F3: the Aftermath

**Now with 100% more working image links!**

Nearly * hundreds of thousands of attendees crowded apartment 28-B this week, seeking news and previews of the latest, greatest, hottest and nottest in the gaming biz. The apartment is slowly returning to normal, but our lives will never be the same.

We saw games (some great, some late *oh yeah, gots the rhyming shoes on mama* ), hardware (some hot some not *crap! I used that one already!*) and a whole lotta sweet, juicy ass, packaged to go.

While E3 in Los Angeles may have been the place to go for real news on real games and hardware, this F3 had more of what matters: class, baby. And nothing but.

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* Editor's note: Å“nearly? denotes a number somewhere between zero and the number indicated.

For our F3 wrap-up, we've decided to break down this year's most talked about new games and gear into two categories: Good and Bad. Because we're so cool, we don't see the need to try to make up new words. The old ones will do just as shizzle.

Bad

Let's start with the bad. These two go from Badder to Badderer.

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/namco.jpg)

First up is the newest plug-in handheld device. Following on the heels of their successful Museum series, Namco is Beta testing the Namco Crapper. Loaded with five classic Namco Arcade titles, this device nevertheless disappoints. I found it to be clunky for left-handed wipers to use, and the interface could be cleaner.

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/dead2.jpg)

Red Dead Revolver 2: Redder and Deader Revolver likewise suckerated. It was such a sucksicle, in fact, that it earned the coveted Fishbowl Award. Yet even Fishy was put off by the poor level design and uneven gameplay.

This next one sucked so much ass that it blew straight through from badderer to worstest without even stopping at kinda sucktacular.

Trying to cash in once again on gamers' obsession with the open-ended violence of the Grand Theft Auto franchise, Rockstar previewed their latest entry here at F3: GTA 5: Emerald City.

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/emeraldcity.jpg)

While the thought of playing as Tin Man with a machete, running through the streets of Emerald City and lopping the heads off of Lollypop Guild members initially gave me a woody, the repetitive gameplay and unimaginative score ultimately turned me off. Plus, how many times can you watch the Cowardly Lion throw Dorothy out of her SUV and rape her? I mean, really? It's kind of a one-punch line joke, if you ask this reviewer.

Despite a relatively high cool factor GTA 5: Emerald City nevertheless earned F3's throw this disc on top of the burning pile of junk mail award. And there was much rejoicing, to quote some old TV show.

Good

After much deliberation, our panel of F3 judges has decided to award this year's Yeah Good award to Nintendo for their late announcement of an adult-oriented handheld device.

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/Flaskboy.jpg)

The Flask Boy is obviously an attempt to corner the drinking gamer market, and that's one market that this reviewer knows a thing or two about for sure! One has to question the wisdom of releasing yet another handheld into a crowded market, but if Nintendo CEO, Hiro Notantihiro, is to be believed when he says Å“The Flask Boy freakin' rocks, dude. Buy it, and we'll ship a hooker to your dorm room.? This device is a must-have.

And that's all the news that's fit to post from this year's F3. We leave you with a behind the scenes look at the F3 Media Center. As you know, one of the key draws of F3 was the open bar, but it appears that some journalists let their appetites get out of control.

Before

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/before.jpg)

After

IMAGE(http://www.gamerswithjobs.com/files/images/after.jpg)

Until next year, this is the F3 Patrol, signing off. That's Game Over, baby!

Comments

Classy!

Now that's comedy. Fletcher > Jesus.

Fletch must have a very understanding woman for her to get involved in an Internet gag like this. Or, a lot of ruffie pills sitting around his apartment.

Or, a lot of ruffie pills sitting around his apartment.

You say that like it's a bad thing... wait, it is?

Rat Boy wrote:

Fletch must have a very understanding woman for her to get involved in an Internet gag like this. Or, a lot of ruffie pills sitting around his apartment.

A little from Column A... a little from Column B.

On a related note... BOOBIES! I miss boobies. I almost told my ex that I missed boobies and sex too much to be friends with her... but the moment of hilarity passed quickly enough not to TOTALLY piss her off.

I can't believe you didn't like the Namco Crapper. Who the hell wipes lefty anyway? F*ck that noise, that and a Flask Boy would give me a heart attack. The good kind of heart attack.

Effing outstanding Fletcher. A crescendo of goodness starting with that hilarious GTA: EC, the GBA (Game Boy Alcoholic) and then three of my very favorite vices all in one pic.
I salute you sir.

Alcohol, games and boobs. These three things can sustain a man for a long time.

Gaald wrote:

Classy! :)

What this man said.

I'll repeat this... because I feel it must be repeated...

BOOBIES!

Hmm. Looks like you guys crashed my web host looking at the GF's boobs.

For future reference, save the pic to hard disk. It'll last longer.

I'd like to prepay to reserve a slot for next year's event, please.

Oh yeah, much better with pics! The GF certainly knows how to pass out, with bottle upright, so as not to spill any nectar, ready for that eye opening swig when she regains consciousness. You've taught her well Fletch! Great coverage, impressive cleavage, looking forward to next year!

Man this is an event not to be missed next year!!

Start pre-selling tickets for F3 now. Just shoot me a message beforehand so I can be sure to get in.

For future reference, save the pic to hard disk. It'll last longer.

print, laminate, remove existing picture in shower, mount new pic in shower.

Where did the for sale thread go... oh well Anybody want a laminated glossy of Chumpy?

I'm surprised. Nobody's mentioned how hot Fletch's lady is.

I was thinking about trying to get to E3 next year, but f*ck that noise. F3 is obviously where it's at.

I'm surprised. Nobody's mentioned how hot Fletch's lady is.

It's been mentioned!

Impressive cleavage = hot

laminating photo for shower = well, you know

willing to play along = lucky guy (or ruffies - jury's still out on that one)

And to quote Demos "BOOBIES!"

We love the GF!!

And to quote Demos "BOOBIES!"

...dude... totally taken out of context...

Oh, wait... no it wasn't. BOOBIES!

Seriously (but only for a few seconds), this F3 stuff has been damn funny Fletch. Keep it up! Oh yeah, and your girlfriend definitely has to be pretty sweet to play along with this... unless you just HAPPENED to have a picture of her with alcohol and a controller... and then another picture with alcohol, passed out, and Xbox games everywhere... but I think I'd be extremely jealous either way... though the second implies a little more fun (and therefore, more jealousy), if you ask me.

For the record (that damn parole officer might be listening ...) The GF was not drugged in those photos. There was ... a margarita ... a few shots were involved as well, but the 8-2s always were a bit twitchy. There were other photos that came later, but I can't show those. Sorry. Although I can say that GameCube discs are only marginally effective as pasties.

*BUMP*

And by 'bump' I mean:

BOOBIES

Reminds me of beggar's canyon back home. Those wump rats weren't much bigger than three meters.

Fletcher1138 wrote:

Although I can say that GameCube discs are only marginally effective as pasties. ;)

Well then what good are they?

Although I can say that GameCube discs are only marginally effective as pasties.

Hell, if they stay on less, it sounds like they're better to me!

I suggest normal CDs.

Also, what special guests will there be next year? A good event should have come D-List celebs to fawn over. Other than Fletcher, of course.

Prederick wrote:

I suggest normal CDs.

Also, what special guests will there be next year? A good event should have come D-List celebs to fawn over. Other than Fletcher, of course.

Brent Spiner!!! Wooo!!!

Prederick wrote:

I suggest normal CDs.

Also, what special guests will there be next year? A good event should have come D-List celebs to fawn over. Other than Fletcher, of course.

Fletch's girlfriend with the hot rack?

Seriously... I'm sorry Fletch's girlfriend... I probably started this... and... if I didn't, I've at least perpetuated it far longer than need be... so... one last time... BOOBIES!

TWO last times: BOOBIES!

Hee.