Gaming widows fight back?

I'm curious about this:

I got the hammer laid down last night when my wife complained I spend too much time on the computer (playing Planetside).

My first reaction was to defend myself for not looking like a total geek. Mission failed.

Next was to offer up how much assistance I perform around the house, that time on the computer was when the kids went to sleep. Mission failed.

Complained that watching programs on the TV with the wife sucked huge donkey nuts compared to the fun I was having in-game. Mission self-destruct, ground zero explosion failure.

I think we worked out a compromise (which is equal to me not playing as much on the computer. How that was a compromise is beyond me, but I've learned to live with the female logic.)

I'm either at work, or with the kids/wife until they go to sleep, at which point my wife is tired and just wants to kick back. On the weekends, we'll do stuff together.

So, how do you balance your 'solo geek time' with the real world? And for those of you who have your spouse's blessing, I don't want to hear from you.

Well, keeping in mind I''m not married but practically lived with my last girlfriend this is how I found things to work out, in this order.

1. She loved gaming but...
2. As soon as some feeling of inequity or inattentiveness crept in regarding housework, shopping, her, etc...
3. Games were done. No excuses.

This led to the unofficial establishment of:

4. I would follow her cue on when it was okay to game. (Usually when she would fire up Yoshi''s Island or Diablo II.)

I therefore deduced that she wanted to be seen as a priority by me and these chores as extensions of her prioritiness. Anything that distracted me from our relationship (whether she approved or not) was unacceptable.

I have my spouce''s blessing, to ...

Oh, wait. I missed that last line.

Actually, the only reason I have my spouce''s blessing is because this is really what I do with my solo free time, meaning I make a constant effort to involve her with the rest of it. Therefore, this become the thing that I get to do that is, sort of, just for me. I think every relationship functions on a different wavelength, so it''s hard to give advice. Some women refuse to see gaming as anything but a ridiculously childish activity. As far as I can tell, you might just respond to that by saying, ""That''s true, honey. I think I''ll take up freebasing or excessive gambling in my free time instead."" About the fourth time you come home coked up with another lein on the house gaming will look like a much better idea.

I''ll have to see if I can get hoochie in here to give you her perspective (Elysia too for that matter) since both Elysium and myself seem to be doing something right when it comes to playing games without fear of sleeping on the couch.

I don''t think it''s so much of a ""Go, ignore me and play as much as you want"" kind of blessing. It''s more of an understanding that so long as you spend time together on a regular basis it''s ok to break off and do your own thing once in a while. Besides, if she really wants me attention she follows the example set by my cat, she sits on my lap and tries to block my view of the monitor.

That said, we''re not exactly typical since hoochie does play games once in a while too so she understands that sometimes when you''re in the zone you just can''t help but ignore everything around you.

You know, I can feel an article creeping around here..

I''m about to jump in that boat, and I''m not liking what I see. My woman does the same thing - the second she feels I''m putting more attention to games, she does something to garner my attention.

I''ve tried getting my girlfriend to play, but it does not work. Plus I see gaming as kind of a masturbation. You''ve got to discover it on your own!

I''ve made it clear that I need my gaming time, but I''m not sure how she''ll respect that when we''re living together...

One of my friends had a girl who constantly badgered him about him paying more attention to the Dreamcast. She once said ""It''s either me or the dreamcast!"" and he chose the Dreamcast. What a guy.

They had a Dr. Phil episode on this.

They picked the absolute right guy to justify playing games being juvenile.

Dr. Phil asked are games addictive. The husband repsonded, ""mmm, uh, yeah!""

So of course the villian became the childish video games and not addictive behavior that was preventing him from communicating with his wife.

I mean lets be honest, noone in their right mind would pick video games over their significant others. However, if marraige is supposed to be a compromise and the true facts are that its really a battle between what you want to do and what I want to do then its not promoting healthy relationship behavior.

If the wife wont give games a chance and they are only for children thats not a compromise. Especially, if you consider that she would rather you watch TV with her. In that instance, she is leveraging your relationship to do what she wants. Who is being juvenile in that instance?

Im not saying this happens in all the confrontations out there. I am just speaking about the couple on the Dr. Phil show.

The answer Dr. Phil had for the husband was that he asked the husband to mail Dr. Phil his console controllers and give up games for 30 days. The guy was like I will try for my marraige and the audience was skeptical but placated.

If Dr. Phil wanted to emphasize cooperation and give and take, he would have told the husband to give up games for 30 days. He would also have told the wife to spend 30 days educating herself about video games and try something that catches her eye.

I assure you that any number of gender neutral, constructive games such as Solitaire, Roller Coaster Tycoon, the Sims, Bejewled, or, heaven forbid, if she likes Quake, Diablo or Age of Kings, could spark some interest. Lots of people play these games for a reason.

Lets face it, people who dont play games are in the minority. Over %60 percent of households play games or own a console or something like that.

We cant let a vocal minority demean us as juveniles. If you play games youre a geek. If you read too many books youre a bookworm. If you play sports alot youre a jock. Its all the same difference.

Who would have thought Dr. Phil would eschew more propaganda against video games.

Good replies from all.

I think what ticked Mrs. Yomm off was the ''asumption'' on my behalf that after everything was quiet and she was starting unwind for the night, I could go downstairs.

I think though, in retrospect, something along the lines of ""Hey, you feel like watching TV or something, b/c if not, I''ll just mosey on along"" would have been a better responce.

I''m usually very good about spending time with her, but man, Planetside has sucked me in something fierce.

Good to see though, thats it not a ''Yomm only'' issue.

Yeah, making a quick ""You exist and now I''m going to play a game"" check is always a good idea. It''s not exactly asking permission but it does give her a chance to suggest something else if she is so inclined.

Do it when they''re not around. Yes, it is harder if you''re living together, but if you want to get your time in without the guilt, that''s the way to go.

The thing that annoys me, is my girlfriend would rather I come sit on the couch and watch American f*cking Idol, rather than play a video game. Why? Just so she can reassure herself that I like her as much as video games.

I really have no patience for that kind of sh*t, which could be the reason I find myself single as often as I''m in a relationship.

After 8 years of living together me and my girlfriend have worked out a compromise. I pay attention to her and do whatever she wants me to do around the house etc, and in return she allows me free reign to play whenever I want. We both have certain times set aside wher we''ll do stuff together (Thursday nights Buffy and Angel is sacred time together!)

Even so occasionally we do still clash over Games but she keeps me from going off the deep end of Everquest style addiction. She told me to stop playing D2 a couple of nights ago and much as I didn''t want to, in retrospect it was sensible to stop playing after 10 hrs!

The hardest thing is respecting each others interests (She respects my gaming habit and I respect her watching crap soap operas and reality TV,much as it pains me!) and spending Quality time together, sure you may occasionally fight, but I''ve found most non-gaming couples still fight anyway over non-game related interests.

I am going through this with my fiance right now. She is pretty cool about it actually and loves Tetris (don''t most women?) and a few Xbox games. Anyway, I have always wondered what she would do if I told her I used to spend 8 hours straight playing EQ with only one bathroom break. I don''t think the response would be favorable. I too have been in Planetside beta(for 6 weeks) and I actually started playing when she fell asleep and it works. However, when we buy our first house next year, after we get married, I am worried most of my time will be spent doing other ""things"". I still wonder if the light I see at the end of the tunnel is the end to my gaming life...

My wife will sit on her computer for 2 or 3 hours while I am doing something around the house BUT just as soon as I start to walk to my computer room she will say ""Where are you going I was just getting off to spend time with you"".....She does this almost everytime...cracks me up

My wife suggested I best not comment on this thread ;).

Yes I used to use the credit card stun-mez-fear combo a lot up until the bank suggested that I cut my card up and return it in the post and then do the same to myself.

Haven''t managed to get the charm spell to work properly yet on my PC, it only seems to work on Game Boy titles.