter Bunny and a tax cut all rolled into one. I wasn't about to endanger the feeling of exultation that I was creating. It was akin to being a random stranger walking past the delivery room in a hospital. You'regonnaget a cigar. You'regonnaget a hug from a man you don't know. It makes you a little uncomfortable at first, but soon you are into it. You're making people happy.

I'm going off-shift soon when the phone rings. It's my boss.
"Bad news."
"I didn't do it."
"No, man. We're only getting 24 copies of Doom tonight. The rest are coming tomorrow."
"Are you sh*tting me? Please don't be sh*tting me."
"I'm not sh*tting you."
"That's not even enough to cover our reservations."
"I know. Have your relief start calling people who reserved it after the first 24, they'll get theirs tomorrow."

As I picked up my stuff to go home, two guys came into the store and beelined to the counter. They had a purpose. That purpose was clear.
The guys. "So you guys are getting Doom pretty soon, huh?"
My relief. "Nope, we're only getting a handful of copies for those who reserved it early on. We'll have the rest tomorrow."
"What?! I drove two hours to get here! I talked on the phone with [Sanjuro] and he said you guys would have it...."
The voices trail as I leave the store in my wake. I am now Satan, Bob Saget, and the toe fungus gremlin from the Lamasil commercials all rolled into one.

Easy come, easy go.

I wouldn''t see them tonight; I would be off-shift hours before Doom arrived. But I couldn''t tell them that. I was Cupid, the Stork, the Easter Bunny and a tax cut all rolled into one. I wasn''t about to endanger the feeling of exultation that I was creating. It was akin to being a random stranger walking past the delivery room in a hospital. You''re gonna get a cigar. You''re gonna get a hug from a man you don''t know. It makes you a little uncomfortable at first, but soon you are into it. You''re making people happy.

Somehow the vision of sweaty nerds hugging you amuses me to no end. Nice post!

Gotta love it when corporate drops the ball, and you''re the guy who''s going to take the flak. As a former manager I sympathize with you.

Now as a customer, I''d level a nuclear blast of annoyance at whoever called me to come in then told me to go home. Note; coming rant not aimed at the ''boys on the retail frontline'' including our intrepid Sanuro. The pre-reserve system is crappy enough on fundamental to begin with, but to jack around folks and not fill the orders promised is junk. The whole idea behind the pre-reserve is that you''ll be the first one to get it, and unless your staff made it clear that later customers might bite it, then this flat sucks for them. Again, all that is aimed at corporate policy and not you. I''ve worn those shoes, and I don''t care to try them on again. It''ll be a long couple of days for you, but remember this: gamers will get really pissed, tell you how they''re never coming back, and then be standing outside that same gate the next time their new fav hits the shelves.

Man, that''s beautiful. And sad.
*sniff
Poor guys.

"Sanjuro" wrote:

I am now Satan, Bob Saget, and the toe fungus gremlin from the Lamasil commercials all rolled into one.

Dear...God...no!

I was Cupid, the Stork, the Easter Bunny and a tax cut all rolled into one.

What about Santa Clause?

Beautiful, heart-breaking tale BTW. You need to be writing novels.

"Sanjuro" wrote:

I''m going off-shift soon when the phone rings. It''s my boss.
""Bad news.""
""I didn''t do it.""
""No, man. We''re only getting 24 copies of Doom tonight. The rest are coming tomorrow.""
""Are you sh*tting me? Please don''t be sh*tting me.""
""I''m not sh*tting you.""
""That''s not even enough to cover our reservations.""
""I know. Have your relief start calling people who reserved it after the first 24, they''ll get theirs tomorrow.""

As I picked up my stuff to go home, two guys came into the store and beelined to the counter. They had a purpose. That purpose was clear.
The guys. ""So you guys are getting Doom pretty soon, huh?""
My relief. ""Nope, we''re only getting a handful of copies for those who reserved it early on. We''ll have the rest tomorrow.""
""What?! I drove two hours to get here! I talked on the phone with [Sanjuro] and he said you guys would have it....""
The voices trail as I leave the store in my wake. I am now Satan, Bob Saget, and the toe fungus gremlin from the Lamasil commercials all rolled into one.

I read this with the scene in mind from Seinfeld where George''s dad was an army chef who fed his men in Korea bad eggs and got them all sick. The one where they are all heaving their guts into their helmets in slow motion.

A very M*A*S*H* like scene with the music from Platoon playing in the background, Sanjuro screaming with the supplier, ""No man, no! We''re in the sh*t! I need a product drop now!"" Broken nerds crying on the ground, others screaming inconsolably and madly at the retail desk, all ghostly white from the horrible blood draining exposure to CRTs and basement radon gas.

So YOU''RE the guy on the phone that told me if I drove two hours I''d be playing DOOM3 this very evening! I hate you!

Sanjuro should be writing fiction and SlyFrog should be pitching it to movie producers.

"SlyFrog" wrote:

A very M*A*S*H* like scene with the music from Platoon playing in the background, Sanjuro screaming with the supplier, ""No man, no! We''re in the sh*t! I need a product drop now!"" Broken nerds crying on the ground, others screaming inconsolably and madly at the retail desk, all ghostly white from the horrible blood draining exposure to CRTs and basement radon gas.

lol, Comedy Gold! Great stuff!

aside: Your avatar threw me off, I almost attributed the quote to Paladin without looking

Oh man that is classic. I remember times like this in my own retail days, we went through something similar when Doom 2 came out. EB wasn''t really doing much pre-order business in those days, it was possible but it wasn''t being pushed much at all, certainly not like today. I was there wearing my Doom T-Shirt and we had a fairly big line of people waiting at the door. We opened the box and of course being Reno we got 3 copies on the first day. That''s right 3. And I was damn sure one of them was coming home with me that night It sure was fun explaining to all those guys how we suck and would probably have a few more copies sometime next week. At that time though we were the only software game in town so I did wind up seeing most of those guys again over the next couple weeks. At least I hadn''t called and told them to come down though

I remember getting the last copy of Final Fantasy 8 the day it came out and some kid screaming in frustration after I left when he approached the counter... take that Moogle-shirted kid!

"Propagandalf" wrote:

So YOU''RE the guy on the phone that told me if I drove two hours I''d be playing DOOM3 this very evening! I hate you! ;)

I hope you''re not really him

SlyFrog, that was dope.

Am I, like, the _only_ person who isn''t interested in this game? Aside from the technical standpoint of course.

Am I, like, the _only_ person who isn''t interested in this game?

Yes.

"Smials" wrote:

Am I, like, the _only_ person who isn''t interested in this game? Aside from the technical standpoint of course.

No you''re not... I could care less about Doom 3 Half-life 2 and Halo 2 on the other hand.... MMMMM gaming goodness

Alas (don''t you hate that word?) I''ll only be able to afford one... so Halo 2 it is

"painthappens" wrote:
"Smials" wrote:

Am I, like, the _only_ person who isn''t interested in this game? Aside from the technical standpoint of course.

No you''re not... I could care less about Doom 3 Half-life 2 and Halo 2 on the other hand.... MMMMM gaming goodness

Aye, HL2 is the one I''m waiting for. Doom''s monsters, scary bits and general icky-poohness are something of a turnoff.
I _will_, however, be downloading the demo. Just to see the graphics, y''know.

I''m also a Doom heretic. Yawn. Not a big twitchy shooter guy.

Hell I got tired of Halo and never completed it, though I go back now and then. Gimme a strategy or stealth game.

I''ll look at Doom 3 when the system that meets ''good'' playable specs is $499 at Best Buy and the game is in the $19.99 bin.

Lars
The un-doomed

That was beautiful, just beautiful... I am. of course, jealous that some people are playing and I am not, but soon oh yes soon It would appear that the only two people on the planet not interested in this game are in GWJ forums - how very interesting

- Spy

Blah, Doom 3, HL2. What about Vampire: Bloodlines? Stupid HL2 delaying a perfectly good game that I''m actually interested in.

Make that three. Horror FPS''s just don''t flip my switch, and I''ve got a ten-year-old in the house. He doesn''t need game-induced nightmares.

Heh-

SpyNavy thats cause I''m too old fer these here new-fangled games. I''ll leave that to the young whipper snappers with good reflexes and shiny bright eyes.

That, and my home PC is a PIII 700.

Lars
The ancient one

Sort of off topic, but one of my students animated the Lamisil toe fungus gremlin. small world.

-t

"Smials" wrote:

Am I, like, the _only_ person who isn''t interested in this game? Aside from the technical standpoint of course.

Nope, not at all. There are plenty of us who couldn''t care less about Doom 3, except that the engine is pretty and will hopefully be used to make lots of cool games.