Van Helsing

"Spunior" wrote:

And the point that that role was played by the guy who was the noble Faramir in the LotR trilogy made it a bit funnier.

You must have seen a different LotR trilogy than I did

You have to watch the extended version...

I am debating seeing VH tonight of tomorrow. Time to look for a very late showing.

Roo''s right, the extended version does shed a different light onto Faramir''s character.

"Roo" wrote:

You have to watch the extended version...

I thought they we all extended versions.


Late to the Last Samurai party here...


Yeah, I was disappointed when we get near the ending, and it looks like they''re all going to die, but Cruise lives. Ugh. It would have been a far nobler ending had he died with Katsumoto.

Kate...thats enough to see VH......which initially looked like a good American rip off of Vampire Hunter D....and now....well...

Kate as avampire back to back ....yep I''ll see it. No expectations though.

I really liked VH. It is a big dumb action flick but as I''ve been called, there are two types of people in the world: Cat people and dog people. I''m a dog person. I like big dumb action flicks. Having Faramir as the sidekick was perfect.

Plus it had a fantastic action ending. Anyone expecting any plot or character development should have known going in that it wasn''t going to be there.

Oh good, its going to be a game now. I''m sure this will be fun.

It''s batting 22% at rotten tomato, usually a bad sign. I can truly it''s a movie that my expect ions are so low that I still might have fun at a matinay.

""A movie that''s underwritten, overdirected, overproduced and almost constantly over-the-top. But it''s also, at its best, a big tongue-in-cheek extravaganza.""
Chicago Trabune

See, Ulairi, I don''t mind some brainless action flick as well. Heck, I even enjoyed The Mummy II. However, Van Hellsing didn''t really meet my expectations. When the movie was over I wasn''t like ""wow, that was a fun ride"", it was more along the lines of ""um... okay"".

The movie is so CG-driven that one never really gets impressed somehow. Also, way back when the first Mummy movie came out it was still possible to wow the audience with a huge sandstorm or thousands of bugs generated by the computer.

Seeing thousands of mini-vampires and tons of rendered settings isn''t really that great anymore if it''s as uninspired as in VH. Plus, some of the effects are good, others are pretty low-level, e.g. the carriage jump. And since it''s pretty obvious when the CG kicks in and replaces the actors in some of the stunt scenes (horse back jumping, for instance) sometimes results in the thought that it would have been better had they tried to make a real stunt here instead of rendering that scene.

None of the battles were really well done in a way that they are memorable. And the first two (VH vs. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hide and the attack of the three brides) were overall still the best. The rest was pretty much standard except for the final battle, which only featured CG-powered creatures and made it feel like a Pixar movie with sh*tty art direction. And want to see some nice fighting on a carriage (at high speed)? Sleepy Hollow did it way better.

They also wasted some potential they could have built upon. The first two scenes with Dracula (black&white and where he walks up the walls etc. and talks to his brides) are quite entertaining and they could have made more of them. Kinda adding a funny/spleeny side to his character.

This is quite possibly the worst movie ever. My friend and I were literally stunned when we walked out, we couldn''t believe what was just shoved down our throats.

Wow... just wow. Battlefield Earth, you have been dethroned.

Battlefield Earth, you have been dethroned.

Easy there Sinatar. Give yourself a little time to cool off before throwing around accusations like that.

"Sinatar" wrote:

Wow... just wow. Battlefield Earth, you have been dethroned.

Whoa there....that''s a serious accusation. NO movie could be that bad, could it? BFE was so epically awful...words can''t describe.

Did you ever notice that in BFE, *every single shot* is framed at an angle?

Or that every time something significant was taking place onscreen in BFE, the slo-mo kicks in?

"Sinatar" wrote:

This is quite possibly the worst movie ever. My friend and I were literally stunned when we walked out, we couldn''t believe what was just shoved down our throats.

Wow... just wow. Battlefield Earth, you have been dethroned.

There must be something in your soda up there. It was not that bad of a movie.

I pretty much agree with Ulairi''s assement. ""It''s a big, dumb action flick"" and for the most part I had fun. Everything about it was over the top and the actors seemed to do a pretty good job of having fun with it. Some scenes felt downright campy! I knew that''s what it was going to be going in so I have no complaints.

Wow... just wow. Battlefield Earth, you have been dethroned.

Wow, not even close in my book. To each his own though I guess.

I still have not seen VH. My fiance and I are leaning towards Hellboy instead. What do you guys think?

Going by the trailers and rottentomatoes, definitely Hellboy.

Yes, for the love of God, go see Hellboy instead. My wife and I were quite disappointed by Van Helsing.

Hellboy wasnt anything to shake a stick at either...

Well, after debating back and forth about what would be more fun to see, we saw........nothing!

We went and exercised instead and after that I spent the last 4 hours on the home theater forums.

Saw Van Helsing last night (double feature at the drive-in woot!). Good stunts and cgi, plot seemed forced, but I like the subject material so I enjoyed the movie for what it was: cheap entertainment.

The second movie on the bill was ""Dawn of the Dead"" which was surprisingly Awesome! I''d rank it up there with 28 Days Later for zombie goodness.

Well.. I liked the movie. I liked Hellboy too - MORE than VH mind you.

I guess I didn''t go into the whole thing expecting a LOTR.. that''s never going to happen again - ever. It was a movie with some killer special effects - sweet looking monsters (best werewolves ever IMHO)- nice little twists (note I said little) - and had an interesting way all the different ""big bads"" fit together on one screen.

But yeah - ""Dawn of the Dead"" was a lot better..heh. I am glad it was a drive in - two for the price of less than one can''t be beat for some decent monster flicks.

[code:1:31b935a1b0]1. Van Helsing (2004) $54.2M $54.2M
2. Mean Girls (2004) $14M $42.4M
3. Man on Fire (2004) $7.9M $56M[/code:1:31b935a1b0]


Well if it is really that bad Spunior, expect a serious dropoff this week along the lines of Gigli.

"Spunior" wrote:

[code:1:501c5d624e]1. Van Helsing (2004) $54.2M $54.2M
2. Mean Girls (2004) $14M $42.4M
3. Man on Fire (2004) $7.9M $56M[/code:1:501c5d624e]


I''m suddenly reminded of the simpsons episode when springfield hosts a movie competition.

And the winner is ""man hit in the crotch by a ball""

Going to see Van Helsing is like being told a beautiful woman wants to shag you, but upon meeting her she''s not that beautiful, is mentally handicapped and has a fanny full of bluebottles.

Some things I learned from VH:

1. Eddie is a real asshole... Wait. Wrong VH.

Some things I learned from Van Helsing:

1. Becoming a vampire makes you really crazy and really, REALLY annoying in a complete over-the-top emotional kind of way.

2. Mr. Hyde looks and sounds a lot like Shrek.
3. Every movie I see is marketed to the same audience for ""Soul Plane"". I see that preview every damned time I''m in a theater. I can now do a very accurate count down to the first laugh. When the plane is first shown bouncing on the hydrolics. Big laugh. Every time.
I already knew this from other movies but I thought I''d throw it it.
4. I''d rather get my penis stuck in a gopher with the HIV than see ""Soul Plane"".
Again, I already knew this...
5. Gypsy vampire hunters are prone to moments of nostalgia about how they''re never seen the sea, just like, whenever. Random times.
6. In Transylvania, it can be thunderstorming one moment and gently snowing the next.
7. Dracula digs guys on stilts.
8. Vampire boobs look nice when they hang upside down.
9. ""Nothing is faster than Transylvanian horses"", except for everything chasing them.
10. Time is relative.
11. The woman sitting up the row from me with the nervous, loud, swallowing tic should not be allowed out of the house.


When a clock strikes midnight, you only ever hear the first BONG... and it takes 20 minutes for all 12 strikes. I realize the sequence I''m talking about actually bounces between several different things going on in parallel, but still... Just the speach Dracula makes about the left hand of God takes like a minute. And someone has time to change to a werewolf, then back, then back again.
Have you ever changed into a werewolf? It takes 6 bongs, MINIMUM.

***Spoiler ends***

I''ll get back to you if I think of anything else.

Something else I learned this weekend. I would never have guessed this, but it''s possible to make a movie with a naked most of the time, smoking hot blonde chick who bangs all kinds of guys and still have me come away hating the entire experience.
Swimming Pool is the name of this film.

***Edited for over spoilage.***