Seriously, guys, I do not need to know, nor do I care, that you are so wasted. I'm cool with whatever you want to ingest to enhance your gaming experience, but just keep me out of it. I don't know which of Microsoft's advertising campaigns seriously appealed to the herbal crowd, but I've been stunned at the sheer volume of stoners I've encountered on Xbox Live. I can't count the number of times games have been paused or delayed so that SpacemanSpliff can "grab a quick hit". Moments later there's the sound of a lighter catching and the gentle burbling of some sort of smoking apparatus. THC clearly affects your ability to remember there's a mute button on the damn controller. I'm trying to race here and not only am I treated to your living room antics, but now I have to race knowing that I'm being beaten by someone under the influence.
My XBox Live requests are simple:
- Please don't tell me how high you were, how high you are, or how high you intend to get.
- If you need to spark a doobie, simply ask for a time-out, mute your headset, and return when you're done.
- When you use your cell to order pizza to quell the munchies, again, please mute your headset.
- Only introduce yourself once. There is no need to repeatedly remind me that you are "Rick James, Bitch!"
I would also recommend Microsoft seriously consider designing a new controller to keep smoke breaks from disrupting our Live experience. Nintendo has already demonstrated their ability to cater to the needs of their fans who, evidently, currently need to stop gaming in order to play the bongos for a bit.