Dear Xbox Live

Dear Xbox Live,

I know I haven't seen you in a while, and I wanted to explain. It's not you, really. I've just been off doing my own thing, with the zombies in the mall and all that. Really, it was Dead Rising all the way with me. I wasn't off hanging around her again, I just wanted you to know. I know the PC has always had her hooks in me, but I wasn't cheating on you. I've just been going through a rough bit, and I've been into my own single player thing for a while. But I wanted you to know, you and me and some Gears of War? Baby, I love you.

I mean, we have had some good times. Remember Halo 2? Back then, I had no idea you were so easy going. When I started playing Halo 2 with you, I had no idea what I was getting into. The first time I logged on, I admit I was pretty drunk. But I fumbled around and you helped me figure it out pretty quickly. You even let some of my friends join in. I just couldn't believe such a beautiful girl like you would be so open minded.

That was the beginning of the good times, back then with Halo 2. I couldn't stop spending time with you. I admit it, I was hooked. Suddenly the other girls didn't mean a thing to me and all I could think of was your sexy little interface. The way you'd listen to me talk for hours and never ask me to configure IP addresses or open ports on my firewall. I always knew where I was at with you. Anytime I needed to know who was online, what they were playing or anything else, you right there waiting.

Eventually though, I took you for granted. My ex, the PC, came calling and she had a luscious new pair of games. Rise of Legends and Civilization IV were both just what I wanted, and she knew it. She liked to tease me with it. She'd slyly ask, "Want to play Civ IV?". Then she'd taunt me for hours with random crashes and configuration headaches. She'd expect me to crawl over broken glass just to get voice chat working. And I did it, begrudgingly. I knew she was just messing with me, but where else could I get a good strategy game going?

It just got to the point of ridiculousness. I think I got maybe 3 or 4 good games of Rise of Legends out of her before she started getting temperamental. Usually I'd click on Rise of Legends and she'd be ready for some action. There towards the end though, I'd click her buttons and then she'd set fire to my lawn. I'd try to launch Skype and the next morning all my underwear would be hanging from the tree in my front yard. I don't even know how she got it up there. At that point, I swore her off forever. No more multiplayer PC games for me. Then after that happened about 5 more times, I actually quit.

Then you come back into my life with Gears of War and Rainbow Six Vegas. And you've had some work done yourself. This new wireless freedom is great, you and I can go anywhere together. It's completely uninhibited. I can still be playing while I grab a beer, or a sandwich, or even go to the toilet. Your interface is slicker than ever, and I can never get enough of your voice chat. Your new games are simply beautiful, I'm stunned. You and I have had more fun with Gears of War than I ever had with that crazy ex of mine. I'm all about you, I can't get enough.

The PC came around with Supreme Commander and C&C3, but I told her to get lost. They weren't even done yet, and she expected me to listen to her? I swear I'm so fed up, eventually I'm going to stop going over to her house. Just you wait, she's history. It's just you and me, all the way, Baby. The PC isn't even going to get the time of day from me, not with her fully 3D rendered sequel to Total Anihilation, or even with her sexy LAN parties. No way. Never again.

Love,
Pyroman[FO]

PS. If The PC calls while I'm out tell her to call my cell.

Comments

"Want to play Civ IV?"

For a strange reason, Bender immediately came to my mind. "Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?" That and the sudden epiphany that a sequel to Total Annihilation should be called Brutal Annihilation.

And people wonder why this site sees all sorts of weird search strings.

The PC isn't even going to get the time of day from me, not with her fully 3D rendered sequel to Total Anihilation, or even with her sexy LAN parties. No way. Never again.

But TA was fully 3D....

Nice ramblings. But i'm still a PC bitch

Most amusing, and good timing - ironically, I had to forward some ports just last night to get Xbox Live working. But that doesn't in any way take away from teh funnay.

BadMojo wrote:

And people wonder why this site sees all sorts of weird search strings.

Nah, we really don't.

Nice!

For me it was WoW. Now that I've kicked that bitch to the curb, my Xbox is getting some major loving, and I've been playing a bit more with you guys.

Had to rub it in, didn't ya? I'm stuck getting drug face down through Dragonbarf Budo-whatever Tenthousand-characters 2 and that Little Blonde Ninja Twit and His Two Annoying Buddies Strike Again and you remind me that I could be playing Gears of War.

What in the world game are you referring to, mg?

The new Dragonball and Naruto game I think.

Edwin got it. Sorry about the cryptic stuff. It was a very very late night, and I think I'm channelling the Tuesday Morning Quarterback today. No one seems to understand what the heck I'm saying.

Brilliant work Pyroman...but I still don't want an Xbox. World of Warcaft is half naked, asking me to fulfill her quests....and I just can't stay away.

Had to rub it in, didn't ya? I'm stuck getting drug face down through Dragonbarf Budo-whatever Tenthousand-characters 2 and that Little Blonde Ninja Twit and His Two Annoying Buddies Strike Again and you remind me that I could be playing Gears of War.

Add me to your friends list some time Momgamer. Gears of War is like my second home now

Pyro wrote:

...you and I can go anywhere together. It's completely uninhibited. I can still be playing while I grab a beer, or a sandwich, or even go to the toilet. Your interface is slicker than ever, and I can never get enough of your voice chat.

Quel romantique! Any console that wouldn't forgive you has a hard drive of stone.

then the cheating bastard wrote:

PS. If The PC calls while I'm out tell her to call my cell.

I tried to tell her you'd never change!

Someone needs to make a script to count every time someone writes an article that relates videogames to a sexual relationship.

Sure, I have my share of PC problems, but never so much that it wants to make me quit entirely. But I have a pretty technical background, with friends having a bit less or a bit more the same background, so we can get a lot of games and PC stuff running.

Also, I don't have a console to fall back on, that also makes it impossible to quit my sexy lady.

Asz wrote:

Someone needs to make a script to count every time someone writes an article that relates videogames to a sexual relationship.

It would be a huge bandwidth hogging mess. We could just come up with a board rule. We have Godwin's Law; now we'd have Ron Jeremy's Law.

Your loss, now it's me and her in the Supreme Commander Beta. She said you had a small clicking finger anyway.