Dear Xbox Live,
I know I haven't seen you in a while, and I wanted to explain. It's not you, really. I've just been off doing my own thing, with the zombies in the mall and all that. Really, it was Dead Rising all the way with me. I wasn't off hanging around her again, I just wanted you to know. I know the PC has always had her hooks in me, but I wasn't cheating on you. I've just been going through a rough bit, and I've been into my own single player thing for a while. But I wanted you to know, you and me and some Gears of War? Baby, I love you.
I mean, we have had some good times. Remember Halo 2? Back then, I had no idea you were so easy going. When I started playing Halo 2 with you, I had no idea what I was getting into. The first time I logged on, I admit I was pretty drunk. But I fumbled around and you helped me figure it out pretty quickly. You even let some of my friends join in. I just couldn't believe such a beautiful girl like you would be so open minded.
That was the beginning of the good times, back then with Halo 2. I couldn't stop spending time with you. I admit it, I was hooked. Suddenly the other girls didn't mean a thing to me and all I could think of was your sexy little interface. The way you'd listen to me talk for hours and never ask me to configure IP addresses or open ports on my firewall. I always knew where I was at with you. Anytime I needed to know who was online, what they were playing or anything else, you right there waiting.
Eventually though, I took you for granted. My ex, the PC, came calling and she had a luscious new pair of games. Rise of Legends and Civilization IV were both just what I wanted, and she knew it. She liked to tease me with it. She'd slyly ask, "Want to play Civ IV?". Then she'd taunt me for hours with random crashes and configuration headaches. She'd expect me to crawl over broken glass just to get voice chat working. And I did it, begrudgingly. I knew she was just messing with me, but where else could I get a good strategy game going?
It just got to the point of ridiculousness. I think I got maybe 3 or 4 good games of Rise of Legends out of her before she started getting temperamental. Usually I'd click on Rise of Legends and she'd be ready for some action. There towards the end though, I'd click her buttons and then she'd set fire to my lawn. I'd try to launch Skype and the next morning all my underwear would be hanging from the tree in my front yard. I don't even know how she got it up there. At that point, I swore her off forever. No more multiplayer PC games for me. Then after that happened about 5 more times, I actually quit.
Then you come back into my life with Gears of War and Rainbow Six Vegas. And you've had some work done yourself. This new wireless freedom is great, you and I can go anywhere together. It's completely uninhibited. I can still be playing while I grab a beer, or a sandwich, or even go to the toilet. Your interface is slicker than ever, and I can never get enough of your voice chat. Your new games are simply beautiful, I'm stunned. You and I have had more fun with Gears of War than I ever had with that crazy ex of mine. I'm all about you, I can't get enough.
The PC came around with Supreme Commander and C&C3, but I told her to get lost. They weren't even done yet, and she expected me to listen to her? I swear I'm so fed up, eventually I'm going to stop going over to her house. Just you wait, she's history. It's just you and me, all the way, Baby. The PC isn't even going to get the time of day from me, not with her fully 3D rendered sequel to Total Anihilation, or even with her sexy LAN parties. No way. Never again.
PS. If The PC calls while I'm out tell her to call my cell.