Employee Profile: LobsterMobster

Left 4 Seabed

Employee Profiles are back, and this week features everybody's favorite clawed crustacean, LobsterMobster! I tracked down one of his many chocobo pals to obtain a testimonial regarding the nature of this mysterious, game-playing, wisecracking saucemonger.

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Wark wark wark wark-wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark...

Wark-wark wark waaaaaaaaaaaark wark wark wark-wark, wark wark wark wark wark wark wark wark waaaaaaaaaaark!

Wark

Well there you have it folks, some stunning allegations. At least I think they're stunning. My chocobo is a little rusty these days. Anybody care to translate?

1. Who the devil are you?

Well, I'm certainly not The Devil. I'm not sure where you got that idea. Probably from someone who didn't read the fine print on his contract and will soon be regretting that mistake very deeply.

I am a 27-year-old Everyman. Definitely a 'work to live' type, known for my sense of humor (read: scathing, constant sarcasm). I've also been told that I think too much.

2. What are you supposed to be doing during the day when you're reading GWJ?

Despite the hurting economy, my degree in English literature and my websurfing, I've actually managed to stay employed. My job title is very long and more impressive than it should be, so I'll keep things simple and say that I write reports on military and aerospace technology. These reports contain technical information as well as my estimation on where various markets are heading. I have no affiliation with any government organization, or access to any information that isn't publicly available. We're pretty similar to Jane's, if you're familiar with that company.

3. How about family? Kids? Pets? Particularly meaningful inanimate objects?

I live close enough to my parents to visit them from time to time, but too far away from my brother to see him much. You've all heard the stories about my mom and most of you have had some quality time to get to know her, so I won't elaborate on that. I am currently single.

As for pets, this is actually the first time in my life I have not owned an animal. I bought my first home about two years back and the closest thing I have to a pet is the occasional spider. Or horde, as the first summer I lived here I was pretty sure my AC vent was a spawn point.

Throughout my life I've had an assortment of dogs and birds. The former ranged from a black lab we raised for The Seeing Eye to a Pomeranian. The latter, an African Grey parrot to a few ducks.

4. What was your favorite game over the last year or so? Why?

The one I've played the most is definitely Left 4 Dead. That game is really phenomenal. Aside from Valve's usual quality, attention to detail, and continued support, it's just something very fresh and exciting. I can't think of any other game where teamwork is so critically important. It's also amazing how well tuned it feels, given many different ways in which things can go quickly, horribly wrong. The fact that after almost a year we still have at least one full game going every night is a testament to the fact that Left 4 Dead is really something special.

Even if that '4' still makes me cringe a bit.

5. Which game are you looking forward to most?

Left 4 Dead 2. Playing the new Crash Course content only reminded me how much I want to get my hands on that. There are things I'm still skeptical about -- the characters and setting seem a little too specific for me, in contrast to L4D1's 'any one, any town' design, and I'm unsure about the pre-order bonuses -- but I have faith Valve will deliver something worth the price of admission. I'm also eager to get that 'first run' sensation again. There's nothing quite like not knowing where you need to go, yet knowing you need to move... Now.

6. What is your fondest gaming memory?

I got a Dreamcast while I was in college, and I lived in the same building as one of my professors (whose wife was actually my boss at the time). He was a relatively young professor and dabbled in gaming from time to time, so once when his wife kicked him out of their apartment for a bit he came over and we played Soul Calibur. Now, he was a professor of some pretty heavy stuff: philosophy of linguistics. Even at the time he was known in his field and had his own theory on the nature of truth. So, really smart guy. I already knew him pretty well through his wife and us being neighbors, I'd been over for dinner before, and I even helped his wife hide an Xbox that she got for him as a surprise, but there was just something about playing Soul Calibur with him that has always amused me. We so rarely think of our teachers, philosophers and scientists as actual people, rather than embodied ideas that exist only to impart upon us their knowledge. Yet there we were, beating each other up with flashy sparkly magic polygons as we drifted by the castle, down the river.

This is part of why I found it so asinine when they put Star Wars characters in Soul Calibur 4. That game and I have history. It's not just marketing material.

7. What is your most embarrassing gaming memory? If you hold back, we'll know.

I'm going to bring up Left 4 Dead again. We were playing on Blood Harvest and I was Bill. The start of the campaign wasn't particularly memorable, just digging our way through the forest, getting scraped up a bit but otherwise fine. Then we made it to the rope bridge. As I was walking toward it, one of the garage doors (my gaming room's floor is the ceiling of a community garage) opened and made my chair vibrate in kind of a weird way, so I looked down and behind me as if I expected to see a little magical gnome shaking it. I looked back at my screen just in time to see poor Bill plummet to his death. While I was distracted, I'd kept walking forward, missed the bridge entirely, and went right off the cliff. Apparently it was so deliberate, the game decided it could not have been an accident and didn't put me hanging on the ledge.

Hilarity ensued.

8. Finally, why do you play games at all? Why haven't you outgrown them?

Gaming satisfies a need for me, a need to try something new now and then, take my mind off my own life, and focus entirely on something that has very little, if any, consequence. I think it's that same need that leads people to read, watch movies, play pretend, or do anything else that requires them to let themselves go. The interactive nature of the medium works on a few different levels. It can challenge me to figure out how the story is supposed to go, and it can let me change how the story goes myself. I can also run around stomping bad guys for 200 hours and enjoy it, which is pretty unique to gaming.

As for outgrowing them, should I? We tend to graduate from one form of playing pretend to another, more acceptable one. I don't feel any obligation to put the games down just yet, especially since I already do enjoy the more 'grown-up' alternatives from time to time.

9. Thanks for taking the time to answer our hard hitting questions! Any last words?

Why doesn't this questionnaire demand I explain how I got my forum name and avatar? Inquiring minds want to know!

Oh, and seriously, who told you I was The Devil?

Informant chocobo

Comments

The Picture is exactly what I thought Lobster looked like but he's a little smaller than I thought

You've all heard the stories about my mom and most of you have had some quality time to get to know her, so I won't elaborate on that.

The last few times I've tried to drop by the line has been out the door.

Whoa! He did what to the chocobo? Dude, that's disgusting! I didn't even know that was physically possible. I think even Quintin would feel bad for the poor oversized chicken.

What exactly was the thought process behind the decision to do a profile on Lobster rather than his mother? Who is responsible and why does he still work here?

Rallick wrote:

Whoa! He did what to the chocobo? Dude, that's disgusting! I didn't even know that was physically possible. I think even Quintin would feel bad for the poor oversized chicken.

He had it comin'.

Congrats Lobster. Frankly i expected something more because at some point the employee profile turned into a review of L4D, preview of L4D2 and your gushing praise of Valve.

We all know there's a kick-back happening somewhere there.... this is a high-profile gaming site, after all.

That chocobo is a goddamn liar. He can't prove any of that!

Duoae wrote:

Congrats Lobster. Frankly i expected something more because at some point the employee profile turned into a review of L4D, preview of L4D2 and your gushing praise of Valve.

I was surprised too! I didn't know I loved Valve that much till I wrote it! Thanks for mucking through it.

And thanks for the profile, guys. I am honored and touched, and I will be showing the jury just where I am touched.

You can't prove anything!

Whoa. And I thought the mom jokes came fast and furious when I was in the military.

Let Legion's rage continue. This is quite amusing.
Also, thanks to Clem for bringing these back.

IMAGE(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2476/3975411732_d3eed191b9_o.jpg)

Is that a Michael Sera photobomb?

FSeven wrote:

What exactly was the thought process behind the decision to do a profile on Lobster rather than his mother? Who is responsible and why does he still work here?

This.

VicD714 wrote:
FSeven wrote:

What exactly was the thought process behind the decision to do a profile on Lobster rather than his mother? Who is responsible and why does he still work here?

This.

Because...

Minarchist wrote:

The last few times I've tried to drop by the line has been out the door. :(

This!

VicD714, FSeven, you two are the new *Legion*. *Legion*, you are the new Michael Sera.

Nice to see our Lobby!

Although, there must be a rule against anonymous profiles with generic pictures. Submissions lacking actual respondent's picture should be Rat Boy'd to the extent seen fit by The Management. And the mob.

I'm in good with the mob!

Minarchist wrote:
You've all heard the stories about my mom and most of you have had some quality time to get to know her, so I won't elaborate on that.

The last few times I've tried to drop by the line has been out the door. :(

If you decide to try again and wait in line, the safety word this week is popsicle.

LobsterMobster wrote:

I'm in good with the mob!

Your mom is especially good with a mob!

kaostheory wrote:
LobsterMobster wrote:

I'm in good with the mob!

Your mom is especially good with a mob!

OOOOOOOOooh!

Clemenstation wrote:

Is that a Michael Sera photobomb?

Pete Rose!

Kids today... *grumble*....

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

Nice to see our Lobby!

Although, there must be a rule against anonymous profiles with generic pictures. Submissions lacking actual respondent's picture should be Rat Boy'd to the extent seen fit by The Management. And the mob.

Not Blingee'd?

Hooray for the Devil Lobster!!

I would have thought your funniest gaming moment would have been in that Death Toll map where you had three of us crawl into the safe room while you (Bill) laughed and yelled at us from inside.

I will tell you who informed the establishment of your Devil title for the Sander Cohen signed figurine. How you obtain it through your dark methods is of course up to you.

Grubber788 wrote:

I would have thought your funniest gaming moment would have been in that Death Toll map where you had three of us crawl into the safe room while you (Bill) laughed and yelled at us from inside.

Embarrassing, not funniest! I'm sure Lobster had lots to choose from.

Clemenstation wrote:
VicD714 wrote:
FSeven wrote:

What exactly was the thought process behind the decision to do a profile on Lobster rather than his mother? Who is responsible and why does he still work here?

This.

Because...

Minarchist wrote:

The last few times I've tried to drop by the line has been out the door. :(

This!

VicD714, FSeven, you two are the new *Legion*. *Legion*, you are the new Michael Sera.

Crap!

Now I gotta buy a defibrillator, in case the site goes down.

Quintin_Stone wrote:
Grubber788 wrote:

I would have thought your funniest gaming moment would have been in that Death Toll map where you had three of us crawl into the safe room while you (Bill) laughed and yelled at us from inside.

Embarrassing, not funniest! I'm sure Lobster had lots to choose from. ;)

I should take up reading sometime. Do'h!

LobsterMobster is always out to lend a hand, Gratz to him! I always picture him like lurking in an underwater cave or something. Mysterious . . . dangerous . . . always watching . . . then POW!

I'm a bit disappointed you didn't put up your real picture. Nice try, but I'd recognize your sister anywhere.

tell us who the baby is!

IMAGE(http://imgur.com/5PXa3l.jpg)