The S.S. Anne awaits!

Pokédrag: Not Quite Querelle de Brest


Poor Denis and Daenerys had just finished wringing the water out of their respective tucks when lure of a party on the the S.S. Anne beckoned them south. As I looked at the map, I realized it was a straight trip south that would lead me on through Saffron City before I made it to what I presumed would be lovely beaches and warm climes. Taking stock of which little Pokédrag performers I would be taking with me, I decided Daenerys deserved to take a long rest during my travels south.

Well, almost. First I had to track through a poor man’s burglarized home, then head south, but lunk-headed me kept jumping off a cliff which made me go around a row of houses, then through the old man’s house again, and repeat at least twice before I realized I needed to walk a little more to the right before I headed down. Then we headed south!

On the way I noticed a small house, so had to backtrack north again to go jumping down cliffs and brushing through grass. Whatever one might say of a drag army, this one was certainly getting its fair share of exercise in both performance and physical labor! We found an elderly man whom I could pay to help train and care for my Pokémon. I asked him about the finer points of drag queen and kingdom, in order to determine if he could give them a proper education. Alas, he looked rather confused, and I left none of my Poké-tutees with him.

Instead, I was sidetracked by an underground passage! Apparently there was something afoot in Saffron City, and I could not go through it directly. Instead, coming out the other end of the tunnel, I waded through more grassland, and somehow managed to get into fights with random people hiding in grasses in what seemed like a park. It was during this time that Grete decided to give being a Metapod a try. She hardened, she was bug-eyed, and she decided it was not her. Good thing that soon after she morphed into a beautiful Butterfree, who now dazzled and confused her foes with her gorgeous wings.

Feeling inspired by the transformation, Barbarella decided being a simple Nidoran would no longer serve, and she changed her act to being a Nidorino. She must have been eating tons of protein and exercising, because she certainly bulked up during that transformation.

Here is also where I came across a feline in search of a troupe! The female Meowth might have given me a playful swat or two before we came to an accord, but confiding her stage name was Clancy, we continued on south and finally reached our destination: Vermilion City. Beach? Check! Thankfully my regular outfit did not have heels, as my running through the sand to see my little footprints tracking behind me would likely have been much more dangerous.

Barging into peoples’ houses in a fit of glitter before giving them a proper drag show, I ran into one tiny young girl who was offering me a Farfetch’d in exchange for a Spearow. I wasn’t about to give up Celaneo, so decided I would head out then and there and find another Spearow.

When I came across a female version of the species, she confided her name was Leonidas. I was almost too awestruck by the sheer brilliance of a drag king named Leonidas that I wanted to keep her; alas, I did trade her in. I may well regret that in the future when I grow weary and need to keep myself awake and want to cry out, “This. Is. Pokédrag!”

The Farfetch’d was named Ch’Ding, and he let me know he wanted to change his stage name, but we would need to contemplate the matter for a bit. I was still in the afterglow of the Leonidas stage name and had no time to think of a better one at that moment.

It was during these shows in peoples’ houses, and in the Pokémon Fan Club, that I was given two presents. Being much more accustomed to presents in the form of drinks or dollar bills, I was rather surprised by both the bike voucher I was given, and the electronic thingy-ma-bobber that allowed me to find out if any of the Pokétrainers I’d previously met were raring for another display of my awesome performances. The latter was also self-charging, as long as I walked a bit and gave it some time. This world was obviously thought up by the Japanese.

While the S.S. Anne was now within my reach, I decided to explore a bit to the east. There I found a large grassland with many trainers itching to throw Pokémon that I’d never even seen at me, largely electric-type Pokémon. There were a few close calls, but my little kings and queens were resilient and only came out the stronger for their dance routines and lip syncs (with some fire and earthquakes thrown in for good measure). During our walks through the grass, we met a male Drowzee. She confided her name was Ms. Jumbo. She certainly didn’t look like she was Dumbo’s mother, but the Baku being such stuff as dreams are made on, I was certainly not doing to deny her desires.

Unfortunately, it seemed a Snorlax was going to block any progress further to the east, so I returned and made my way to the S.S. Anne.

Party time!

Or not. As it seems I have missed the party. I blame my own sense of always needing to perform. Perhaps if I had come straight to Vermilion City, I would have had more luck.

I had heard rumors and mumbles about the captain being sick and having a cutting wit. I decided that, since I was already late, a trip through the cabins for more shows was well worth my time. And what did I find?


Sailors and parties are certainly not mutually exclusive, but these sailors were of the type to throw shellfish at me, so I decided not to pursue it further. However, one did ask me to join up. I think that was a pickup line? Well, this island certainly has no “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.

Then I encountered my rival Rush, who was bragging about his already having caught forty Pokémon. Unfortunately, this meant his own stood no chance again the might of Ororo and the queens and kings following in her steps. When I came up to the captain afterward, he was busy hurling the contents of his stomach into some manner of receptacle.

Any drag performer is familiar with this scene, given our usual venue of performance, so I let him know I was there while slowly rubbing his back. As the narrator in my head was saying at the moment, “RUB-RUB... RUB-RUB... RUB-RUB...” I tried not to giggle, and thankfully the captain soon felt better. Thanking me, he handed me some manner of disc that would teach my Pokémon how to “CUT” trees. Looking at it, I happened to put it into a CD player, pop earphones on Mendel, and soon enough, he was cutting up a rug, getting Poké with it. Well, that certainly explained that.

Wishing the captain a fond farewell, I took leave of the S.S. Anne and headed back into town. It was now time to backtrack and do some cutting down of various small plants I had seen in my travels. First, however, it was time for some time on the beach, relaxing and ... oh, there was a gym, blocked by a tree. Well, it can wait until next week.

What an adorable little belly, sailor.
Is that a pickup line?
No, actually, I don't? What do they say?
Localization failure? Or purposely pedobearish?
Bon voyage!


Tee hee!

Hahahaha, Vermillion City is so much fun. Glad to hear you're enjoying the beach.

I may well regret that in the future when I grow weary and need to keep myself awake and want to cry out, “This. Is. Pokédrag!”

Truly, allowing a drag king like Leonidas to move on must have taken steely determination.