Pokédrag: Brock

When last we left our intrepid Pokédrag trainer—

When we last saw Denis, the new Pokémon trainer with her fabulous chapeau, she was leaving Professor Oak’s lab and heading north to some manner of town or another. The advice upon which we left was to seek personal growth. While it’s probably too early in this heroine’s story to find such, I certainly was feeling the lack of an army as I kept encountering random wild Pokémon in the grasses.

Therefore, as soon as I reached Viridian City, I imagined Denis prancing about in a gorgeous sea foam gown, carefully selecting the balls she would use to attract these wild Pokémon types. The advice I was given was that I would need to reduce their health to a sliver before I could beguile them with my balls. Perhaps a bit rough for a game supposedly aimed toward children, but, well—

So the first Pokémon Daenerys and I happened to catch? A rattata, eh? And a male rattata at that? Well, no other name would do for this rodent type but Ms. Brisby (the Mrs. wouldn’t quite fit the name field, and these queens were not about to admit to being married young ladies; no, sirree). Between the grasses outside Viridian City and Forest, I managed to make up a small phalanx to start: a male mankey named Koko; female pidgey named Kaiser; male spearow by the name of Celaneo; Grete the male caterpie; and then the enchanting weedle, who preferred Anastasia.

Because the gym seemed closed in Viridian City, and the path to the west only led to another trouncing of Rush, I determined I had to go through the forest. This is what every enterprising drag queen leader must do: rough it in hostile environments with her army, denied easy access to her resources for a quick refresher. The long grasses did well to hide the Pokémon from me, though I couldn’t help but notice how they seemed to constantly be hiding, whether it be in the grass or inside the cramped quarters of mystifying space in those Pokéballs. I would like to think my training was helping them come out a bit. However, since most drag queens and kings start preparing in cramped quarters, it only seemed natural they should at least experience this type of life to begin.

This was also the first time I noticed an evolution! Anastasia managed to turn into a kakuna, and before my very eyes, my tutee was becoming a more robust queen. Now to ponder when the others would do so. I could only give them so many tips, and kept emphasizing that a good performance requires change and evolutions of their acts. Meanwhile, there was plenty of grinding as I prepared for my encounter with the coming town’s gym leader, Brock.

Pewter City was something new! It had more than just citizens walking about, allowing me to prance right into their homes and touch and read everything, a Pokémart for my purchasing needs (including a few pick-me-ups), and a Pokécenter in which my drag army could get some R&R. Oh yes, it had a museum! With bones and fossils and models, oh my!

More importantly, however, as I started walking off into the east, a young man decided I must simply follow him to that city’s gym. It was time to prove my worth. It was time to see if I had the right stuff to impress Brock, and gain a Pokébadge. In other words, it was time to accessorize.

What I encountered was someone who could not accept that my eleganza was ‘hotter’ than Brock. After all, I had cute shorts, a ball cap to indicate I was okay with my non-ultra-femme drag, a powder-blue tanktop to show off my elegant pitching arms, and a cute satchel to bring it all together. And Brock was hotter than I? I think not, little man who just rudely walked up and started throwing Pokémon at me.

Thankfully, after his thorough trouncing, I walked up to Brock himself. I have recorded his words, available to the right for you to take a gander. It’s all a matter of perception, and I can imagine girl Pokétrainer Denis performing the hand-to-mouth giggling before she faced off against Brock’s rock-type Pokémon. Thankfully, she proved that beyond just being a pretty face, she was one fierce que—well, at the very least, she proved she was one fierce drag tutor.

What followed was Daenerys having to cover for Ms. Brisby, then bowing out to allow Celaneo a fighting chance. They steadily began blinking in their health cursors, and I pulled out one more ball to throw: Koko the fighting monkey-esque Pokémon. It may well have been her rotund form mixed with lithe tail, but she wowed them, and they gagged on her fabulousness. The lesson learned was never to underestimate a mankey in Pokédrag. Also: fighting type is super effective versus rock type; if you’ve never seen a drag queen’s martial prowess, it was dazzling.

Acquiring my Rock Badge now granted me the ability to—

Flash?

I would like to think the queens and kings I was training were going to show some modesty at least. We had only covered the most basic tucking lessons, and not enough to go ‘flashing.’

Mulling over this new ability to acquire an ability, I took out my town map and realized I had quite the journey ahead of me. Through Mt. Moon, and then on to Cerulean City. One must wonder if these cities’ fashion seasons revolve around their namesakes, or if they eschewed and avoided the colors completely. Well, I would say there was some personal growth this time around. Denis learned that she is indeed hotter than Brock. One look into any pond will reveal that truth.

Not the most effective pickup line in history.
Brock, you have a way with words...
Go Koko!
And upon further reflection—we'll get back to you on that.

Comments

Drag queen Pokemon trainer? I missed the first article. Time to go reads it.

I love this series. Definitely a worthwhile read.

I'm glad to hear your moves are super effective!

This is a great concept. Looking forward to future installments!

When we last saw Denis, he was screwing up Mister Wilson's yard with his bike. Wait, wrong game.

Great concept! I hope to read more articles. I wonder if this idea could be better translated to a different medium. I suspect a blog would make it even more hilarious, with updates. Then you could track it cronologically.

Bonnonon wrote:

Great concept! I hope to read more articles. I wonder if this idea could be better translated to a different medium. I suspect a blog would make it even more hilarious, with updates. Then you could track it cronologically.

I may be able to get the code kids to give this series its own series title, in which case you could click that series title (where it now says "Guest Article") and view all the entries in isolation.

A year ago I played Pokemon for the first time, doing research for a possible transmedia game project. I was really impressed that the Pokemon TV show followed the same plotline as Fire Red / Leaf Green. Reading this gives me bad flashbacks to that show. ("Flashback" is an apt choice of words considering the show's reputation for triggering epileptic fits).

Bonnonon wrote:

I wonder if this idea could be better translated to a different medium. I suspect a blog would make it even more hilarious, with updates. Then you could track it cronologically.

Series of Tweets?

Defeated @PokeBrock (#pushover); taught me to flash. #HaveWeNoModesty

wordsmythe wrote:
Bonnonon wrote:

Great concept! I hope to read more articles. I wonder if this idea could be better translated to a different medium. I suspect a blog would make it even more hilarious, with updates. Then you could track it cronologically.

I may be able to get the code kids to give this series its own series title, in which case you could click that series title (where it now says "Guest Article") and view all the entries in isolation.

If the series continues then viewing all the entries in isolation would be great.

I still don't get it.