LoveFAQs

dejanzie wrote:
Cod wrote:

Wha? We went through two pages of comments and no one even commented on...

KaterinLHC wrote:

I once dated a bisexual cheerleader who called himself Batman

Actually, that gives me an idea for a question....

Skimmer! My post is even on the same page...

Isn't there an exemption for distraction by bisexual cheerleaders?

kazooka wrote:

So is it intentionally a play on "Love Shack", or is that on purpose?

I admit, it did cross my mind. So when you're reading it, just imagine the B-52s singing every email.

You know the Love Shack burned down in '04, right? Sad but true.

It's ALIVE! Mwah-ha-ha!

Love FAQ #1: Honesty is the Best Poly-cy (Except When It Isn't)

Go check it out. Then send it to all your friends and neighbors and business partners and that cute girl you met in the waiting room at your dentist's office. She'd love it.

Oh I TOTALLY know who "Secret hippie" is

Mex wrote:

Oh I TOTALLY know who "Secret hippie" is ;)

GWJers? In Lara's column? It's more likely than you think.

Good debut column, Lara. Good points about polyamory, and how meeting people might not be easy but is easier than you think.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed. I only hope the sauce-level can be sustained.

Just a correction for your answer to the first question: I actually have been kidnapping women and sequestering them in my secret underground hideout, as potential brides for my colony of mole men. So, apologies to CB for that one.

[size=8](The above joke was deemed to be too good for The Escapist's forum or for me to remember my login info to same, as determined by an appointed committee of expert mole men. Srsly, rembrandtqeinstein? Even the mole men of layer ZZ9, sub-sub-basement Omega, are above that.)[/size]

Gravey wrote:

Just a correction for your answer to the first question: I actually have been kidnapping women and sequestering them in my secret underground hideout, as potential brides for my colony of mole men. So, apologies to CB for that one.

Goddammit. You get married, have a couple of dogs, and suddenly nobody invites you to the good parties anymore.

KaterinLHC wrote:

You get married, have a couple of dogs, and suddenly nobody invites you to the good parties anymore.

Just dogs? #paidforbythecommiteeoflarasdad

ClockworkHouse wrote:
KaterinLHC wrote:

You get married, have a couple of dogs, and suddenly nobody invites you to the good parties anymore.

Just dogs? #paidforbythecommiteeoflarasdad

IMAGE(http://www.gifbin.com/bin/1233928590_citizen%20kane%20clapping.gif)

Lara - great job! You give really good advice!

Gravey wrote:

Just a correction for your answer to the first question: I actually have been kidnapping women and sequestering them in my secret underground hideout, as potential brides for my colony of mole men.

I knew this mole man costume would come in handy one day.

Earth needs mole women!

Man, the comments in there remind me of why I don't post comments over there. At least they get better.

Congrats again, Lara. And good luck surviving the trolls.

Very cool, Lara, congrats on the big launch!

Loving it! That's some great advice and your conversational ease and gaming references make it very easy to swallow. Great job, Lara!

Easy to swallow, heh.

Thanks again, guys. I live for your adoration and praise.

No, really. *f5 f5 f5 f5 f5*

Excellent work, Lara.

Dear LoveFAQ -

So there's me. Then there's my wife.

Then there's my girlfriend. And the guys my wife has BDSM play dates with.

Yikes!

Run away!

Damn, sounds like a good article. I would totally read it, if I could get on the site

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)

El-Taco-the-Rogue wrote:

Damn, sounds like a good article. I would totally read it, if I could get on the site

Please read it over at Escapist if you can, otherwise:

Spoiler:

Dear LoveFAQ:

I haven't been out on a good date in years (too many years). My problem is: I'm surrounded by men! I work predominantly with men, my hobbies mostly involve men, and my friends are mostly men. Where do I go to meet some women? I just can't seem to find the right place/hobby/location. Help me!

-- Cockblocked

I promise, CB: Nobody's smuggled the ladies away somewhere, stashing them in some secret volcano hideout. We're everywhere. In your subways and supermarkets, your bookstores and gaming forums. We're like the aliens in They Live, except you don't need sunglasses to see us.

Okay, maybe you do. Because I wonder if the issue here isn't so much that you can't figure out where the single ladies are - but rather you have trouble seeing them when they're right in front of you.

Still, even if you don't encounter many women on a day-to-day basis, that's no excuse to stay single. All those guys you work and game and hang with? Each one of them has sisters and friends, neighbors and coworkers. WoW guildmates. D&D regulars. Con buddies. Forum friends. All are potential connections in the making - and these women know women, who know women, and so on.

All you need to do is ask. Rely on your social network to catch the fish you can't. (And you thought Farmville was just a waste of time. It's practice!)

Of course, doing so means you'll have to actually tell your friends, coworkers and gaming buddies that you're on the market, which, no matter who you are, can feel embarrassing- maybe even a little desperate.

But finding love requires putting yourself on the line a little. Nothing's safe in love and war, and dating doesn't exactly come with a no-fail mode.

In the meantime, keep broadening your circle by trying new activities. Cooking lessons, jiu jitsu classes, volunteering, saving kittens from burning trees - anything that gets you out of the house is an opportunity to build your friend list and random encounter the opposite sex.

In the end, however, you might find the most success if you try just befriending more women first. Look at ladies not just as potential sex partners - that is, as a means to an end - but as worthy of friendship for their own sake. Practice building those relationships, and you might find it much easier to stumble upon the other kind as well.

Dear LoveFAQ -

So there's me. Then there's my wife.

Then there's my girlfriend. And the guys my wife has BDSM play dates with.

My wife and I mutually agreed to try polyamory, after talking about it a lot. She has had playmates on and off for several years, something which I wasn't particularly comfortable with but went along with because it made her happy.

In the six months since I fell in love with my girlfriend, however, I'm now much more comfortable with my wife having playmates. Now, however, she's struggling to be comfortable with my girlfriend.

Intellectually, she's totally supportive of us. But she's really only fine with it if it's happening out of sight. If she sees us being intimate - cuddling or kissing or even hearing us having sex - it makes her sick to her stomach.

We've talked about it at length, and her fear seems to boil down to feeling invisible or forgotten. Obviously, it's a weird situation, particularly because it's so asymmetrical. I am head-over-heels in love with another woman. She, on the other hand, is not even close to being in love with her playmates.

Our current approach is for my girlfriend and I to pretend we're not involved when we're around my wife, which is awkward and feels artificial to all of us. What advice, if any, can you give us?

Cheers,
Secret Hippie

Let me get this straight.

1) Your wife had sex outside the marriage for years. You accepted it only begrudgingly - until you found a side dish of your own.

2) Your wife isn't in love with her partners and never has been. Meanwhile, you fell head-over-heels on your first go.

3) Your wife kept her extracurricular activities out of sight. You, on the other hand, make out with your girlfriend right in front of her.

Seems like neither of you has been very honest with the other.

The irony of polyamory is that it's all about boundaries. On the surface, it may seem like a convenient excuse for a free-for-all, but a poly relationship is just like any other: All parties must be clear on what's allowed and what's not.

Poly relationships usually fail when the primary partners aren't on the same page about said boundaries, meaning one person feels left out or abandoned. That's something both of you have experienced: You, at the start of your experiment, and your wife, right now.

Think back to the boundaries you two set when you first embarked on this experiment. (You did set boundaries, right?) Clearly you both agreed to sex outside the marriage. But did you ever agree to love outside the marriage? Multiple partners? PDAs?

Marriage isn't a play-as-you-go arrangement; few things that involve a contract and a change of tax status are. Play it that way, and you're bound to be burned.

As I see it, you have two options. Either you and your wife go back to basics, and rewrite the rulebook of your relationship together, or you two decide to play a different game entirely.

Now I'm not saying you need to ditch poly and go completely monogamous. I am saying, however, that if you love your wife, then you owe it to yourself and your marriage to get on the same page with her, and get there fast.
And for Chrissakes, save your wife the headache and your girlfriend some gas. Go visit her once in a while

Thanks!

Escapist hasn't worked in my suburb for about three years. It's super odd.

Solid article, Katerin. I approve of suggesting Jujitsu lessons as a solution to just about any problem.

KaterinLHC wrote:

In case you're interested:

Love FAQ #2: The Unbearable Lightness of Licking Lampposts

With a title like that we know you are having fun!

Good work, looking forward to more!

Nicely done Please keep linking these here when you put them up. I don't visit the Escapist regularly, but I'd like to keep reading this column.

Well done, Lara. Please keep linking to them when new ones go up.

Because the sooner you tell her, the sooner the make-up sex can begin.

Awww yeah!

KaterinLHC wrote:

In case you're interested:

Love FAQ #2: The Unbearable Lightness of Licking Lampposts

Great work again

KaterinLHC wrote:

In case you're interested:

Love FAQ #2: The Unbearable Lightness of Licking Lampposts

Great stuff. Again, congrats on the new column, made it too two. only 98 left till your 100th article!