July 30 – August 3

Let's talk about Orcs Must Die for a moment, because I just realized that I am operating from the assumption that all of you have played it. That may be a faulty assumption, so I start with this. If you haven't played Orcs Must Die, you have chosen poorly.

From a pure "fun" perspective, frankly Orcs Must Die is up there with Saint's Row The Third for me as one of last year's genuinely refreshing plunges into the deep end of the Pool of Fun. I'm not saying it was the best game of 2011, nor that it was an exceptional demonstration of the art of video gamery, but what it lacked in industry evolving pomp it made up for in the wonderful execution of a simple idea. Here's how it works: There are orcs. They must die.

So, on the strength of that premise alone, I have a great degree of hopeful anticipation for Orcs Must Die 2, which I assume operates on a similar philosophy of: Look, more orcs. They must also die.

What Orcs Must Die 2 adds to the mix is co-operative play where you and a friend can place devious traps in what should become a orchestral duet of projectiles, fire, lethal goo, catapults and all manner of devilry designed to wound, maim, dismember and otherwise kill a seemingly never-ending rampage of relatively simple-minded orcs. If this sounds like fun, then you should already be planning to pick up Orcs Must Die 2, incidentally our game of the week.

If this does not sound like fun to you, read it again, because you're wrong. Proceed to the next step only when you "get it" and it does sound like fun to you.

Also this week, Kingdom Hearts 3D hits the 3Ds.

PC
- Panzer Corps: Afrika Korps
- The Host Holic (download)
- The Political Machine 2012 (download)
- Awesomenauts (download)
- Bust-n-Rush (download)
- Death Rally (download)
- Orcs Must Die! 2 (download)

Xbox 360
- Risen 2: Dark Waters
- Deadlight (XBLA)

PS3
- Risen 2: Dark Waters
- The Expendables 2 (PSN)
- War of the Monsters (PS2 Classic)
- Grand Theft Auto III (PS2 Classic)

3DS
- Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance
- 3D Solitaire (eShop)

PSP
- Growlanser: Wayfarer of Time

DS
- The Lost Town: The Jungle (DSiWare)

Comments

If this does not sound like fun to you, read it again, because you're wrong.

Elysium. Educating gamers one week at a time.

Incidentally I was just telling someone the other day that OMD might not be the best game of 2011 but it was the best named game of that and most other years.

I couldn't hear this article over the sound of spiky-haired protagonists yelling about friendship and memories.

For all of those who are getting Kingdom Hearts 3D: The dialogue of Kingdom Hearts becomes more entertaining if you mentally replace all instances of the word "heart" with "pants."

Oh, the Death Rally remake finally hits PC this week? Awesome, assuming it actually plays better than the phone version. Also, Is Awesomenauts worth a look?

Also this week, Kingdom Hearts 3D hits the 3Ds.

I cannot stop reading this and hearing some corona infused disdain coming from every word

Uh, I'm weak. I'm getting both, though maybe not this week. I have to buy a 3DS to go with the KH game.

Demyx wrote:

I couldn't hear this article over the sound of spiky-haired protagonists yelling about friendship and memories.

For all of those who are getting Kingdom Hearts 3D: The dialogue of Kingdom Hearts becomes more entertaining if you mentally replace all instances of the word "heart" with "pants."

That actually helps every game in the series, especially Terra's stupid pronouncements in Birth By Sleep. It's also great fun in Zelda. I have a friend who does well with a broad, nigh Shakespearean manner of speech and had him do Groose's lines from Skyward Sword.

Looking forward to killing Orcs with my son this week.

I've got a preorder of The Political Machine waiting to unlock. I enjoyed the hell out of the original incarnation of the game, back in '04 or so.

momgamer wrote:

I have a friend who does well with a broad, nigh Shakespearean manner of speech and had him do Groose's lines from Skyward Sword. ;)

YouTube link or it didn't happen

Tanglebones wrote:

I've got a preorder of The Political Machine waiting to unlock. I enjoyed the hell out of the original incarnation of the game, back in '04 or so.

Me too, but I also played a bunch of '08. I loved making Palin do stupid things.

Demyx wrote:

I couldn't hear this article over the sound of spiky-haired protagonists yelling about friendship and memories.

For all of those who are getting Kingdom Hearts 3D: The dialogue of Kingdom Hearts becomes more entertaining if you mentally replace all instances of the word "heart" with "pants."

Kingdom Pants?

In the US or UK meaning of the word?

It's up to you, man. The ambiguity is the best part of it.

Got my killbox ready to grind up some orcs, bring 'em on!

Also, since this game doesn't support any form of public matchmaking for C-Op, if you see me playing alone and want to join in, just holler!

momgamer wrote:

It's up to you, man. The ambiguity is the best part of it.

Maybe it's both and their trousers phase in and out of existence.

How does the difficulty stack up to the original? I thought the launch levels in the original were a good level of challenge, but the DLC levels were way too hard.

Growlanser is my pick for the week. Or will be when I have money.

Deadlight seems interesting. Risen 2 could be a bargain bin buy later on.

But why must Orcs die? They're people too.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

But why must Orcs die? They're people too.

IMAGE(http://art.penny-arcade.com/photos/i-HNp8dgz/0/L/i-HNp8dgz-X3.jpg)

Orcs Must Use Their Own Fountains
Orcs Must Sit at the Back of the Bus
Orcs Must Not Build Their Temple on the Pelennor Fields
Orcs Must Remove Religious Tuskgear for Photo Identification
Orcs Must Pull Over for a Broken Taillight and Step Out of the Cart Please

Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance

WTF?

This wins the internet for most obscure mega-hyper-alpha-IV game name suffix.

So the new naming trend a la "[Series Name]: Advance" and "[Series Name]: [Word that begins with D] [Word that begins with S]" is "[Series Name]: [Three words that begin with D]"?

Cool. I can get behind that.

Coming This Fall:

Final Fantasy: Debbie Does Dallas

fangblackbone wrote:
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance

WTF?

This wins the internet for most obscure mega-hyper-alpha-IV game name suffix.

Nope, still not as silly as Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

Demyx wrote:
fangblackbone wrote:
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance

WTF?

This wins the internet for most obscure mega-hyper-alpha-IV game name suffix.

Nope, still not as silly as Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

This. I took to calling it Kingdom Hearts: Irrational Number.

Demyx wrote:
fangblackbone wrote:
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance

WTF?

This wins the internet for most obscure mega-hyper-alpha-IV game name suffix.

Nope, still not as silly as Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

What's that, like Kingdom Hearts: Semi-Retirement?