Rapture is May 21st. Save the date.

Pages

MilkmanDanimal wrote:
Minarchist wrote:
Jonman wrote:
Gravey wrote:
Malor wrote:

Hmm, for a day of flaming destruction, I was expecting warmer weather.

Tell me about it. This weekend could use a little Rapturing, if I'm honest.

Good luck burning Seattle, God. It's damper than a mermaid's pubes up here.

Wait...does a mermaid even have pubes?

Normally, no, but, duh, today's the Rapture. Everybody knows that means mermaid pubes all around.

So you're saying that God likes a fishy bush?

I guess why not? We've already been judged, so we may as well go hog-wild with the heresy.

Gravey wrote:
Jonman wrote:

Good luck burning Seattle, God. It's damper than a mermaid's pubes up here.

That's a strange expression, Bruce.

Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's damper than a mermaid's pubes up here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.

muttonchop wrote:
Gravey wrote:
Jonman wrote:

Good luck burning Seattle, God. It's damper than a mermaid's pubes up here.

That's a strange expression, Bruce.

Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's damper than a mermaid's pubes up here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.

She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up.

I didn't know what to expect with this thread, but I do know it wasn't mermaid pubes.

Jeff-66 wrote:

I didn't know what to expect with this thread, but I do know it wasn't mermaid pubes.

I'd sig that if I had room after my narcissistic homoerotic pop culture-referencing quotes.

I had a tire blow out on the interstate today, so I guess that means Camping was right. I don't know why I had Christian tires installed on my car, anyway. I should have known better. :p

I wonder if Camping will STFU now.

Jeff-66 wrote:

I wonder if Camping will STFU now.

IMAGE(http://cdn.allleftturns.com/www/sites/default/files/articles/magic_8ball_outlook_not_so_good.jpg)

3 AM EST. No Rapturing yet. If it's happening, it's awfully, awfully quiet.

Well, doesn't it say somewhere that Jesus will both arrive in a blaze of light from the sky and also sneak in like a thief? Today must be Sneak Day.

If the Rapture was Friday, heaven looked a lot like my cubicle, which is just utter BS.

Malor wrote:

Well, doesn't it say somewhere that Jesus will both arrive in a blaze of light from the sky and also sneak in like a thief? Today must be Sneak Day.

The rapture is supposed to be announced with loud-ass trumpets, and the clear and obvious removal of all the faithful/saved. It wouldn't be mistakable for a non-rapture. Massive traffic disasters (removal of xian drivers), and who knows what other manner of disaster would ensue by removing humans from various jobs. Then of course there would be chaos, people freaking out, riots, looting, etc. It would be on the freakin' news.

Camping does what many have done before him (Jehovah's Witnesses did this a number of times), and that's to re-interpret the event (non-event) to being something mystical or "spiritual".

The sneaking in like a thief thing that Jesus does is, IIRC, meant to illustrate the suddenness and his unexpected arrival. However, the two doctrines are really meant for different things. The 2nd coming is not the same thing as the Rapture, and I believe the 'thief in the night' passage refers to the 2nd physical coming, when Christ returns to judge the earth and take his throne in Jerusalem.

Maybe the 144,000 thing turned out to be literal? That many people would barely be a blip on the radar.

Jeff-66 wrote:

The sneaking in like a thief thing that Jesus does is, IIRC, meant to illustrate the suddenness and his unexpected arrival. However, the two doctrines are really meant for different things. The 2nd coming is not the same thing as the Rapture, and I believe the 'thief in the night' passage refers to the 2nd physical coming, when Christ returns to judge the earth and take his throne in Jerusalem.

I was under the impression that the Rapture was like an escape hatch for God's before sh*t really gets dramatic on earth, and the second coming would divvy up everyone left over later on.

But all I know about this I learned from Jews for Jesus pamphlets, so I'm probably pretty far off.

http://m.christianpost.com/news/harold-camping-oct-21-rapture-family-radio-broadcasts-message-after-3rd-doomsday-flop-59060/
and
http://m.christianpost.com/news/harold-camping-oct-21-rapture-family-radio-to-shut-down-after-another-wrong-doomsday-prediction-59061/

the station did comment on the non-event Saturday, encouraging listeners not to lose hope and to keep supporting the radio network through donations.

Don't lose hope in the total annihilation of the planet, keep on giving us money!

We have a great need for daily operating funds.

Gee, maybe if you didn't blow $100 million on billboards back in May?

"But please try to keep in mind that all of us who are believers, all of us who are Christians, are to live in such a way that we are to pray with the apostle John: 'Come quickly Lord Jesus.' "

Keep on praying for death and destruction! Eesh, let's hope these people never decide to try to make the end days happen.

clover wrote:
Jeff-66 wrote:

The sneaking in like a thief thing that Jesus does is, IIRC, meant to illustrate the suddenness and his unexpected arrival. However, the two doctrines are really meant for different things. The 2nd coming is not the same thing as the Rapture, and I believe the 'thief in the night' passage refers to the 2nd physical coming, when Christ returns to judge the earth and take his throne in Jerusalem.

I was under the impression that the Rapture was like an escape hatch for God's before sh*t really gets dramatic on earth, and the second coming would divvy up everyone left over later on.

But all I know about this I learned from Jews for Jesus pamphlets, so I'm probably pretty far off. :)

There are a lot of interpretations, but typical American fundamentalist views these days has it pretty much like this:

1. bad sh*t happening all over (signs of the end times, etc)

2. Rapture. and yes, Clover, it's kind of an escape hatch for the faithful

***unknown time gap***

3. anti-christ signs deal with Israel and sets up shop.

4. start the seven year 'great tribulation' period. God tortures humans for being very bad children

5. end of tribulation -- Jesus returns on a white stallion, kills the anti-christ, defeats Satan's army, etc etc, then sets up shop in Jeruselem

6. the final judgment.

There are many different versions and timelines of this, and it depends on which Christian sect you ask, but the above is fairly common amongst the fundies.

I'm fairly sure that the Catholic version of that only contains event number 6.

clover wrote:

Maybe the 144,000 thing turned out to be literal? That many people would barely be a blip on the radar.

Especially when the Christians find out that God's chosen people are a remote tribe of fundamentalist Mormons that fled persecution to Central America. Oops.

clover wrote:

Maybe the 144,000 thing turned out to be literal? That many people would barely be a blip on the radar.

I know I'm Saved because it seems God is as much of a geek for the information printed inside the back cover of his marble notebook as I was.

Pages