Bad movies

So, what are the worst movies you have ever seen and why?

I'll start off with Bulletproof Monk.
Where to begin....

*Spoilers*
It was so bad it actually caused me physical pain. For starters, it is one long cliche.

Studio exec: Wow, a guy with a British accent is the king of an underground community of thieves, Nazis are trying to take over the world, there is a hot chick who can fight, bullet time, and the worst dialogue ever? That's never been done, let's make it a movie!

Audience: Ow, the pain. Someone please claw my eyes out.

Plus the hot chick who can fight actually says, "I Guess your 're not the only one who's bulletproof."

Whatever! Bulletproof Monk was goofy fun. Sean William Scott (Stiffler) doing Kung-Fu is a sight to behold. I also enjoyed Chow and his slightly off-kilter character.

I thought it was a great movie if you know what to expect. The villain was pretty lame though and the plot holes were huge but it was still fun all around.

The PowerPuff girls movie. I like the cartoon, but I fell asleep halfway through.

Lost Highway by David Lynch. Goddamn movie doesn''t have a point.

And I saw ""Kung Pow: Enter the fist"" yeasterday. It''s a really bad movie, but I, unfortunately, laughed all the way through I mean, it''s bad-good. I guess I have no taste.
""OUR! SEXUAL! PREFERENCES! ARE! OUR! OWN! BUSINESS!""

It''s hard to say what''s the ''worst''. If it''s really bad - as in ''Streetfighter: The Movie''- or ''Battlefield Earth''s-style - it''s still somewhat entertaining at least. As for ''""shouldn''t have spend money on tickets for those""-movies in the past 3-4 years, ''Mission To Mars'' comes to mind. Remarkably boring&tedious.

I think the only movie I ever thought about walking out on was Mortal Kombat 2. Just one big crapfest.

Here''s a whole slew of movies I thought were abysmal. I''ll have to wear Kevlar when I''m done with this.

Starship Troopers - Such melodramatic overly metaphorical tripe that I was embarassed for having sat through it. Proof positive that Paul Verhoewhatever has all the directing acumen of a bottle of NyQuil.

Pitch Black - A ravenous plague of carnivorous creatures who are driven off by light evolve on a deserted prey-free planet that is only bathed in darkness once ever bajillion years. Maybe if the laws of evolution had originally been scribbled on the back of barnapkin.

Panic Room - Oh, God, I''ve been hit in the back of the head by something heavy and metal and have fallen thirty feet onto solid wood ... oh wait, I''m fine. Cue frustrated groan.

Star Wars Episode 1 and 2 - Frankly, I''m looking forward to seeing Anakin ""die"". I''d much rather have Darth Vader around. Actually, now that I think of it, I wouldn''t particularly mind if Hayden Christensen''s career ''died''.

Battlefield Earth - Well, at least the fifteen minutes of it I watched were pretty bad.

Wing Commander - Never have I so heartily cheered for the bad guys to wipe out the protagonists. Unfortunately I knew they weren''t going to win when I realized the Kilrathi were made out of paper mache and cat hair.

Dune - Terrible. Just so terrible I can''t think of anything to say about it that would be worse than the actual movie.

Alien 3 and to a greater extent 4 - After seeing Alien 3 I had a hard time imagining a worse sequel. Then I saw Alien 4, and thought ... oh, yeah. That was much worse.

Mission to Mars - I remember when the said how realistic this was going to be, and how they had consulted NASA to make it very realistic, and then there were aliens. Tim Robbins was the luckiest guy in the flick, dead before it became ridiculous. By comparison, Red Planet, which never tried to be realistic, was a much more enjoyable film.

Twister - Go Tornado! Kill them all!

Final Fantasy - Boy, for being that pretty, you''re not very smart. Yeah, Gaia ... sure whatever you say, just let me look at you.

The Lost World - Wow, this is just like Jurrasic Park, only much much worse.

Boy, there are so many more I just know I''m forgetting.

Gremlins 2

I am with everyone else on Aliens 3. It got off to a horrendous start by killing of Newt and Hicks. Here''s a tip: the Dark Horse comics were really good. The water colored set of 6 after the inked set of 6 were good. There is definitely enough story for several good movies there. You would think this franchise would be huge. The environment already supported a classic horror and action flic. There should be true sequels to both in said genres.

Show Girls was much worse drivel than Starship Troopers. Complete with a sex scene that looked like dying fish out of water in water. ""Hey, I''ve got a pussy problem!"" - nuff said.

I agree with Elysium on everything except Pitch Black and Panic Room, mainly because I try not to think about movies when it comes to physical realism. When I want physical realism Ill just go outside and jump up and down. Sure its boring, but when I jump, I fall at 32ft/sec^2 acceleration goddamnit!

And when I want physical realism, I''ll enjoy the rag doll effects of Pyroman as he collapses in the doorwar under a hail of bullets.

The Prince of Tides - has anyone here ever read it? It''s a wonderful book, full of every emotion possible, beautifully written by an incredible wordsmith. Just don''t let Barbra Streisand get hold of it! She managed to take the meat out of the story, first of all, taking out some of the best elements. Pat Conroy''s astonishing story is cut mercilessly, in order to give Streisand time to inflate her own character''s part in the story.

She cast herself (of course) as the ""beautiful"" psychiatrist who helps Tom, the main character, to unravel his twisted, horrific, astonishing past, and when Tom recounts the terrible tragedy that happens to his family (a truly unspeakable ordeal), the camera focuses on Streisand''s ""thoughtful"" face instead. We even get several closeups of her perfectly manicured hands, instead of the face of a man who has been through hell.

In short, Barbra Streisand took a brilliant novel and reduced it to drivel, garbage, putrescence...crap.

(Not that I feel strongly about this one.)

PS - I also agree with Elysium on Panic Room. Jody Foster can do better than that travesty. How much more Nightmare on Elm Street/Halloween/etc. could they have gotten? A guy gets clobbered in the face with a sledgehammer and hops up to keep chasing people? Please.

"Pyroman[FO" wrote:

""]I agree with Elysium on everything except Pitch Black and Panic Room, mainly because I try not to think about movies when it comes to physical realism. When I want physical realism Ill just go outside and jump up and down. Sure its boring, but when I jump, I fall at 32ft/sec^2 acceleration goddamnit!

Yeah I''m right there with you. I found Pitch Black to be surprisingly engaging especially the first half of it. Panic room was ok, but compared to some of the trash I have seen over the years it certainly would not belong on a worse ever list.

Hmmm lets see.

CHUD2
Street Fighter
Mortal combat2
Anything my wife picks
Any Trek movie before or after Wrath of Kan.
Any highlander movie after the first *shudder*
ANy Porn with the world ""classic"" in the title (/em checks for wife not reading over shoulder)
Star wars episode 2 (Unforgivable. At least the dual in E1 was pretty well done)
AI (AHHHHHHHHHH, the bordom make it stop)
Anything with Olsen twins (actually it''s sad story how that was inflicted on me)
Winter Sleepers (almost porn but boring)
Dare Devil
Some of the Batman Movies where pretty sad for big budget flicks but don''t know if they should get worse ever ratings.
Any horror flick with roman numeral attacked to the title.

Man I could go on and on, and frankly that is depressing the hell out of me so I think I will stop :p. All that lost time...

""I''ve seen things you people wouldn''t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams ... glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost ... in time, like tears ... in rain.""

"Elysium" wrote:

And when I want physical realism, I''ll enjoy the rag doll effects of Pyroman as he collapses in the doorwar under a hail of bullets.

Will your madness ever end! Will I ever be free of your spectre, hanging over every doorway? ""Should I go get a beer from the fridge, or wil Elysium just be waiting to shoot me when I open it up?"" Why am I tormented, while Jennifer Lopez lives free from fear?

Besides, it wasn''t that realistic, I probably stuck through the floor.

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist - It was working for me until the cow appeared.
Titanic- Two hours of boredom followed by 30 minutes of overly done FX. If I wanted to go through that now, I''d watch Attack of the Clones twice. At least then there''d be some interesting action
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - ""I outta knock you on your goddamn ass!"" ""If you think that would help."" ""Can I hold him?""
Street Fighter - One wonders what really killed Raul Julia...
Major League 3: Back to the Minors - Blech! If I wanted to see Scott Bakula stink at being a leader, I''d watch an episode of Enterprise.
Red Planet - If this is what we have to look forward to on Mars, then NASA is wasting everybody''s money.
Murder by Numbers - Not a great film, but come on! What kind of murder mystery movie tells you who the killers are in the opening credits? And Sandra Bullock was so the ""guy"" in that onscreen relationship.
Babylon 5: Legend of the Rangers - The movie that made you glad B5 stopped when it did.
Batman and Robin - The movie that killed Batman for me.
Pearl Harbor - Ugh. I don''t know which was worse: the ""Titanic-ing"" of the attack or the ""Bruckheimering"" of the attack.
Alien 4 - After 3, this wasn''t the answer.
Behind Enemy Lines - Well whadya know? The French admiral is the ""bad guy.""
Armageddon - Another reason why Bruckheimer should not be allowed to make movies. He does have a hand at making good TV shows, though.

And...

Almost every movie on the Sci-Fi channels except for Cube and Dog Soldiers

And that western flick from a year or two ago with Ali Larter in it. She was the only reason I watched. Regrettably, I might add.

Behind Enemy Lines - Well whadya know? The French admiral is the ""bad guy.""

Well if we we''re going to assign the bad guy role to one of our NATO allies, it''d be the French.

Well... I don''t know how to say this and I pretty much kept this to my self...

...but I found Chicago to the worst movie I paid for in my life, I mean I managed to sit through MK2, which I think I slept through... , but in Chicago''s case I could not take it, I could not even sleep during the movie... I think I had more fun watching the remake of Planet of the Apes, which I still think the 60'' ver was a lot better... not to mention something that I saw back in High School that was a spin off, about some people and dinos and giant spiders...

... Anyhow about Chicago, well it''s only my opinion about the movie, so don''t judge me harshly...

I got you all beat.

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. Not even funny bad, just claw your eyes out and pray for death bad.

"Sinatar" wrote:

I got you all beat.

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. Not even funny bad, just claw your eyes out and pray for death bad.

Heh and yet I didn''t think it was all that bad, I rented it and had LOW expectations... it was a B- action flick in my book. Some of my friends did go a bit... well ballistic after paying to see that one, but I think it''s all a question of expectation for a lot of these.

It does not beat CHUD 2, just trust me on that :).

Anything my wife picks.

Man, you''re gonna be lucky if your murder doesn''t end up as a movie of the week after this.

Mmh if I had to pick:

Impossible Mission 2 - Yeah right let''s do a ""Tom Cruise is a cool guy"" movie. Next time I''ll rather throw my money out of the window. Then I will at least hear it jingling on the floor.

Deep Blue Sea - boy was I embarrassed I was in that cinema. Sharks in knee deep water that can open doors. I usually am not that picky when it comes to logic errors or plot holes, but this was too much.

Deep Impact - just pathetic. I was in this one at half price and I was still annoyed. I was almost on my way out when the boy and the girl ""married"".

Mission To Mars / Red Planet - De ja vue? Both were really boring though.

Ghosts of Mars - *take note not to watch a Carpenter movie ever again*

Star Wars 1+2: deluded me as a Star Wars fanboy. My gf thought they were the best comedy movies ever - that tells.

If you give me some more hours I can come up with more. It is just that my brain resets when things get too bad ;). I have to disagree on the following:

Alien 3+4: I must say I am a big fanboy on the Alien series, so my opinion does not count here

Pitch Black - it was a SF film starring vin Diesel, so I did not expect much. I thought it was entertaining while it lasted. I must admit I do not explicitly watch after plot holes or logic errors in a story, so they really have to hit me like it did with deep blue sea. Ruins almost all your movies anyway. It was a decent SF action flick.

Panic Room - the standup guy was indeed annoying, but it did not ruin the film for me. I mean you get one of these in any good thriller these days ;).

Pitch Black was terrible. -1 credibility to all those defending it.

Well I guess my credibility goes below zero now, really liked Pitch Black for what it is, a popcorn sci-fi action flick, rented it twice

I liked Pitch Black too. I can''t wait for the sequel.

They making a sequel... . I got to admit that i found Pitch Black fun to watch... well at least it''s a decent sci-fi/action flick in a while... but making a sequel would be as bad as making Aliens 5... after watching 3 & 4, i think i and most of you here have a perfect idea how bad that will be... man i still feel dirty after wathing Aliens 4...

Ehh!... now a days not to many cyber-punk movies that are coming out, if any! so i take what we have...

Worst movie ever - Manos The Hands of Fate

I think the best place for discovering those ''worst movies ever'' is Somethingawful.com''s movie reviews, classics like Nukie and Skullduggery are burned to oblivion there. Anyway, I just watched another ''classic'' as far as bad movies go... Judge Dredd *shudder*. Can''t believe I loved this movie when I was 12, shows how much your tastes grow in the all-important years of growing up

Starship Troopers? Was I the only one who saw it as pure satiric parody? It was clearly Nazi anti-utopia made fun of.

I fondly remember a somewhat heated argument on EvilAvatar where, I think it was Rat Boy, denounced the so-called ''satirical'' aspect of Starship Troopers. Even so, I still regard it as one of the most bad-assed action movies ever made.

Well, the Starship Troopers DVD is worth renting, if only for Paul Verhoeven''s insane ramblings against the US in the commentary track.

Starship Troopers pisses me off mainly because it seemed determined to mock and ridicule everything about the book it could. It was really ridiculous, it seems like a waste of time to get a book license only to make fun of it.

"Mex" wrote:

Well, the Starship Troopers DVD is worth renting, if only for Paul Verhoeven''s insane ramblings against the US in the commentary track.

What? What does he say?

I liked Starship Troopers when I saw it in the 10th grade. It was great action and boobies.