The bathroom on the floor where I work. Here's the layout. Looking at the stalls, from left to right it's:
Wall, large handicapped stall, stall, stall, stall, wall.
I always chose the stall up against the right wall. I like as much privacy as possible and am not comfortable with the prospect of being flanked. Also, I've been guilt-ed into leaving the handicapped stall available whenever possible, even though there are no handicapped people working around me anywhere. You never know when one is going to show up.
Anyway, if I am in the stall all the way to the right, that leaves THREE unattended stalls to the left.
Much more often than I can understand, someone will come into the bathroom and take immediate residence in the stall NEXT DOOR to my own.
Why? Why would you choose to be next to someone else when there are two other options?
Etiquette people. Etiquette.
This brings to mind the strip club in which I attended a bachelor party. This club was somewhere in Canada. Can't remember the name of the city. Doesn't matter.
What does matter is this. I went to the backroom to get a lapdance from a chick who would never even sneeze on me in real life.
The backroom of this club was Caligula. I swear.
There was stuff going on in there... Well, there was stuff going on in there that just shouldn't have been going on in there.
Everyone was in these little cubicles. Light half-height cubicles. So, if you were sitting down, you couldn't see what was going on around you. You could see every random person walking by looking down on you and what was happening, but you couldn't see into the other cubes.
So, I sit down in a cube, and there's a guy, the distance of the thickness of a cube wall away from me, getting some carnal action or other performed on him.
This chick, who looked like Jennifer Aniston's hotter cousin, offered me a similar carnal action, for some amount of money that seemed inconsequential as I was in Canada.
But I had to explain to her how I don't feel comfortable going to the bathroom next to another guy, never mind... whatever it was she was going to do to me.
Did I mention she had a gap between her front teeth, like Madonna?
Gah. Life. Don't talk to me about life.
*Edited. Damn spellcheck.
I''d say if you can''t find a safe haven, try an Astaire.
I''ve been meaning to start a whole ""corporate bathroom etiquette"" thread, but figured the ""potty humor,"" as it were, may be too much. But, since you started things, up here goes. You''ve opened up a box of scatalogical moth flakes now, my friend.
I always use the handicapped stall, because the others are so narrow that I believe they require you to stand instead of sit. No ""differently abled"" people here either. That being said, there are two handicapped stalls so I can somehow justify it to myself even better.
The same etiquette you mention above applies to urinals as well. Why, if I''m on the end, must you (random employee) stand right next to me? No, I will not cross streams with you! It''s especially bad when the walls between the urinals (if they exist at all) are short enough that your head and eyes are but a foot or two from your neighbor''s. It just bugs me.
But, the worst... the WORST offense in the corporate washroom is the ""pseudo-hand-wash."" You know what I mean. Someone gets done doing their business, strolls over to the sink, and flashes a bit of water on their hands. No soap, and I don''t think but a few molecules of water actually touch their hands. They then triumphantly dry off with 10 paper towels as if to suggest they have removed the excess water prior to leaving. How nice of them. Seriously, what the hell. Either wash your hands or don''t.
So, I sit down in a cube, and there''s a guy, the distance of the thickness of a cube wall away from me, getting some cardinal action or other performed on him.
This chick, who looked like Jennifer Aniston''s hotter cousin, offered me a similar cardinal action, for some amount of money that seemed inconsequential as I was in Canada.
Either you mean ""carnal"" action or you''ve picked an odd time for a Catholic joke.
I have a similar peeve Bagga. Men''s room doors that you have to pull open to leave. God knows who''s fromunda is caked onto that door handle.
The same etiquette you mention above applies to urinals as well. Why, if I''m on the end, must you (random employee) stand right next to me? No, I will not cross streams with you! It''s especially bad when the walls between the urinals (if they exist at all) are short enough that your head and eyes are but a foot or two from your neighbor''s. It just bugs me.
I can''t even go using those things anymore. After about the tenth time I caught some random clown trying to get a look at what''s going on downtown I got discouraged. I can''t handle all that jealously thrown my way *cough*
I wait for a stall or not at all.
The bathroom on the floor where I work. Here''s the layout. Looking at the stalls, from left to right it''s:
Wall, large handicapped stall, stall, stall, stall, wall.
I always chose the stall up against the right wall. I like as much privacy as possible and am not comfortable with the prospect of being flanked. Also, I''ve been guilt-ed into leaving the handicapped stall available whenever possible, even though there are no handicapped people working around me anywhere. You never know when one is going to show up.
Anyway, if I am in the stall all the way to the right, that leaves THREE unattended stalls to the left.
Much more often than I can understand, someone will come into the bathroom and take immediate residence in the stall NEXT DOOR to my own.
Why? Why would you choose to be next to someone else when there are two other options?Etiquette people. Etiquette.
Good Lord....Get out of my head! I went to the men''s room today and this happened to me. I was on the verge of posting a thread about bathroom etiquette. Thanks for beating me to the punch!
The same etiquette you mention above applies to urinals as well. Why, if I''m on the end, must you (random employee) stand right next to me? No, I will not cross streams with you! It''s especially bad when the walls between the urinals (if they exist at all) are short enough that your head and eyes are but a foot or two from your neighbor''s. It just bugs me.I can''t even go using those things anymore. After about the tenth time I caught some random clown trying to get a look at what''s going on downtown I got discouraged. I can''t handle all that jealously thrown my way *cough*
I wait for a stall or not at all.
I occasionally get this problem with an onlooker. I am getting tired of telling the person next to me that yes the water is cold...and deep.
No, I will not cross streams with you!
Dr. Egon Spengler: There''s something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don''t cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I''m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean ""bad""?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: That''s bad. Okay. Alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon.
Those lines NEVER get old.
"Mr.Swarvey" wrote:So, I sit down in a cube, and there''s a guy, the distance of the thickness of a cube wall away from me, getting some cardinal action or other performed on him.
This chick, who looked like Jennifer Aniston''s hotter cousin, offered me a similar cardinal action, for some amount of money that seemed inconsequential as I was in Canada.Either you mean ""carnal"" action or you''ve picked an odd time for a Catholic joke.
I think he meant cardinal in the sense of cardinal sin versus ordinal sin. I''m not Catholic but I think cardinal sins are the bigger ones, such as stuff going on in strip clubs.
People might choose the stall next to you because the other three stalls are full of nasty splatters and pee on the seat. I would in that situation.
As for urinals, I love when the guy next to you stands like five feet away from the urinal, so you can do the limbo under his stream when you''re done.
Bathroom Characters I Have Met:
Talky McChatChat. Is anyone else deeply disturbed by people trying to talk to you while you''re doing your business? I don''t chat with my fiancee while I''m in the loo at home, and I certainly don''t want to talk to anyone from the office in there. Ick.
Ol'' Joe and His Newspaper. I fully understand that it sometimes takes a while to get things happening down there - if so, feel free to peruse periodicals. When I go back in an hour later to see both stalls STILL occupied by the same quietly coughing, newspaper rustling gents, either get more fiber or find somewhere else to catch up on the obituaries.
LOUD MAN: Guys who apparently need to prove their manliness by doing everything EXTRA LOUD. These guys can''t just close the stall door - they must SLAM it! They can''t just tap the handle on the urinal - they must SMASH it! They can''t just mutter pleasantries to the next guy - they must YELL them as if the guy''s on the other side of a football field. My guess is that these guys fear someone may question their sexuality if they don''t act like utter jackasses.
Talky McChatChat. Is anyone else deeply disturbed by people trying to talk to you while you''re doing your business? I don''t chat with my fiancee while I''m in the loo at home, and I certainly don''t want to talk to anyone from the office in there. Ick.
And why do women love to barge in on you while you''re dropping a log? And begin to talk about their day, in that most quiet moment of the day?
And what''s the deal with airplane food?
If there''s three urinals and 2 are occupied on either side, I will never take the middle one.
Sorry just gives you that crowded and invasion of personal space vibe. I bet that your personal space range increases when you do things of a private nature...
At the college where I work, a few weeks ago a guy walked into the mens room (which really stank), and proceeded to eat his roast beef sandwich with one hand while at the urinal.
I don''t understand guys that make noises when using a urinal. It could be that the gentleman in question is old, but I find it kinda disturbing when this one particular gent at my office uses a urinal, he props himself up by leaning on either the wall or the little retaining wall (looking for all the world like he''s chatting up some cute young thing that he''s backed into a wall) and then proceeds to grunt, groan, cough and sigh his way through a piss. It''s like a steering wheel in my crotch.
Can we get back to talking about women''s breasts and oggling female celebrities?
I can''t even go using those things anymore. After about the tenth time I caught some random clown trying to get a look at what''s going on downtown I got discouraged. I can''t handle all that jealously thrown my way *cough*
I wait for a stall or not at all.
I''m there with ya, Certis. Couple all the reasons above with rampant splashback, and I find the stall a much more pleasant experience. Don''t get me started on *The Trough* at sports venues....
I don''t understand guys that make noises when using a urinal. It could be that the gentleman in question is old, but I find it kinda disturbing when this one particular gent at my office uses a urinal, he props himself up by leaning on either the wall or the little retaining wall (looking for all the world like he''s chatting up some cute young thing that he''s backed into a wall) and then proceeds to grunt, groan, cough and sigh his way through a piss.
Our old CIO did that. I guess his prostate wasn''t what it used to be.
Funny, I was actually going to blog about my Stall Selection Theory. I think there''s a high degree of science involved in ideal stall selection. My corporate can is opposite yours. From the entrance, there''s stall, stall, stall, handicap stall. There are actually a number of factors that go into any selection. Personally, I don''t like to take up the wide expanse of the handicap stall if I''m only going to tinkle. The vast stall is there for serious events, not leaks. However, given a pending plop, I secretly cheer whenever I tug on that handicap stall door and it admits me. So, that''s my first selection regardless of any other factors. If that one''s taken and I feel that I cannot wait out the cretin that would dare take the enormous stall, I will take the one farthest away. If both those are taken, I''ll punt and do the ""gotta poop"" dance outside until one or the other leaves. When there''s business to be done, I don''t want to initiate adjacent stall contact. If I''m in there entrenched, I have no choice but to accept insurgents next door, but I''m not going to be the instigator.
For leaks, it''s more subtle if no less exact. First stall if available and no one is in the second stall. Otherwise, fourth stall if no one is in the third stall. If three stalls are occupied, I''ll submit to the will of The Man and use the remaining stall. If two are taken I will select the one that leaves me protected on one side.
Then you have the subtle variables that weigh on the decision. In the capacious stall, the gap between door and wall is larger than ideal, meaning you are moderately exposed when you select it. This only generally comes into play when people dry their hands, but you must be aware and quickly cover The General when hand drying commences. The other, more-miserly stalls do not exhibit this problem adding flavor to a seemingly straightforward selection.
Don''t even get me started on landmines, over-squirts, and other assorted misfirings that reduce the desirability of normally appealing selections.
UPDATE: Corrected a pronoun that was destined to get me ridiculed.
On the off chance that somebody out there hasn''t played this game yet,[color=red] EDIT: don''t give it a shot.[/color]
Man, do I have some bathroom rage...
I work in a mixed office/motor home service environment. We have about 50 guys all together in our building, and 1 men''s room containing 1 urinal and 1 stall in the building to share among everyone.
First of all, the stall is handicap-friendly, so it''s huge. The urinal is right next to it, and if the person using the urinal is tall enough, then can look right over the stall wall at the fellow doing his business on the toilet.
Secondly, since there is only 1 toilet, you don''t have the chance to choose a different stall if someone has done something nasty to it. We have an anonymous villian here we''ve dubbed ""The Buckshot Bandit"", for reasons you can probably imagine. Think CSI style blood spatter, but not blood. So, if you happen to need to use the stall in the wake of one of his vile attacks on the loo, you are out of luck. You can hold out until the cleaning lady comes through and sanitizes the crime scene, or head out to another building to use the facilities....
And then there is the guy that you can tell is using the can as you are approaching, before breaching the doorway. You can smell this guy''s presence 5 feet from the door. It is kind of a blessing of an early warning system, however.
There''s a New Guy here at work that is a variety of OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET-POOPER that I haven''t seen before. Instead of always taking the newspaper with him under his arm, he brings a Game Boy, and he likes to play it with the volume cranked up. So whenever your luck runs out and you''re stuck in the bathroom with New Guy, you''re treated not only to various ESCAPEEs and worse, but musical and sound effect accompaniment. Ye Gods.
Why don''t they put up stalls for urinals? Or get rid of them completely and just go with toilets for everyone. I hate public facilities. They rob us of human dignity.
work here we have stall, stall stall, HC stall, then around the wall is 2 more stalls.
Every time I''m in the 3rd stall on the first side, next to the HC stall, someone barges into the bathroom (and I mean, slams the men''s room door open) and makes a bee-line for the HC stall. Doesn''t even look at the other ones. bam, goes in and starts making. I mean, come on man...there''s 2 stalls all by themselves on the OTHER SIDE OF A WALL! I can''t try and see his shoes either, to find the culprit, for fear of being caught peeking....Man, now that would be a bad sitch.
On topic, what''s the freaking deal with people not being able to piss in a urinal? Every frigging urinal I ever go to has piss on the floor below it. I have to straddle around the puddle so I can get close. WTF, get control over your functions man!
On topic, what''s the freaking deal with people not being able to piss in a urinal? Every frigging urinal I ever go to has piss on the floor below it. I have to straddle around the puddle so I can get close. WTF, get control over your functions man!
*Queue ""unwieldy"" remarks*
Lol, you guys are killing me here. I have a meeting going on behind me and I''m trying not to bust out laughing.
I''ve seen the stall selection behavior you''re talking about before and it drives me nuts. Sadly, at my current job there are only two stalls and two urinals per bathroom. I try to go during ""non-peak"" hours to avoid being crowded. It never works though. I always end up with some guy next to me who apparently ate nothing but beans and soda for three days straight.
Why don''t some guys understand that even thought they''re in their own little stall, they''re not in their own little world. As they rip out several cubic meters of compressed natural gas I hear every freaking toot, grunt, squeal, and gasp. Geez people, control your bodily functions please!
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