Man Handle

A gamer with a job; I can't think of a person that needs to stay awake more. Well, maybe a few, like a doctor or a pilot, with a concussion. Or a guy on a unicycle, he's gotta be alert. But, I don't write for Concussed Doctors with Unicycles so I'm not worried about them. The point is that gaming tends to drag on into the night, and work tends to cut into our morning nap time so we have to find a way to keep our eyes open on a day to day basis. We have to, at least, appear alert and comprehending as we put in our 8 or 10 or 12 hours.

Enter coffee. The hot black liquid is what keeps most of us chugging along. It's the moonshine in our diesel engine. The only reason some of us can twist our chapped lips into the slight curve of a smile at 8:00 a.m.

It's so important that my work even provides its employees with an unlimited supply of this magical elixir. This ensures that we don't all come in to work only to immediately slump over our desks and chairs as if The Joker had just released his silent nerve gas into the building. It's just a part of my everyday life as I'm sure it is for a large portion of people that game and work, and that means you are all aware of that one device that taints the sweet existence of our precious life blood: those cheap, little styrofoam cups.

I truly hate the little white devils. They are annoying, small, and unnatural to touch. The Danny Devito's of the office kingdom. Well I'm tired of them! It's time for a new coffee cup. Not just any cup, mind you. I want to finally find that one mug that I've been pining for all these years: one with that will accommodate my homo-sapiens hand and all four of its fingers. I want to look at my mug and wonder whether to fill it with coffee or mead. I want a mug that will gain the respect of elf and dwarf alike. One that looks as if forged by Hephaestus himself. Got a picture in your head? Good, now let's get searching.

Time to let Google take us on a magical adventure. Are you listening Google? Search: Coffee Stein!

Hey, GiftMugs.com sounds promising. Maybe something from this charming set:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/4-giftmugs.jpg)

A good start but it's a little too close to the cutting edge of high fashion for me. I like Richard Scary, but I don't want to drink out of something appearing in one of his books. Plus, the first time I take it down to the Matrix-like staging area this office calls Data Processing and set it down next to a wall, I'll never find the damn thing again.

This one is a little more form without loosing function from BelDecal.com:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/beerstein.jpg)

You can even get this one personalized, but you have to get 50-100 of them next day FedEx. I'm afraid if I had 50 coffee mugs I would feel compelled to use them. The only way I can think to do that is to angrily smash one against the wall once or twice a week when someone disagrees with me. I'll just bookmark this for now.

Next, Ebay offers up this mighty champion:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/ec_1.jpg)

"Son, when your picture is on a coffee mug. THAT'S when you've made it." – Ron White, Sr.
This one is more the size and shape I want but I'm afraid there is a little too much Ron White all over the surface. I don't really even know who Mr. White is. I do know that he vaguely reminds me of "Buffalo Bill" from Silence of the Lambs. IT PUTS THE COFFEE IN THE CUP OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!

Hey, this looks promising, Stein World:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/steinworld.jpg)

Oh, the company is called Stein World but apparently only makes coffee tables. Ha ha, good one jackasses. I'm going to make a company called Table World but only give people the finger. We start production today! Check your Steinworld.ass email for a special offer!

Shop.webomator.com? I don't know what the hell a webomator is but they did have this little lass:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/stein.jpg)

Check out Von Celticstein here. Good size, great style, knot patterns on the side, and is that harp art? They call this the Offogerty Harp Stein so I guess it is. Damn, no mention at all of handling hot liquids. So close! I like it but I don't really need a beer mug all that much. I get my beer right from the source! You know the bottle. That's my source since I don't actually have a brewery. Let's move on.

Alright, Coffee Stein isn't really getting me there. Let's try searching for something more practical, like, Gigantic Coffee Mug:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/giantcoffee.jpg)

I want mine to have "Venti++" printed on the side of it. I can almost hear the polite, awkward laughter of my coworkers already. I also want another one to have a name that's a total rip off like this company has. The apples were here first, boys. Unfortunately, like a lot of big guys this one is suffering from a tiny handle.

A colleague of mine pointed me in a Café Press direction:

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/gwjmug.jpg)

Not too bad. It has a clean style and a message I can get behind. Look it even fits that tiny man's hand! Good job on the no frame of reference guys. That could be some kid's hand, or a shaved monkey. Nice try.

Wow, I'm still empty handed. I'm just not cut out for this "finding" crap. So, like everyday at work, after getting bored with a project I'm going to pass it along to someone else.

Find me a coffee mug!

Remember to use your judgment when looking. Just find one for me, don't buy it. I want the pleasure of doing that myself. Also, if you have questions about my preferences just apply my child adoption philosophy to your decision: Not too skinny but not too big to handle, color is not a preference as long as it isn't ugly, no crazy deformations, and make sure I can easily pick it up with one hand.

As far as judging handle size, remember I want to be able to hold the handle with my entire hand. Not daintily with two fingers like my English relatives. I've included a picture of my dominant hand holding a common object for size reference. Happy hunting!

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/handcrush.jpg)

Comments

This should be big enough... too bad its styrofoam

measured in at 7 ft. tall, 6 ft. wide and weighed 5,000 lbs.
painthappens wrote:

IMAGE(http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/cupidshut_1919_23516741)

Now that is how the MAN would drink his coffee!

Great article. What do you think of this?

IMAGE(http://www.australianweddingcompany.com.au/images/DSCF1154_480.jpg)

I use a 34 oz plastic mug I got from Wal-Mart. Personally, I use it for water, though I don't see any reason you can't use it for coffee. It's got a large handle and a travel top with openings that can be closed. It's also a stylish turquoise color. And hey, 34 freaking ounces! Sadly, I have no picture for you.

Jumbo insulated 28oz coffee mug

and this techy mug that keeps the coffee warm.

I have a big ugly plastic thing a la Wal-Mart as well (I use it to take beer to the pool). It's 52oz.

It's called the 'Bubba Keg'. Here's a link to their products: http://www.bubbakeg.com/stuff.html

It works pretty well to hold large quantities of the liquid of your choice. There are some slight airflow issues with the flip top, though, so it takes some getting used to drinking with it. Which isn't a problem with cold beer, but just might be with hot coffee :).

Interesting that there's an article about coffee when I was going to profess my love to it in a new forum topic when I got home from picking up NWN2 (note: YAY!).

Some pointers for those who are lucky enough to live in Canada and enjoy Tim Hortons coffee:

1. The people making the coffee rarely put the lid on correctly. Move the lid to the seam of the cup in order to keep it from spilling all over your car/hand.

2. The damn lids never seam to tear open along the seam, allowing you to correctly "notch" it. A good trick is to actually do the opposite and push the lid tear *into* the coffee. Not only does it not bother you know, but the lid effectively stops spills from sudden bumps and jolts.

3. When asking for a double double, be sure to taste the coffee before you take off. For some reason they sometimes miss out on the sugar.

4. A good mug is great to have, and Timmy's is happy to fill it for you.

Go to the Disney Store or the Warner Bros store. I have two 32oz classic mugs (one with Minnie on it with her ears in curlers, and one with Taz). If you don't find them in tableware, check over where they keep pencil cups and stuff. I couldn't find them in the online store or I'd link for you.

My personal favorite is one we got from the paint-your-own ceramic place on Mother's Day. It's a 28oz mug that the I painted to look like a magic potion and wrote "Elixir of Sanity" on the side. The finish is not as sturdy as I like so I don't use it every day.

Good suggestions so far. Remeber everybody, I'm lazy so I like pictures. At this point Koning has come closest to the picture in my head, although that handle looks a little sharp.

Walmart is strictly out. I've got my reasons. Plastic is out too, unless it is a masterpiece of mug craftsmanship.

Oh, and Brizahd, handle buddy. I need a handle. The handle is civilization. You were on track with the first suggestion.

Second round, keep them coming.

IMAGE(http://premo-promos.com/images/prod_cat/khp/kp/plw104-pl79653.jpg)

It even comes with some beans and a push-pop like mechanism for drinking with.

Second vote for a french-press-cup:

IMAGE(http://www.fantes.com/images/8133-1french_press.jpg)

There are quite a few of them out there, but this would allow you to brew the perfect cup every time.

But if those aren't your style - this place has a slew of different mug types:

http://www.liquidplanet.com/Mugs-Cup...

I'm fond of those Miam Miam mugs:

IMAGE(http://www.liquidplanet.com/estore/images_product/d_1027.jpg)

Danjo Olivaw wrote:

IMAGE(http://premo-promos.com/images/prod_cat/khp/kp/plw104-pl79653.jpg)

It even comes with some beans and a push-pop like mechanism for drinking with.

Man, it even come with a bar bell. How manly is that? I deem this cup Beef Cake.

Here is an 18oz clay one

Here is a 40oz metal one

I'm all for any cup called a "tankard." Oh, and Symbotic, those Miam cups are pretty damn snazzy.

Chiggie Von Richthofen wrote:

I'm all for any cup called a "tankard." Oh, and Symbotic, those Miam cups are pretty damn snazzy.

Here is an antique peg tankard, a wee bit expensive. It is 9" x 6"

A silver one not as expensive.

Silver Tankard...they should have sent a poet.

Wouldn't a metal container send the coffee's heat right into your hand?

IMAGE(http://www.korean-arts.com/images/CS017_crane_cloud_mug_5x5.jpg)

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

IMAGE(http://www.korean-arts.com/images/CS017_crane_cloud_mug_5x5.jpg)

See, they've spent a lot of time with the pretty pictures, but left a in a huge design floor.

I mean, with my coffee mugs I find it a massive advantage to be able to get the coffe into them. Now there may be some mechanism that could facilitate this function, and possibly also double up as a method of extracting the coffee from the mug. I'm sure they could invest in some R+D on that score.

But what do I know? I never got past plates in pottery class.

http://mugheaven.zoovy.com/category/...

I just loved what they call their category so I had to put it in here. They don't seem to get larger than 16 oz, though.

I like this one, personally.

http://static.zoovy.com/img/mugheave...

That's called a lid. You can put it onto the mug to keep the coffee hot. Or to prevent it from splashing out as you're transporting it from the kitchenette.

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

That's called a lid. You can put it onto the mug to keep the coffee hot. Or to prevent it from splashing out as you're transporting it from the kitchenette.

Man, I love living in the 21st century

IMAGE(http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/9470/coffeemugek1.th.jpg)

This is one of my mugs. Nice and large - though the handle is a little small for your size hand.
I bought it directly from the Dublin brewery but i'm sure you can get similar ones from online

Damn, this reminds me I steel need one of those fancy Goodjer mugs. Are they still available?

Duoae wrote:

IMAGE(http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/9470/coffeemugek1.th.jpg)

This is one of my mugs. Nice and large - though the handle is a little small for your size hand.
I bought it directly from the Dublin brewery but i'm sure you can get similar ones from online :)

I see how scrunched your hand is. *buzzer noise*

This just looks awesome!

IMAGE(http://www.bigeventstrade.com/acatalog/tank10l.jpg)

I am worried about the heat tho, but like Brizahd said, just get gloves to go with it. Chain mail gloves for example. Like these

IMAGE(http://www.chainmailguy.com/cmgpix/glove1.jpg)

Call me insane but, I think chain mail is going to conduct heat a little faster than you think it is.

Chiggie Von Richthofen wrote:

Call me insane but, I think chain mail is going to conduct heat a little faster than you think it is.

Yeah, if you're gonna wear that glove I'd stick with a styrofoam cup.

Chiggie Von Richthofen wrote:

Call me insane but, I think chain mail is going to conduct heat a little faster than you think it is.

My guess is that with all that surface area, it'd work more like a heat sink.

Now if there was only a plate gauntlet with a LED case fan soldered on....