Uh... Shaving? (NWS dialog)

I think you all should know that Sanjuro has long since already produced an instructional video, and is currently on a promotional tour circuit. A book deal reportedly is also in the talks and is contingent upon a few high-profile celebrity endorsements.

I''ve gotten more requests for the extreme diligent gardener than the driveway approach

others?

"Gorilla.800.lbs" wrote:

I think you all should know that Sanjuro has long since already produced an instructional video, and is currently on a promotional tour circuit. A book deal reportedly is also in the talks and is contingent upon a few high-profile celebrity endorsements.

See now, that scares me cuz he might put pictures or charts in the book and that is a little more than I can stomach. I''m out on the video all together though my wife might like it.

Sanjuro, just so we are clear -- are you shaving everything or just your special place? I imagine it must be pretty funny for your woman to go from hairy chest to nairy nether-regions.

I know that I trim/shave and the woman likes it. Of course I could have a wigwam stapled on my nuts and my woman would still like my manly manpart.

Damnit Taco.. that wigwam crap is so sig-worthy it''s not even funny, but I refuse to put more than one quote in my sig.

"Edgar_Newt" wrote:

Sanjuro, just so we are clear -- are you shaving everything or just your special place? I imagine it must be pretty funny for your woman to go from hairy chest to nairy nether-regions.

No no, it goes from trimmed on the foyer to nair-ed on the sack.

The word ''sack'' has never been more graphic than it was right there...

"Morrolan" wrote:

The word ''sack'' has never been more graphic than it was right there...

That word is so graphic it made my eyes bleed like a llama on her period.

Yeah. But wait, it gets worse still! It makes word ""sacked"" even less pleasant...

"Sanjuro" wrote:

No no, it goes from trimmed on the foyer to nair-ed on the sack.

My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!

The. Foyer.

I will hereafter not be capable of walking into my house without visions of Sanjuro''s beanbag in my head. Oh, thank you.

EDIT: Hey, you didn''t really answer Edgar''s question. Do you make with the hairy chest or no? Personally my own bag is the least of my follicular worries.

I hate this thread. I really do. I think I''m out, but they keep pulling me back IN!

"Garrad" wrote:

I had to shave as part of the operation that prevents me from creating any more babies.

Then you went to the wrong doctor. I had ''the procedure'' done about a year and a half ago and didn''t have to get shaved.

I''ll bet that itching was not fun though.......

"Garrad" wrote:

I had to shave as part of the operation that prevents me from creating any more babies.

Had that procedure done 4 years ago and no shaving was required. Now, the bruising was free of charge thanks to my then 2 year old daughter who, at the time, was under contractual obligation not to walk for more than 10 steps unless in the pursuit of a dog and/or cat.

7 years ago when I had it I had to shave, although only a portion. And the itching was almost as much fun as the fact it felt like I''d been kicked in the ham and eggs for a week.

"Sanjuro" wrote:

If you ever knew how pretty my junk is, it wouldn''t be any anguish. I''m like Michaelangelo''s David.

Small, white and overhyped?

Or a popular tourist attraction, once concealed to protect the virtue of innocent women?

"Sanjuro" wrote:

If you ever knew how pretty my junk is, it wouldn''t be any anguish. I''m like Michaelangelo''s David.

Extremely well-slung?

I resurrect this thread in the name of the poor Coffee Grinders who haven't read it yet!

Yeah, thanks a whole bunch for that, scoli.

scoli wrote:

I resurrect this thread in the name of the poor Coffee Grinders who haven't read it yet!

What the hell is wrong with you?

scoli wrote:

I resurrect this thread in the name of the poor Coffee Grinders who haven't read it yet!

Erm... some of us coffee grinders had the horrible misfortune of catching some of the thread a long time ago when we were lurking. And in spite of that, some of us still came back to see if someone reported a self-inflicted bobbitt yet.

So, yeah, thanks again for bumping...

Now, if you don't mind, some of us are going to go and see if there's any Jameson left in the bottle.

Wow... THANK YOU SCOLI! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. It seems most of the focus has been upfront, but what has been largely overlooked is what's going on in the trunk. And it reminded me of a hilarious internet email that I received a long time ago:

Forwarded E-mail comedy wrote:

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble sh*tting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic sh*t- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky sh*t/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering sh*t/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own sh*t blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

EWWWWW!!!!!
my eyes!.. my mind! damn imagination!
oh christ, the cat is licking himself now.. He Knows!

Walt, you are so going to hell for that one.

buzzvang wrote:

Walt, you are so going to hell for that one. :lol:

If you didn't laugh out loud at least 4 times reading that, I definitely am.

Well if threads are useless w/o pics then a video should make this one the trifecta of goodness.

Adam Sandler, NSFW.

Wow, that video is an absolute classic.

If by classic you mean make you throw up a little in your mouth.. ya, it was classic.

Arise, thread!

As a corrolary to the Deep South shaving, what's you people's take on shoulder shaving? Some men of Southern European decent such as myself are plagued with clumping of said hair on the shoulder blades. Though I generally ignored it for the longest time, recently I had been...made aware that such growths are unattractive. I have thus dutifully taken the blade to said hair. Is there any sort of hair on the male personage save the head that isn't unnattractive, or do we men need to take a dip in a tub of Nair?