May 31st - June 4

Here's something most of you don't know.  There's this big secret forum only for cool people that most of you can't even see!  We spend most of the time arguing over which of you we'd most like to hit with sticks, but occasionally we even get work done there.  I only mention this forum because it's where Certis called me useless to try and goad me into doing his Week Ahead column.  Now, I'm not going to point out which of us has been talking about doing an article on World of Warcraft for three weeks, as opposed to who actually posted one (it's just down there), but I will exact some vengeance, which is why I'm not picking Full Spectrum Warrior for game of the week.  Certis has been going on about this game since we got back from E3, and let me just tell you he can get pretty damn annoying with his, "oooh, I'm married and Full Spectrum Warrior is going to be awesome!"  Bah, what a blowhard.  So, instead this week's game of the week is ... ummm ... Malice.  Yeah, Malice is going to be awesome and I've been married for nine years, clownshoes!

On the DVD front we have pretty much nothing with Monster, My Baby's Daddy, The Dukes of Hazzard First Season, and EuroTrip.  Here's the full sad list if you want to see for yourself.

The Games:

Malice
Platform: Xbox, PS2
Price: $49.99
Ships: June 1st

The Buzz: One of the games originally demoed on the Xbox, I'd pretty much all but forgotten this one.  Still, I guess bonus points go out to sticking with it and putting something on the shelves, though the palpable hush of anticipation doesn't leave hearts exactly afflutter.  It looked interesting three years ago, we'll see if that holds up.

Full Spectrum Warrior
Platform: Xbox
Price: $49.99
Ships: June 1st

The Buzz: Based on a game originally developed to train soldiers, this title looks to center around the strategic placement of guys with guns so that they maintain a superior position from which to kill other guys with guns.  It's probably going to be terrific, but I was never cut out for the squad leader plan of attack position.  I couldn't play Rainbow Six's single player for the same reasons that my interest level low on this title.  I'm not General MacArthur here, I just want to run out into the streets with guns blazing and smite my enemies with a hail of burning metal.  It's like seafood, which I hate.  I can understand that others appreciate a well prepared, first-rate meal of lobster, crab, and/or salmon, but please don't stick a plate load of the crap in front of me.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay
Platform: Xbox
Price: $49.99
Ships: June 1st

The Buzz: Let me get this straight, they made a sequel to Pitch Black?  Ok, so it's not a sequel exactly, just a new vehicle for Vin Diesel to go around looking tough and moody in.  Then they made a game based on the movie.  Err, sorta.  It's a game where you play before the storyline of the new film, divesting itself from a movie that divested itself from the orginal film, ultimately as far away from Pitch Black as New York Minute?  I guess these guys must've hated Pitch Black as much as I did. 

The game, however, seems to be getting some decent initial reviews.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Platform: Xbox, PS2, Gamecube
Price: $39.99
Ships: June 2nd

The Buzz: I predict a battle royale in advertising between Potter and Shrek.  By the end of the week pretty much every product on the planet will be sponsored by one or the other.  Harry Potter uses Claritin when his allergies flare up.  Shrek uses Levitra because even ogres have their off days. Potter drives the Buick La Sabre, Shrek the Toyota Camry.  And such.  The game?  It'll be a Harry Potter game, whadya want?

- Elysium

Comments

Vin Diesel could punch straight through your bearded face, fuzzy cheeks. Don't diss the Diesel. My wife will pound you 'til candy comes out. For whatever reason -- though she typically hates every action movie in the world -- she has the hots for Vin Diesel... she'd probably buy xXx if I let her.

Does "clownshoes" mean same thing as "asshat" in the rest of North America?

Talk all you want but at the end of the day, you do what you're told.

I've heard of "assclown", which is a mixture of the both I guess.

Does "clownshoes" mean same thing as "asshat" in the rest of North America?

They're both insults combined with random articles of clothing, so I would say yes. Neither of them make any sense and they're both awesome.

So much angst in this week's The Week Ahead. Elysium wants to talk about Diesel, sheesh. You have to give the man props for managing to take a sequel to a movie that didn't need one and turning it into a pretty decent looking original movie. Better than doing "Pitch Black 2, Return of Bitey!" I call the bird things Bitey, it just seems to fit.

...turning it into a pretty decent looking original movie.

...turning it into a pretty decent looking original movie.

Yeah and from a distance pile dog poo can look like a chocolate muffin.

1Dgaf wrote:

Yeah and from a distance pile dog poo can look like a chocolate muffin.

Really? What was the worst part in your opinion?

Where's the Dungeon Siege 2 E3 impressions too?

Chop Chop!

I think Riddick looks pretty bad ass! Come on, its got Dame Judi Dench in it!

I liked Pitch Black though I am far from a Disal fan. I thought it was a fun well paced scifi horror flick reminiscent of aliens if not in the same league. I did go into it with pretty low expectations though so I guess that helped :). I'm actually looking forward to this new one, seems like it has been forever since a halfway decent scifi flick has come out.

What was the worst part in your opinion?

What was the worst part in your opinion?

The trailer was a portent of badness. The silly costumes, dodgy CGI, ridiculous explosions. Pitch Black was good because it was a simple story with simple CGI. I think this will try and 'roid itself into the big league and suffer because of it.

Anyone planning on getting Riddick for Xbox?

I wasnt too impressed with the floaty controls in the demo...but its getting a good buzz.