Daily Elysium: Defining Empturdulous
Obviously we're a little slow posting this morning. You see, Certis and I are quite tired from camping the local EB and fulfilling our desperate need for the new DOA Volleyball's exploration on polygonal anatomy. At least that's the best excuse (read: lie) I can work up for you right now. As we progress ever forward in providing a steady stream of fictional content for you, we'll devise even better and more deeply involved lies. After all, what good is a website if not for indiscriminate lying?Today is a good day to read more (lies!) for a look at what's on my mind, and therefore should be on your mind, particularly if you enjoy venomous and poorly thought out commentary. Ever since I watched the Golden Globes the other night, I just feel so dirty. I think it's time for some cathartic cynicism.
I have a confession to make. I watched most of the Golden Globes on Sunday night, and I really must admit that I feel like less of a human being for having done so. If you take a word like vapid, and then quantified the measure of value indicated by the word vapid (let's hypothesize that vapid refers to a 1.6-2.9 FVR - fictional value rating) you'd begin to realize that not even vapid begins to approach the theorhetical limit of valueless-vapidity expressed by the Golden Globes. This suggests that perhaps there is something other than a rational number understanding of value quantification, that simply saying the Golden Globes has negative value falls far short. Perhaps there is some kind of anti-value, a quality that works in opposition to and nullifies all intrinsic worth, and we have no English word to abstract that idea. As such, I propose instituting the term 'Empturdulous' to describe precisely how 'super-vapid' such a phemomenon might be.
So, without further ado. The Golden Globes were empturdulous!
It's not so much that I take serious issue with people who like to stand up and spit a steady stream of meaningless names to a bleary eyed public. It's the idea that this is worthy of national broadcast and serious consideration that bothers me. I don't even largely disagree with many of the choices, but that Richard Gere is given airtime to kiss a producer's ass in the hopes of reviving an increasingly dead career simply makes me question the worth of humankind as a species.
It was an emotional roller coaster for me. I nearly cried when some nimrod pulled out a speech thicker than most novel manuscripts and began to slowly vomit forth a diatribe of feigned gratitude on people who probably had the good sense to neither attend nor even watch. But then I felt a great joy when show producers would pipe up the music halfway through the twenty-minute speech of the guy who won Best Catering; shooting down their moment of self-absorbed euphoria with a reminder that the real business at hand is to sell us Soft Drinks and SUVs.
I don't know if you've ever listened to the Ignobel Awards. They're broadcast on NPR's Science Friday with Ira Flatow every Thanksgiving here in the US, and they have instituted a policy which I would like to see further explored. When a "winner" of an Ignobel takes the stage with his speech - perhaps forgetting that everyone had attended to mock their lack of social consciousness and common sense - they are given only a very few minutes to deliver their thoughts. Then a horrible little girl, with a voice like broken glass and Corning insulation, interrupts said blow-hard by repeating the phrase "please stop, I'm bored."
Note to Renee Zellweger. Please stop! We're bored.
Though I began with the suggestion that DOA volleyball might be a future purchase for me, it isn't really something I'm likely to explore. I admit this is primarily due to the fact that my wife is already a bit confused by my persistence at playing video games, and I just can't imagine a situation by which I could adequately explain what compelled me to make that purchase. I think she might draw her own conclusions, and those conclusions, I assure you, would not bode well for me. I leave it to Certis then to brave ridicule and humiliation to provide for you some content and thoughts on that game. I know it is a task he approaches with much hesitation and self-doubt. I think he's taking one for the team, don't you? Let's all give him a good cheer.
Ok, now back to work!- Elysium