Here's something most of you don't know.Ã‚Â There's this big secret forum only for cool people that most of you can't even see!Ã‚Â We spend most of the time arguing over which of you we'd most like to hit with sticks, but occasionally we even get work done there.Ã‚Â I only mention this forum because it's where Certis called me useless to try and goad me into doing his Week Ahead column.Ã‚Â Now, I'm not going to point out which of us has been talking about doing an article on World of Warcraft for three weeks,Ã‚Â as opposed toÃ‚Â who actually posted one (it's just down there), but I will exact some vengeance, which is why I'm not picking Full Spectrum Warrior for game of the week.Ã‚Â Certis has been going on about this game since we got back from E3, and let me just tell you he can get pretty damn annoying with his, "oooh, I'm married and Full Spectrum Warrior is going to be awesome!"Ã‚Â Bah, what a blowhard.Ã‚Â So, instead this week's game of the week is ... ummm ... Malice.Ã‚Â Yeah, Malice is going to be awesome and I've been married for nine years, clownshoes!
On the DVD front we haveÃ‚Â pretty much nothing withÃ‚Â Monster, MyÃ‚Â Baby's Daddy,Ã‚Â The Dukes of Hazzard First Season, and EuroTrip.Ã‚Â Here's the full sad list if you want to see for yourself.
Platform: Xbox, PS2
Ships: June 1st
The Buzz: One of the games originally demoed on the Xbox, I'd pretty much all but forgotten this one.Ã‚Â Still, I guess bonus points go out to sticking with it and putting something on the shelves, though the palpable hush of anticipation doesn't leave hearts exactly afflutter.Ã‚Â It looked interesting three years ago, we'll see if that holds up.
Full Spectrum Warrior
Ships: June 1st
The Buzz: Based on a game originally developed to train soldiers, this title looks to center around the strategic placement of guys with guns so that theyÃ‚Â maintain a superior position from which to kill other guys with guns.Ã‚Â It's probably going to be terrific, but I was never cut out for the squad leader plan of attack position.Ã‚Â I couldn't play Rainbow Six's single player for the same reasons that my interest level low on this title.Ã‚Â I'm not General MacArthur here, I just want to run out into the streets with guns blazing and smite my enemies with a hail of burning metal.Ã‚Â It's like seafood, which I hate.Ã‚Â I can understandÃ‚Â that others appreciate a well prepared, first-rate meal of lobster, crab, and/or salmon, but please don't stick a plateÃ‚Â load of the crap in front of me.
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay
Ships: June 1st
The Buzz: Let me get this straight, they made a sequel to Pitch Black?Ã‚Â Ok, so it's not a sequel exactly, just a new vehicle for Vin Diesel to go around looking tough and moody in.Ã‚Â Then they made a game based on the movie.Ã‚Â Err, sorta.Ã‚Â It's a game where you play before the storyline of the newÃ‚Â film, divesting itself fromÃ‚Â a movie that divested itself from the orginal film, ultimately as far away from Pitch Black as New York Minute?Ã‚Â I guess these guys must've hated Pitch Black as much as I did.Ã‚Â
The game, however, seems to be getting some decent initial reviews.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Platform: Xbox, PS2, Gamecube
Ships: June 2nd
The Buzz: I predict a battle royale in advertising between Potter and Shrek.Ã‚Â By the end of the week pretty much every product on the planet will be sponsored by one or the other.Ã‚Â Harry Potter uses Claritin when his allergies flare up.Ã‚Â Shrek uses Levitra because even ogres have their off days.Ã‚Â Potter drives the Buick LaÃ‚Â Sabre, Shrek the Toyota Camry.Ã‚Â And such.Ã‚Â The game?Ã‚Â It'll be a Harry Potter game, whadya want?