URB3k Exclusive!


Continuing our efforts to bring you the hottest, freshest - no, I'm not going to say croissants. Thought I was though, didn't you? - gaming news, we've booked one of the brightest independent game developers around for not only an interview, but an online chat.

Last month, I had the pleasure of hosting an invitation-only chat with Daryl Square, founder of Daryl Square Soft Ware, and developer of the cult hits Robot Battle, Bigger Robot Battle and the forthcoming Ultimate Robot Battle 3k. Daryl was also kind enough to connect via webcam and answer a few questions for the site.

The following is a transcript of our interview and chat session.

fletcher1138: I still can't see you Daryl.

d2: better?

fletcher1138: Still nothing. Is it plugged in?

d2: duh. maybe it's on your end.

fletcher1138: Don't think so - oh! There it is. It's fixed.

d2: told you it was on your end.

fletcher1138: I didn't do anything.

d2: Like I believe that. Are we going to do the4 interview or what? I know who I am, and what I've accomplished. I donh't have to sit around all day waiting for you to get your act together.

fletcher1138: Okay, I'm recording now Â… um Â… yeah. Recording now. Starting the recording now. We are Â… okay. Ready?

d2: Whatever.

fletcher1138: This is Fletcher1138 folks. I'm currently chatting with Daryl Square, creator of the new PC game Ultimate Robot Battle 3k, who, unless my webcam software is really messed up, is wearing what I can only describe as some sort of Â… space armor? Is that correct Daryl?

d2: That is correct, Fletcher1138. I am dressed in the Mechazoid Armour of a Darylonian Freedom Trooper from the year 2994.

fletcher1138: Great. What are those Â… crystal thingies?

d2: My beam emitters, of course. Don't get too close!

fletcher1138: Ha ha. Wouldn't want to do that!

d2: Are you mocking me?

fletcher1138: Um Â… no.

d2: These are actual, working 400 googlewatt disintegration beam emitters, Fletcher1138. I could vaporize your entire solar system in a nanosecond!

fletcher1138: Okay, let's talk about Ultimate Robot Battle 3k.

d2: Your home planet would be reduced to a barren wasteland faster than you could say Seti Alpha Five!

fletcher1138: Ultimate Robot Battle 3k is an online, multiplayer first-person shooter.

fletcher1138: I'm sorry. You go ahead.

d2: Can I finish, Fletcher1138? Ok. Chat. hehe.

fletcher1138: Chat is confusing sometimes.

d2: Only when n00bs try to talk over me. Ok. Anyway, if you mess with a Darylonian Freedom Trooper you'kl regret it, is what I wanted to say.

fletcher1138: Got it.

d2: Okay. Now let's talk about Robot Battle 3k.

fletcher1138: Okay.

d2: Robot Battle 3k is a MMOG set in the known universe in the year 2994.

fletcher1138: Tell us about Robot Battle 3k, and what it's like to be the inventor of such an amazing world.

d2: The war of the ages has begun. The evil Jenniferite Collective has -

d2: Okay, do I get to talk, or are you goinmg to do the intwerview all by yourself/

fletcher1138: Sorry, Daryl. You go ahead.

d2: Okay. So the evil Jenniferites have waged war on the Solar Federation and unleashed an army of robot warriors which feel no pain, no remorse and no love.

d2: The Federation values humanity and sensitivity above all else, and would not dream of creating a soulless army of robots as the Jenniferites did.

d2: That is why, to combat this seemingly unstoppable horde, the leaders of the Federation turned to their wisest inventor and battle lord, who created the Darylonian Power Armour.

fletcher1138: What is the name of the inventor and battle lord?

d2: The Darylonian Power Armour is constructed of poly-ceramic alloy, and infused with a - um, he has no name.

fletcher1138: No name?

d2: He is called Quadrate Prime.

fletcher1138: A quadrate is a square, isn't it?

d2: He's a minor character.

fletcher1138: Well he's in every cutscene, and the loading screen and when you beat the single-player demo mission you win a desktop image, and that's another image of him on the box, isn't it? Looks kinda like you.

d2: Let's talk about gameplay.

fletcher1138: Um ... Okay, so how do you play?

d2: The player will play as either a Darylonian Trooper or a Jenniferite Robot.

fletcher1138: They all have images of Quadrate Prime on their armour.

d2: The goal is to be the first - yes. The Darylonians? Yes they do. The Jenniferite Death and Deception Robots all look alike, as you might have noticed. They're clones, see?

fletcher1138: I see. They all look like human women.

d2: Yes, well, that's some coincidence isn't it?

fletcher1138: Okay. Sure. So the player can play as either, right?

d2: Of course. You can play as one of the valourous Darylonian Freedom Troopers or an evil, scum-sucking Jenniferite Death and Deception Robot. Right now there is only one mode of play - Redemption - in which one side must destroy the other.

fletcher1138: Right, we were playing the demo here earlier and it seemed like it would be really hard to win as a Jenneferite.

d2: Why is that?

fletcher1138: You tell me. I mean, it seemed like the Jennefierites always re-spawned in open ground, while the Darylonians always spawned under cover, for example.

d2: Yeah, well they're robots.

fletcher1138: Uh huh.

d2: They aren't that smart.

fletcher1138: Sure. Okay. Well that's a pretty good lead in, I think. Let's open this up to the chat room, which is really filling up by now. Are you ready, Daryl?

d2: Can't wait!

fletcher1138: Okay, we are now online -

k177z0r65423: Daryl yurgames f*ckin SUCKSUCKSUCK!!11

s3xyk1tt3n: I love you Daryl!

anusphincter: Bigger Robot Battle was the lousiest piece of crap I've ever played. It didn't ever play right on my system no matter how many patches I downloaded. You're a fraud and a lousy developer. You should make games that work.

fletcher1138: looks like the asshats are out in force. Hang on Daryl, let me refresh the filter and issue a few bans.

d2: no problem. I tend toi bring out the most visceral in people. It is because I am so confident in my abilities and my genius that others tend to find themselves incapable of dealing witht heir relative inadequacy and react by being jerks.

d2: Everybody knows that there were problems with BRB, but everybody with a brain also realizes that those problems were caused by my publisher. My publisher made that game as bad as it was, and if they'd left me alone to take as much time as I wanted regardless of how much it cost them, you would have been able to play the Bigger Robot Battle I'd always promised you. With URB3k, however, I'm not going to let anybody tell me how to publish my game. I've been making games for a long time. I know what I'm about. I don't need a publisher or you or anybody to tell me how good I am. I know how good I am. I'm publishing it myself, and if I have to buy every copy myself to make a profit, I'll do so. Anybody who says that I can't, or that it won't be any good, or that it's a bad idea can just go chew on the stupidness that they are inside. Because they suck, not me or my games. They do, or rather, you do. Do you have a wikipedia entry? I have a wikipedia entry. Who the hell are you?

fletcher1138: Um Â… okay Daryl. Great. So I reset the filter and now only invited guests should be able to get in. Welcome, special guests to this special online chat with Daryl Square, creator of Ultimate Robot Battle 3k.

jennifer8: Daryl, knock it off. It's been two years. Let it go.

d2: Can you ban jennifer8?

fletcher1138: Why? Jennifer8 hasn't used profanity or anything.

d2: just bsn her Fletcher!

jennifer8: Daryl, stop being such a dork. We had sex like, once and we were both drunk. It's not like we dated or anything.

d2: I don't;[˜ know what ypou're talomnug about.

jennifer8: Jenniferites? Daryl, the robots all have my face. The graphics were so bad on the first two games that I didn't notice. You used that picture of me from the beach, didn't you? You know I hate that picture.

d2: You broke my heart! You told me you loved me!

jennifer8: I told you that you had cheese on your nose.

d2: Nobody would be that honest if they didn't love me!

jennifer8: Daryl, you had cheese all over your nose. It was like you'd put it there hoping somebody would notice or something. What was I supposed to do, ignore it? Oh my god, you're so pathetic. Will you just drop it? Please?

d2: I'll love you forever. You can't stop my love with lies!

jennifer8: Oh forget it. I'm changing my phone number again, please don't call me anymore. I'll get a restraining order.

d2: I will avenge the death of our love, Jennifer!11 I will redeem mjyself in your eyes! Look inside me Jennifer! Insdoidee!11

fletcher1138: Â… and that's all the time we have today with Daryl Square, creator of Ultimate Robot Battle 3k, due out later this year for the PC. Remember, when it comes to absolutely screwing up a good shot at an exclusive, nobody outshines Fletcher1138.



Well done, Fletcher! Square is clearly one of the industry's true auteurs. Next please interview CliffyB.

You captured his essence with a brilliant accuracy of a surgeon, and made for an entertaining story, the resolution of which involves events that are probably closer to reality than fiction in the life of the interviewee.

This interview has a distinct lack of Japanese Mech freaks in it. I demand satisfaction! (irc://irc.rizon.net/anime-gundam or irc://irc.zirc.org/anime-in-action).

Edwin wrote:

This interview has a distinct lack of Japanese Mech freaks in it. I demand satisfaction!

These are two distinct ideas. I agree with the truth behind each of them.

Finally the truth is revealed, the Jenniferites are infiltrating the internet trying to subvert the Freedom Troopers agenda. Does this mean I should go on a killing spree, shooting women named Jennifer?

I'm not going to, just throwing that out there.

Prederick wrote:


I'm not so sure he's clever enough to put two and two together. I hope he does, though. His rants are always entertaining, just like watching a chimp drink its own urine.

This was hilarous! So much goodness in there Fletch, but this part really got me:

d2: You broke my heart! You told me you loved me!
jennifer8: I told you that you had cheese on your nose.
d2: Nobody would be that honest if they didn’t love me!
jennifer8: Daryl, you had cheese all over your nose. It was like you’d put it there hoping somebody would notice or something. What was I supposed to do, ignore it? Oh my god, you’re so pathetic. Will you just drop it? Please?

I'm still giggling a little inside.

I must admit that I don't always get your humor Fletch but that was some smart writing. You forgot to ask Daryl .... er, Dr. Square, about his Doctorate degree. I know I'm not the only GWJ reader who has great respect for his academic acheivements.

Copingsaw: You beat me to it. That would really have capped off the skeweri... erm, interview.

I laughed, I cried, I vomited in my empty snapple bottle and gave it to a co worker. I even think a little pee came out.

I just have to say, for the record, that any similarity between the Daryl Square interviewed in this piece and any other person living or dead is purely coincidental.

... hang on ... there's a tongue in my cheek ...


Reading this exclusive made me curious. What g-damn inside joke had I missed out on? After searching the site for a few choice words, I believe I found it, and goodness, it was priceless.

Like buzzvang, I went back and found the pertinent thread. Holy cow, how did I miss that the first time around? Also-- wow. Wild, wacky stuff.

Love the article.

I'd love to date a Jennifer. Aren't all Jennifers hot?

Loganrapp wrote:


Ssshhhh, shhhh, go quiet now. You'll wake up in a better place.