E3 may go on without the Fletch this year, but I've decided that L.A. is overrated anyway. That's why this year I'm holding my own Expo, the F3 right here in my apartment.
Pre-registration is still open, but table space is limited, so you'd better sign up fast if you want to catch the hots at this shebang! (oh dear lord, this is depressing even to me )
The big news from F3 is that there's an open bar. That's right peeps. All you suckas out at the LACC won't be getting any of this action.
At F3, we serve only the finest spirits while we titillate your imagination with the latest hardware and software offerings. Speaking of which, Nintendo may not be at E3, but they're here in my apartment. That's right. Nintendo CEO Sushi Ginsusake put in an early appearance to demo a prototype of their next hardware platform.
This baby is Nintendo's hottest handheld ever. Weighing in at just over six pounds, Jemima is fully backwards compatible. It plays NES, SNES, N64, Gameboy, Gameboy Color, GBA, and DS titles, and can whip up a batch of pancakes in just under 10 minutes. No word yet on wireless options, although pundits expect the unit to ship with a memory stick and a tub of lard.
Speaking of hot, I've got the skinny on the sequel to perhaps the hottest racing title on any platform.
EA sent over their (I'm so sorry, really) top dog to promote the long-awaited sequel to Burnout 3: Takedown. Burnout 4 is supposed to feature all new vehicles, maps and games, but to be honest I couldn't get anything out of this rep. I grilled him for an hour and all he did was pee on the rug and collapse under the bed.
But don't expect Microsoft to lay down on the job. They're here too with the hardware you've all been waiting to get your hands on. And guess what? I've played it.
That's right, while all you E3-bound chumps will be paying through the nose just to look at one, I'll be playing mine. Here you can see the removable hard drive in both docked and undocked positions. Pretty slick. The big news with this unit is its wireless capability, and as you can see there are no cables at all. I wonder how they worked that magic?
That's all the news that's fit to print from F3 today. I'm expecting big announcements from Sony as soon as I get back from Best Buy, and late Wednesday night we just might get an exclusive look at video from Bungie's latest, Zombies Ate My Halo!
Until then, stay tuned. I've gotta fly. My booth bunny will be over in an hour.