Memoirs of a Lonely Techie
“I can't go on any more bad dates. I would rather be home alone than out with some guy who sells socks on the internet.”
After you, milady. Just, uh, make sure you take your shoes off. My lease is up in 6 months and I don’t want to be charged the carpet replacement fee. No harm in being careful, right? And oh, I am careful, just so you know.
There’s an elegant shoe-rack inside, directly to your right. It’s inspired by the classic Pac-Man game board. You probably already noticed that, what with the giant pixel-art Pac-Man Jr. on the wall. Perhaps you have also noticed the semi-complete set of ghosties sitting on the wall-rack, next to the FIOS box? I’m short a Clyde. My roomie broke him last month. That’s what I get for letting his coworkers use the place for a soirée.
Oh, but no worries about him. He’s out all weekend. Yep, it’s nothing but us tonight. Us, some shampagnee, and the 64” DLP. Sixty. Four. Impressed? Try missing a headshot on that baby.
I’m really happy you decided to drop by, you know. I had to make some changes to my plans, of course, but I hope you think it’s worth it. I’ve had this stew sitting in the crock pot for 6 or 7 hours now. Doesn’t it smell delish? I mean, it’s, uh, good enough to eat, right? You can put your coat on the futon.
I fear I’ve been rude, what with sitting you directly in front of the Xbox. It’s the 120 Gb model, of course. That’s a custom paint job, too. Microsoft doesn’t just sell a Hello Kitty model and matching controller. They probably should, though. You’d buy one, right?
But enough about toys, there’s a mood that needs to be set. I have aromatherapy candles that will … Oh, the bathroom? Yes, it’s down the hall. Take your time down the seven foot hall leading down to it. There’s a nice display of Marios along the wall. I call it the evolution set. See if you can find the missing link. *snort* It’s a joke, see, because there’s a picture of A Link to the Past Link between the 8-bit and 16-bit sprites. Clever, I know.
[size=10]posted 47 minutes ago from Tweetie[/size]
Oh! I was just checking my twitter feed while you were indisposed. I took the liberty of setting up our evening. Yes, those are the candles I mentioned. They’re in commemorative Street Fighter tealight cups. Shaped like hadokens, naturally. Now that we have appropriate lighting, allow me a moment to set the stage. All it takes is a click of this controller and voila!
You may notice the music playing. It’s from my LastFM playlist. I call it “Encounters.” Yes, I always have some Barry White oozing from my speakers as I Pwn n00bz, as they say. There’s a Dragonforce track coming up after a few of these Pink Floyd songs. And no, this isn't streaming from a computer. It’s coming straight from the ‘box. It has to be at least a 256k VBR file. It’s just so rich, though that could be the Polk speakers. Wouldn’t you agree?
I couldn’t help but notice you were surprised when I pulled out the controller to start the music. It’s a little something we call convergence. You thought I just kept the Xbox around because I like playing games, right? No way! It’s a complete entertainment hub. Why, I could rent The Matrix off of this thing and we’d be watching it in, like, three minutes. Or I could stream episodes of The Guild or TopGear straight from my torrentbox. That’s before we even add in the Rock Band instruments.
This might be forward, but I think we’ve got a hell of a night before us. Don’t you think? Maybe even, um, a morning?
But that LastFM integration … uh … it’s something isn’t it? I mean, just five years ago, people probably would have looked down on someone like me. We probably would have gone to, like, a movie and had to listen to all those other people eat popcorn or fiddle around. Or we would have had to go … out. But things have really changed. These things aren’t just game boxes. They’re whole media delivery systems. Can you imagine telling someone you had spent a night playing with a plastic guitar during the SNES years? What a long, strange trip it’s been.
And you know, it’s so nice to see the world of gaming open up. As a casual gamer, you probably really appreciate not having to learn all the complicated button presses or deal with all the timing stuff that most hardcore gamers have to learn. Yep, just pick up a Wii stick, wiggle it around. Fun. Right?
No, I don’t own a Wii. It’s, well, it’s not a real console. All I can do is play games on it. And really, the games aren’t that good. I might as well have a DS Lite if I wanted to just play games. At least that way I’d be able to play something on the bus, or while I’m on the can.
Not much convergence to be had on that Wii. It has a web browser. That’s cool. I guess. Like you could do anything with that. But if that’s your thing, knock yourself out kiddo.
The Xbox? It’s a convergence orgy. Hell, you probably forgot the music was coming out of it until now. But there it is, the center of a finely tuned video/music experience, and the heart of our wonderful evening. Together.
I knew you’d get it. Watching you look through the rows of trade-ins at GameStore #241, I knew you’d understand how revolutionary this gaming stuff can be. Because, uh, it’s not like they hyped the release of a LastFM iPhone app. No! They talked up its inclusion on a gaming platform. Gaming! They looked at the system and thought, “People could use some tunes on this.” Like I said, opening up the experience, right. They didn’t say “gamers” could really use this, they thought, “Oh yeah, regular people would love this.” Because REGULAR PEOPLE are using these.
You keep checking your phone. Did you want to catch tonight’s 1 vs. 100 match? I have an extra Gold account if you want to play Modern Warfare 2, but there’s also that Nirvana track-pack for RB2. You haven’t really touched the stew, either. Is it not to your liking?
Perhaps you need a massage? I have a few XBLA games that will do just that. One, in particular, uses multiple controllers to get the job done. Or maybe you would prefer the limited edition My Merry Melody shoulder massager I imported from Japan? It’s mint-in-box, of course, but what the hell. I think this qualifies as a special occasion.
Oh no, don’t get your coat. Work tomorrow? So early? We’re not even 1/3 of the way through the playlist! Oh no, I understand. I should probably get to bed as well. Let me unlock the door for you. Mayhaps I should walk you to your conveyance? Just as well. I should check to see if anyone on my friends list is playing. They might want to party up or something.
Oh, hey, before you leave, can I get your gamertag?
convergence denied! : (
[size=10]posted 12 minutes ago from Tweetie[/size]