Crazy weird dreams that you've dreamt!

Last night's dreams were odd.

At first, I was firing artillery at a far-away castle over a lake. I was doing an almost comically poor job of it, despite my best efforts. The general was fuming angry at me.

Dream-cut to me sitting by the artillery, taking a break, and for some reason I'm watching a fox suckle at the teat of a monkey, who turns blue in the face.

Dream-cut to me wandering around this picturesque alpine town, fruitlessly looking for a party. This may or not not be the same place I was firing artillery at earlier.

Dream-cut to me walking around the hotel I've just acquired (bought? inherited?) in said alpine town , finding that there's about 20 chest freezers in the kitchen, all full of meat. I'm wondering how we're going to eat all that damn meat, and how much it's going to cost us in electricity to keep the freezers running. I start to consider consolidating the meat-piles into fewer freezers so I can unplug some of them. Mmm, salami.

Just once I'd like to be able to bang Mila Kunis in my dreams without my subconscious telling her I'm married.

Even my wife feels sorry for me when this happens.

Dream-cut to me sitting by the artillery, taking a break, and for some reason I'm watching a fox suckle at the teat of a monkey, who turns blue in the face.

This is the stuff of prophecy, right here.

NSMike wrote:
Dream-cut to me sitting by the artillery, taking a break, and for some reason I'm watching a fox suckle at the teat of a monkey, who turns blue in the face.

This is the stuff of prophecy, right here.

No shizzle.

My girlfriend does a good line in skeptic's dream interpretation (with the requisite disclaimer that "this is all BS, but this is what it allegedly represents) - I'm looking forward to what she makes of it.

So you took a break from fruitlessly firing off your phallus to watch a primate struggling to nurse a redhead?

Maybe the monkey and fox could have used some of that meat.

One of those nightmares where I'm back in college.

Class was about to start and we were all lined up outside the classroom. This was a class I liked because the teacher was laid back. Students started filing in until the line stopped suddenly. I was at the end of the line so I was standing just outside the classroom. Someone said that the teacher was telling us to group up in pairs. Ahead of me was a cute girl I'd met earlier and chatted with and I was hoping to group with her, but before I said anything, this bully guy unilaterally grouped up the bunch of us at the end of the line. Instead of the cute girl, I was paired with wordsmythe.

Our assignment was to analyze a story by Mark Twain that the teacher handed out. The thing was, the "story" was a jumbled mishmash of incoherent writings and pictures. It was also set in space, in the future. Wordsmythe indignantly told the teacher that it was gibberish and it was immediately clear that this rankled her.

"Oh sh*t," I thought, because we were paired together and so we'd probably share a grade and it was obvious wordsmythe was not going to get a good grade because of that comment. As she turned to go, I immediately spoke up, "I feel like there's an undercurrent of something in this story." I was casting about. Even though I hadn't even read or understood the thing yet, I knew that English teachers love esoteric literary analysis, no matter how ridiculous. "It seems like the author is feeling..." I racked my brain trying to come up with something. "...envy?"

She was skeptical but not immediately dismissive. She quoted a couple of lines from the story and I made up some convoluted reasons as to why they supported my conclusion. I don't think she completely bought it.

Later, I was waiting in line in the cafeteria when that bully guy noticed I was wearing green pants. He made a comment about them and I shrugged and said, "They're denim, they're just green." This slob guy nearby was wearing sweatpants of the same color so there was a comparison made. "Yeah, but mine are denim."

Then Chevy Chase/Pierce came in and started making similar observations. I had to reiterate that I was wearing jeans; he didn't believe me until he could touch them.

Later I had another run in with the bully guy and it got me really irritated. I was stalking down the hallway, furiously thinking, "Why the HELL did I come back to school? I hate school! What would make me come back here?!"

Then I stopped as it hit me. "There's no way I'd go back to school. This must be a dream!"

I started running around, trying to do something to prove it was a dream. Start flying or warp reality or whatever. I was loping about on all fours, tearing across the centipede grass like a dog. Trying to acknowledge it was a dream or to wake up.

Then I woke up in a sweat.

Instead of the cute girl, I was paired with wordsmythe.

This is supposed to be about crazy and weird dreams you've had, not out-and-out nightmares.

NSMike wrote:
Instead of the cute girl, I was paired with wordsmythe.

This is supposed to be about crazy and weird dreams you've had, not out-and-out nightmares.

Quiet you! He's never had it so good!

NSMike wrote:
Instead of the cute girl, I was paired with wordsmythe.

This is supposed to be about crazy and weird dreams you've had, not out-and-out nightmares.

This thread is for all kinds! And it was definitely the latter.

wordsmythe wrote:

Quiet you! He's never had it so good!

It was Nightmare Wordsmythe's nightmare too. I mean, failing English class?

IMAGE(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3275/2341144369_c502b71639_o.gif)

Quintin_Stone wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

Quiet you! He's never had it so good!

It was Nightmare Wordsmythe's nightmare too. I mean, failing English class?

1) *ahem* "That's unpossible!"

2) I picked plenty of fights with teachers. Sure, I got detention now and then, but I still pulled honor roll.

wordsmythe wrote:

2) I picked plenty of fights with teachers. Sure, I got detention now and then, but I still pulled honor roll.

In other parts of the world they call that a haymaker....

I'm just sick of having to pick up the slack, words.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

I'm just sick of having to pick up the slack, words.

Whatever. You know I'd stay up the night before and turn in an A project for both of us.

I mentioned in the Loathe thread that I am currently sleeping on an air mattress. Aside from the issues therein, this mattress seems to cause a plethora of odd dreams. I don't remember them all, but I do remember that some of them seem to have to do with airplane mishaps.

The first, a few nights ago, I was on a jet that was landing, and for some reason, the pilot came up short. There were pallets sitting at the end of the runway with stacked boxes on them, which proceeded to tear open the cabin, exactly to the spot where I was sitting. After that happened, the pilot told me to just put my feet on the pallet and he'll taxi in while my feet push the pallet with the plane. Which, of course, worked in the dream.

Last night, I had a dream where I was watching some historical documentary about JFK. The president, not the airport. Apparently, in my dream reality, he went on some old war plane to commemorate some battle or war. Mid-flight, the wings just shear off the plane. As improbable as that sounds, it can actually happen with old, poorly-maintained planes due to metal fatigue. JFK ejected from the plane with two airmen, except JFK is tied down to a gurney, and the airmen were holding on to the sides of the gurney while they jumped.

Oh boy, last night was epic. I dreamed that my wife, son and I were on a flatbed train traveling in the middle of nowhere. I climbed back a few cars to see something only to turn around and see that the train had separated leaving me on the non-locomoting half, also leaving me without my wife and child. I climbed down and dragged the train down the tracks in an effort to find them, only to have the tracks run out. I wandered through the scrub-ridden wasteland before encountering a few locals, one of which who advised me "Do you see that bird? It is salvation". A group of them started along with me until we were walking beside a gargantuan stone wall. Above us, a 747 exploded and we narrowly avoided the pieces falling on us. (By the time it hit the ground, it was the size of a bus, but still pretty crazy). I never found my wife and kid, but I did see my mother walking with a strange person. That's all I remember.

Sephirotic wrote:

Oh boy, last night was epic. I dreamed that my wife, son and I were on a flatbed train traveling in the middle of nowhere. I climbed back a few cars to see something only to turn around and see that the train had separated leaving me on the non-locomoting half, also leaving me without my wife and child. I climbed down and dragged the train down the tracks in an effort to find them, only to have the tracks run out. I wandered through the scrub-ridden wasteland before encountering a few locals, one of which who advised me "Do you see that bird? It is salvation". A group of them started along with me until we were walking beside a gargantuan stone wall. Above us, a 747 exploded and we narrowly avoided the pieces falling on us. (By the time it hit the ground, it was the size of a bus, but still pretty crazy). I never found my wife and kid, but I did see my mother walking with a strange person. That's all I remember.

Yeah, I remember when Lost was good.

This was a drooler! (i.e. I drool in my sleep sometimes, most often during naps where I dream, although maybe I drool early in the night and it dries up by morning?)

This felt more like a memory than a dream. Now the dream gets crazy.

There's this creature, a pill bug from hell, if you will. I killed two of them.
They're more Twinkie-shaped and colored then a pill bug because they aren't segmented like that and don't roll up in a ball. They don't need to. They are the size of a piece of battered, fried chicken you'd get from a Chinese restaurant like Sesame Chicken, a comparison that might only work if you're American but the point is they are the size of a mouthful.
They jump really high and I'm sure they bite and are probably venomous because I was afraid.
You can't crush them easily. They have hard carapaces and maybe I added this detail after I woke up, but they can sprout quickly or have prickly outgrowths on their back that are very uncomfortable when you grab them.
Of course what hurts worse is when they latch onto someone. You remember the pill bug comparison? Imagine if each leg of a pill bug was instead hard and straight and pointy like a tent stake and to latch on they shoot these from out of their carapaces and into your skin.

First encounter: I'm going down a hill. There's one in front of me. It jumps in the air. It goes higher than my head and I know that if I don't dodge, the creature will land smack dab on my forehead because I am looking up at it, like I said they jump high. Either through great skill or great luck, my foot slips and I slide down the hill a bit, my head hitting the ground in this extreme maneuver, but it works as my skull is thankfully one to two feet away from the creature when it hits the ground. I recover, try hitting it with stuff. Eventually I grab hold and able to tear it in half. This hurts a lot for reasons mentioned above. I had to use all my strength to do this too and since they're small, I really only had my thumbs and forefingers, but it was okay because in a defensive move it shot out its legs and latched on.

Take a minute for my last word choice to sink in. In the normal animal kingdom, latching onto something is a specific behaviour with a purpose. It is predatory, it is offensive. This creature knew that it might be free if it caused me pain. It was not a reflex on its part.

Second encounter: I do much better. I think I stomp really hard to confuse or daze it then I grab it and tear off a side in a much more efficient manner. Now the dream gets weird. [b]I put the morsel in my mouth and chew. It doesn't taste bad but I remember that it's a bug so I spit it out.[/b]

[i]Lesson: I need to stop eating food that isn't good for me, like high-fat snacks and fried goods.[/i]

Background: one of the most painful experiences in my life came when I grabbed a small tree trunk and got stung by a spiky, stationary bug. It had to be venomous because of the pain and how it spread in my hand and went away after a few minutes. Any idea on what this might have been would be nice. It may have been crushed when I put my hand around the tree. I live in the central part of Virginia, USA.

I had a weird dream a little while ago that I've been meaning to document.

I was out on a ramble (a 9 or ten mile walk with a local walking group) when I saw a small crocodile in a river we were crossing. I, apparently, had always had a burning desire to have a pet crocodile but the one I saw looked a little too big to carry. Fortunately another croc swam by and this one was smaller and looked rather like it was a stuffed toy. I picked it out of the water and tucked it under my arm.

Further on we had a mid-walk break at a car park with a toilet (as you do) and I decided the croc was perhaps getting a bit too dry after being out of the river for so long. I ran it under a tap. Unfortunately this triggered a transformation and the croc changed from a toy croc into a living, breathing, juvenile croc that immediately started to struggle in my grasp. I held it's jaws shut with one hand while trying to stop it's wriggling form from escaping the crook of my arm.

We walked on and I continued to restrain the young croc. I had a dilemma in that I couldn't release it into the wild (even though crocodiles suddenly seemed to be indigenous to the rivers of Cheshire) but I was going to have a job holding onto it while avoiding a loss of several fingers. To make matters worst my hands on the crocs body seemed to be damaging the scales.

In the end, dilemma unsolved, I woke up. Feeling very dehydrated, had a large class of water and an extensive pee.

I was at an office party and sitting near Claudia Black and a few other people. I was trying to deduce if she still had feelings for me. After a while of talking and relaxing, I put my arm across her and she enjoyed it. After a little bit, she asked me to put my hand on her heart, so I did. I was trying to remember if Peacekeepers had 2 hearts or just one. Things progressed and we moved to the couch, stripped off our clothes, and got under a blanket. Yeah, at the office party.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

I was trying to remember if Peacekeepers had 2 hearts or just one.

So... you felt both sides, right?

Duoae wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

I was trying to remember if Peacekeepers had 2 hearts or just one.

So... you felt both sides, right?

And, if there were two hearts, are you sure she wasn't Dr Who in drag?

There was only 1 heart. Since it was Claudia Black, not Aeryn Sun.

I still would have checked both sides - just to make sure!

I was in a very wet/marshy area with lots of underbrush around. Local kids had warned me of a dangerous native animal, the pronunciation of which I had trouble with even in the dream. At first I thought it was a snake (or it was a snake and, like many things in dreams, later morphed to something else entirely) but late encounters revealed that it was actually a small, rabidly aggressive cat. Oh wait, it definitely started out as a snake, because I remember holding one by the neck while it tried to twist and bite me. Though it was not venomous, it had these nasty tusk-like teeth that would not have been out of place in a warthog's mouth. Later in the dream, they were attacking me inside a building and they had turned into small cats/kittens (with the same temper & nasty teeth).

I was at an amusement park, similar to Busch Gardens. I noticed that the roof of a two-story restaurant a distance away was on fire. People were running out of the building. Later I saw it again, and people were inside it again and the roof was still on fire. It seems no one had bothered to call the fire department? The fire began to spread to buildings all around. Someone with me expressed extreme dismay when the liquor store was engulfed in flames. Even the local university had several of its buildings catch fire. And through all of it, I never saw a firefighter.

Everyone else was standing there just like you, wondering why no one else was calling a Firefighter.

I had one of those sleep paralysis dreams the other night. My head was turned the left, and it felt like there was a hostile presence out of my line of sight just to the right, standing over me and looking at me.

I was trying to turn my head.. I had to see what was there. Truly felt like I was in mortal danger. I tried to speak. I tried to scream out. I couldnt. I think I just croaked out some feeble words.

There was even a sensation where I was made to stand.

Finally after struggling for a long time, I somehow turned my head and the sense of urgency dissipated.

It was freaky! I can see why folks feel they are visited by an evil presence. I guess this was a classic 'old hag' syndrome type nightmare. It felt so terrifying real. Thankfully, I never saw the hag.

Yonder wrote:

Everyone else was standing there just like you, wondering why no one else was calling a Firefighter.

Could be!

Irongut wrote:

I had one of those sleep paralysis dreams the other night. My head was turned the left, and it felt like there was a hostile presence out of my line of sight just to the right, standing over me and looking at me.

I was trying to turn my head.. I had to see what was there. Truly felt like I was in mortal danger. I tried to speak. I tried to scream out. I couldnt. I think I just croaked out some feeble words.

There was even a sensation where I was made to stand.

Finally after struggling for a long time, I somehow turned my head and the sense of urgency dissipated.

It was freaky! I can see why folks feel they are visited by an evil presence. I guess this was a classic 'old hag' syndrome type nightmare. It felt so terrifying real. Thankfully, I never saw the hag.

So you're saying you don't appreciate my visits?

So I had a dream last night that was crazy even by my standards.

It started out as me driving several people to school for my last day of High School. On the way I lost control of the car and ended up getting stuck in some guys garage. We tried to get out of the car and clean up and get it unstuck, but the guy showed up. We couldn't get in the car and drive away, so we ran into his house to hide (we just wanted to rack up the felonies I guess). We ended up in his videogame-dungeon-style basement, avoiding random monsters. At this point we weren't really High School students, we had pretty much adopted Dungeons and Dragons character archetypes.

We eventually all got captured, and were put to work as slaves making planets and galaxies for him. Not model ones, real ones. I'm not entirely sure how he was building universes in his basement, it never really came up. My job was to compress the planets. When I got them they were soft and mushy, but I punched them until the compressed and hardened and were ready to be sent off to get air and water added. The way this worked was that I had some sort of hologram that represented the planet, it started out about beach ball size. By focusing on it the force of my punches was transmitted to the actual planet wherever it was. Once I got the planet down to about Grapefruit size it was done.

For some reason it slipped my captor's mind that someone with the ability to punch literally anything with punches of unlimited power would be able to punch his way out of the cell, but I did. Then I punched my way through the rest of the complex, finding every one else that was imprisoned. The only other job that I remember them having was the last one, who cleaned the machinery that moved the planets to the right solar systems. It was a giant pneumatic tube system with different planets whizzing around in it.

We all went to his spaceship, but right around this time the captor showed up so--surprise!--I punched him. He went down, dazed. Unfortunately the spaceship didn't have enough power to take off, so I solved this the way anyone would, turning the hologram thing on and punching our planet until it broke up into pieces. Once the planet was broken up and flying apart the gravity was low enough that the ship could fly off.

Yes the ship survived all this, I was very careful not to punch the part of the planet we were on. No I do not know at which point in this we stopped being on Earth. I don't think that I punched Earth to pieces.

I think Troy and Abed may be directing my dreams.

Gesh! How have I missed this tread before?