Righto, the kids are in bed, my wife is happily reading her book, the couch is mine! Time for some GA-A-AAAA-MING.
You need a new game. GTA V.
No way, it's time to dig into my Pile of Shame. I've got so many well-regarded games I've barely played that're just sitting on the shelf, waiting for me. Besides, it's 8pm. What am I going to do, drive down to JB now? I've had beers, it's not happening.
Use Steam. Something's probably on sale. Witcher 2 sounded pretty cool.
Nup. I want to chill on the couch and I don't want to wait for the download.
Use PSN. Get something new ... Dishonored's new DLC is out.
I said no! I don't want to spend any money when I've got all this latent value to tap from my unplayed games. I'm walking down the hall to the games shelf now, and you can't stop me.
Here we are ... Bayonetta. Awesome fighting mechanics! I've been looking for a good brawler since the God of War games.
God of War: Ascension is probably cheap on PSN.
What did I tell you about money? C'mon, we played Bayonetta for a bit and it was fun. I only stopped when my save file wouldn't transfer after I bought a new PS3.
Yeah, that was stiff, especially because you transferred your same hard disk into the new machine. You'll have to reinstall it, then replay those opening levels. Do you really want to retread old ground? And the story is crap; you'll just be skipping cutscenes the whole time.
Good point. ... Well, I never finished The Saboteur.
Ergh, Nazis. So cliched. Plus, the stealth mechanics are woodgy, and you'll just be driving around a lot in those floaty-boat cars.
Maybe, maybe. Cars, though, there's an idea. How about Driver: San Francisco ? The ability to jump into other drivers is pretty cool. Hey, do you think they were inspired by that for GTA V ?
Yeah, GTA V!
Anyway, some of the Driver missions were hard, and timed chase missions suck. You're too drunk to drive accurately, as you just told me.
In that case, what about some good ol' Burnout: Paradise ? Then I can smash into whatever I want. Yeehaw!
You've finished that already. It's more fun with mates and beers, only one of which you have right now. You should catch up with your mates more too, by the way — not that they want to hang out with you, because you're boring and only want to play video games.
OK, I'll organise a barbie or something soon, but I gotta focus on tonight. I spent all week at work wanting more time to play games, and I have a low-level humming guilt about the size of my Pile of Shame. Tonight is the perfect opportunity to address these matters. Fight Night: Champion was pretty fun.
Mates and beers ... you're stuck on that last fight, which is too long and too hard.
Yeah. I pretty much got what I needed out of that game. Darksiders was good.
You are nearly at the end of that too, and it was also getting annoying with those portal mechanics. There's not much left in there for you to enjoy except maybe another overlong boss fight.
True, true. Maybe I could replay a game ... I always wanted to go back to Alpha Protocol and make different choices.
You'll still have to deal with those tricky shooting mechanics when your skills are low. Are you really going to play through it all again, or just quit halfway through like you did with building the cubbyhouse?
All right, geez, I'll get on to that tomorrow. God of War 3 is wicked. KRA-TOS.
If you don't replay it on Hard, it's boring. If you do replay it on Hard, it's too hard. Don't you just want some relaxing fun after a long week at work?
Alrighty then, back to the Pile. Splinter Cell: Double Agent. Stealthy stealthy!
The controls were too fiddly, and you'll just be lurking in shadows waiting for guards to finish patrol patterns. May as well go straight to bed now.
I was enjoying Crysis 2 when I lost the save due to changing PS3s. That was pretty cool. Action stealthy!
Yeah, you really should have done your homework better on changing PS3s, you lost a lot of saved games there.
I followed all the Youtube instructions I found, I backed up my saves. How was I to know that some of them register to a specific PS3? Not my fault.
So you think Crysis 2 was good enough to replay ALL that early stuff?
You have a point. Modern Warfare 2 — I never really even started that.
Really? Jumping into a dumb military shooter? You played Gone Home this year; you're better than that now.
Fine. Bioshock Infinite.
It's pretty, but it's too redolent of Bioshock. It's essentially a linear progression from shootbox to shootbox, plus you can never use the Vigors as much as you want to.
Then why did you make me pick it up from the shops last week, tool?
It was on sale. $50 off!
Journey is on my hard drive.
I Am Alive ?
Finicky combat, confusing climbing mechanics.
3D Dot Game Heroes?
Retro off-brand game trading on nostalgia for a game you never played in the first place.
How many thousands of times have you played Civ? C'mon man, play something NEW and exciting.
Maybe you don't actually want to play a game. No one who likes games would suggest that.
How about a proper RPG? I could go back to Kingdoms of Amalur.
Or Dragon's Dogma.
Too much walking. The lack of fast travel holds it back.
Haven't you sunk enough hours into that game? You've finished it twice. I thought this was about the Pile.
Right, right. I have the Metal Gear Solid HD collection. I loved Metal Gear Solid 4, why not get into the back catalogue?
You tried MGS3 for a bit, and the controls were weird. You'd have to re-learn them. Sounds like work.
Ahh, Shadow of the Colossus: You can't argue with this one; it's an undisputed classic — the My Dinner With Andre of games.
Meh, it's basically just a lot of walking to boss fights and trying to get the hang of (high five!) those gripping mechanics. Do you want to play something that slow?
Ico? Some of the puzzles were pretty cool.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2?
Game Of Thrones?
Watching extended conversation between two static character models crossing and uncrossing their arms while supporting cast members from the show phone in some voicework? No thanks.
C'mon, there has to be something here.
Maybe you quit these games for a reason. Maybe not everything you buy has to be finished. You don't owe anything to these games. If they can't hold your attention, that's their fault — not yours.
Maybe you're being too critical. How about when I picked up Far Cry 2 after leaving it on the shelf for a couple of years, and had a blast? How about when I finally finished Tomb Raider?
They were awesome.
See? Digging into the Pile can be fun.
But none of these games are as good as those.
They could be, if you'd let them.
I'm just trying to make sure you have a good time. You've only got a few hours to game, gotta make them count.
Frankly, anything I play right now will be OK. Otherwise it's watching Trailer Park Boys again.
No fair! You just rewatched them all last month!
And I'll do it again if I can't find a game. So ... Killzone 2? Shadows Of The Damned?
Are you sure you have the hand-eye co-ordination for shooting right now? What about a strategy game?
Well, you've already vetoed Civ, so ... R.U.S.E. instead.
RTS on a console? Bleurgh. Gotta be turn based.
Easy, then. XCOM: Enemy Unknown.
No, you're waiting for the expansion to come out soon. Keep your powder dry for that.
"Powder dry"? That gives me an idea.
You leave me no other choice. Port Royale 3!
But it's just trading!
There's ship combat, too.
And you didn't want combat anyway.
It's settled. I'm walking back down the hall now to play Port Royale 3.
I suppose the ocean sounds are soothing. And it has nice, bright colours ...